Work Text:
“Are you sure sure? If you don’t feel like doing this I can still cancel the stream, you know.”
Kazuma was a little stressed. And concerned. And Ryunosuke’s setup was definitely not helping, but damn it if he wasn’t a man of his word, through and through.
“Absolutely not! You’ve been looking forward to this for a while,” he countered, perhaps a little too fiercely for the silly conundrum at hand. Then, to prove just how ready he was for the task, he started up the live stream a few minutes before they were supposed to go live.
And. Well. Clearly something went wrong because that was absolutely not the Labubu theme song playing in the background of Ryunosuke’s intro. His partner, who was previously looking at the camera ready to greet his audience, slowly shifted his gaze.
“Kazuma? What’s, um… Nightmare Choir (I Been Asleep Too Long) by $uicideboy$?”
“That is not the song I queued!”
supersonics: HAHAHAHAHAHA
laminarina: WHAT IS THIS
Kazuma started pressing buttons like a madman.
✨ Autoplaying recommended tracks based on your session listening history. Use /settings to configure Autoplay.
Now playing: Bring out Your Dead - $uicideboy$ ✨
Leonhardt: STOP
Ryunosuke’s stare was growing wider. “…Kazuma.”
“I swear I’m putting in the right song! It’s just-”
✏ Could not find a track for this link, the Rythm team is working on adding the track.
Now playing: Here We Go Again - $uicideboy$, Germ ✨
supersonics: HOLY SHIT
“Kazuma.”
He was this close to joining the group right then and there, but on the fourth time the heavens above listened to his pleas and finally, it was happening. The Labubu theme song started playing in the background. Kazuma immediately looped Ryunosuke’s intro and the Chunosuke animation filled the screen for a few seconds. Thank God it was the cutest thing known to mankind or Kazuma’s ears would’ve started bleeding after the second labulabu labubu.
Leonhardt: FINALLY
winterdoggo: i love seeing chaos when i watch your streams
“Well, uh. Hi chat!” Ryunosuke waved, trying to compose himself again. “As you… have obviously noticed, there’s a special guest joining us today. This is my partner Kazuma!”
His partner Kazuma had not managed to compose himself back again at all. He was still very much staring at the chatbot controls and trying to figure out what the hell had gone wrong. Ryunosuke elbowed him lightly.
“…I apologise for the mix-up,” he blurted. “It’s nice to finally meet you all.”
classwarrior: wait chat is this real
classwarrior: i thought kazuma linked the wrong channel in his collab announcement???????
mysterious alpha: they’re engaged lol
To say that chat was confused was an understatement. @chunosukedoesthings – or rather, Ryunosuke as they all knew him by then – had previously told them about his streaming idea and everyone thought it would be adorable. He spoke often of his fiancé and they were aware of him being possibly a streamer as well, but most of them didn’t know that he was @KazumaAsogi. Turbo leftist League of Legends player Kazuma Asogi. Renowned capitalism hater and anti-consumerist Kazuma Asogi. The same guy that was now sitting down surrounded by dozens of Labubu dolls and various other collectible trinkets. That Kazuma Asogi.
ashtronaut: don’t they mention each other all the time?
Leonhardt: Kazuma has bought him Labubus before
classwarrior: what the fuck
Most of the watchers were Ryunosuke’s own subscribers, which found the affair absolutely hilarious (some would even say iconic). A few came from Kazuma’s own channel, and they were definitely not as amused – which was exactly what he’d been nervous about. Well, not too much anyway. The only opinion he cared about was always going to be Ryunosuke’s.
“Please be kind to him!”
A sea of his and hellos drowned the weirded-out comments. Ryunosuke smiled at the camera as Kazuma smiled at him.
And the Labubus, oh. The Labubus were smiling at the both of them all right. With all of their approximate seven hundred and fifty-six teeth.
Once chat started cooling down with the greetings, Ryunosuke pulled up his tier list on one of his screens. “Since I ranked the dolls last time, I thought we could go through my collection in that order,” he explained.
Kazuma expected his last gift being ranked among the highest tiers, but seeing it on top of everything else boosted his ego even more. It was proudly displayed in a glass box as the centrepiece of Ryunosuke’s collection, right next to the one Lafufu he had accidentally bought him without knowing about fakes. He picked it up from the box and showed it to the camera as his partner beamed and spewed facts about the doll.
“This one is from the Let’s Checkmate collection,” he started, eyes shining like stars. “And Kazuma proposed to me with it.”
Leonhardt: That’s adorable
furaleny: cursed labubu proposal
“It’s not cursed!” “It is pretty cursed,” they said in unison.
Ryunosuke pouted at Kazuma. “It was really cute.”
“Well, obviously,” Kazuma rebutted, “it was a proposal tailor made for you.”
His partner’s charismatic speaking skills died in a stutter. “A-Anyway! The box has an actual ring inside too, of course,” he showed gingerly to the camera again, “but I only wear it on special occasions.”
It was a simple looking, yet expertly manufactured and detailed, band of meteorite, separated in the middle by blue wood and titanium stripes. On the inside, an engraving citing “K. Asogi’s soul keeper”, which would’ve felt a million times more romantic if the K. Asogi in question wasn’t about to take a dig at him.
“See, he always forgets he’s wearing it,” he snorted, “and he almost dropped it into the sink after two days.”
“The world did not need to know that, thanks.”
mysterious alpha: no no this is important lore
cat.bee: certified chuun moment
marxman: @ asogi you’re sooo good at criticising shit
marxman: n then you buy this to MARRY this consumerist ass
furaleny: lmao did u know there are labubus on marx’s grave
ashtronaut: uh oh…….
Kazuma’s reaction was almost immediate. “Say you don’t understand capitalism without saying you don’t understand capitalism.”
“Uh, Kazuma, it’s okay-”
“No, it’s not.” He inhales staring straight into the camera, and that’s how chat knows he’s about to go on a spiel. “If anything, Ryunosuke is a victim. A cog in the machine. The very foundation of capitalism instils within you this desire to want, want, want and surrounds you with messages that encourage you to satisfy that want. It is a predatory system of subtle manipulation to get you to keep buying more and more until you begin to place all your worth on the amount of material possessions you have.”
Ryunosuke blinks. “I, um. I also reuse the plastic packaging. You know. For the planet.”
laminarina: he also reuses the plastic packaging!
winterdoggo: Your Honour, he loves him…
labubeauty: he’s the dubai chocolate to his gold labubu
“What’s Dubai chocolate?” Kazuma inquired, and Ryunosuke was very happy the conversation was steering away from politics. Mostly because he really didn’t know a lot about it and his partner would’ve absolutely kept picking fights with whoever started any discussion about it. He was pretty sure he heard him mutter the word bourgeoisie under his breath. To be fair, seeing his honour being valiantly defended by Kazuma was pretty cute, but he preferred his own streams to be on the calmer side.
“It’s, uh. Chocolate. From Dubai,” he said. Very well-articulated.
“Got it.” Kazuma did not, in fact, get it.
The conversation moved back to the collection, with Ryunosuke showing all of his dolls, explaining how he really liked the Big into Energy series because of their bright colours – especially the blue one and Luck, because its purple reminded him of Susato. He had several copies of those too because he’d kept opening blind boxes hoping for the rare black and rainbow one to no avail.
“See, these two are also in the ‘peak’ tier because they have bucket hats,” Ryunosuke explained fervently to Kazuma as if he was trying to sell them to him as well. “Bucket hats are very cute.”
“Wait, one of them is in the-” Kazuma paused. “…evil tier?”
Chat started writing comments (most definitely memes and inside jokes) about the evil tier as Ryunosuke looked at him dead in the eyes. “Those are the demonic ones.”
Kazuma did not need to know what demonic Labubus were. But, alas, he was about to be subjected to the knowledge.
“Legend has it that Labubus are actually modern manifestations of the ancient demon Pazuzu. I don’t think that’s true.”
“…Obviously.”
“I just think evil is stored in some of the dolls.”
Because that made a lot more sense.
Ryunosuke and the people in chat described what exactly made those specific dolls evil for approximately fifteen minutes, twelve of which were basically just “the eyes” and especially “the eyebrows”. Unfortunately for his braincells, Kazuma started to understand what they meant: some eyebrows were truly eviller than others.
The other tiers were mostly self-explanatory and went by quickly, since Ryunosuke didn’t own as many copies of those. ‘Very cute’ tier was for other colourful Labubus and for the ones in dresses (they reminded him of Susato and Iris). ‘Cute’ was for the ones that didn’t have any particular oomph. ‘Boring’ was for drab colours and mid outfits; the :( emoticon was because Ryunosuke felt bad about it, which of course meant he still owned them all. As any normal person does.
Kazuma pointed at the boring pink one and smirked. “That’s the one van Zieks has on his keys.”
mysterious alpha: …lord chancellor barok van zieks?
labubeauty: formally titled lord high chancellor of great britain barok van zieks?
ashtronaut: senior minister of the crown within the government of the uk barok van zieks?
furaleny: minister of justice for england and wales and highest-ranking great officer of state in scotland and england barok van zieks?
supersonics: you couldn’t torture that shit out of me man
Ryunosuke stared at him with wide eyes. “Oh God.”
“Whoops. My bad,” Kazuma deadpanned, not feeling one bit bad at all. …Perhaps the slightest bit, but only because he knew that had been a gift from Barok’s niece Iris, who was the sweetest child, and she did not deserve the mocking.
“Kazuma-”
The chat was still going wild and it was the funniest thing ever, until one specific comment made Kazuma’s blood freeze in his veins.
Barolo87: Prosecutor Asogi.
“Yeah, so… He watches my streams. Always.”
“Oh.”
Barolo87: Oh indeed. You might want to keep in mind you will hear from me soon.
classwarrior: this is. surreal
laminarina: god i fuckign love this place
