Work Text:
To say that the drive to Equal Vision's office was nerve-wracking would be an understatement. Jaime was driving, blasting his music so he couldn't hear himself think; Tony was in the front seat using his teeth to play with his lip rings (it was a wonder how they haven't been torn off). And Vic was in the back, tapping his foot as he quintuple checked that he had all of the documents and USBs containing their work that they would be giving to Equal Vision to help Pierce the Veil record their debut album.
As they parked and walked into the building, they were greeted by a kind, smiling woman with brown hair and gray eyes. Vic cleared his throat, humming low to deepen his voice as he speaks, "Hello ma'am, uuhm, we're here for an appointment for record recording?" Vic doesn't know why he has a questioning tone to his voice, maybe it makes him sound more polite, or it makes him sound like he has no idea what's going on at any given time. "What's the name of your band?" The lady asks him as she pulls up some files on her computer. "Pierce the Veil." Vic replies, the woman types on her keyboard for a second and her eyes scan over a file for more information. "You will be seeing Mr. Bates in recording studio 3." With smiles and quick thank you's, the band walked to studio 3 and knocked on the door, watching as it flew open and Vic was having his hand shaken with excited familiarity. "Hey again Verena! Are you ready for another round in the studio?" Vic froze up as Casey Bates was shaking the other boys' hands and welcoming them in.
It wasn't his fault, it was Vic's fault for not getting his name changed earlier, for not telling Casey that he went by a different name now. He was putting it off because he was scared of the process; worried that he'd regret it, worried that it would change the way he was seen by others, especially his family. But the unknown misnaming didn't stop Vic from feeling extremely uncomfortable as he broke eye contact with the man that is graciously giving them his time. Vic can't help but feel like he's selfish for wanting something that in the grand scheme of things, is small and insignificant; so he bites the bullet and takes the awkwardness. He takes the moment of eye contact being lossed to look down at himself; Did I dress too feminine? Oh god Casey can totally see my tits, no wonder he didn't question himself. Why can't I try harder?
All of these self deprecating questions and thoughts are running through his head as he looks at Jaime while he gives the documents and USBs to Casey to look over. He sees that Jaime's mouth is slightly opened to say something, and Vic stops him by patting his shoulder and shaking his head a little. Vic appreciates Jaime for wanting to make him feel comfortable, for being able to speak up for Vic when he can't do it for himself; but now is not the time, Vic can tell Bates when the time is right, will there ever be a time? Vic doesn't know yet.
The band gets out their equipment after Casey gives them praise for how good their record is coming along and directs them into their respective recording booths. Tony and Jaime keep looking to Vic to say something to Casey, or give them the go ahead to do it for him; but Vic is only focusing on playing his guitar, plucking and strumming violently at the strings in the tune of the next song they're making as he tries to not think about how his birth name is choking him like a noose and how his body feels so weighed down just from being on him.
It was like he was back in highschool, each use of a name that wasn't his felt like a cut: deep into his skin, right above his heart. It made his head swim with shame that he couldn't have been born as Victor, that he was forced to be someone else. 'I'm a fraud' that was the only thing he could really think about himself, he wasn't a real man so he couldn't fit in with them, but playing the part of a woman felt unnatural for both him and the other women around him. He would never belong anywhere, and it crushed his soul.
After a few hours the guitars, bass and drums had been fully recorded and it was time for Vic and Casey to go into the separate room in the studio to record his singing; and this is his chance, Vic is roused from being in autopilot and is trying to psych himself into the confidence he needs.
As Casey is getting everything ready, Vic takes his chance, "Uuhhm.. Hey Casey??" Vic's hands are twitching as Bates looks at him quizzically. "I'm sorry I didn't say anything to you before but.." He doesn't know why he's scared of Casey's rejection but he doesn't like how secluded and serious this feels, he takes one last deep breath before ripping the bandage off. "I don't use the name Verena anymore. Uhmm my- my name is Victor, Vic if you want." Vic thought to himself while he spoke, 'Oh god why am I stumbling over my words like an idiot? Why did I bring this up at all? Why does this even matter to me? I've put up with it until now, why can't I just keep my mouth shut?'
Casey's small shrug and apology pulled Vic from his spiral, "Oh I'm sorry Vic; I kinda felt like the air in the studio was uncomfortable, I probably should have asked-" Casey's eyes shifted to look out of the booth's windows, catching Tony's eye, who looked closer in, curious as to what was happening; Casey looked back to Vic, wishing he told him sooner.
Vic couldn't believe Casey was trying to apologize for something that really wasn't his fault, Vic looked at Bates incredulously as he asked, "How could you have known?? I was Verena to you and to the rest of Before Today, I haven't had my name changed so I'm Verena to the rest of the world! Why would you think any different when I look like this and I put up with my legal name?" Vic motioned to his body as he finished talking, the one he'd been trying so hard to cover up and make look more masculine, but it was never enough for him.
Casey shifted his posture to be more upright so he could fully look at Vic, sympathy etched into his features. "Vic.. You don't have to hide yourself from me just because you used to be someone else... Plus, you always looked more boyish, especially today." Casey took pause, and Vic suddenly felt a blooming sense of.. relief?? Happiness?? In his chest. 'Oh ok people do see me as a boy I don't have to put up with the misnaming and the misgendering; I don't want to put up with that anymore.' And that final thought made Vic smile to himself, made him more confident to say what he wanted to other people.
Casey could see that his words made Vic happy and he reciprocated his smile, "There's the happy guy that wants to make music with me! You don't have to worry about the wrong name being used in the credits by the way, I'll change that." Vic bounced on the tips of his feet, he was so excited to make music as himself; and it could be heard in his voice, "Okay! Do you have everything ready? Oh god am I ready?" Vic took a drink of water and began warming up his voice in the booth as Casey pulled up the instrumental that Vic would be singing along to. Casey flashed a glance at Vic, silently asking if he was ready, Vic nodded and began recording his vocals.
"Alright boys, you are all set. If you need me, ring my line and I'll be with you as quick as I can." Casey was patting the boys on the back as they gathered up their equipment and were ready to head out of the studio. "Thank you for having us man!" Jaime was the first to thank Casey, and Tony and Vic gave their own thank you's to him. Tony looked over to Vic for a second, wondering why Casey had looked at him in the recording booth, and why Vic looked so nervous; he soon got his answer. Casey looked like he had just remembered something and got out a piece of paper and pen as he spoke to Vic, "Also! I forgot to ask. Vic do you spell your name with an O or a U?" Jaime and Tony looked at each other and smiled, happy that Vic did say something. Vic was still getting over the high of being called his name, "Uh- with an O. Thank you Casey, for all of this." He was ecstatic, and the men around him were aswell. "No problem Vic, I'll finalize the recordings and we'll get A Flair for the Dramatic out into the world!"
Casey raised his arms as if to cheer at the last part of his sentence, the guys giggled to themselves as they finally left the studio full of nerves; but these were nerves of excitement and relief, not anxiousness.