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Life's alright in Devil Town
Gabriel was always considered to be the silliest clone out of eight. Clumsy and quiet, speaking up only to ask another strange question. Sometimes even Dante didn't have an appropriate quote to answer with.
It's like there was something wrong with him. He was different. He didn't understand social norms or how to act acceptably. Maybe it was a shared thing among Diamonds, because when Gabriel once told Dante about it, Dante said that his situation was similar to Gabriel's. Did everyone have some secret instructions for proper social behavior in their head that just wasn't shared with Diamonds?
His appearance was different too.
Long elf ears, pointy hair and eyes, pupils that couldn't be explained scientifically. Everyone else looked normal and it was just him that had such problem. Could it be because he was the First Clone? Maybe because inside he felt deeply and unchangeably separated from others. It's like he was a cat that grew up with dogs and feelings of not belonging.
But y'know what? He wasn't worried about that as much as other people would be. It's what's inside that is important. And inside he's curious, attentive and friendly, ready to offer a helping hand whenever it's wanted.
Yeah, Gabriel had negative traits too — he was slow and lacked understanding of social norms. He didn't pick up everything on the fly and he had to re-read the same sentence a few more times just to process what was written, but he didn't think of himself as stupid. Personally he didn't even consider it to be a personality trait but just an insult that could make you doubt your worth.
It also didn't burden Gabriel, because if others weren't worried about him much, then he shouldn't be either. He knows that if it was an actual cause for concern, they would've already done something. Gabriel wasn't special, he was just himself.
Other clones and even the Creator haven't paid any unnecessary attention to that. Maybe a few sharp remarks from Waru that Gabriel took as another jokes of his, maybe occasional annoyance on others' faces when Gabriel especially bothered them with his questions. That's all.
He wasn't ignored or excluded. When he genuinely didn't understand something, Brolly, Felix, Dante, even Kuromaku would sit with him and explain everything in simple terms. Even if Gabriel didn't always understand them either way, he thanked them for trying. Spade and Brolly sometimes switched the TV channel to cartoons when he asked, watching it with him without any awkward small talks. Dante taught him about love and kindness to yourself, Felix - about kindness to others, Brolly - about safety, Kuromaku - about science and health, Romeo - about romance and relationships. Gabriel didn't really understand the difference between a friend, family and partner, since everything can become a significantly close bond, but he stopped thinking about it so hard. And anyway, the idea of having a close relationship with someone, family or not, sounded pretty nice.
Specifically with the Spades he didn't talk that often or that close. Spade was quiet and moody, easily distancing himself when he wanted to and obviously valued his personal space, giving his preference to silence and solitude than some loud company. Gabriel didn't force him to talk and tried to ask him less questions than others, thinking that too many questions would just push him away. What mattered was that Spade wasn't unreasonably rude, which means it's alright and it's not necessary to exclude him from the family just because he didn't jump to hug every person he sees. Maybe he just needed time to adjust. Gabriel knew how to wait, and he didn't have anything against silence.
With Waru it was harder.
Gabriel frequently spent his time watching The Fifth with interest, trying to understand him and wondering how exactly is he different from Spade. The First expected that Waru would be gruff and not talkative just like his king... Now that he thinks about it, Waru was similar to his king, even though not everyone caught up on that. The difference was that Waru wasn't open to any friendships. At all.
While Spade could enjoy a small conversation about a good show or types of alcohol, Waru would rudely joke and talk above others, interrupting and messing, intentionally pressing on the buttons to piss people off, so in the end the person who was trying to talk to him would get quieter in frustration, realizing that it's useless, or Waru would just stand up and leave on his own whenever he didn't have the patience. Trying to help with anything or give advice was met with snarling and glaring, like trying to take a dog's bone. Giving gifts haven't been tried by anyone yet. Of course, Gabriel had that idea before. He didn't want anyone to feel unwanted, but he had no idea what did Waru like. Art? Pokemons? Jazz? No one knew, including Gabriel.
Yeah right, no one's gonna catch us now
Despite Gabriel's desire to befriend everyone, he understood that maybe Waru just didn't want to talk and that he might have already had friends outside of the clone circle. Sometimes friendships between relatives don't work out, that's normal. He just wished that if that was the problem, Waru could've just directly told him instead of trying to force him to leave on his own by testing his limits.
— "This and that, I want to be alone and do not want y'all's company. Period." — And that's all. Gabriel would've immediately left his attempts to get along and would've asked others to not bother Waru as well, respecting another person's boundaries.
Yeah, The First obviously wouldn't cut all the ties. Nothing would change in how he treats Waru, excluding those awkward moments when they exchange just a couple of words in the middle of the day only because Gabriel hoped to chat with him, or when Waru literally silently leaves the house only because Gabriel tried to talk to him again. Just a little of kindness here and there. Family doesn't have to have a close bond to get along.
Judging off what Gabriel have seen, The Spades really valued their freedom, and it was pretty understandable as of why.
Even though Fyodor was busy with his own life and already gave a promise that the clones will never be locked in the card world again, The Spades were still worried about that happening, even if they denied any of their fears. At any chance that their freedom might be restricted, such as when Felix asked them to not go outside due to strong rain, they became aggressive and the possibility of a fight arose. But it was Waru who started the fights most of the time.
Gabriel thought often about how he wants to be there for everyone. He didn't want The Spades, or anyone really, to be tormented by the paranoia of being locked in a limited space without any ability to get out. They understood that in reality it was impossible and that they were misunderstanding everything, Felix just wanted to care for their health, but they were still scared, baring their teeth at the memory of the past. Gabriel knew what it's like — feeling fear seemingly for no reason, looking crazy in front of others.
Dad has bought a new car
But Gabriel also knew that everything was alright now, and even if it'll take a long time, The Spades will be able to overcome their fears. And The Clubs, and The Hearts, and The Diamonds themselves. They all will be okay and everything will get better, no one will be scared of captivity or loneliness.
Yes, most likely they won't be a tight family, but the thought still felt nice. The thought that they could rely on each other and seek comfort in one's presence. It won't happen and some of them would still prefer to be alone, but it was easy to dive into fantasies and forget that it's not real. Also, who knows, maybe they could be friends in the future.
They actually were free now, having their own passports and a house with enough space. Soon everyone will realize and accept it in the end. That would be great.
We're fine, no one's gonna catch us now
Gabriel liked to imagine, but he also liked to watch and listen. Not eavesdrop like how some people may think, but listen.
You could listen to anyone, even if your companion wasn't really talkative.
Dante, who didn't have a big vocabulary without his prepared quotes, liked to read books out loud while Gabriel sat nearby. Often the books included psychology or philosophy. They took a lot of pauses to research unknown words and discuss moments in the story, making theories of how it'll go next. Dante liked photography and reading. Doubt that sleep counts as a hobby.
Kuromaku, being an intelligent and well-read person, had a very developed speech and gestures, also having a really big vocabulary. Literally. He was chatty, giving his all into conversations about what interested him. Gabriel, even if not understanding half of the words said, liked to listen and watch how The Second explains, for example, the lore of some fat detective book he read recently. Kuromaku liked science and anything about detectives. If Kuromaku was comfortable reading out loud, then maybe Gabriel wouldn't mind also reading and discussing a book with him. But The First understands that while Kuromaku is really smart, Gabriel would've needed to stop him many times just to ask the meaning of this or that word, which would end up becoming irritating.
Felix was more in favor of an active lifestyle and reading wasn't his favorite activity, unless it's children's books with illustrations, so instead of deep conversations Felix just shares how his day went. They could go outside for a few hours and Felix, such a ball of sunshine, constantly narrates anything he sees and makes colorful commentary. Gabriel didn't try to be on time with his pace of talking, just nodding and smiling, occasionally asking a question or including his own thoughts. Felix's tastes were quite blurry, but mostly he showed interest in animals and writing. Despite Felix's pleasant company, Gabriel wasn't seeking every opportunity to talk with him. His mood constantly changed seemingly because of small things. One moment he was happy, the other moment he got all snappy and ignoring everyone, because the fridge didn't have the food he was planning to eat. He couldn't think in grey colors, separating everything into amazing or terrible. This is why The First is kinda careful with him, trying to not worsen his state. Believe me, he could. Just one strange comment.
As he was saying, Gabriel practically did not talk with Waru. Gabriel tried many times to call him over and have a chat, trying to interest him with art, cooking, sewing... But no, a couple of minutes later The Fifth either got annoyed or absolutely bored out of his mind, and always ended up leaving, to which Gabriel only could mutter a single "bye..?" to his back.
Brolly wasn't really babbly, but he was happy to talk either way. They talked about weather, better ways to dress, what to do in urgent situations. Brolly showed him how to draw, patiently helping whenever Gabriel wanted the proportions to be more realistic. The Sixth liked to draw and knit, and he liked to read too, even though he did it a lot less. His favorite genre is comedy.
Romeo obviously shared how was his personal life going. He didn't go in depth about inappropriate or graphic details, preferring to talk about the process of dates rather than the moment he goes to their place. He thought out loud about what he could do in this or that moment, while Gabriel, who wasn't strong in the magic of charming, could only nod and ask questions that would make Romeo re-think and look at his situation differently. The Seventh, just like Brolly, read very rarely, but he also sometimes liked to talk about the story of a romantic novella he read that week. Romeo took interest in plants and cooking.
Despite Spade's quietness, sometimes Gabriel did manage to start a talk with him about how his day went, even if it usually went pretty quick. The two spent more time together watching TV, asking Spade what does he think of the movie. Fortunately, King of Spades was more interested in the conversation when they had a certain subject. They could softly discuss whatever was happening on the screen and The First was glad that the guy is less closed than his jack. Spade liked action movies and cooking, though most of the time he wasn't happy with the results.
Yeah, Queens and the Joker exist in their world too, no matter what existing means, but they, as it usually happens, live separately. And pretty far away, too. So, Gabriel met them very rarely and haven't formed any strong opinions about them.
When Emma came over, there were frequent conflicts between her and the other spades. Possible that sometimes even Romeo accidentally got into a fight with her, because he always flirted with every girl and Queen of Spades wasn't an exception. Emma wasn't that bad, but she also wasn't patient.
You said something dumb again
Gabriel didn't like fighting. He preferred to stay quiet or calm the other person down before they'll discuss whatever made them fight, so they could talk with a clear mind. Also, loud noises really stressed him out.
The Spades didn't have that problem. They didn't care about loud music or screams, always slept like logs. And when they weren't asleep, still nothing of that mattered to them anyway, unless it got something to do with their close ones. In this house, the only person you could call close was yourself.
They all were different, even if it seemed like they were not, so obviously they'll always have disagreements, and that is upsetting. Perfect relationships did not exist and Gabriel knew it, but the knowledge didn't help him. Every time, seeing and hearing his friends, his family, fight and sometimes get physical, created a deep sorrow and a desire to help. Stop them, ask around and help them make peace. But he knew that he'll come off as silly and would just worsen the situation. He was always considered to be the dumb one, and he would just establish others' opinions that way. Like he's just a little kid watching one's parents fight through a cracked door, unable to do anything.
Even if Dante, and not only him, told Gabriel that he shouldn't listen to others about such stuff, at every insult he still felt hurt inside. It's normal to get upset during the moment, Gabriel wasn't a vindictive person. And it's normal that Gabriel wants it to stop when he sees his family fight. It's a reaction of many.
She's mad, at least that's what they say
After every fight, an oppressive, tense silence blanketed the house until the next day, when you can forget the yesterday after a new dawn. Gabriel noticed that even the next day, there was still some feelings of awkwardness and understatement between the clones who were arguing previously. Maybe they wanted to add some offensive remark due to still strong emotions, maybe they wanted to explain themselves or apologize. There were few people who could step over their pride like that.
Sometimes Gabriel tried to talk about it, overcoming his anxiety, asking how the clones who had recently fought were doing. Is it worth intervening? Maybe they'll soon cross the line and have to be separated? The First knew that he probably didn't need to get involved in others' business, but he didn't want anyone to get hurt. Especially when he guessed that the reason for the fight was not serious enough to get physical.
Despite his worry, he was told that they were fine, just angry, just annoyed that they couldn't get away with everything in this world. They just needed time to cool down.
Gabriel was not emotional and certainly not aggressive, but he also resented the fact that other people's emotions were so easily swept under the carpet. He tried to imagine what it would be like — if they wanted to put him in a bad light and just turned away when he tried to explain himself. He realized that he would also feel angry. Is it really that easy to ignore a friend and their feelings so easily? Leaving a dirty plate on the table was not worth it for your parents to remember all your mistakes in this world and in the next, causing as much hurt as possible because of one mistake. It takes a few seconds to put it in the sink.
Mom and daddy aren't in love
There was no family or friendly love between them, so often mentioned by humans. At least, Gabriel had never noticed anything like it. Sometimes they liked each other's company, but often they just tolerated it, knowing that if they left, it would be worse, there would be loneliness because you were the only one in this world. No one would understand you, they would just consider you sick. And no matter how hard you try to drown out your thoughts with alcohol and drugs, then in the darkness of the night, looking at the ceiling, your mind will still return to this. The same will be with humans, the same will be with the clones of humans.
Gabriel was not a sleepy kind, he had problems with falling asleep. Often the temperature of the room, the uncomfortable texture of the blanket or pillows, the deep and weird thoughts, plus the state as if he was hypnotized, made him fidget restlessly until he gave up trying to sleep and got up with a tired sigh, getting to trying to keep himself busy.
He did not like that he got lost in time. That his loved ones are fighting and he can't do anything. That they will not have the long-awaited happiness anywhere in the coming months. And that involuntarily forced him to return to his thoughts, the alluring fantasies where everything was fine. Time and consciousness were only a small price to pay for the short portion of peace where he could temporarily forget about this universe and visit others. There, where no one needs to make an effort not to raise their voice.
... fine, I'll settle. ... two birthdays
With such way to enter standby mode, where he could take a break from the hustle and bustle, Gabriel took it a little easier than it might seem at first glance. But no matter how much he wanted it to, it will not be able to take away all the stress.
Yes, when returning into reality, infact nothing changed, although realistic views in his thoughts spoke differently. Every time he returned to this unfriendly house, Gabriel wanted nothing more than to withdraw into himself again, even if he tried to think positively. He wanted to go where the sun did not escape his eyes. Where the rain avoided him more often, soaked his clothes less.
But, he thought, slowly getting out of bed, rain is also good. I don't really want it to avoid me. I don't want it to think I don't like it.
He thought about it and decided that it wasn't about rain.
Gabriel stretched as if he had woken up from a dinner nap in the sun, barely avoiding spasms in his limbs from such stretching. To tell the truth, he couldn't even doze off, even though it was a late night and he didn't remember anything he had done in the few hours he had spent most likely just lying in bed. Judging by the silence, everyone else was asleep, or at least sitting peacefully in their own rooms, quietly doing their own stuff. Gabriel decided to not disturb the others and, as quietly as possible, left the room, heading for the first floor.
He was still in his batman pajamas and gray socks. Honestly, he changed into pajamas at night only because he liked the routine. He did not understand why he would change his clothes for the sake of sleep, because no one sees you at this time anyway, and the new, unworn fabric only irritated his skin, but he was able to find comfortable pajamas that did not bring discomfort. His pointed hair was a little tousled, and he felt tired. But unable to sleep.
Already at the end of the stairs, he realized that he had carried the rat plushie with himself, with which he had tried to fall asleep not so long ago. His hands held her close to him out of habit, seeking comfort in a familiar thing while he remained in his thoughts. This toy was given to him, to everyone's surprise, by Waru a couple of months ago. He held it out with a snide comment, "Looks just like you." Gabriel, of course, took it more as a joke, because The Fifth really let him keep it.
"Oh well." thought The First, heading to the kitchen. The familiar, barely felt heaviness under his hand did not disturb him in any way, so he decided not to return to lay it down to wait for him under the covers. In the kitchen, he noticed, the light was on. The idea that he would be judged flashed through his mind, but he quickly dismissed it. It is unlikely that anyone will mock him for carrying a plush toy with him like a small child, when Brolly also sleeps with a toy. And not only Brolly... At most, The Fifth would afford a venomous taunt.
The world was quiet and not seething with colors, as if there was no point in doing anything without the eye of God in the sky. The perfect time to commit a crime. Gabriel had no plans for this, but his thoughts returned to the time of the day when Kuromaku was talking about another detective story. In the darkness of the night, no one can distinguish the black blood among the shadows, the soulless body that merges with the tricks of your mind. And even a drunk person, knowing the danger of this time, will not stop to peer into an unfamiliar area. Gabriel did not like violence, but if it were the other way around, maybe he would do everything at night. No one will see him. No one will recognize him. No one will be surprised that the stupidest clone is capable of making such a mess. And then The First will have to deal with the witness so that no one tells the others about what lives in him.
Gabriel noticed that he was just standing in the middle of the corridor, so he hurried into the kitchen. Spade and Waru were already sitting there, insistently ignoring each other's presence, not daring to break the silence, and Gabriel realized that there was still tension in the house, barely noticeable in the shadows. King buried his face in his phone, the cookbook lying nearby. Apparently he planned to cook something soon when the time will be right. His jack was sitting at the same table nearby, face buried into his book with his mug at hand, although it could be seen that he had issues with concentrating. The Spades only glanced at Gabriel for a moment, without saying anything.
Devil Town is.. cold.. .. in the.. summer... ..
Waru noticed the other's eyes and, through his glasses, a vicious, ice-filled gaze rested on Gabriel, forcing him to finally move away from the doorway. The First never understood this aggressiveness, but perhaps such actions as being watched ignited a sense of danger in The Spades, as if being threatened again. Like it or not, in the end you will have to defend yourself in an attempt to somehow calm the raging flames inside that were screaming about the threat.
The thought that The First was seen as a rival rather than a friend awaken a faint sadness in him.
No matter how hard no one tries, ...?
Gabriel went to the fridge and, after carefully looking inside, choose a couple of banana-flavored yogurts. They weren't too runny, so they wouldn't be unpleasant to eat. He always had some kind of certainty in his food, a problem with taste, smell or feel, which made it difficult for him to eat certain types, such as meat or most vegetables. He does not understand why he is like that, but he didn't have to starve. Others tried to choose something edible for him, it was just food.
The First, taking a small spoon, sat down at the table with Spades and placed the stuffed rat beside him. It continued to look at everyone with her beady eyes and did not squeak anything, and the Spades did not react in any way, because it was not a real rat. Despite the tension in the air, The Eighth looked more relaxed, whatever he was watching on his phone was a good distraction. Waru tried very hard to concentrate on his book, but didn't succeed very well, he constantly looked at others either with fear or irritation. Gabriel guessed that they both had trouble sleeping, so they sat there instead of going to bed.
After a few minutes of silence, Waru decidee to get up and leave the kitchen without saying a word, leaving a book on the table, which he didn't manage to keep reading. The First had a feeling that he had not been able to read a single sentence in the first place. This made Gabriel wonder if the tension was more from the fact that there would be a fight between The Spades soon, rather than from the fact that they were tormented by nightmares again and desperately trying to distract themselves from sleep. For some, sleep will never be a rest, but only a reminder that drives you into despair and a desire to start over. Spade only glanced after his jack before returning to the screen of his phone. Gabriel couldn't understand his expression.
Around the time Gabriel was finishing his yogurt, Spade put down his phone and began moving around the kitchen, planning to start cooking. Glancing at the wall clock, The First realized that morning was soon.
Or was it morning already?
Outside the window, the sun was already waking up from its night slumber, painting the sky in bright, warm shades. Brighter and warmer than the cold darkness that was before. The eye of God returns, and with it hides all the unpleasant wickedness. Perhaps, someone else is covering their tracks, hoping that the sun's rays will not reach their corner ahead of time.
Gabriel stared. Every morning, when he could not sleep, he watched the sunrise, but there seemed to be something different in this beginning day. Or will it end soon? He is sure that when he returns to the room, he will finally be able to fall asleep. Likely. Or in an hour. The toy sitting next to him shined its eyes, reflecting faded rays that could reach its homey muzzle. Dawn was always a pleasant sight, despite the fatigue that gripped those who needed sleep. The dawn was also a reminder that you had not slept all night and missed the chance to sleep.
I'll lose my mind... ... another.. .... .. times..
Something flashed in front of his face, making Gabriel flinch in surprise and look up. Spade good-naturedly took the empty yogurt packages in front of him and threw them in the trash, leaving the spoon in the sink. A friendly gesture that in a daily situation could ignite a spark of joy in Gabriel, but usually Spade didn't do it simply out of kindness. Maybe The Eighth thought that it is not easy for The First now, because he woke up too early or did not even sleep? Or, vice versa, it was not easy for Spade and therefore he prefers to transfer care to others than focus on himself? Gabriel thought back to the fact that he hadn't noticed how he had been approached. He got lost again.
They say that time is an illusion created so that humanity has a routine. Time can be put on your hand or hung on the wall, built into something. It is considered either too important to sit idle, or not important enough to stay afloat. Gabriel doesn't think time is an illusion, but there's no other explanation. The watch simply folds into one colorless crump without logical explanation. Then the days follow the weeks, the weeks drag the months with them... And there is no way out of this. As if under hypnosis.
And again he was getting lost.
The sun had already risen enough to fully show itself with all its round appearance, proudly rising in front of the sleepy city and rudely invading the other people's windows with its rays. Gabriel glanced at the dawn before looking back at Spade, who was still doing his own stuff. He took out a frying pan and, while it was heating, cut a sausage on a board. Gabriel wondered if he would make scrambled eggs and sausage again like he did before... before they began to sleep worse. It was The First's favorite dish, even though the slimy part of the omelet was absolutely disgusting.
Spade looked so homely here. It was not a matter of appearance, but more of feelings. He did not watch himself or how he looked at the moment, he was only interested in the goal he set. Sometimes Gabriel was even a little jealous that Spade sometimes could focus better than he did without being distracted from what he was doing. Lately, it had been increasingly difficult for Gabriel to concentrate on anything, and it certainly wasn't comfortable.
Gabriel realized again that he was just staring, floating in his thoughts, but decided not to look away. It's strange that he doesn't even notice how reality is pouring out of his hands. So he randomly picked up the book that Waru had left to keep his hands occupied, since time did not want his touch. The cover was hard and already cold. Would Waru be angry with him for touching his things?
King, looking around the kitchen, accidentally met his eyes and hurried to turn away, returning to cooking. He was never good at talking.
Gabriel smiled slightly.
But maybe it's not so bad.
After all, he did want to think positively.
Hold my hand tight,
We'll make it another night
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