Work Text:
“There's an opposite to déjà vu. They call it jamais vu. It's when you meet the same people or visit places, again and again, but each time is the first. Everybody is always a stranger. Nothing is ever familiar.” Chuck Palahniuk
If he had to blame anyone, he'd blame it on his idiotic best friend.
Jimin had been fine, for the most part. Yes, he had been single for far too long and hadn't gotten any action since the last time he had dragged himself over to a party already inebriated, but that was beside the point. He didn't care that all the action he received was from his right hand, he had other things to focus on - his grades, his family, his friends, his life. He didn't need an intervention, and he certainly did not need help from Kim Taehyung.
Taehyung was his best friend, always had been from the moment the two of them had met as tiny pre-school children, chasing each other around the local kindergarten's playground until their lungs were aching from the strain.
("I’m Kim Taehyung,” the five-year-old Taehyung had once announced, hammering tiny fists down on his chest. “And I have crayons, so I’m your best friend.” )
Undoubtedly, things had changed since then. Taehyung was no longer the same height as him but instead towered over him, much to Jimin's irritation.
Jimin, on the other hand, hadn't grown much. He had secretly hoped that he was purely a late bloomer, that sooner or later he would tower over everyone, including Taehyung.
At the time, he had planned to exact his revenge on the poor, unfortunate bastard. Of course, things didn't work out like that. Now he was twenty, a college-student no less, and was one of the shortest out of his group of friends. Taehyung had a penchant for patting him on the head, ruffling his hair as if to prove the fact that Jimin's height wasn't improving, and although Jimin wanted to punch the boy, he couldn't help but melt whenever Taehyung touched him.
( “Look at you,” Taehyung had cooed one afternoon, fingers threading through Jimin’s hair. “How could anyone be as cute as you?”
Jimin had assumed Taehyung had been joking. He had spent the rest of the day mulling over these words, but soon enough Taehyung had moved on, anyway ).
Maybe that was why Taehyung had insisted, so adamantly, that he should join a dating site. Maybe he knew and could sense that Jimin was slowly becoming more and more entranced by Taehyung, enraptured by the way he would always smile so serenely, how his hands would envelop his own from time to time, and squeeze so hard, as if he wasn't planning on ever letting go.
Jimin had always forced himself to forget these things. He had pushed any such thoughts far away before he could begin to think about them; before words of like and love could filter into his vocabulary and wreck apart everything that he had gained over the last couple of years.
Either way, Jimin didn't need Taehyung's help. Nor did he need Tinder.
"Oh, come on, Jiminie!" Taehyung had exclaimed one afternoon, grabbing onto Jimin's arm, shaking him from side to side. "What could you lose by doing this? You'll probably be able to meet all types of girls on there!"
The two of them were sitting outside in their university's quad, the sun beaming down on them harshly, causing Jimin's skin to itch. Jimin stretched out, squinting up at the tree leaning precariously over them, the blossoms falling serenely down onto the ground. He could almost zone Taehyung out like this, close his eyes and pretend that Taehyung wasn't saying something so ridiculous. He could pretend that they were somewhere else entirely, where Taehyung's hand on his shoulder meant something different.
In an ideal world, they wouldn't be having such a conversation. Taehyung would know that his sexuality was more than purely straight. But of course, now wasn't the time to come out to his best friend about the fact that he liked guys, too. So he kept quiet, humming to himself when Taehyung's voice started to whine irritably.
"I'm a free man," Jimin commented, rolling onto his stomach and kicking his legs up in the air, as he played with the grass absentmindedly. "Why would I want to join an app that is known for fucking and ditching?"
Taehyung cocked his head, lowering himself further down to take a better look at Jimin's face. "But isn't that what you want? You were complaining only yesterday about the fact that you missed having sex, and hasn't it been a year now? That's a very long time, you poor, poor thing -"
"Honestly, Tae," Jimin interrupted. "If you say another word, I'll kick you where the sun doesn't shine."
Taehyung pouted, shuffling from side to side as if he was unsure of what to do next. He certainly wasn't planning on letting this topic go, Jimin could tell. Once an idea had popped into Taehyung's head, there was no way he was going to leave it be. He would follow it until he had gotten what he wanted.
No matter how many threats Jimin shot his way, it wouldn't be enough.
Even now, Jimin could tell that Taehyung was secretly planning something. He was quietly giggling to himself, typing away on his phone with a mischievous grin that spelt trouble. Despite himself, Jimin couldn't help but note how pretty such an expression was. Taehyung was in his element, eyes lit up like giant stars shooting across an ink black sky, glimmering with something that had Jimin's stomach doing flips, no matter how hard he tried to calm himself. Jimin knew he was staring, knew that it was bound to be obvious and there was no way he could be as cliche enough to say something like 'there's a bug on your cheek' but then he had noticed something quite important, and any glow of happiness within him had faded within an instant.
Taehyung's phone was a Samsung Galaxy 6, Jimin had no idea why he would go for such a model, considering that the iPhone was obviously superior. But what was in his hands right now was not his tacky pink device. Instead, it was a case that Jimin knew like the back of his hand, a case that Taehyung had bought him specifically for his birthday last year when the two of them had passed a vendor's street stall during a fireworks display.
(“It’s probably a knock-off, Jiminie.”
Jimin had shaken his head. “I like it, it’s pretty.”
Taehyung’s eyes had crinkled at the side, before immediately dishing out a couple of coins from his pocket. “Then I have to get it for you now, don’t I?”)
Jimin had cherished the case like it was his child, he cherished it more than the expensive phone itself - he would know it anywhere.
His first reaction was slow, to say the least. He had become quiet, staring down at his mobile in Taehyung's hands, and vaguely wondering why Taehyung looked like he had won the lottery and then some. The realisation, however, was gradual. It fed through his bones, settling down into his bones like a lazy, overweight cat making its home on his lap. Once he finally realised what was happening, his eyes widened comically, and he had dived for Taehyung, arms tackling him to the ground, the other boy cackling underneath him.
"What are you - a ninja ?" Jimin exclaimed once he had managed to wrestle his phone off of Taehyung.
Taehyung didn't move as Jimin leapt off him. He remained sprawled across the grass, golden strands billowing like a halo around his head. His hysterical laughter had calmed somewhat, and he was now heaving silently, chest rising and falling, one arm spread over his chest. He watched Jimin carefully, mouth parted a fraction before a grin erupted across his face. Seeing Taehyung this way, Jimin almost dropped his phone back into the other boy's clutches.
Somehow Jimin managed to drop his gaze down to his phone, although he wasn't sure how he managed to do it. As he expected, Taehyung had made Jimin an account. He had chosen a picture of Jimin from the previous Halloween, in which he had been dressed all in black from head to toe, like a cross between a spy and a vampire, what with the patterns of red dotting his clothes and his skin. His hair was a different colour, more ginger than the black shade he had now, but he had been smiling in the picture.
Jimin knew why. He remembered this instant very carefully. He had been drunk, stumbling over words and people, trying to find his way back to the kitchen of a random stranger's house, until Taehyung had snapped a picture of him just as Jimin had found him.
( “Where have you been all of this time?” Jimin had asked.
Despite the fact he had seen him a moment or so ago, he had run straight into Taehyung’s arms).
Jimin noted how his eyes were wide with recognition in the photograph. He had known that Taehyung had been across from him, that Taehyung was about to reach out and pull him closer.
Jimin had done both of them a favour - he had been the one to cross the distance between them.
If he had wanted to create a Tinder profile, he might not have chosen such a picture. It was like a snapshot of a moment, it wasn't contrived. Usually, Jimin would have chosen a selfie or two, but now he knew that Taehyung had picked the best option. Although Taehyung had done well in this regard, he had failed in others.
"What the fuck is this bio?" Jimin snorted. "Chimchim, 20, looking for some hot stuff with a pretty young thing, but would also like to hold hands a lot. I like hands." Jimin raised an eyebrow at Taehyung, who only bit back a grin, hiding his mouth with the back of his hands. Jimin crinkled his nose in disgust, ready to delete the bio, and maybe the whole application altogether, before Taehyung swatted at him, knocking the phone onto the ground.
"Don't lie, Jimin. I know you like holding hands, you like it as much as kissing."
Jimin knew he was growing red, could feel it rising high in his cheekbones, covering his whole face until he was hot with it. He breathed out through his nose, shaking his head.
There were some things he shouldn't tell Taehyung. The two of them had had many impromptu sleepovers over the years, some involving juice and some involving heavy amounts of alcohol. So yes, Jimin liked holding hands as much as kissing. He liked the feeling of having someone wrap their hand in his own, warm and safe and secure and so, so grounding. It would always anchor him down, make him feel better about himself from one simple squeeze. He liked kissing too, of course. He could make out with someone forever, if he wanted to, until that last moment where he felt he was gasping for air. But his love for hand holding did stem from somewhere, and Jimin wondered if Taehyung knew that too.
Because, if he was being honest, Taehyung had the best hands to hold onto.
Jimin knew he couldn't argue with Taehyung over this. He had sighed instead, grumbling underneath his breath, "That might be true, but you make it sound like I have a hand fetish."
Taehyung had caught onto his words without fail, wiggling his eyebrows before throwing an arm around Jimin's shoulder, and snuggling closer.
Jimin couldn't understand why Taehyung always did things like this. He would constantly crawl into his space, unafraid of breaking any imaginary bubble between them. It made it difficult for Jimin to stay mad with him regarding anything. No matter how hard he tried to, Taehyung would tug on the strings of his heart, pulling until Jimin would finally give in. Even now, as Taehyung picked up his phone and said for the billionth time that joining one shitty dating website isn't going to kill you, he found himself agreeing with him, despite the fact that deep down he wanted to run for the hills, and maybe destroy his phone in the process. In reality, he had nodded his head, leaning back into Taehyung's chest without a second thought.
"Okay," he relented. "I'll join this stupid app. But on one condition."
Taehyung hummed in interest. "You have a demand, Park Jiminie?"
"Yeah," Jimin said, lips cocking up in a smirk. "I'm going to create an equally embarrassing account for you, too.
@@@
Much to his dismay, Jimin apparently looked like the kind of guy that was 'down to fuck. ' He had come to this realisation after the eighth time someone had asked him whether he wanted to come around their house in the evening, despite the fact that Jimin had only been talking to this person for the last few minutes or so.
It seemed as if everyone on here was the same, not caring about the fact that Jimin wasn't interested in a purely sexual relationship. He had almost given up on the app altogether, planning on uninstalling it and yelling at Taehyung when he next saw him.
Surely Taehyung hadn't been successful either, considering everyone on Tinder appeared way too perverted than anything else (although, maybe that was something that Taehyung wouldn't entirely hate, but thinking about such things was like going down a dark well in which Jimin would never climb back out of). Such thoughts were brought to an abrupt stop when Jimin's phone had vibrated in his hands.
At first, Jimin had planned to leave it be, forget about it and pretend that the buzzing was from his head instead. What had pushed him to pick up his phone, though, was the glare his housemate was giving him from the table in the kitchen, glasses perched on his nose as he mouthed ‘that he was studying.’ Jimin was certain that he had muttered some swear words too (and Jimin wouldn’t put it past Min Yoongi, really). He had been forced to leave the room, clicking on the notification. It was a girl, apparently. Jimin hadn’t talked to many girls on this app, but his luck with them had been the same with the men. He was in half a mind to ignore it, but truly, what did he have to lose?
Before he read the message, he clicked on the photograph of the girl named ‘Yui.’ She was pretty, with dark brown hair and a small button nose that was crinkled up in her profile picture. Once he had read her message, he couldn’t help but snort, eyebrows shooting upwards.
Yui: Are you a good cuddler? I might let you join my gang
Jimin has had his fair share of odd and cheesy pick-up lines, but this one was almost sweet. He suppressed a laugh, biting down on his lip, deliberating how to respond. He was thinking about enlisting the help of his flatmate Yoongi, who might suggest something more coherent than what Jimin was planning on writing, but ‘Yui’ had beaten him to the punch.
Yui: oh my gosh i’m sorry was that too forward >.< I panicked i don’t know how to use this thing
Me: don’t worry, i’m kind of new at these things too.
And really? i hope i make the cut
Jimin wanted to backtrack on that message as soon as he had typed it, but his thumb had landed on the send button, and now there was no going back.
Yui: haha okay, i’m sure you have expert cuddling skills
okie dokie, i’ll make it easier for the both of us then! Want to hear a joke?
“Who says ‘okie dokie’?” Jimin questioned, but had shaken such a thought away as soon as Taehyung’s face had appeared in his head, smiling down at him like an exploding sun. “I guess it’s kind of cute.”
Me: is it about my love life?
Yui: heyyyyy now my jokes aren’t that boring!! I’m a witty individual, how dare you assume that i would be so basic!!
In all seriousness, is it that bad, though?
Me: just haven’t had much luck with this app. Most people are looking for one thing, you know?
Yui: you haven’t had much luck?!? BUT YOU’RE GORGEOUS. LOOK AT YOU, ARE PEOPLE BLIND???? Really, you must have a crowd of admirers, allow me to rescue you from them ;) And i mean that not in a weird way.
Yeah i know, it’s sad that most people nowadays don’t want a relationship further than sexual.
As Jimin passed the mirror in his bedroom, he realised that he was blushing immensely. Yui obviously knew how to talk, she knew how to cause Jimin to trip slightly as he made his way back over to his bed. Jimin was running over those words in his head, as he collapsed into his sheets, huddling in them. He typed back a reply, backspacing a couple of times before he had the courage to finally press send.
Me: thanks, i don’t hear that a lot of the time, especially from strangers.
so it’s nice to know that, i guess! And im assuming you’re not creepy. You don’t look creepy.
I mean, you’re quite good looking yourself ;)
“Fuck,” Jimin swore. “I really should not have added that winky face. What are you doing, Park Jimin?”
Yui: ah thank you :) so, what sort of thing are you looking for on here?
Me: hmm well i wasn’t expecting much on here, you know.
But i’m sort of going with the ‘whatever happens, will happen’ mentality? If i meet someone, then that’ll be great, but if i don’t, then fair enough.
Yui: i’m sure someone will grab your attention.
But yeah, i’m sort of the same. I only joined this because my friend did too.
Me: peer pressure?
Yui: no, my own fault, really. I was trying to be helpful, and i thought why not try it out myself? I mean, not everyone here is a dick!
Me: trust me, i’m not a dick. Despite my friends calling me that, sometimes.
Yui: :O your friends call you a dick!! Who are your friends!!! Let me fight them for your honour!
“Definitely cute,” Jimin laughed, bringing the covers up and over him. He tapped back on the picture of Yui and grinned. Maybe he would have some luck on here, after all.
The rest of their conversation had followed in the same manner, the two of them talking about absolutely nothing until the early hours of the morning, until Jimin’s eyes began to droop with the strain of keeping them open. He suppressed a yawn, shuffling onto his side. A second ago, he had been debating with Yui about the best kind of bubble tea, and although Yui had claimed that her choice was superior, Jimin knew that she was definitely wrong. He was about to start another war, maybe about what kind of ramen tasted better, until another notification distracted him.
Yui: anyway, what are your interests ^^ ? i feel like we’ve talked so much yet we haven’t gone through the basic conversations lol
Me: i thought you said you weren’t basic, hmmm
But if you really want to know: i’m a college-student but i’m also a dancer.
Yui: (im going to ignore that comment because rude) oh cool! What kind of dance do you do?
Me: loads of different stuff. I do ballet as well, don’t judge.
Yui: yo why would i judge you, that’s cool with me. I have a friend who is into it too.
Me: well it's cause most people are weirded out because i’m a guy and i do ballet haha
Jimin threw his phone up in the air, waiting for Yui to respond. He placed it onto his stomach, scratching an itch on the bridge of his nose. He didn’t expect much from this, didn’t think his feelings for Taehyung would abide after talking to this one girl, but he wouldn’t lie about the fact that he enjoyed talking to her. She was familiar, sort of, talking to her felt like being around someone he has known his whole life - even if the idea itself was nothing but cheesy. Taehyung was a slow, pooling feeling in the pit of his stomach, and maybe this girl - Yui - would grant him the same feeling eventually.
He wanted to smack himself for thinking so much about Taehyung. He was about to apologise to Yui, when he realised that she hadn’t responded. He began to freak out, mind delving into all kinds of possibilities. When the notification pinged, he breathed out a deep sigh. He was acting stupid, like an idiot who cared about things like this. He managed to convince himself that there was nothing to worry about, but then he had looked down at the message, and his breath had caught in his throat.
Yui: wait a minute, you’re a guy?
Because right now your picture looks like a girl with dark red hair.
What is this sorcery.
I’m so confused.
Me: yeah, can’t you tell by my profile?
Yui: on here it says that you’re a 21-year-old girl named Dolly.
Maybe tinder has glitched out on us. What the hell.
I’m a 20-year-old guy called Tae. If you can see that.
At that, Jimin had wrenched himself up, phone falling out of his hand and dropping on his face in the process. He yelped, wincing at the sudden burn that coursed down his nose, but nothing else mattered at that moment in time. Clearly, he wasn't talking to a girl anymore. He was talking to a guy, apparently, whose name happened to be 'Tae.' That didn't necessarily mean that it was Taehyung that Jimin was talking to, there was bound to be many people in his area that called themselves by that name. Once he had gone back through the messages, however, worry had begun to cling onto him, dripping into his insides and suffocating him. There was one point in their conversation where they had talked about sexuality, and now the words they had shared were spinning around in his head.
'I'm bi, but no one knows and I don't know why I can't tell anyone. Maybe I'm scared that if I do, that person will see right through me,' he had said.
And 'Yui' had replied, 'You shouldn't be scared to be who you are. In the end, it's your own happiness that matters, right?'
There was no way, no way in hell that Jimin could respond to this message and say that it was him. He had a feeling that he was right, that it was Taehyung on the other end, probably scratching the crown of his head in confusion, trying to suss out for himself how Tinder could fuck up so colossally. Maybe it was the wrong decision, maybe he should have used his brain a little more rather than going with his screaming heart instead.
But he knew that he couldn't risk it. He couldn't do it.
Me: wow it's definitely gone weird. to me it's saying your name is Yui.
and like i said, i'm a guy too.
my name's Jin.
Yui: are you fucking kidding me?????
Me: ummm.....no?
Yui: wtf THIS IS HILARIOUS
bro this is so funny i'm cackling
i think i may have met my bromate
but then i have someone else to fill that position so i'll christen you as bromate no.2
someone at tinder hq needs to fix this pronto.
Me: i know haha.
it's weird we both thought we were chatting up girls.
Yui: you were chatting me up?
i mean does that have to stop now just because i'm a guy
do you not care for me anymore hmmm, jinnie?
Me: wait wait wait i can't answer that
i mean
it's still kind of weird to talk like this when it says 'Yui' still.
maybe it'll change but
i think we should talk somewhere else??
kkt?
In all honesty, Jimin had no idea what he was doing. He couldn't help but smack himself across the forehead as soon as the last few words were sent. He was now hanging precariously off his bed, head first as he waited for this 'Tae' to respond. Asking for his Kakao Talk would finally prove whether or not the person he was talking to was Taehyung. He was praying that it wasn't, that this person was someone else entirely, that they just happened to have the same nickname as his best friend and long-term crush. Because, really, how could things like this happen? How could he become so close to someone online, so much so that he had spent the last couple of hours talking to them rather than getting some much needed to shut-eye, for it to turn out that it was actually Taehyung instead? The idea was preposterous, something from one of those stupid romance novels people read. It didn't happen in real life.
Either way, Jimin kept his eyes glued to the screen, widening as every second agonisingly ticked by. He waited and waited, the tension building in his stomach like a rumbling volcano, about to blow at any given second. He felt it bubbling inside of him and he had tried his hardest to contain it, to try and convince himself that this was real life and odd things like this never happened, at least not to him. As the typing sign appeared, he bit down hard on his lip.
The sound of the notification rang like sirens in his ears.
Yui: my id is 13569, you?
@@@
From finding Tae on Kakao Talk, Jimin had quickly surmised that the person he had been talking to for hours on end was, in fact, not Taehyung. Taehyung's profile picture on Kakao Talk was one of him pressing his face up into the photograph, showing his obnoxiously pretty nose with that equally as irritating (and yet, very cute) mole on the base. This person's profile picture wasn't the same, but it wasn't a picture of a person, either.
When Jimin had clicked on the picture, he had been faced with some meme he had seen once on the internet. Taehyung probably knew these things, but this 'Tae' was most likely a different person. With that thought in mind, Jimin had relaxed, letting out a much-needed breath. For some reason, he had decided to use another account in order to add 'Tae,’ just in case. Jimin had picked an anonymous picture, one that wouldn't give away his identity, and the two of them had continued to talk for a while longer, both commenting on how late it was getting before Jimin had fallen asleep mid-type. He had woken up the following morning, his phone lodged into the crevice of his cheek, sticky and hot against his skin. He had moaned, smacking it away from him, before rolling back over and onto his side.
He had spent the rest of the day in a tired stupor, trudging around his student flat, yawning every five minutes. He had found a home on the sofa halfway through the day, scrolling through Twitter, before his phone had buzzed again.
taetae: hello there, dolly
i'm gonna call you that from now on, you realise that?
Jimin snorted at that, shaking his head, and laughed underneath his breath.
me: oh dear god really
okay THEN, you will be known as yui from now on
but dude why can't we let go of the past and move on???
taetae: what. i find the name dolly to be cute
and i think in a strange way it kind of suits you. although jin is cute too.
i won't move on YOU CAN'T MAKE ME
In some way, Jimin felt like he was talking to Taehyung. But maybe that wasn't quite right, when he was chatting with Taehyung, he still had some reservations. There were things he could say, and things that he couldn't. He had to make sure that he kept a space of distance between them, enough so that Taehyung didn't cross that invisible boundary and piece together all that Jimin had tried to avoid. Taehyung had come close to finding out the truth plenty of times, but Jimin had always pulled back, restrained himself, kept his true feelings closed shut.
Talking to this stranger, it was different. He could be honest, could say the stupidest things, because in the end what did it matter? They didn't know him, in reality. In that way, it was comfortable, reassuring, and maybe that was why Jimin felt like he could talk to this person about anything imaginable.
Jimin spent the rest of his evening talking to Tae like this. He spent the rest of his week when he didn't have classes and dance practice, sprawled across the sofa, furiously typing away to Tae about absolutely anything. As a result, though, he had begun to see Taehyung less and less. The two of them were in different courses - Taehyung doing Neuroscience while Jimin was stuck with History. They didn't cross each other's paths much, and maybe Jimin wasn't trying his hardest to reach out to Taehyung. For the most part, he was distracted by the way his new found friend popped up for conversations during the hours of the day where he needed it most; when Taehyung crossed his mind and fed into his thoughts.
Taehyung had been busy, truthfully, and Jimin would wait until both of their timetables cleared up so that they could meet again. The only time Jimin wasn't busy was in the early hours of the morning; when he was sat at the kitchen table, hand dug deep in a packet of shrimp crisps, the glare from his phone the only source of light in the room. Now, he was constantly moving from class to class, rushing even when he was toeing his shoes on at eight thirty in the morning, ready to leave his flat. Yoongi appeared behind him, prodding him on his back.
"What?" he said, throwing his backpack over his shoulders. "I'm kind of busy, hyung."
Yoongi pulled a face. "You're always busy. Are you dating someone now or something?"
Jimin was flustered by such a statement. He had tripped over his own shoelaces, almost barreling into their front door before Yoongi had stopped him, dragging him back by the straps of his backpack. "No, why would you think that?" he stammered out.
Yoongi's hand had dropped to his side. "Well, you're always on your phone. And when you're not, you look like you want to be." Something seemed to flash in Yoongi's eyes, a thought making its way to the surface. "Is it Taehyung? Have you guys finally seen fucking sense for once and -"
Jimin hadn't allowed Yoongi to continue, he had leapt out of their flat, busting the door open with his feet barely wedged in his shoes before he could finish his sentence. This wasn't a conversation Jimin wanted to be a part of, he wasn't aware either that Yoongi knew what he had been wanting, what he had secretly wanted ever since the first time he had met Taehyung. He hadn't told anyone, had chosen to keep such a secret for safe keeping in his chest - he couldn't allow himself to ever say such words out loud. But yet, Yoongi had hinted towards it, and although he was far from the truth, Jimin couldn't help but see such an image at the back of his eyes. It had clung to him as he had run through the corridor, backpack jostling, his laptop probably being thrown around relentlessly in his bag. There was too much going on in his head - an overload of thinking, Yoongi's concerned expression taking the fore-front as if to haunt him - he hadn't noticed Taehyung bounding towards him from the opposite side of the corridor.
"Jiminie!" Taehyung bellowed from the top of his lungs, leaping at him before Jimin had the time to career out of the way and avoid the onslaught of arms coming towards him. He was caught in Taehyung's clutches, squirming as Taehyung hugged him as if he hadn't seen him in weeks.
But then, Jimin realised, Taehyung hadn't seen him in quite a long time, too. It might not have been weeks, but it was long enough.
Taehyung pulled away, nudging Jimin's cheek a little with the back of his thumb. All of this time, Jimin was left gasping in Taehyung's wake. The boy truly was like a whirlwind, too fast, too beautiful, and far too ferocious for Jimin to handle.
"I miss you," Taehyung blurted out, and Jimin wondered how Taehyung was able to confess things so easily when Jimin found it hard to even think of such a phrase without self-combusting.
"You really can't be without me for too long, can you?" Jimin replied, voice shaking a little at the edges. He had been joking and had expected Taehyung's response to follow as nothing more than good-natured banter. Yet, when Jimin had glanced up at Taehyung, he wasn't greeted with the cheeky expression he knew so well. Instead, Taehyung looked serious, and such an expression threw Jimin off-kilter, dragging all thoughts and sensations to an almighty stop, as he gazed stupidly back up at him.
"Of course I can't," Taehyung said, his voice soft and low as if he was afraid that anyone besides the two of them could hear him. Soon enough, though, a small smile began to creep across his face. He reached out, pinching Jimin hard on his waist, much to his annoyance. "I need my daily fix of Jimin, after all!"
Jimin rolled his eyes melodramatically, but couldn't stop himself from grinning back at Taehyung. He allowed himself to fall into him like he has done so many times over. As Taehyung chattered away about his week, he had almost forgotten about the fact that he had to be in class in a couple of minutes time, because really, nothing was as important as hearing Taehyung speak -
Although, the key word here was almost.
"Fuck - shit - I'm so late," he cursed, hitting Taehyung on the shoulder. "You went and distracted me when I was already in a rush, Tae!"
Jimin ignored Taehyung's affronted yelp, pushing past him in order to sprint through the halls, but Taehyung had grabbed onto his wrist at the very last minute, keeping him there. Jimin was about to throw a look over his shoulder, maybe with a slew of irritated curses, before he had met Taehyung's imploring eyes.
"I want to meet up with you, Jimin. Tonight," Taehyung said, tracing a hand up Jimin's wrist. "Make sure you save time for me, okay?"
Jimin snatched his hand away, nodding at him, before legging it down the hall. He didn't look back, not once.
"If I could, I would save all the time in the world for you," he muttered.
@@@
"I can't believe I'm doing this," Jimin sighed. He had been deliberating over sending this message all day, but he needed help. He didn't feel comfortable talking about his issues with Yoongi, so there was one last viable option.
me: hey, you awake
taetae: yeaaaah, anything for you sugarplum
me: have we escalated further into gross nickname territory
not so sure how i feel about that, honeybun
oh look it's catching
taetae: i thought we were going to have a more serious conversation for a second there
but i like
me: actually, i wanted your advice on something.
taetae: ahh, yes. you've come to the right place
i'm a sage at advice. a wise man. do come tell me your problems, young grasshopper.
so what's up?
me:.....you're so weird
um
well, i have a crush on someone
Jimin had jabbed his thumb down on the send button, if only to make sure that he had sent it without any reservations, without chickening out and laughing it off as if it was nothing. He wasn't sure why he was so nervous, why his skin was crawling with it, like an itch he couldn't quite reach. But now, it was done, and despite the fact that he was essentially talking to a stranger, he needed all the advice he could get.
The friendship he had garnered with Tae was something he couldn't quite place. They seemed to be flitting between flirtation and banter, but the thought of Taehyung had always held Jimin back, stopping him from going any further. Although there were some things Tae had said that had made Jimin flush red with embarrassment, he didn't personally know him, not like he knew Taehyung.
Lucky for him, Tae had replied swiftly.
taetae: oooooh
how am i only hearing about this now???
i've known you for almost two weeks
and i feel like we've gotten pretty damn close
so
what are they like?
me: he's
he's kind of odd
reminds me of you strangely enough.
we've been friends forever.
we’ll probably stay that way forever.
taetae: you can't know that for sure!
i always say that you should go with your heart
if your heart says announce your long-suffering love for this guy
then do it
JUST DO IT
me: did you seriously just make a Shia LaBeouf reference?
taetae: sorry, i couldn’t resist.
but honestly
you don't know until you try.
trust me, if you don't, you'll regret it
me: i know
but then i don't know if i can
i don't want to lose him
he's coming over tonight
i think
help me tae
taetae: serenade him with your cuteness
if that doesn't work, kidnapping is a great turn on
i'm joking obvs
but if he doesn't, then know that there is one guy who would be interested.
let me know what happens, okay?
me: i'm taking you mean yourself
im going to go hide under the covers now what just stop
yeah, of course.
i will
@@@
"I come bearing gifts!" Taehyung had announced as soon as Jimin had opened the door, scrubbing at his tired eyes. Jimin was half-asleep, having stayed up the whole night going back and forth in trying to decide what to do, whether or not to take Tae's advice and confess. Now, Taehyung was already on his doorstep, armed with bags of snacks, all cosy and snug in a fluffy pullover that fell too far down his chest, exposing the divots of his collarbones. Jimin's mouth had gone bone dry, his body failing him as Taehyung had barged into his apartment, glancing around and behaving like an excited puppy.
It was too sweet, Jimin's heart gave in before he had the chance to mutter a stunned hello in greeting.
"Is Yoongi-hyung in?" Taehyung asked, peering at the sofa, almost as if he was expecting to see Yoongi right there, camouflaged into the burgundy cushions.
"No," Jimin replied. "He's out at the library or something, won't be back until late, I think."
Yoongi had been extremely busy with assignments, being a third-year student. Jimin had mentioned in passing that Taehyung would drop by, although he wasn't sure what time and Yoongi had told him that he would give them both space. Jimin wasn't sure what he meant by that, but he had secretly been grateful for it, anyway. Now, it was around quarter past ten at night, and Jimin was glad it was just the two of them.
Taehyung had smiled happily at Jimin's words, and Jimin couldn't help but wonder if Taehyung was having similar thoughts. He had circled his hand around Jimin's wrist, guiding him over to the couch. The two of them settled down, Taehyung tugging him closer.
"I was hoping it would be just the two of us," Taehyung admitted. He sat up, digging in his bag of treats, before finding a packet of crisps and tearing them open.
Jimin's words were now lodged in his throat, mouth falling open as he watched Taehyung's blond hair slide over his eyes, so pretty against the smooth tan of his skin. He was staring, Jimin knew it. But he couldn't find himself to care. "Why?" he had whispered.
"Well," Taehyung replied, slamming his palms down on his folded legs, breaking any tension that Jimin had thought had been between them. "Yoongi's a little scary, most of the time, and I wanted to be able to gossip with you in peace."
"He's not scary, he's just misunderstood."
"See, he's another problem we should solve. When was the last time he got laid?"
Jimin huffed irritably, slapping Taehyung on his thigh hard enough for the boy to bounce a little in his seat, rubbing the offended spot. "Not everything needs to be solved with sex!" Jimin rebuked.
"I'm just kidding, Jiminie," Taehyung said, frowning a little. "I mean, even I would like a nice relationship with someone cute and handsome, but alas." He sighed melodramatically, before clearing his throat, and nudging Jimin's shoulder. "Anyway, how is the Tinder thing going?"
"It's going," Jimin murmured in reply, playing with the sleeves of his shirt. He wasn't about to go into detail in regards to his conversations with Tae, especially when a lot of it involved Taehyung himself. Despite the fact that Taehyung would probably love to hear about Tinder's epic fuck-up, there were some things he was better off not knowing.
Taehyung, of course, wasn't fond of Jimin's silence.
"You're keeping something from me!" he exclaimed, gasping. "Have you met someone?" He stuffed his hands with crisps, shovelling them into his mouth with such ferocity, Jimin wondered why he had ever fallen for this idiot in the first place.
Despite Taehyung's question being clearly out of the good of his heart, Jimin felt like Taehyung had dealt him a final blow. Taehyung wanted him to meet someone, wanted him to find someone else to fawn over every waking second of the day. It wasn't like Taehyung knew, yet Jimin was construing up several other reasons as to why Taehyung had phrased this question with such genuine interest.
It wasn't because he was hoping that Jimin hadn't met someone, that Jimin would never find someone like him, no matter how hard he tried. Even if it meant letting go of someone who could give him what he needed, Taehyung would be the last thought keeping him awake at night.
"Maybe, or I could have just met a bunch of creeps," Jimin lied, snatching Taehyung's packet out of his hands.
Taehyung's expression morphed into something Jimin couldn't quite read. He wasn't sure whether the boy was upset about the fact that Jimin had stolen his food from him, or if it was something else. However, it disappeared before Jimin could make sense of it.
"Why are you so secretive all of a sudden," Taehyung mumbled irritably. "Don't you think it would be cool if we both met someone at the same time? The person I'm talking to right now is such a cutie. They’re Park Jimin levels of cuteness -"
It was too much to take in, truth be told. Jimin was struggling to process all that Taehyung was saying, his voice swimming in his ears obstinately. Some part of him was thinking back to the conversation he had had with Tae last night, how he had almost been coaxed into confessing everything to Taehyung. Now, there was no way he could possibly do so. Not when Taehyung had already met someone else on this stupid site.
In truth, he wished they had never decided to sign up for this app in the first place.
He couldn't say all he wanted to say. He remained quiet, letting himself bristle in it all for a while longer, before he was able to stammer out a breath, a tiny smile on his lips. "That's great!" he lied for the second time that night. "You should ask them out on a date!"
'Stupid, Park Jimin. Why are you making things worse for yourself?'
"You think?" Taehyung said, eyes lighting up, before the spark began to fade, disappearing as fast as it came. "I don't think it would be fair on them, though."
Jimin cocked his head. Although he was genuinely intrigued, he wished the topic would drop. But he couldn't help but want to know why the light in Taehyung's eyes had gone out. "Why?" he asked.
Taehyung composed himself quickly after that, smiling at him as if he hadn't looked like Sadness personified. "Nothing, Jiminie. It's nothing you should worry yourself about."
@@@
taetae: as you've laid your heart bare previously, can it be my turn?
me: of course, what's wrong???
taetae: you know how i said that you should go for it
that you don't know until you try
well
i should listen to my own advice
me: tae, you're confusing me
what're you talking about
are you okay??
taetae: yeah, sorry
well, i'm not okay, not really
i liked this guy, too
and it's similar with you
he's my best friend
me: oh tae
I'm really sorry
taetae: i was gonna say something
because i thought that if i didn't follow my own advice, then what was the point??
but i said something else instead
and he basically replied encouraging me to date other people
which is kind of my fault, really
but yeah
me: both of us are having no luck, are we?
i actually talked to that guy today too
was gonna do it
taetae: wait
did you tell him??
jinnie did you tell him!!
me: no
of course i didn't
he's interested in someone else
and it's not me
taetae: oh
well
this is sad
i don't like this
jin
we can't let ourselves be like this
me: i know
i can't help it though
unrequited love fucking sucks, doesn't it
taetae: let's
let's go on a date
let's forget about those douchebags
let's meet up
and go on a date
i've said that too many times now, haven't i?
me: aha yeah you kind of have
but
i want to go on a date i think
even if it turns out strictly platonic
and i just hope you’re not some 40 year old
because i know taekwondo
just saying
taetae: pffft what're you saying
i'd be more worried that you were the 40-year-old virgin
me: who said i would be a virgin?
taetae: well now
stop that
i feel like you're probably pulling a pervy face
but ANYWAY back on track
date
shall we go to pearls? bubble tea maybe?
i'm not good with planning these things
me: no, that sounds perfect
taetae: okay, tomorrow?
at 2?
sorry if that's too soon
i mean, i really want to meet you, dolly.
Jinnie
me: i thought we had forgotten the nicknames
but yeah
2 is great
i can't wait to meet you!!!
and then we can fuck this place up sideways
and screw everyone else
and maybe cry over idiotic crushes
because im gonna need that
just to warn you
taetae: im glad
i couldn't have asked for anything better.
@@@
He doesn't tell anyone about his scheduled date.
He doesn't think much of it if he was being honest. He wouldn't be surprised if this Tae turned out to be unattractive to him, but in the end, none of that really mattered. All he needed was to get out and forget, and maybe this person might be more than he bargained for.
Somehow, he doubted it.
Even if it turned out that they could be nothing more than friends, Jimin wanted to meet this person. He just didn't want Taehyung to find out, not when the boy would probably badger him to the ends of the earth for all the juicy details. He didn't tell anyone, kept it between him and his date, and as he left his flat in the early afternoon, he had hoped for the best.
Jimin had made an effort to look like he hadn't been sleeping in later than usual. He had washed his hair properly, the strands now soft to the touch and smelling faintly of coconut. He had pulled on some skinny jeans with cuts on the knees and had thrown on a light striped turtleneck, perfectly fitting to his body. As he had left, he had glanced in the mirror and had felt like he could tackle anything - even a date with someone who he had originally met off of Tinder.
He was bang on time once he had reached Pearls, sitting down on one of the seats. He glanced over the choices, tapping his foot impatiently as the seconds ticked by, as he waited for someone to appear and announce themselves as ‘Tae.' Jimin had sent him a message once he had arrived, detailing what he was wearing, where he was sitting. He kept his eyes on the door, head propped up by his fist, hope flooding through him every time someone stepped through the threshold. Once fifteen minutes had passed, Jimin began to wonder whether he had been stood up. He sighed, running a hand through his hair, cursing himself underneath his breath. Maybe he had been played all along.
His phone buzzed in his pocket.
taetae: i'm so sorry, i'm running late!!
i found this box of puppies on the way here
A LEGIT BOX OF PUPPIES, JIN
but i'm nearly there
wait for me
me: thank goodness
i thought you had ditched me
taetae: do you not trust me
i am offended
me: i can order something for you
what do you want?
taetae: taro bubble tea
just with the pearls
but you don't need to
i'll be there in a minute
maybe less than that
Jimin snorted, stuffing his phone in his pocket as he stood up, making his way over to the counter. He had left his bag by his seat, poring over the many choices when the door had burst open, the wind following with it.
He had heard someone breathing harshly, coughing and wheezing before they managed to gather themselves. Jimin had been curious about who had caused such a commotion and had looked at the person from the corner of his eye.
And everything - it all stopped.
If Jimin was able to see time work, he would see it stutter and freeze in this exact moment, caught in the clutches of something greater than anyone could possibly comprehend. It brought a shiver down his spine, had him blinking as he watched his friend - his best friend - rise up and glance around as if searching for something, or someone. Jimin had snapped his head back around, dodging behind a customer, who had reprimanded him in response.
"Please," Jimin begged them. "Let me just hide for two seconds."
The customer had rolled their eyes, but they didn't pressure Jimin to move.
From what he could see, Taehyung was now roving around the shop, glancing from customer to customer, a word - or a name - clear as day on his lips.
Jimin pulled out his phone, watched as Taehyung began to type something on his.
taetae: i thought you said you were here
i've been calling your name
did you
did you ditch me?
Jimin noticed how Taehyung's eyebrows were pulled down in thought, how he was biting down on his bottom lip, hands clenching and unclenching, his whole body struggling to keep something back.
He couldn't hide anymore. No matter how much he wanted to.
me: i'm here tae
i'm at the back
i'm hiding
and i'm sorry
i think we've screwed ourselves over royally
Taehyung was clearly frowning down at his phone, confused by Jimin's words. He hadn't noticed Jimin yet, not even when Jimin had explicitly mentioned where he was. He was slow on the uptake, as usual. Jimin couldn't help but laugh, as he attempted to ease his beating heart, making his way over to Taehyung.
Taehyung hadn't noticed him, not until Jimin had called out to him. When he had lifted his head, his expectant expression had shifted into a confused one.
"Jimin," he said, clutching his phone in his hand. "Why're you here?"
Jimin rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "I'm on a date."
The slight smile that had fluttered across Taehyung's lips faltered, dragged down at an epic pace. "Oh," he murmured. "With who? I guess I'm meeting someone too -"
"How was the box of puppies?" Jimin interrupted, wringing his hands together.
"The what?"
"You said that you were going to be late," Jimin continued, voice rising as he stepped closer to Taehyung, hands circling Taehyung's wrist before he intertwined their fingers together. "That you had found a box of puppies. That you wanted taro bubble tea, Yui."
Taehyung's eyes seemed to bug out of his head, his mind overloaded with too much information. He let out a shaking breath, glancing down at their entwined hands.
He didn’t let go.
Instead, he held on tighter.
"You said your name was Jin. Why did you lie about your name?"
"Why did you give me a different ID?” Jimin asked. He had so many questions, so many answers that he needed. “Why did it take the two of us talking to each other as strangers to figure out that we liked each other? And all this time I thought you were straight.”
Taehyung pulled a face. "Well, the same goes for you.” He glanced far off to the side, not quite meeting Jimin’s gaze. “I’m so confused,” he continued. “I’m even more confused than I was when Tinder glitched and you turned out to be a guy. How could I not realise that it was you-”
Jimin shook his head, pulling on Taehyung's arm to drag him closer, circling an arm around his waist. He leant upwards, lips tracing Taehyung's own before leaning back ever so slightly. He smirked at Taehyung's obvious discomfort, how he was licking his lips expectantly.
"So," Jimin started. "How about that date?"
"I thought you'd never ask," Taehyung replied breathlessly, grinning from ear to ear.
Jimin was overcome with lightheadedness, but he didn't feel like it was drowning him.
Instead, it was keeping him afloat.
Taehyung would never let him sink, after all.
@@@
taehyung: i just wanted to say something, dolly
i'm sorry that i ever made you feel sad or unhappy
and i'm sorry that i didn't notice sooner
that i didn't say something sooner
me: it's okay tae
in the end, i got to go on my first date with someone i met on tinder.
taehyung: not sure if it works that way if we already knew each other in person
but yeah
what am i saying
did you have a good date...with me?
me: do you really need an answer to that question
i've liked you ever since i first met you
It was perfect
taehyung ❤️: really??
you're so cute
my cute jiminie
hehe
i'm glad tinder glitched out on us
it gave me the chance i needed
to be with you
Jimin squirmed in his bed, clicking off of the messenger app. He dialled Taehyung's number instead, practically tingling with anticipation. He propped himself up into a sitting position, humming to himself pleasantly. When Taehyung's voice had filtered over the speakers, he didn't stop the butterflies from causing a riot inside of his chest.
Instead, he welcomed it.