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Beth was storming through the house long before her fathers internal alarm clock could wake him. She hadn’t bothered trying to sleep. Her anger and anxiety, a little regret continuously coursing through her already agitated mind. She spent most of the night packing her things back into the suitcases she just got done unpacking. She cleared out her bathroom, the dresser that she left clothes in, even when she wasn’t there. She packed her overnight bag and left it by the back door. A few hours before she knew her father would be wandering the halls, she packed her cooler. Actually made sandwiches for the first time since she was a teenager, made her father’s coffee like she did every morning since returning home, and waited.
She knew she should have stayed away from the ranch. She was better off not knowing what legal and financial trouble her brother had gotten her father into most days. She didn’t want the property. She didn’t want the legal battles and reservation disputes conquering her life. She didn’t want the promise her father made. She didn’t want to have to continue facing Jamie every day. Fight for the property along side him, work with him. She didn’t want to have to remember what he did, every time she saw his face. She didn’t want to have to deal with Kacye questioning her, agreeing she was the crazy one. That she would be the one to ruin the ranch. She didn’t care if they lost the ranch acre by acre. She didn’t care if they built a fucking casino where she was standing. She didn’t care about the airport. She would gladly give it to the reservation and promise to never step foot on the land again. Emotionally, she was done.
She heard her father start moving around upstairs just before the second pot of coffee was finishing. Her palms started sweating when she heard him on the back stairs. Her stomach twisting and her chest burning when he stood in the kitchen doorway, staring at her for a long minute. She had to hide behind her coffee cup, as her mouth suddenly went dry. She hadn’t come home to hurt him. She hadn’t moved back to cause him more grief and worry. She wanted to help. She wanted to save the family home. Not for herself, but for him. She hated the decision she was forced to make. But she was tired of being exhausted from the constant fighting. She was unhappy continuously being in a defensive position. She was tired of being used and then told to leave, when her advice and opinion didn’t match theirs. She no longer felt respected, and after the fight her father forced Rip to lose, she didn’t know if she wanted it anymore.
She watched her father grab the cup she’d left for him on the counter. It was the same one everyday. Usually she’d wash it when he was done, but not today. ‘You’re up early, sweetheart,’ he mumbled with his back to her. It was the same routine every morning. After ten years, he knew she’d be up before him. Knew she didn’t sleep, and when she did, it was light and restless. Awake at every sound, every creak of the house settling, every brush of the branches over the front porch. “Big day,” she replied, her voice steady, even though she was shaking inside. Her father didn’t seem to react, until he turned around, giving her an odd look. ‘You don’t look like you’re going into the city; you look like you’re going to the damn barn,’ he said with an amused laugh. Reaching for the bread box to start his usual morning routine. Gatar didn’t come in until lunch on most days, which was fine, all her father ate was toast and whatever was leftover from the night before. He wasn’t a picky man. “I’m not going back to the city, daddy; I’m going for a ride,” she said a little stronger. She could barely hide the sideways smile as she thought about her long quiet ride through the valley.
She watched her father roll his eyes but crack a smile. It wasn’t that he didn’t know about her relationship with his former head cowboy, they just didn’t rub it in everyone’s face. They weren’t affectionate in public. They were barely seen together, unless the sun was going down. But he knew, if she wasn’t sitting at the kitchen island, or met him on the porch for coffee, she was in the foreman’s cabin. She couldn’t go there now, after what her father had done. Rip was back in the bunkhouse. Kaycee taking the home he occupied for ten years. The thought made her angrier. Everything she enjoyed about the ranch, her father was giving to her brother, taking it from the man she loved. ‘I’m assuming you wanna ask me something,’ he said, but it was the laugh and scoff at the end that made her blood boil. Like everything she did was a joke. Like he didn’t really take her seriously. “I’m not asking anymore, dad,” she said, finishing her coffee and getting up from her chair. Her father watching her, as she silently washed her cup like every morning. But she wasn’t making conversation like she normally would. She didn’t ask him what he was doing today, who she needed to fight. There was a slow, thick tension growing between them, the longer she stared out the window, watching Rip walking around in front of the barn. She didn’t need his permission to leave. She didn’t need to ask him if it was okay if Rip came with her. After everything that happened, she was surprised the man didn’t leave in the middle of the night and never look back. “I’m borrowing Rip for a few days,” she said, chewing her bottom lip, as she felt her fathers eyes on her back. Felt the questions pouring from his skin. Could hear him shifting against the counter. ‘Not that I mind, but can I ask why?’ She heard behind her, as she picked up the bag she left by the door.
Beth knew her father had no idea that she saw the entire ‘fight’ from the shadows. She saw what her father made his star cowboy do. Handing him the job on a silver fucking platter, never earning it. Embarrassing him in front of men he’d spent years earning their respect and trust. Never taking a beating or risking his life for the only home he had. He was too soft to lead. And too easy to overreact not to end up in prison. “He’s worked his ass off, non stop for you, for twenty years with no break. That’s why,” she said, a little more agitated the longer her father continued looking at her with little emotion. He wanted the conversation over with more than he wanted to understand her. ‘Can I ask where you’re going?’ He asked a little rougher, as if she were already getting on his last nerve. If she were still fifteen, it would hurt, but at thirty five, she was plenty used to the sting her father’s arm length relationship with her caused. She was accustomed to the coldness. “You can ask,” she said, matching his annoyance with her own. Grinding her back teeth to hold back all the things she wanted to say, but still didn’t want to hurt him with the truth. Instead, she dug her nails into her palm, trying to feel anything but the pain exploding in her chest. She didn’t want to have a showdown with her father. She didn’t want him angry with her, but she couldn’t keep watching the destruction of a man that did everything right, everything asked of him. ‘Beth, what’s got you so agitated this morning?’ He asked, placing his cup in the sink and standing at the end of the island.
Beth hadn’t planned to say anything. She planned to walk out the door and maybe see her father in a few days. But when her eyes glanced out the window, she saw Rip filling the feed buckets, grabbing the wheel barrel to start shoveling the stalls. Jobs he hadn’t done in fifteen years. Kaycee’s job. It inflamed something inside her all over again. “You. If you’re wanting honesty,” she said with a hint a disappointment in her voice. She felt her nostrils flare and heat fill her cheeks as he shook his head with another scoff. It was days like today, she realized where Jamie got his condescending attitude from, where Kaycee got his dismissiveness. While she inherited his resentment, spitefulness, and rage. Or maybe that was the effect of being raised the way she was. ‘And what did I do this time, honey?’ He asked, bracing himself against the counter, knowing he was opening Pandora’s box. His face said it all; I’ll listen until she runs out of steam, then I can go to work. But Beth knew, he was unprepared for the frustration and heartbreak she was about to release. The decisions that were so easy to make after last nights events. “That man has given his entire life, for YOU. Any dream he had, ended when you found him in that tunnel. He has no birth certificate, no drivers license. No opportunity to go anywhere else. He’s worked his ass off for you, defended you, killed for you; and you make him lay down for Kaycee. Does that sound right, dad?” She said, a little louder and with little more frustration than she intended, but once it was out, she didn’t feel bad about it. Especially when her father’s face barely changed. She knew he saw how upset she was, how wrong she knew it was, but like always, he didn’t know how to handle her emotional vulnerability. ‘Kaycee’s my son, Beth,’ was all he said, as he walked back to the coffee maker. He never reached for it, was just looking for something to occupy him, so he wouldn’t have to look at her.
That was always his excuse for his son’s mistakes; for their dumbass decisions, their impulsivity. They couldn’t handle their own emotions. They couldn’t handle their own finances. They whined and cried more than she did at ten years old. Because they had always been given everything they wanted and a lot they never asked for. She never asked for a damn thing. She never wanted anything from him. She didn’t even need the college trust fund he set up for each of them; she did it herself. Jamie at least went to school, got a degree and career he could be proud of. Her baby brother, as much as she loved him, lost it all on hopeless dreams. That did everything their father told him not to do. “That left with his pregnant teenage girlfriend and hasn’t stepped foot on this ranch in over a decade. You wanted to disown him for disobeying you. You branded him as punishment, a second chance, and he still spit on everything you stood for. You know he doesn’t give a shit about this place. And his family doesn’t wanna be here,” she said with a venom she never used with her father. She remembered the day Kaycee came home nervous and crying. She knew Monica was pregnant. She’d heard her father screaming at her brother nearly call night. Neither were out of high school, so close to graduating. She could still hear her father’s disappointment and anger as he told Kaycee exactly what he was gonna do. He didn’t take her to the planned parenthood like he demanded. He didn’t get rid of the problem like he wanted. He wanted to keep his baby. Monica wanted her baby. And Beth would NEVER hold that against them. It was their decision to make. Even just hearing the words come out of her father’s mouth, made her glad she never mentioned her own pregnancy. The only child she would ever have with Rip. She still couldn’t.
She watched as the wheels turned in her father’s head, still looking everywhere but her. But he was gripping the counter so tight, she thought it would shatter in his hands. His back and shoulders tense, his nostrils flaring. ‘What do you want me to do, Beth?’ She could tell he asked louder and harsher than he intended, just by the way he shook his head and pushed himself from the counter. ‘Tell your brother to take his family and go back to the reservation? He has as much right being here as you do,’ he finished, finally making eye contact for a short moment. He really didn’t know what to do. It was like she was asking him why we were created, why we’re here at all, why does God do what he does; he just looked at her, waiting to know what she wanted to hear. All she wanted, was for him to do the right thing. Be honorable like he preached. “Don’t put words in my mouth. I would never want Kaycee to leave. I love having him here. I want you to make him earn it. Make him put in the long hours shoveling shit, like you made everyone else do. I don’t understand what part of that is so hard for you to do,” she replied, not backing down. She’d already made her decision. Living on the Yellowstone ranch was over for her. She had nothing to lose being honest. She didn’t care if she was taken out of the will or property agreements. She never wanted it. Never asked to be part of a hundred year old promise, that would eventually bankrupt her family. It was easier stepping away now, than running when the taxes ate everything her father saved and worked his entire life for. ‘When I’m gone, it’ll be up to him to run it, he’s gotta learn fast, honey. You have to start getting along with your brothers. You have to start trusting them,’ he said, as if he were trying to convince himself more than her. She would NEVER get along with her siblings like her father wanted, and she definitely didn’t trust them. One ran away from his problems or got himself arrested and the other was only still alive because she hadn’t killed him yet.
Jamie only cared about himself. How the ranch affected and benefited him. How much influence he could get from the Dutton name. He took away her only chance to be a mother, after promising her everything would be okay. After swearing he talked to the nurse and it was a simple procedure they perform every day. That nothing bad would happen. She woke up sore, bandaged and bleeding. No baby. And no future. She wanted to rip him apart with her teeth, every time Rip looked at her a certain way. Touched her stomach just below her belly button. And she couldn’t trust her father enough to tell him. She still hadn’t told Rip. “That will never happen, daddy, but it’s a nice thought. I’m glad you have more faith in your son’s repeated promises, than their track records of lies and failure prove. It makes my next decision much easier,” she said with a little disappointment. She didn’t know what she expected. Maybe her father show a little more emotion. Maybe change his mind and give Rip his job back. None of it would really matter. She already did what she did. If Rip said no, she didn’t know what she would do. She was risking everything for the first time in her life, and it terrified her. ‘And what’s that decision, honey?’ He asked, already sounding exhausted, rubbing the back of his neck. Returning to the coffee pot and pouring his second cup, he’d have the pot gone by the time she had Rip saddle her horse. He still hadn’t started making his breakfast. He hadn’t switched his clothes to the drier, or showered for the day. She also hadn’t asked what he was doing for the day. For all she knew, Lynell was coming to take him into town for a meeting concerning the ranches future. She didn’t ask, because it now wasn’t her business. “Kaycee and Jamie can help you save the ranch, dad. And I’ll leave, but I’m taking Rip with me,” she said, staring her father down when he suddenly looked up.
Beth knew this was gonna be the hard part. She was taking a marked man. A man her father could make disappear any time he wanted. It still made her nauseous, thinking about her father branding a fifteen year old boy. A boy that had already been abused by the father in his life. That watched his mother and little brother die in front of him, after years of viscous violence. She didn’t understand how her father could have felt comfortable causing him more pain and mistrust. ‘He’s a cowboy, Beth. What the hell is he gonna do in the city?’ He actually laughed, like he didn’t know her at all. It surprised her more than angered her, that her father still didn’t know her at all. He doubted her. Thinking she would expect her cowboy to live in a city, was laughable. She always had a plan. She was always ten steps ahead. Last night wasn’t the first time she thought about starting a life with Rip. It had been years of thinking and planning, building the perfect imaging in her mind. “You’re not the only Dutton that can run a ranch, dad. I think he’ll be just fine with me,” she replied, picking up the cooler she’d carefully packed hours before, to save her time getting out after the conversation she was forced to have. The look on her father’s face was both acceptance and confusion. Five years ago, she would have never wanted a life on a ranch again. She didn’t want the responsibility of legal battles and land feuds. She didn’t want the government trying to take her property, because they wanted a ski resort or airport or shopping mall. Until she realized, she didn’t have to do any of those things, if she chose land no one would want. In a place so remote, it made no sense building anything else. ‘I have to give him a chance, honey,’ he said, sounding a little defeated, but still wouldn’t make Kaycee earn his place. Still didn’t apologize for what he’d made Rip do, how humiliated he made him feel. Kicking him out of his home. He’d rather not admit he was wrong, and fail, than do the right thing. And she was done watching it happen over and over again. “But I don’t have to hang around and wait for him to fail. And Rip shouldn’t have to be treated like shit for your baby boys thousandth chance,” she replied, her voice cracking, as she felt the tears building in her eyes. The pressure in her chest was almost unbearable. She knew the sadness in her eyes, matched her father’s. She knew, he felt the pain just as deep as she did. She could see it. He loved her. He rarely said it, but she knew he did. He just didn’t know how to express it. And that’s what she needed at this point in her life. “I love you, daddy; don’t ever doubt that,” she said, as she felt the tears start to fall down her cheeks. Only turning away and opening the door, when he finally turned back to the coffee maker. “I’ll see you in a few days,” she mumbled, not trusting her own voice, before closing the back door behind her.
*
Beth didn’t go straight to the barn. She sat on the side of the house for over an hour and cried. Grieving a life she was leaving behind, and a family that depended on her. Worrying that she was making the wrong decision, even though she knew it was right in her heart. It felt right. That didn’t mean she didn’t feel devastated for having to make it. Her entire ancestry was born and buried on the property. Maybe that was the problem; she was living someone else’s dream. She was stuck to a land that was stolen, bled had been shed on every acre. Most of her family ancestors lived difficult, short lives. Forced to be stronger than their male partners, but somehow obey. Many died before their children were grown, and even more were forced to bury their young. Most deaths were violent, as were their daily lives. The land was cursed. No one would ever be truly happy living among all the agony, torture, and sickness tainting the dirt. She needed a place with no history. No connection to her family. No expectations or promises. Just potential.
She didn’t started walking down to the barn until she was confident she could control her emotions. Rip should be the only one up, or at least, the only one that had made it to the barn yet, but she didn’t wanna risk running into Kaycee or Lloyd; they would both interrogate her until she broke down or told them to fuck off. She wasn’t in the mood to upset anyone else. Or explain why she looked like she was leaving for a few days. She even flinched when she thought she heard the bunkhouse door swing open, but relaxed when she saw Rip tossing hay into a feeder. The look on his face, the stress and tension in his shoulders and neck, made all the other doubts vanish from her mind; she’d made the right decision.
Rip was in his own, aggravated world. He was pissed off and fuming. Actually grateful for the alone time, the quiet of the dark morning. He didn’t want the uncomfortable looks or awkward questions, mostly from Lloyd, but the other cowboys weren’t happy with John’s decision either. The bunkhouse had been screaming and fighting for hours, before he was ready to go to bed. The moment he walked in, everyone went silent. Trying to act like nothing strange was going on. That the slight bruise on his cheek didn’t exist. That he was sleeping in the bunkhouse again, and not in the foreman’s house where he lived for nearly a decade. No one tried to talk to him. But Lloyd did make him a plate a food and left him alone.
The morning came too quickly for his exhausted, sore body. He ate in the barn with the horses like he used to do when he first arrived at the ranch. Listening to the sound of the wind blowing through the open doors, the horses waking and rustling in fresh hay. He didn’t expect the soft knock on one of the stalls, or to look up and see the only person he still liked leaning against the frame with a tired, sweet smile. A bag thrown over her back and her blue cooler dangling from one hand. Keeping her distance as she finished her cigarette. He hated the smell, but loved her, so he kept his worried opinions to himself. “Hey,” he said, softer than he felt, but she looked just as emotionally beaten as he did. He could tell she’d been crying, even if she were trying to put on a brave face. Her nose and cheeks were still lightly pink, her chest flushed. He’d seen that look a thousand times. Either it was a fight with her father or Jamie that had her seeking refuge with him in the quiet barn.
Beth couldn’t help but lean against the doorway and silently watch the man she loved, quietly eat his breakfast alone. She didn’t try to hold back the smile that slowly spread across her face, as she remembered the hundreds of times she’d wander down to join him before everyone else got up for the day. It was one of the few times she was kinder, undemanding. She wanted to spend time with him in the stillness. She didn’t know how long she just stood there and watched the muscles in his back flex and relax with every twitch of his body. The way he tried to rub the back of his neck and shoulder. She could tell his body was sore. Even if the fight was rigged, he was still hit in the face, he still hit the ground pretty hard. There was still a good looking bruise on his cheek. She could have stood there, staring at him all day, but she couldn’t hear noises coming from the bunkhouse. Everyone would be running to the barn soon, and she didn’t wanna be there when it happened. She tried to not startle him, as she knocked quietly on the door, but he jumped anyway. When he first looked at her, she could see the immediate annoyance, he was about to cuss someone for disturbing his peace, until he saw it was her. The way his face and eyes softened, the corner of his mouth twitching, she had to swallow hard to push down the burst of emotion in her chest. If he had never told her how much he loved her, she could always see it. She actually enjoyed seeing it in his face, his eyes, the way his body gravitated towards her; then hear the words. “Hey,” she tried to sound stronger than she felt, but looked away bashfully as he gave her a sideways smile. Shaking his head as he continued finishing his breakfast. Dragging on the last of her cigarette, before tossing it in the bucket by the door. She knew he hated it, even if he never said anything. She could see the slight disgust on his face, the worry, but let her be.
“I need a few days,” she said a little softer, a lot quieter, as her fingers touched the back of his neck. She was timid at first, terrified he’d pull away. Suddenly take out his frustration with everyone else, on her. It had never happened before, but her father never made him lay down for her baby brother before either. When he didn’t pull away, she dug her thumb into the knots down his neck. Biting her lip, as he groaned and dropped his head. She sat the cooler at her feet, to work the tense muscles in his left shoulder. Letting the moans in relief guide her. He didn’t always let her touch him like that. Typically, he was taking care of her, but when he did, it became one of her new favorite memories.
Rip couldn’t stop himself from tossing his empty plate on the ground, and dropping his chin, as her cool fingers touched his neck. Working the muscles that were slowly causing a migraine to build inside his head. Hitting knots and spots he hadn’t even realized was so stiff, until her fingers dug into them. He could have stopped the groans that filled the space around them, but why would he? They never held back when they were truly alone, why start because of a demotion. He knew that’s why she wandered down from the house so early. Why she was so eager to get away for a few days. “I’m assuming you cleared it with the boss?” He mumbled, as her fingers continued to move along his shoulders for a few long silent minutes.
Beth took her time loosening the remaining knots in her cowboys shoulders. Taking a few more seconds just to feel his bare skin under her fingers. Memorizing each moan and sigh that filled the barn. Showing him what little affection she could, considering how exposed they were. “You’re all mine,” she whispered low in his ear, as she ran her hands down his nearly bare chest. Kissing his neck and nipping at his ear. She couldn’t help slipping her hand under the black tank, just to run her fingers through his neatly trimmed chest hair. Feeling his heart pounding under her palm. “If you’ll have me,” she only added because he hadn’t said anything. Kissing his cheek, when she felt his hand cover hers.
There wasn’t a single thing Rip cared about more, than spending as much time with Beth as she would allow. He would take her anywhere she wanted to go, do whatever she wanted; as long as she didn’t leave. He could feel how much she needed it, just by the way she clung to him. When he felt her lips on his cheek, he slowly turned, brushing the stray hairs from her pale cheek. Her eyes much softer than the morning before. “Baby, I’ll have you any time,” he whispered, capturing her lips in a soft kiss. It was slow, careful. Just taking the time to connect and breathe each other in. Those were his favorite moments with her; peaceful and quiet. Not violent fucking against a dresser. “I’ll saddle your horse,” he mumbled against parted wet lips. He could feel her nuzzling her nose into his cheek. Feeling her reluctance to pull away, he lightly kissed her again. Caressing her warm cheek, and catching her chin when she tried to turn away. “Tell me what’s wrong,” he said quietly, searching her eyes for the question he knew she wasn’t ready to answer. He could see it. There was a pain and frustration floating around in her bright eyes. A tension in her jaw and neck, he could easily feel with his fingers. Something happened, and he could only assume it was her father that caused it. Jamie hadn’t been to the house in a few days, neither had Lynell. And he had never seen her upset with Kaycee. She wasn’t witness to the ‘fight’ the night before, or was she? Had she snuck down to the barn looking for him and watched from the shadows? Had she seen and heard everything? By the hurt look in her eyes, that she continued trying to suppress, it was possible.
Beth intended to tell him everything. That she heard the conversation between him and her father. That she saw a look on her heros face, that she never wanted to see again. That she saw him barely fight her little brother off. Barely hit him. Knowing Rip killed a man for talking badly about her, she knew he could kill Kaycee. She knew if he really fought back, if he really wanted to, he could have walked away from the fight with little effort. And her brother would have needed a vet call. But the sun was peaking over the hill, and she wanted to leave before anyone came looking for her. “Not here,” she mumbled, leaning into his touch, like it was her lifeline. She needed it, like she needed her next breath. He kissed her sweetly again. This time, her lips parting to taste him, even if it was only for a moment. She couldn’t stop the low moan from vibrating against his mouth, as she allowed him to lead. Devouring her, like she was the last oasis in the Sahara. Just as quickly as she felt her bite her bottom lip, cause a groan to build in her chest, he was gone again. Leaving her a shy, panting mess against him, like always. She couldn’t help the whimper that left her throat, as he gently coaxed her from his lap.
Fifteen minutes later, Beth was climbing on her own horse, biting her lip as Rip started off ahead of her. It was a three hour ride to their spot. She knew most of it would be in silence. They both enjoyed the quiet companionship. They didn’t need to talk in order to know what the other was thinking. Over two decades of observing and spending as much time together as she allowed, they knew what every facial expression meant. Their bodies spoke louder than any words could. That’s why she chose him. that’s why she kept running back.
Rip was obviously worried about the blonde trailing slighting behind. They didn’t venture out to the valley, alone, often. A few times a year, she’d come running to the barn, ask to be taken away for a few days; but something was always wrong. Something had always happened to upset her so badly, she didn’t want to be in the same five miles radius of the property. She usually left her cell phone behind, not that there was a good signal where they were going anyway. She always brought a few changes of clothes, her favorite blanket and the small tent they’d been using for the last five years. She always packed way too much food, as if they were camping for two weeks, instead of two days. And he always made sure to grab a spare tarp before they left. She never gave him much time to prepare, when she wanted to go, she meant right then. A part of him understood, but a small part also worried about what she was running from. What she needed the break from?
It was over two hours of silence. Just sweet looks and admiration shared between them. He would slow down every so often, just to catch her hand, or stopping her completely for a slow kiss. She was rarely so affectionate and needy, as she would say. He would say wanting. She wanted the quiet protectiveness he freely offered. The judgement free bubble she desperately needed. The passion she could rarely let herself feel. She wanted to lay naked on his chest for hours, without worrying about work or someone catching them. She wanted to fall asleep in his arms, and wake up to him still holding her. She wanted to let down her steel walls, and allow someone else to be strong for a little while. And he was more than happy to give it to her, for as long as she let him.
Beth had been craving his undivided attention for weeks. She loved the touches and kisses for no reason. She loved that he took his glasses off, just to stare at her. With him, were the only times, she ever felt free. Every day had turned into the same shit storm. She was tired of being the one that was in control all the time. She was tired of waking up, knowing her father or Jamie had more bad news, made more ignorant decisions, she had to fix. She was fed up with trying to use her business position, to figure out how to save her father’s property. A ranch that Kaycee was going to run right into the ground, with Jamie’s assistance. Or her lawyer brother would sell it to the highest bidder behind their backs. She wanted her future simple. She wanted to lay naked with him by a river any time she wanted. She wanted to ride with him through their field, that no one wanted. She wanted to walk to their barn, and throw herself at him, without fear of being seen or judged. Without him fearing repercussions. If Jamie was right, which he never was, and she would be the downfall of Yellowstone, she’d leave. But she wouldn’t be answering calls for help anymore. She wouldn’t be giving any advice that would be ignored. She refused to save a drowning ship anymore.
Rip could see the wheels turning in her head, the closer they got tho the spot they’d made theirs over a decade ago. She was dazing off into the distance. Chewing her bottom lip, as if the puzzle in her head were missing pieces and she couldn’t find them. She picking at the threading in her saddle, and shifting her hips, as if she were uncomfortable. But he’d seen her ride harder, longer and not be nearly as sore as him. Whatever happened last night or right before she came to the barn, was eating at her heart. “Are you gonna talk about what’s upsetting you, or do I have to guess?” He asked, slowing his horse for her to catch up. He always let her go at her own pace. Forcing her to keep up, degrading her for riding too slow, were things her parents did. Praised everything the boys did, but for some reason, Beth could never do enough to earn the same treatment. He wasn’t there for her mother’s accident, but still knew, she blamed herself. Her mother blamed her. After the fight he overheard between her and Jamie, he seemed to blame her too. In reality, her mother should have never forced her to ride. She should have never let Kaycee act like an entitled ass, purposefully provoking her horse. She should have never made her feel less than. If her mother would have been doing her job, none of it would have happened. Instead, he got to pick up the pieces of her heart that was shattered, for something that was never her fault.
Beth barely heard the words he spoke. She didn’t even notice he was taking to HER until she came out of her daze and he was next to her. Worried etched into his handsome features. His hand brushing hers, as the tears started to flood her vision again. She had to look away. Even with him, she still had a difficult time crying in front of him. It wasn’t that she felt she couldn’t. She just had to wait for the dam to break in order to let herself express it. She had to let herself implode. That was all she knew. “I’m sorry, Rip,” she said, quieter than she intended, but he heard it all the same. Squeezing her hand. It was all she could think to say, as her thoughts continued swirling like a violent tornado.
Rip let her pull away first. He always did. Always let her cling to him for as long as she needed. He could see the tears building in her light blue eyes. He could see her chin trembling, even after she looked away. He watched her twist the reign in her hands, looking for any outside stimulation to calm the hurricane in her head. “Why? What did you do?” He asked, ready for anything she felt the need to apologize for, and he literally meant anything. That’s how her mind worked. She’d cry and scream how sorry she was for something that happened ten, twenty years ago; shit he forgot long about. Things that didn’t matter to him in the first place. But he cared how carrying the guilt affected her. Or, she could be sorry for something she did last week. Her brain was wickedly beautiful, but equally as torturous for her.
She was sorry for so many things. She had done hundreds of awful things to him over the last twenty years. She treated him like shit. She flaunted her affairs in his face. Always came running back, loving on him, making promises she had no intention of keeping. He deserved so much more than her. He deserved someone that didn’t take her own pain out on him. Someone that didn’t have the trauma she had. Someone that didn’t drink and abuse her prescriptions just to make it through the day. She didn’t know why he wanted her. She was glad he did, but she still couldn’t see what she had that kept him around. But that’s not what upset her recently. That’s not what had her running off with him in the middle of the week. It was the disrespect, the way her father disregarded decades of hard work and blood. “I didn’t stand up to him sooner,” she said, more to herself, but she wanted him to hear it. She should have said something while the pretend fight was happening. She should have called bullshit in front of everyone. She should have called out her father and embarrassed her brother. No one else was gonna do it. Rip and Lloyd were too respectful, and the rest were afraid of losing their livelihoods or their lives. She didn’t care to be respectful, she’d rather be honest, and she damn sure didn’t need her father’s money. “I placated his fantasies and didn’t see how much damage it was doing,” she continued, seeing the confused look on his face, the worry, but she was in her own little thought bubble. Replaying all the things her father and brothers had done to damage the ranch, the family name, the crimes they committed; and all their father saw, was his heirs to a land that was stolen. He didn’t see their incompetence. He didn’t see how easy Jamie was to manipulate and turn to the other side. He didn’t see how much damage he was doing to Kaycee’s family. He would rarely see his wife and son. He wouldn’t be taking Tate fishing or hunting whenever he wanted. He wouldn’t be breaking ponies for a few bucks. Running the ranch was the reason her and her father’s relationship was the way it was. She never saw him. He rarely asked her about her day, or helped her with homework. He had no idea she’d been pregnant and sterilized just an hour down the road. What didn’t he know about his other children? “I let you get treated like shit, and said nothing,” she said, finally catching his eyes. He’d taken off the dark glasses and just stopped to stare at her. But it wasn’t the same stare that made her blush and look away. It made her want to cry. She could see he knew exactly what she was talking about. The bruise was obvious on his face, even if she hadn’t seen the fight happen. She could see he was ready to deflect.
Rip knew she saw the entire fight, just by the hurt look on her face. The devastation and frustration building in her wet eyes. “Beth, I honestly don’t know what the fuck…” he tried, but was cut off.
“I’m sorry about my father,” she said, a little rushed. Feeling that if she didn’t say it, he would never give her a chance to. He was already looking to blame himself, and she couldn’t let that happen. Not the man that lost everything he had at fourteen. Not the man that loved her at fifteen, when she was ignored and ostracized from everyone. When she was just beginning her reign of terror. He loved her so much, and so deeply, unconditionally; they created a life. The man that frequently saved her from herself. “I’m sorry he made you do that,” she sniffled, wiping her nose on the back of her hand, glancing at his understanding face. The man would do anything for her father. He’d already killed for him. She knew he’d die for him. But the loyalty would never be matched. That thought caused an ache in her chest, causing her breath to catch in her throat. “You don’t deserve that,” she whispered, catching his hand. As his fingers brushed down her thigh. He didn’t deserve anything that happened throughout his life. He didn’t deserve to be branded and scarred. He didn’t deserve to be treated worse than a stray dog. He earned respect from everyone on the ranch over the two decades he’s been working. Everyone looked up to him and called for him when shit went sideways. Now, he was back in the same position he started when they first met, and it infuriated her.
Rip didn’t think he deserved anything. He earned everything he had. He didn’t want anything given to him, let alone given back after it was publicly taken away. He wanted to wait it out. Kaycee really didn’t want to be there, he could see it in the man’s face. Somehow he knew, John was the one that wanted him and his family on the property. It wasn’t the young man’s decision. He would eventually get tired of the unspoken duties his father would require of him. It would hurt his marriage, just like it had hurt him and Beth. Her demons and his work ethic kept them apart for way longer than they should have allowed. “That’s not your problem,” he reassured in the only way he knew how. It wasn’t her problem. He made the decision to give John what he wanted. He apologized. He never felt he had to do it. “He’s your father’s son,” he muttered, glancing off in the distance. Looking for the large rock that told him they were only a few minutes from their normal spot. He could already hear the river rushing nearby. The sound that would lull them to sleep for the next few nights. It was always the best sleep they both got. That’s all he cared about.
“Fucking bullshit,” she spat, not able to contain the rage burning in her belly. The anger erupting from her chest. She was tired of playing the Kaycee’s his son card. He deserves it because he’s John Dutton’s baby boy. He’s the future heir anyway. She couldn’t have children. It didn’t look like Jamie wanted them. Tate was the last generation, and would be fighting alone. She’d rather they lose the ranch, than her brothers and father lose everything fighting an endless battle. They deserved to live their own lives; discover their own purpose.
“He’s coddling the fuck out of him, just like our mother did,” she said, more upset and frustrated than angry. He was always being defended, at the expense of someone else. Everything was her and Jamie’s fault when they were younger. Baby boy could do nothing wrong. Didn’t have chores to do every day. Didn’t get a harsh word said in his direction from their parents. While her and Jamie took the blunt of their stern parenting. As he got older and fucked up more, excuses were made, he was barely punished. And now, that favoritism wasn’t just hurting her; it was hurting the man she loved. Having Rip lie and pretend everything was fine, made her more agitated. It was getting ridiculous. “He didn’t earn it. He was given it,” she nearly growled, beyond pissed.
Rip knew, there was gonna be no winning or convincing her everything was fine, no matter what he said. She was pissed. Her mind focused on her anger like a dog with a bone. Until she was finished shredding every last thought apart, she would continue the frustrated rant. AND he would let her. It wasn’t hurting him. It could only help her. “He won the fight, sweetheart,” he sighed, looking away as he lied. He didn’t lie to her frequently. He made a silent promise to himself that he never would, if he could help it. But he would do anything to protect her feelings. He would do anything to not see the look she had on her face.
Beth didn’t hold back the scoff, that got him to suddenly look at her again. The only member of the Dutton family Rip would ever lose a fight against, was her. The only person on the ranch she honestly thought Kaycee could physically overpower, was Jamie. “Do I look like a fucking idiot?” She couldn’t help snapping a little. She was tired of all the men in her life assuming she was a blind moron. Or she was too drunk, drugged, and self centered to care. She was sick of being lied to. “You forgot who you’re talking to, baby,” her eyes connecting with his, forcing herself not to look away. After two decades, she knew everything about the man she loved. She never ever tick, annoyance, pet peeve, and how he normally reacted to being physically challenged. “I know what you’re capable of,” her voice steady for the first time. She’d seen the things he could do with his bare hands. She’d seen him angry enough to see nothing but what was in front of him. Disregard consequence. “Kacye would be dead if you really fought back,” she said with a frustrated roll of her eyes. Her jaw ached from grinding her back teeth. She couldn’t help rubbing the leather of her reigns between her fingers. Focusing on how the material felt. The detail of the stitching and bumps. She didn’t want Rip to kill Kaycee. She didn’t want him to hurt him. But the ass beating came with being boss. Actually earning it, gaining everyone’s respect. He hadn’t done anything but move his family onto the property, because the reservation didn’t want him there for a while. He didn’t have many options.
He knew she was right. He wouldn’t say it out loud, but he knew everything she said, was accurate in one way or another. He knew what he was capable of, that’s how he go in the position he was in. He would do ANYTHING for the Duttons. “Your dad asked me to,” he said with little emotion. It didn’t matter to him what he did all day. He’d rather be on a horse, next to Lloyd, running the cattle. But if his boss wanted to give his son a chance, who was he to disagree. He did hate being back in the bunkhouse. He loved finding Beth sitting in the foreman’s porch, waiting for him. He loved they could close the door and escape the world until morning. After ten years of living there, almost everything reminded him of her. Everywhere he looked she’d either touched, admired, or fucked him against. But they could always go to the cabin if she wanted to sleep next to him. That was usually what she wanted. “What was I supposed to do?” He asked, honestly not sure what the right decision was anymore. It didn’t affect his pay. It didn’t affect how much time they could spend together. It actually kept him closer to the house. She couldn’t find him in the barn any time she wanted. She could stand by the fence and watch him all day long now. But she knew, that wasn’t what he wanted. That’s why she was so furious and frustrate. Why she needed her time away.
“Beat his ass,” she tried not to growl, and cry at the same time. She remembered the gashes and bruises all over Rips body, when she came home to visit, only a few days after. It didn’t stop him from fucking her against the tack room door, within twenty minutes of her arriving him. The second time was much slower, softer. Kissing the bruises down his ribs and back. Shedding a few tears, as she slowly lowered herself onto his hard wet cock. Whispering loving words in his ear, as he gently stroked her back. It was the first time, as an adult woman, she slept next to him. “Make him fucking earn it like you did,” she said, more emotional than angry. Kaycee didn’t have to suffer the physical pain. He didn’t have to sleep on his back for a week, because one of his ribs had been fractured, by someone he was now the boss of. He didn’t nearly have his nose and eye socket broken. He didn’t need stitches, that Rip got, to close the gash on his chin. That was earning it. That was wanting it more than anything. “I’m sick of this shit,” she chocked, as the emotions boiled in her chest. She could feel the tsunami coming, and couldn’t do a damn thing to stop it.
Rip jumped off his horse as soon as they reached their spot. Quickly tethering his horse, and undoing the saddle in record speed. He could probably do it all with his eyes closed, if he were being honest, but he didn’t brag. He was more concerned about her, than taking his time to catch his breath. She was more angry and heartbroken than he’d ever seen her before. When he finally got his saddle thrown to the ground, he glanced behind him, expecting her to be getting her bag and cooler unhooked, before he did the rest for her. Instead, she was still sitting on her horse. And when he looked up at her face, he saw the frustrated tears. Her chin trembling as she chewed her bottom lip. Covering her face with one hand when he tried to coax her down. “Baby…” he whispered, his hand running heavy up her thigh. Thankful she had turned down his offer for chaps, but when he saw the fresh small tears in her jeans, knew she wouldn’t be. But he could feel the heat from her skin through the thin fabric.
It took her another long moment before looking at him, and when she did, the tears fell harder, a sob broke the silence in their valley. It broke something inside Rip as well. “Come here,” he coaxed, allowing her to take her time getting her feet out of the stirrups. He helped her dismount, his hands sliding to her small waist, nearly catching her as she threw her arms around his neck. Crying harder when she was finally in his arms. “It’s okay,” he whispered in her ear, leaving reassuring kisses down her neck. His hands rubbing soothing circles up and down her back, holding her tighter, when he felt her nails digging into her shoulders. He hadn’t realized losing a fight to Kaycee could upset her so much. That doing what her father asked would cause her so much pain and frustration, for him. She was crying for him, when he didn’t even cry for himself. “You’ve gotta take a breath, baby, you’re gonna make yourself sick,” he whispered, listening to her cough between gut wrenching sobs, was the most painful thing he’d ever experienced. He could do nothing, but reassure and comfort, and it didn’t seem that was enough. He couldn’t take back what he did, and her father would never apologize or undo it. All they could do, was accept it. And he knew how hard that was for his blonde, stubborn cowgirl. “If it makes you feel any better, you hit harder than Kaycee,” he tried, nipping at her ear, when she finally took a deep breath, causing her to suddenly laugh. But for a few long minutes, she still didn’t let go.
She couldn’t help but laugh. There was no way for him to know how hard she could throw a punch. She’d never hit Rip. The thought never crossed her mind. She was never angry with him. He could be frustrating, but not enough to make her provoke him like she did Jamie. He respected her too much for it to ever be a consideration. He never tried to control, own or suppress her natural flame. He never tried to tame her. For that alone, she loved him. “I need to ask you something,” she whispered against his cheek. Intending to wait until they set up camp before dropping her latest bomb, but she couldn’t wait. She didn’t want to. It still took her a few more long minutes to pull away. Taking her time to breathe him in, kiss his neck; just feel his hard body against hers.
“Anything,” he husked low in her ear, kissing her neck and shoulder, before letting her pull away.
“If I leave, will you go with me?” She asked, the tears still slowly sliding down her flushed cheeks. She let him wipe them away, or at least try. Still terrified he’d say no. She’d turned him down so many times, ran away, left him without so much as a fuck you; if he said no, she deserved it.
“I can’t live in the city, Beth,” he said gently, brushing her cheek with the back of his hand. Waiting for the devastated sobs to begin. Or the anger to appear.
“Not the city,” she reassured, stepping back enough to pull sale ad from the back pocket. Still a little unsure about what she’d done. She’d thought it through a thousand times. She did the finances in her head like it was nothing. She made budget sheets and researched the area. But she hadn’t discussed it with him. She hadn’t sat him down and bought it together. She hadn’t asked if he wanted to run a ranch. “Here…” she mumbled, handing over the picture of what she’d done. To her, the property was perfect. The isolation. The violence and possessiveness they could leave behind. A place they could start over and just be Beth and Rip. Not the right hand man of the largest privately owned ranch in Montana. She didn’t have to be the daughter of John Dutton. They didn’t have to carry the responsibility of Yellowstone.
Rip took the picture, but couldn’t stop looking at Beth’s face. The sweet, innocent, curious look in her eyes, that always made him feel fifteen again. Falling in love with her like it was the first time. It didn’t matter what was in the picture. He had the entire frame when he looked into her pure green eyes. They could build the rest. “What is this?” He knew what it was, but he needed her to say the words out loud. He needed to hear that she wanted it. That it wasn’t just for him.
“Our ranch…” she whispered, having to swallow hard to push the broken sob back into her chest. But he heard it. Rip didn’t even look at the picture. His eyes never left hers, until he kissed her temple, her tear stained cheek. She couldn’t stop the shaky breath that passed her lips. The gentleness and carefulness he always showed, made her want him even more. “7000 acres. Not a town for fifty miles. The nearest airport is four hours away. No government or reservation feuds. No more fights,” she whispered, resting her head on his shoulder, as the adrenaline slowly faded from her body. The anger and agitation dissipating into a cloud of dust. The fight as over. They could finally breathe. “I bought it this morning,” she continued, kissing his neck, as his arms wrapped around her back. “All we have to do, is build it.” The small house and big barn were finished. The realtor confirmed it could use basic repairs, but everything was ready to go. All they had to do, was put cattle on it. Build a bunkhouse for additional cowboys in the future.
She said we; that’s all Rip heard. Everything else vanished from his mind. He didn’t care what she was asking. She was finally committing. She wanted a life with him. She wanted to build something with him. He gently ran his fingers along her cheek, down her neck. Grazing her lips, until he heard a barely audible whimper. “Why did you do this?” He whispered, teasing just enough to keep her brain focused.
Beth had to swallow hard, licking her dry lips. Rip was rarely playful. He rarely teased her, knowing she didn’t always appreciate it. But when they were both in the right mood, it made her blush. It caused a fire to burn under her skin. It caused her to forget everything else, see nothing else, but him. It was a very freeing feeling. “Because I want you; and I want you happy,” she said for the first time. A few stray tears sliding down her cheek, as she saw a brightness and calm settle in Rips eyes. A love shinning back at her that she’d never seen or felt. When his lips finally covered hers, she felt an explosion in her chest, that took her breath. All the walls she spent decades building, all the armor she had perfectly place around her, shattered. All the defenses she had perfected were forgotten. She kissed him with a passion she’d kept locked away.
Rip let her lead, she needed it. He’d never felt her be so free. He never saw her with every wall down, sarcastic remark turned off, or without a thousand things surfing through her head. She kissed him like it was the first time. Hungry to feel and taste more of him. “You make me happy,” he whispered against her lips. Only pulling away to catch his breath, before devouring her mouth again. Nipping and licking her bottom lip. Tasting her tongue, until she was a whimpering mess all over again. Passing the point of celebrating and loving her, to igniting the arousal in her belly.
She melted into him, as he kissed her the second time. Letting him lead. Giving him everything she had to offer. Opening herself to him, and letting him taste her. She couldn’t help the whimper that left her chest. She couldn’t help the way his mouth was causing the bubbling arousal she’d pushed down all morning, to finally spill over. She didn’t care about setting up camp. She didn’t care about a tent of sleeping bags, or the dirt she would be covered in. She wanted him. She wanted all of him. “Is that a yes?” She moaned, as his hands squeezed her ass, lifting her before she could protest. Not that she would.
Rip lifted her like she weighed nothing, because to him, she didn’t. She was probably the lightest thing he lifted all day. His hands gripping the back of her thighs, as he felt her strong legs wrap around his back. Her hands resting on his shoulders, as he supported her. Kissing her lovingly as she slowly smiled. The tears finally forgotten. Her eyes a bright clear green. She was happy. That’s all he ever wanted. “God, yes,” he muttered, kissing her again.