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She would forget the moment in time, she knew. Years from now, it would be a joke to reflect upon and then forget because the end was the same and it was all that mattered. But the Therese of this moment had not reached the end yet. Or rather, the beginning. She lingered in the prelude to dwell as she replayed the past four months and each decision that had brought her here, outside of the Ritz Tower Hotel, standing next to an over-sized boy instead of the woman she let go minutes before.
Jack felt her tension and tried to ignore it. He swayed back and forth, his gaze forever checking his watch to avoid checking her. Serious conversation wasn’t a skill of his, Therese knew; if he listened to someone’s ordeals, he would either attempt to give some hasty advice, even if it wouldn’t work, or remain silent if he couldn’t think of any way to help. So he learned not to ask or change the subject.
“Ted said he was about twenty minutes away…should be here any minute,” he commented, a little too loudly, to fill the uncomfortable silence. Therese glanced at him to confirm she heard him.
She kept replaying the conversation, or rather, that moment: Carol’s face, softened with pleading, the universe in her eyes, offering perpetual sunrises. I love you… I love you… I…
“So is she a good friend of yours?”
Therese’s eyes snapped open. For a second, she felt disoriented, having once again been snatched away from...what? A connection? Reconciliation? She wasn’t sure what to call it. She realized he waited for her answer.
What could she tell him? Not the truth, certainly. Carol had been more than a “good friend,” but what was she now? “Uh…yes,” she sighed, settling for his definition for lack of one more appropriate. “We were…catching up.”
“Too bad she couldn’t come along.”
Therese simply nodded. She wasn’t in the mood for small talk. Instead, she tried returning to the conversation to imagine what might have happened had Jack not come between them.
“Good thing I caught you. It’s been so long since I’ve seen you, I almost thought you disappeared—”
“Do you make a habit out of interrupting people during a conversation, or did you just decide that mine was an exception?” Therese was surprised by her own tone, but she had had enough of being polite.
Jack’s eyes widened. “What?”
“Jack, who else on this godforsaken earth would shout at someone across a quiet restaurant when it’s clear they are having a conversation and don’t want to be interrupted?”
His tone darkened with anger. “Look, if you feel that way about it, you don’t have to come to the—”
“This isn’t about the party!” Therese shouted. “This is about you, barging in just after she said…” Her words faded. I love you. She slumped forward, feeling more tired and less able to communicate. The conversation had drained her confidence, took away whatever surety she had about what she wanted. A thought passed: I don’t know anything, I don’t know what I want—how could I if I just say yes to everything? But Therese did not say yes this time, and it had not helped her one damn bit.
She inhaled, counted to ten. Now was not the time to fall apart. She spoke softly, “I just wish you had let us finish, Jack. I could have said….”
“Said what?”
Therese shook her head. “It doesn’t matter now.”
Jack released a breath, looking around as if seeking help. Nothing happened. He breathed, and Therese could almost hear rusted gears turning in his head as he tried to find his words. Sometimes she wondered what Dorothy saw in him. “Gee, Therese, I…I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I was just happy to see you, you know.”
“I know, Jack. I know.” Her voice barely lifted above a whisper. Her arms were folded tightly against her as she leaned forward, freezing even with her jacket.
Jack looked at her as he approached, and placed a tentative hand on her shoulder in an attempt to comfort. She wanted to knock it off, but just let the hand rest, her energy depleted.
“Is there any way you could, I don’t know, call her? Tell her what you wanted?” Jack asked. Therese shook her head. “God, I…I really am sorry, Therese. Is there anything I can do to help?”
Rewind time, she thought. Bring her back so I can tell her—I don’t know what, but something.
“No,” was all she could say.
“Well, if you want to change your mind about going, I can—”
“No, no, it’s fine. I promised Dannie. And Phil.”
“You sure?”
“Of course.”
She gave him a smile, too exhausted to stay angry with him. Jack was Jack, and sometimes he had as much manners as an inbred baboon. She could no more fix his etiquette than she could fix the past three and a half months, and she certainly couldn’t help his interruption now. It was what it was; all she could do was keep moving forward.
“There he is!” Jack exclaimed, watching a taxi approach.
Therese took another deep breath. She walked forward, lifting her face into a polite smile as she greeted her old friends, and entered the taxi.