Chapter Text
Episode I: Meet me at Tpiskaw, Part I
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Kristal stands in front of a boardwalk on a large island.
Kristal: “We're coming live at ya from Camp Tpiskaw, in Northern Ontario! Very shortly, 16 contestants will arrive on this island, where they will have to battle poisonous plants, insane wildlife, the harsh weather, and most importantly, each other.”
She walks past the elimination area, adorned with tree stumps and a large unlit campfire. It faces the boardwalk she was standing at.
Kristal: “The contestants will be split in two teams, where they will compete against each other in grueling challenges! Every episode, the losing team will go to elimination, where they will have to vote someone out. This process will repeat until there is only one contestant standing.”
Kristal approaches a treasure chest, being held up by Oliver, an intern. He looks like he's struggling to hold it on his own. Kristal opens it, revealing many stacks of dollar bills.
Kristal: “The sole survivor will receive... One... Million... Dollars! Along with bragging rights, stardom, all the other stuff, yadda yadda. In case they blow all the money in a week.”
An air horn sounds in the distance.
Kristal: “Aaaand that sound means the first boat is here! Let's go meet the contestants!”
Cut to the boardwalk. A boat is approaching carrying Dan Carter (The Know-It-All), a 19-year old Canadian national with a purple hoodie, glasses, and a purple beanie. He waves at the camera.
(Confessional: Dan)
Dan: “Hey. Dan Carter here. I'm a university student that's uh, well, maybe a few years ahead.”
Dan's backstory montage and theme begins playing. As he speaks, there are clips of him unpacking luggage at his dorm room, scrubbing a counter at the university lab, talking to friends at a dining hall, and frantically scribbling notes in an advanced differential calculus class.
Dan: “So. I'm kinda a know-it-all. And all my friends know that about me. I'm about two years ahead of my peers and... honestly it makes me feel a bit out of place. Like, I'm taking differential calculus with mostly seniors, and as a freshman it was kind of hard to fit in.”
Clips of Dan sitting alone while studying, getting taunted by bullies, and walking alone with an umbrella during the rain play next.
Dan: “My family's been supportive of me, um, a little bit, but they keep insisting I stand on my own two feet. But with the kind of classes I'm taking and the degree I'm pursuing, well, there's only so many scholarships out there.”
The montage ends and Dan is still in the confessional area, sitting on a tree stump.
Dan: “I guess the problem is, I'm not really interested in being an engineer... or a doctor... or a lawyer... or an architect or a programmer or whatever. I just like learning things and asking questions. And that doesn't really pay very well. But if I win the money, that'll be enough for me to spend my free time pursuing whatever I want to pursue!”
(End Confessional)
Dan steps off the boat and greets Kristal.
Dan: “Hey, uh. You sure you got the right place? This looks a little different than the brochure?”
He gestures to the island, which looks rundown, dirty, and cheap, and holds up a brochure that makes the island look expensive and snazzy.
Kristal: “Yep! This is the right place!”
Dan: “Huh. It looked a lot different in the application.”
Kristal: “And that's why the network hired over twenty world-class lawyers! Technically everything on the application is true. But no need to worry about that now, you're all gonna enjoy being miserable for the next 39 days!”
Dan frowns. The next boat arrives and Nasa Andris (The Conspiracy Theorist) steps off- A 22 year old American wearing a dark purple unzipped hoodie with a white T-shirt underneath.
Nasa: “Yeah. This doesn't look anything like the brochure.”
Dan: “Wait. There aren't even cabins! Where are we gonna sleep?”
Kristal: “In the grass!”
Kristal smiles widely and spreads out her arms, much to Nasa and Dan's dismay.
Nasa: “Man. With a budget so high, I would have thought the network's finance department could afford to at least build cabins. It would be a shame if it turned out the producers were embezzling the show’s budget or something.”
Kristal shoots him a concerned and angry look, but Dan and Nasa smile at each other.
(Confessional: Nasa)
Nasa: “What? I'm not gonna come on the biggest reality TV show to premiere in 25 years without doing my research first.”
Nasa shoots the camera an exaggerated smile, then whispers.
Nasa: “Can't get the prize money if the show gets sued for fraud- Gotta make sure our hostess understands that.”
(End Confessional)
The next boat arrives. Hunter Page (The Player), a 23 year old Canadian national wearing a gray shirt with a matching skull necklace waves at the camera. Suddenly, a shark jumps out of the water and literally bites off the top of the boat. Hunter panics and runs onto the dock. Dan and Nasa also freak out while Kristal just laughs. Kristal is more unhinged in this timeline, the reasons for this will be explained later.
Hunter: “What the heck!? Did you guys have to pick an island surrounded by shark-infested water!?”
Kristal: “Correction. Man-eating shark-infested water!”
Dan: “How do sharks even live in The Hudson Bay...? This isn't their standard migration pattern... There's no substantial food for them here either...”
Kristal: “We brought them here!”
Nasa: “Seems legit.”
Hunter: “That is not cool. That shark could have killed me! Or that random intern!”
The camera briefly pans over to Oliver. He's cleaning a section of the boardwalk when the same shark from earlier jumps out of the water, scaring him.
Dan: “Well, shark attacks have a near 0% fatality rate if you handle them properly. It's easy to stay safe with a basic understanding of marine life psychology and behavioral science. Basically-”
Kristal: “Yawn! Oh, the next contestant is here! Everyone say hello to Ella!”
Ella Tremaine (The Fairytale Princess), a 16 year old French-Canadian singer with a pink dress, pink bow tie, and pink slippers, waves at the camera. The shark from earlier approaches her boat menacingly, but then she waves at the shark, and its expression goes from menacing to docile instantaneously and it stops.
Dan: “See, marine life psychology.”
Hunter: “I don't think that's marine life psychology.”
Ella's heels clack as she steps onto the boardwalk.
(Confessional: Ella)
Ella: “Your fairy tale princess is here!”
Several animals from the island, mainly birds and rabbits, suddenly come rushing out of the forest and surround Ella, all clearly happy.
Ella's backstory montage and theme begins. There are clips of her performing in various plays across several venues. She is dressed up in all sorts of different costumes and takes many different roles, but the most prominent role she takes on is the traditional fairy tale princess, inspired by Snow White (not any of the remakes, the original).
Ella: “I'm a world-class singer and actress. Favorite play? Romeo and Juliet! Favorite movie? Snow White! The original! Favorite musical? Well... I don't think I have a favorite, I love them all... Beauty of The Beast? Or Phantom of the Opera, perhaps?”
The montage continues, however, it takes a dramatic turn as many of her performances are shown ending one after another, with mixed receptions from the audience. Some cheer, some boo, and some throw various objects and food items at her, causing her to run away. The last shot shows posters of her being vandalized with graffiti, torn up, burnt, and thrown in the trash.
Ella: “I know it sounds generic but... You just can't change the classics! They hit differently, with love, with... a certain kind of energy that just lights up the room! Other plays make people sad and angry and... and... well... A lot of people might criticize me for my Disney princess persona, but you really have to be positive... That's how you attract positive energy. If you're negative and grumpy all the time, you won't be able to see the good in life and you'll just be miserable all the time.”
Ella frowns. The montage ends. A rabbit holds onto the tree stump she's sitting on and she pets it. She smiles again.
Ella: “I guess, that's really all I wanna do, is put a smile on people's faces. Including my furry friends here, hehe!”
(End Confessional)
Ella: “A great adventure, we begin! 🎵 Point your head up with your chin! 🎵 “
She skips along the dock, pointing Dan's chin up, turning a neutral look from Nasa to a grin with her index finger, and making Hunter briefly spin around trying to follow her.
Ella: “Turn that frown into a grin! 🎵 Today we cheer and jump and spin! 🎵 “
Ella bows gracefully.
Ella: “So glad to meet you, I can't wait to go on this journey together!”
Dan: “Um, actually, we're gonna be stationary for most of the season.”
Nasa: “I think she means a metaphorical journey.”
Nasa's tone is sarcastic. Hunter smiles genuinely. Dan just seems confused about what happened. Everyone is clearly coping differently to this supernatural event. Another boat appears, this one carrying Ellie Parker (The Minimum Wage Worker), a 22 year old American national with ginger hair, freckles, and a gray button up shirt. She gets off the boat to stand with the others.
Kristal: “Ellie, you missed the fun with man-eating sharks.”
Ellie: “Wait, what? Man-eating sharks?”
Ellie's normal dry tone is replaced with a scared one.
Nasa: “Yeah. To viewers at home, that shark from earlier was not CGI. That actually happened.”
Dan: “Hmm, actually, if it makes you feel better, most sharks don't actually target humans, much less eat them. It probably felt threatened and just went after the boat.”
Ella: “Poor thing! It was so afraid.”
Ellie: “Right... This is comforting.”
Ellie's tone indicates obvious sarcasm.
Hunter: “Tell me about it...”
Kristal: “Oh look, the next boat has two contestants!”
The next boat arrives, carrying Lake Müller (The Prodigy Girl), a 16 year old German national with straight blonde hair and a conservative skirt, and Lynda Anderson (The Housewife), a 51-year old ethnic Danish, American national with blonde hair, green eyes, and a white sheath dress (whatever that means). The two converse while on the boat.
Lynda: “You said yer how old?”
Lake: “Sixteen.”
Lynda: “Uff-da! Wowsies, in a foreign country all by yourself?”
Lake: “Ja. How old vere you again?”
Lynda: “Oh... I'm old... 51...”
Lake: “Oh! You look good for your age!”
Lynda: “An’ you look mature.”
The two exit the boat and join the others.
(Confessional: Lynda)
Lynda: “Oh, okey. I may be old, and I might not look like very much... But this gal is in it to win it! Just you wait. I've watched dozens of reality shows several times over, and I know how ruthless they can be. This gal came prepared.”
(End Confessional)
Kristal: “Lake, all the way from Germany. And Lynda, from Minnesota, or as we like to call it... Budget Canada!”
Lake: “Vow, this island looks... Weird.”
Hunter: “Yeah, false advertising.”
Lynda: “Well good, this ain't another fake reality TV show with 14 naked male models trapped in a mansion together.”
There are mixed reactions to Lynda's bluntness.
Kristal: “Speaking of reality TV... Our next contestant doesn't even know what that is! Say hello to Ezekiel, AKA the Zekemeister!”
The next boat arrives, carrying Ezekiel Friedman (The Homeschooled Guy), a 16 year old homeschooled Jewish Canadian. He wears a beanie and looks incredibly poor.
Ezekiel: “What's up, y’all? It's ya boy, Zeke in the house! Yeeeah!”
Some people cringe from his dialogue as he steps off the boat.
Dan: “Sick beanie.”
Ezekiel: “Yeah, beanie bros, eh?”
Dan and Ezekiel fist bump.
Ezekiel: “So when we gettin’ started? I'm ready to win this comp hands down!”
Kristal: “Haha, first we gotta introduce the other team!”
Ellie: “Team? So we're all on a team together?”
Kristal: “That's right! The eight of you make up the teal team! Get to know each other very well because if you lose a challenge, you'll have to vote for someone to go home.”
Ezekiel: “Yeah, well that won't be me eh!”
Ella: “Ooh, your enthusiasm is so welcome! We are gonna be the greatest team in the history of teams!”
Lynda crosses her arms. Ella goes to high five Ezekiel. Dan, Hunter, Ellie, and Nasa all exchange various neutral-adjacent glances. Lake just looks determined.
(Confessional: Lake)
Lake: “Oh yeah, vee have gott brains, brawns, and beauty! Our team is gonna be the best! Bring it on!”
(End Confessional)
Kristal: “Next we'll be introducing your opponents, the purple team! Here comes the first one now! Say hello to Priya!”
The boat carries Priya Sherazi (The Novice At Everything), a 16 year old ethnic Indian wearing blue jeans and a headband. She eagerly waves toward the camera.
(Confessional: Priya)
Priya: “My whole life, my parents have been training me to compete on reality TV! They were huge fans of Survivor when it first aired, and they've been training me my entire life just in case a more modern series premiered!”
Priya's backstory montage and theme begins playing. She is shown in an awards hall with dozens of gold trophies.
Priya: “My first bungee jump was from my own umbilical cord!”
Clips begin playing, showing Priya's parents giving birth to her on top of a mountain and literally throwing her off to bungee jump using her mother's umbilical cord, her at 4 years old, climbing a rock wall with a bear chasing her, and her more recently fighting her father with a duelling stick.
Priya: “Crazy challenges? I've done em all. Other contestants? Pssh, piece of cake!”
The clips end.
Priya: “I am going to win the first season of Disventure Camp hands down, and it won't even be close! And I'm gonna make my parents proud!”
(End Confessional)
Priya does a summersault onto the dock.
Kristal: “Priya, ready for this season?”
Priya: “Oh, you bet!”
Kristal: “Excellent! You're our first member of the Purple Team! And joining you is our next contestant... Alejandro!”
She is quickly followed by Alejandro Burromuerto (The Arch Villain), an 18-year old Hispanic boy with a red shirt that's slightly open. As soon as he appears, Priya and Ella gaze upon him in awe. Lake tries to avert her gaze. Ellie rolls her eyes, and Lynda, Nasa, Hunter, and Dan just exchange concerned looks. Ezekiel looks oblivious to what's happening.
Alejandro: “Ladies, gentlemen, I look forward to playing with you and against you, may the best man... or woman win.”
Alejandro does a summersault off the boat and approaches Priya, who immediately blushes. He then approaches Ella, who is staring at his muscles, but Lynda stops him.
Lynda: “Sorry bud, but you and her are on the other team over yonder.”
Lake breathes a sigh in relief.
Priya: “Eee, we're gonna be on the same team!”
(Confessional: Priya)
Priya: “EEE, we could totally be a power couple- I mean what? No, I am NOT ever gonna be distracted by a relationship in this game! I'm in this to win it! Even if he is hot...”
(End Confessional)
(Confessional: Alejandro)
Alejandro: “Mhm. So this is the competition I'll be facing. Not too shabby for some of them. This might be a bit harder than I was expecting, but make no mistake, I will win this season.”
He smiles at the camera and his teeth sparkle.
(End Confessional)
Priya and Alejandro are standing on the other side of the dock when the next boat arrives, carrying Connor Blake (The Adultescant), a 49 year old Canadian national with gray hair, cargo shirts, and a burgundy polo shirt, is introduced next. He waves at the other contestants and tries unnecessarily hard to blend in with the cast.
Connor: “Hey y'all, what's crack-a-lackin? Cool place amirite?”
Ellie: “No, this place is not cool.”
Connor rubs the back of his head awkwardly.
Connor: “Oh right, correctamundo, haha...”
Alejandro: “Welcome to our team, friend, I'm sure your inherent wisdom will be quite valuable in the coming days.”
Connor: “Haha, thanks bro, you are the man, you know that? Like for real! You are the man, give me five right here!”
Connor holds up his hand for a high five, and Alejandro reluctantly and awkwardly takes it.
The next boat arrives, carrying Brick McArthur (The Cadet), a 16 year old Canadian cadet with a crew cut and a military uniform.
Brick: “Cadet McArthur, reporting for duty! Which of these two fine teams will I be assigned to?”
Brick salutes and Kristal gestures to the purple team. She smiles.
Kristal: “That one over there. At ease, soldier.”
Brick: “Yes ma'am!”
He steps off the boat and approaches the others.
Brick: “Pleased to meet you, sirs and ma'am, I look forward to competing alongside you and serving as a valuable team member.”
(Confessional: Brick)
Brick: “My whole life has been devoted to serving others, starting with my family, and then my troop leader. I hope I can serve my team well, and that my loyalty will win me the million dollar prize and more importantly, recognition for my cadet branch!”
(End Confessional)
Alejandro: “Welcome aboard, my friend!”
Connor smirks and goes to fist bump Brick. Brick accepts, breaking formation.
Connor: “Hip, dude. With you and me and Priya and Al here, we've got this down lock, high key.”
Alejandro’s eye twitches.
Priya: “Yeah, our team is already stronger than the other team!”
At that exact moment, the next boat arrives, carrying Fiorella “Fiore” Ricci (The Manipulative Girl), a 6 year old Italian girl wearing a lavender shirt with cat ears on them. The entire cast looks shocked as she steps off the boat.
Ellie: “Is that a child?”
Kristal: “Yes, that is a child!”
Hunter: “She looks like she's 7.”
Fiore: “Umm, hi everyone.”
Connor: “Hey little girl, how old are you?”
Fiore looks scared.
Fiore: “I'm six.”
Lake: “Six!?”
Lynda: “Oh gee, why are you here? Where are your parents?”
Fiore: “I dunno... My parents needed money so they agreed to send me here... This is all really scary...”
Lynda: “Ugh. That's so irresponsible of them.”
Brick: “Don't worry, miss. I will be sure to protect you.”
Fiore: “Awww, thank you!”
Fiore's eyes sparkle. Lake bats an eye at Lynda's comment. Priya and Alejandro do not look too happy. Fiore stands between Brick and Connor, who are watching over her as the next boat arrives, carrying Julia Callaway (The Influencer), a 16-year old blonde American “new-age hippie” influencer, who is laying on the boat in style.
(Confessional: Julia)
Julia: “Soooo, a little bit about me...”
Julia's backstory montage and theme begins playing, showing clips of her meditating on a mat in the woods and in a zen garden, and talking on a livestream in a makeup studio and in a hot tub.
Julia: “I think this show is such an amazing platform for me to share my personal light and positive energy with the world! I'm an influencer, a model brand ambassador, and a proud citizen of Mother Earth! I cannot wait to start my journey of self-discovery on Disventure Camp!”
The clips show her taking selfies and posing in various other locations, including on a fashion runway, a surfing area, and atop a snowing mountain.
Julia: “Live in the sunshine, swim in the sea, drink the wild air! Crystals are real! Prayer hands emoji!”
(End Confessional)
Kristal: “Julia! Welcome, your team is-”
Julia abruptly grabs Kristal and takes a selfie with the two of them.
Julia: “Sorry, could you? Thaaanks! Growing, hashtag, my journey begins!”
She walks off. Kristal looks incredibly annoyed.
Kristal: “Um, hello? Remember that legal blah blah contract you signed?”
Kristal holds up a folder with paperwork in it while approaching Julia, who looks up from texting on her phone.
Kristal: “No phones or electronic devices are allowed during the show.”
Julia: “Uhhh, but how am I supposed to grow as a person if I'm not telling my followers that I'm growing as a person?”
Kristal: “You don't! Now, give Oliver your phone!”
Oliver appears with a cardboard box. Julia sighs and hands her phone to him. He puts it in the box.
Kristal: “And your other phones?”
Julia's eyes go wide and she puts two more phones in the box.
Julia: “Okay, that's it, I swear on mother nature.”
Kristal: “Uh huh...”
Kristal waves a metal detector across Julia's body, revealing another phone in her hair which falls out and into the box Oliver is carrying.
Oliver: “Hnngh.”
Kristal: “Oh, come on Oliver, it's just a few phones. The box can't be that heavy.”
Julia: “Alright, that's all my phones, for realsies!”
Kristal: “Perfect. Join your team over there. In the meantime, here comes Jo!”
Joanne “Jo” Gagnon (The Take No Prisoners Jockette), a 16 year old Canadian jockette who looks like a man, or at least a tomboy, stomps off the boat.
Jo: “Outta the way, freaky girl. I'm here to clean house.”
She approaches her team.
Alejandro: “Ah, you're strong, graceful, and beautif-”
Jo: “Cool it, Latinx lover. I'm not interested.”
Brick salutes Jo.
Brick: “Brick McArthur. Honored to be your teammate.”
Jo: “Pfft. Teamwork is for nerds. I'm here to win. And I'll win all these challenges with or without all of you, got it?”
(Confessional: Jo)
Jo: “Where I'm from, you gotta be strong. Especially me, because I'm a girl. I mean business, and I don't care what anyone else thinks about me.”
(End Confessional)
Kristal: “Spicy introduction! Last but certainly not least, everyone welcome Diego!”
Diego Olivo (The Lover), a 21 year old Colombian tour guide in a tour guide outfit steps off the boat next. He has a pet iguana on his shoulder. Ella and Julia run up to him, while Alejandro approaches him slowly.
Diego: “Hola amigos!”
Alejandro: “Nice to see a fellow charmer.”
Alejandro bows, and Diego smiles at him.
Julia: “O. M. G. I love your vibe! Hashtag boat tour?”
Diego: “Why thank you, miss.”
Ella: “Aww, did that iguana come with you?”
Diego: “Why yes, he has a certain fondness for me, and I could not say no. Unfortunately, it's time for us to part ways now, I fear this island is too dangerous for him.”
Oliver approaches with a small cage, which he opens up, and Diego gently slides the iguana in the cage.
Diego: “Don't worry, my friend, we'll be seeing each other again.”
Alejandro: “You are a noble man.”
Ella holds her hand out for the iguana to nuzzle against before Oliver carries the cage away.
Ella: “Goodbye, sweet prince!”
Kristal: “And so we have our two teams!”
The camera briefly lingers on each contestant as Kristal calls out their name.
Kristal: “The Teal Team consists of Dan, Nasa, Hunter, Ella, Ellie, Lake, Lynda, and Ezekiel. And The Purple Team consists of Priya, Alejandro, Connor, Brick, Fiore, Julia, Jo, and Diego!”
Ezekiel: “Let’s get this party started, eh!”
Priya: “Yeah, woo!”
Most of the contestants cheer or look excited. A long shot shows all of their expressions.
Kristal: “Alright, your first challenge will be starting very soon, but first, we need to take care of a little more housekeeping.”
Dan: “Is this the part where you introduce the staff?”
Kristal frowns.
Kristal: “I was hoping it would be more dramatic, but yes.”
She claps her hands and several staff members begin to walk out. The intern from earlier, Oliver Bennet, is a 27 year old Canadian national with glasses and a cheap staff uniform. He looks very nervous.
Kristal: “This is Oliver, our intern. Now, did you make that cup of coffee I asked for?”
Oliver: ‘H-Here it is, Miss Kristal!”
Oliver hands Kristal a cup of coffee, which she gladly takes and sips from, before spitting it out in Oliver's face.
Kristal: “Oliver!? Can you do anything right? This is a mocha latte and I asked for a regular latte! And it's stone cold! Heat it up more and get it right!”
Oliver: “Y-Yes, Miss Kristal!”
Kristal thrusts the cup in Oliver's hands and he takes it, hurrying off screen.
Ella: “So cruel...”
Jo: “Yadda yadda, it's a cruel world. He should've gotten it right the first time.”
Next, Marcus Reiner, a 56 year old former Canadian soldier and combat medic, appears, accompanied by what appears to be a hand doll, Nina.
Kristal: “Everyone, this is Marcus, he's our boat driver, medic, and certified transportation and maintenance expert. If you feel sick or have any other problems, please come to him.”
Marcus: “Howdy, everyone.”
Hunter: “Uh, what's with the doll?”
Everyone thinks that Marcus is making the doll talk.
Nina: “Did you just call me a doll? I'll have you know I'm a being that's multiple orders of magnitude stronger than you are. You're a bacterium compared to my power. I'm a dozen levels of sentience ahead of you, insolent fool!”
Marcus: “Hey, Nina, play nice.”
Everyone just blinks and looks at each other weirdly. Hunter in particular looks shocked.
Nina: “Do I have to?”
Marcus: “We're supposed to look after these people, not hurt or insult them.”
Nina: “Ugh... Fine... But if they try to do anything weird, I'll cut their arms off in their sleep, then tie them up and feed the rest of them alive to the carrion birds!”
Diego: “Umm, I'm not the only one weirded out by him, right? Like, I can't be.”
Connor: “Haha, he's just a stage actor or something... That doll’s just a very cool prop.”
Nina: “I said I'm not a doll!”
Marcus: “Nina!”
Fiore: “I'm really scared... He's creepy...”
Brick: “Don't worry, miss. He's just a war veteran who's suffered his share of post traumatic stress disorder.”
Jo: “Or just a creep.”
Brick: “Hey!”
Nina: “Whatever.”
Kristal: “Ahem. Last but not least, this is Jensen.”
Vladimir Jensen, a 51-year old ethnic Russian(?) Scottish national, joins Kristal, Markus, and Nina. He has gray hair but also looks incredibly buff.
Kristal: “Jensen is trained in handling wild animals, and will be there to protect you should you run into any man-eating sharks, man-eating bears, man-eating crocodiles, man-eating bats, man-eating beavers, or anything else!”
Kristal laughs a little bit during that last part.
Dan: “Uh, crocodiles aren't native to Ontario.”
Kristal: “Which is why we brought them here!”
Diego: “Poor crocodiles...”
Ellie: “This has to be against the contracts...”
Kristal: “Jensen will also help out with maintenance and most of the dirty work around here, and if I'm not around, he's the second in charge, so make sure you address any issues to him if I'm busy.”
Jensen: “Aye. And if ye don't need somethin’, stay outta my way, I'm busy.”
At this point, Oliver runs to Kristal holding another cup of coffee. Oliver is out of breath.
Oliver: “Miss Kristal!”
Kristal: “Finally! What took you so long?”
Kristal takes a sip of the coffee and immediately spits it out.
Kristal: “Did you dump a whole bag of sugar into here? This tastes like a McDonald's ice cream cone!”
Oliver: “I'm sorry, Miss Kristal!”
Kristal: “Ugh.”
(Confessional: Connor)
Connor shivers.
Connor: “Ugh. I’d never want to work for someone like her. Yikes.”
(End Confessional)
Kristal: “Well, we've wasted enough screentime for this episode on introductions! Who's ready for your first challenge!?”
Most of the cast cheers.
Ezekiel: “Yeah, eh! Bring it on!”
Lake: “Let's do zis!”
Priya: “Oh, you guys are on! We're gonna win this hands down!”
Jo: “Yeah. Suck it, losers!”
Kristal: “Great enthusiasm! This won't be an elimination episode, but who wants to know what you're playing for?”
Connor: “I do, yo!”
Julia: “Hashtag self growth, please be avocado toast.”
Dan: “Avocado toast is actually unhealthy...”
Nasa: “Everything’s unhealthy now, they're loaded with chemicals and preservatives from the deep state to keep us addicted and sick.”
Kristal laughs halfheartedly.
Kristal: “Sounds like you won't be missing any of the luxuries of civilization. This game will be no joke. When you arrive at your campsites, you will find a small machete and an old pot, and that is literally it. You'll have to find food and water and build a shelter entirely on your own.”
Lynda: “Wow. First reality TV show in 20 years without air conditioning or a refrigerator somewhere.”
Lynda crosses her arms. Kristal continues.
Kristal: “You may find it easier to survive if you can build a fire, but that's the true challenge out here when you're battling in mother nature...”
There is a close-up shot of multiple packs of waterproof matches and a tinderbox.
Kristal: “But with 50 waterproof matches, starting a fire and keeping it going should be a lot easier.”
(Confessional: Ellie)
Ellie: “By the looks of it, nobody on my team knows the first thing about how to start a fire, and neither do I. That means we need to win these matches. Any means necessary.”
(End Confessional)
Ezekiel: “You're on, eh!?”
Alejandro: “So, what do we need to do to win those matches?”
Jensen hands Alejandro and Ezekiel two maps.
Kristal: “These are maps that lead to your campsites. Get there as quickly as possible and start building a shelter for tonight. Oh, and word of warning, it looks like it's probably gonna rain, and you might run into wild wolves or bears too...”
Fiore hides behind Brick. Some of the sterner or more hardened contestants either give no reaction or just roll their eyes. Everyone else looks pretty nervous.
Kristal: “Don't worry, they won't attack you. ...Maybe. Hahaha! Anyway, in eight hours, right when it gets dark, me, Marcus, and Jensen will come by and grade your shelters based on fashion, structure, and practicality respectfully. In other words, how snazzy and trendy does it look? Will it actually hold up well against a storm or against a bear? And can you actually sleep in it and get in and out easily?”
(Confessional: Lynda)
Lynda frowns.
Lynda: “Ohhh, my husband always does all the home improvement stuff around the house. I'm as useful in this challenge as a cake with no icing or sugar...”
(End Confessional)
(Confessional: Julia)
Julia is texting on a phone she somehow smuggled in.
Julia: “Ugh. Hashtag lame, bored emoji. Building stuff, is like, so not trendy. Especially if we have to kill trees? Like, hashtag save the trees.”
She pauses for a second.
Julia: “Oh, by the way, you can follow me on Instagram at-”
The confessional mutes and goes to 4x speed because the network's editor does not want to allow this.
Julia: “-is @QueenJulia16. Thanks for the support, kisses!”
(End Confessional)
Kristal: “Your eight hours starts... Now!”
Kristal blows an air horn and both teams start running forward into the woods, with Ezekiel and Alejandro leading the way for their teams. A timer appears briefly on-screen, ticking down from eight hours one second at a time.
----------------------------------------------------------------
The Teal Team is sprinting through the woods, following Ezekiel who is running forward but not paying much attention to the map.
Lynda: “Hey! Slow down... This gal’s already tired... Ain't used to workin’ out this hard...”
Ellie: “We need to keep moving if we want to win this challenge.”
Hunter: “Yeah, I second that.”
Nasa: “Uh, where exactly are we going?”
Ezekiel: “Uh, I've kinda just been following the squiggly line. We should be getting close by now.”
Lake: “I don't see our camp though. Are you sure we went the right way?”
Ezekiel: “Uh, yeah, eh? Give this little brother some faith, he was the number one searcher in the pig fest on the family farm! I beat moms and pops at the same time last year, and all my older brothers!”
Lynda and Nasa roll their eyes. Hunter and Lake exchange awkward glances.
Dan: “Umm, dude, the map is upside down.”
Ezekiel: “Oh... Crap.”
Lynda: “So, where the heck are we exactly!?”
Ezekiel: “Uh... In the woods, eh?”
Nasa: “Wow, I didn't know that.”
Hunter: “Dude, if you don't know how to read a map why didn't you give it to one of us instead!?”
Ezekiel: “Well uh, my parents focused on teaching my brothers how to read first and-”
Hunter looks furious. Everyone else just looks annoyed, except Ella and Lake.
Ellie: “Yup. We're screwed.”
Hunter: “Do you at least know where we are?’
Ezekiel: “Uhhh...”
A couple rabbits hop up to Ella. She leans forward, allowing one to hop on her shoulder.
Ella: “Oh, what's that? You guys can help us find our camp?”
Nasa: “Wow. Don’t worry everyone, our resident animal whisperer is gonna save us.”
One of the rabbits hops over to Nasa and then bites his leg.
Nasa: “OH GOD what the fuck!?”
Nasa kicks the rabbit off his leg and into a nearby tree, knocking it unconscious.
Ella: “Hey! The animals are our friends!”
Nasa: “It BIT me!”
(Confessional: Nasa)
Nasa: “Yeah. I hate animals.”
(End Confessional)
Ella is skipping along slowly, following the animals. Most of the group follows closely behind, while Ezekiel is still struggling to read the map near the back. Hunter approaches him, and Ezekiel still looks frustrated.
Hunter: “Dude, we’re gonna be fine. You read the map backwards, it’s no biggie.”
Ezekiel: “Oh, I dunno...”
Hunter: “Hey, it’s cool. Seriously.”
Ezekiel just hangs his head.
(Confessional: Ezekiel)
Ezekiel: “I’m tryin’ my best eh, but, I dunno...”
Ezekiel’s backstory montage and theme starts playing. There are several clips of him doing hard labor on his family farm, clearing out fields, raking leaves, planting seeds, watering crops, and picking various different finished crops. The clips highlight the scale of the farm as he speaks.
Ezekiel: “I dunno a lot about this whole city thing, it’s always just been me and ma ‘n’ pa ‘n my sisters and bros. I spent my entire life workin’ on the farm, every single day.”
The clips shift to him taking care of and feeding cows, pigs, and chickens, and cleaning up the barn. Then, there are many clips of his parents homeschooling him and him hanging out with his brothers and sisters, including drinking from a bottle of beer together and one of his older brothers showing him how to ride a moose.
Ezekiel: “Pa just said we needed more people to help out on the farm, but he didn’t wanna go around payin’ money to get other people’s help, cuz money’s kinda important, eh? So he had my brothers and sisters ‘n then me, then all the younger folk. Pa couldn’t afford to send us to school, so he just homeschooled us, we took turns learnin’ how to count and read and stuff and working on the farm.”
The clips end.
Ezekiel: “I guess I’ve always wanted to get out and see the world, eh? Just never got the chance until now. Ma and pa weren’t happy when they found out I put in an audition for Disventure Camp, but when they found out the prize was a million dollars, they totally flipped and let me come here. It’s... already been a lot, man, but I know I can do this. I know I can win and make ma and pa ‘n my brothers proud!”
(End Confessional)
Hunter: “She tamed a shark that bit the top off my boat, dude. I think a couple of bunnies and birds are gonna be no big deal. I mean, if she can communicate with a shark, she can animal whisper a couple of bunnies.”
Ezekiel: “Well yeah, but she’s still a girl. Eh?”
Hunter stops in his tracks.
Hunter: “What?”
Ezekiel: “I mean, she’s not gonna be better with animals than you or me.”
Hunter: “Aw, come on, you don’t know that.”
Ezekiel: “Naw, eh? It’s just how things are. Guys are better at handling animals than girls cuz they’re stronger. And smarter. That’s why pa doesn’t let my sisters take care of the animals, eh?”
Nasa and Dan are walking together up ahead. Nasa raises an eyebrow upon hearing this.
(Confessional: Hunter)
Hunter: “Dude was not raised or homeschooled right.”
(End Confessional)
Lake and Ellie are walking together near the front.
Lake: “So, your name is Ellie right?”
Ellie: “Yeah. Did you really come here all the way from Germany just to compete?”
Lake: “Vell, my parents vanted me to study a semester abroad in zee United States. I saw the opportunity to compete and vanted to join. At first they were hesitant but one of my instructors vouched for me and said it vould be vorthwhile.”
Ellie: “Oh, wow. You must be going to a pretty prestigious school.”
Lake: “It is one of zee best, for certain!”
Ellie and Lake smile.
Ellie: “So, when do your classes start?”
Lake: “Vell, actually they hav already begun.”
Lake pulls out some textbooks she'd somehow been carrying the entire time and nobody noticed.
Lake: “I'm expected to complete my assignments on time even vhile competing.”
Ellie: “Jeez... That sounds pretty strict.”
Lake: “Eh. I am used to it. Now, what about you? You look like a university girl.”
Ellie: “Well, actually I'm not. I don't have the money. I graduated from high school, but I've been working dead end jobs ever since. My biggest dream ever is to go to fashion school in New York City, but I'll never be able to afford it- Heck, I can barely even afford rent as is.”
(Confessional: Ellie)
Ellie: “I'm not gonna mince words. Things are pretty bad nowadays.”
Ellie's backstory montage and theme begin playing. There are various clips playing of a young Ellie trying on different dresses and different pairs of shoes. She walks across a runway multiple times in different outfits made for the summer, winter, spring, and autumn.
Ellie: “When I was younger, I was really interested in fashion. At first, I wanted to just buy up everything and try on new outfits, but then I started having to mix and match different pieces of clothing and I kinda realized it wasn't actually wearing the clothes I enjoyed, but designing the outfits themselves, and then designing the clothes too.”
Ellie adjusts her earrings. Clips begin playing of an older Ellie working in a clothing design shop, drawing out an outfit on a planning board, and setting an outfit onto a mannequin for display purposes.
Ellie: “Right now, I work split shifts at a bar and at a fast food restaurant. I basically make minimum wage, but it's enough for me to cover rent and utilities at my apartment. Some people ask me why I still live in New York City when it's so expensive. But this is where I want to go to fashion school. And not too long ago, I had a chance to take a job as a fashionista apprentice. It didn't last very long, but the experience was amazing.”
The clips stop playing, and Ellie looks down, before looking back up, determined.
Ellie: “I absolutely need this money. Not just to pursue my dreams, but to survive. I can't speak for anyone else here, but the game is on. I will totally do anything to win, and I'm not gonna let anyone else stand in my way.”
(End Confessional)
Lake: “Oh... Yes, uni is expensive in Zee United States.”
Ellie: “Tell me about it. And your parents are wealthy enough to send you here over the summer?”
Lake: “Well, yes...”
Lynda appears. She has been walking behind the two and utilizes the moment of silence from Lake to chime in.
Lynda: “I'm sorry, gals. I remember being yer age and life was never so hard on little ole me.”
Ellie: “Tell me about it. You have to go into debt just to pay for a car, and the interest rate is so high your debt actually goes up faster than you earn money. It's ridiculous.”
Lynda: “Awwwe, my whole life I let my husband worry about all the money stuff. Guess I didn't realize how tough it all was on him...”
Ellie: “Yikes. I could never trust someone else with stuff that important.”
(Confessional: Lynda)
Lynda: Supposedly, openin’ up to people helps them see yer point of view. Mmm, yes siree, Lynda Anderson may be old but she still has some tricks up her sleeve!”
(End Confessional)
Lynda: “Hey, I was thinking the three of us could form an alliance. Us gal pals have gotta stick together, ya know?”
Lake: “Ooh, zhat is gut with me!”
Ellie: “Yeah. It's probably better if we all stick together.”
Lynda: “Yes siree!”
(Confessional: Ellie)
Ellie: “I'm glad to be included in this alliance, but I'm not committing too hard to it just yet. I need to keep my options open.”
(End Confessional)
----------------------------------------------------------------
The Purple Team is walking to their camp. Alejandro is skillfully guiding everyone, while Priya and Diego are fawning over him. Brick and Connor are walking alongside Fiore to protect her, and Julia is texting on her phone.
Alejandro: “And if we take this next right, it should be smooth sailing to our camp.”
Diego: “Oh, wow. You are handsome and knowledgeable, just like myself.”
Alejandro: “Well, it just comes naturally with my looks and an IQ of 180.”
Priya: “Oh, wow...”
Alejandro just smirks and smiles at the camera. His teeth flash white.
(Confessional: Alejandro)
Alejandro: “Taking control of this team should be quite easy. All I have to do is use my looks to keep most of the tribe wrapped around my finger, and look after the little girl to build up goodwill. This whole game is gonna be a piece of cake.”
Alejandro’s backstory montage and theme starts playing. Clips show Alejandro from a young age causing mischief. A nanny is supposed to watch over him, and while she isn't looking, he swaps her knitting box with a box of nails. She opens it and cuts herself.
Alejandro: “I guess I should formally introduce myself now. My name is Alejandro Burromuerto, proud Latin lover and member of the Burromuerto lineage. I've followed the family code since birth. Never hit an opponent in the face, no matter how much you hate them.”
The clips show Alejandro hanging out with his friends, following a strict diet, kissing and wooing multiple women, and defeating his rivals in both chess and weightlifting.
Alejandro: “Why should you put your money on me to win? Well. My biggest strength, I can smell a person's weakness and exploit it in seconds. I went through a lot of nannies because of this. Y si, soy fluido en Ingles y Espanol.”
The montage ends. Alejandro bows gracefully.
Alejandro: “By the time this show is over I will have gracefully cemented myself in the hall of Reality TV’s best, most accomplished villains. And Kristal, mi amor, no need to thank me for the wonderful ratings.”
(End Confessional)
Jo is walking alongside Brick and Connor, watching Alejandro talk with Priya and Diego and noticing how Priya and Diego are laughing so much.
(Confessional: Jo)
Jo: “Yeah. I've seen my fair share of guys like him. He's up to no good.”
(End Confessional)
Jo: “Hey, old man and sergeant friendly. What's that guy up to?”
Connor: “Oh, he's just chillin’ I think, rollin’ along, ya know... Vibing.”
Jo stares at Connor in silence for a moment.
Jo: “Shut the hell up, old man.”
Brick: “Hey, there's kids around.”
Fiore stands closer to Brick.
Jo: “Oh, come on pussy, hell is not a cuss word.”
Brick: “Okay, maybe not, but no need to be rude.”
Jo: “Oh come on, take a load of this guy. He's over here acting like this is some kind of party. Well, hello old man? Party's over, welcome to planet Earth.”
Connor just looks down. He sighs and steps away.
(Confessional: Connor)
Connor: “Man, the new kids sure play pretty rough... Haha...”
He laughs awkwardly and sighs.
Connor: “Eh, I’unno. I came here to feel young again and be accepted. But, I'm not gonna let one bad apple ruin this for me.”
Connor's backstory montage and theme starts playing. Clips of him hanging out at a bar, talking to businesspeople, sitting in boardroom meetings, and sorting dollar bills behind a snazzy desk are shown.
Connor: “I guess I should... explain a couple things, before it gets weirder. My name is Connor Blake, I'm the owner of Blake Perfume Incorporated, we’re an international company that manufactures exotic perfume and sells it to all kinds of clients...”
The clips switch to the perfume manufacturing line and various steps and processes that go into it, including the tanks where various ingredients and chemicals are mixed together, the bottling plant, and the inspection line. All sorts of people are seen using this brand of perfume, including celebrities, rich men and women on dates, and ordinary people before they go to a wedding, prom, or similar event.
Connor: “We sell to upscale department stores or directly to fashionistas or actors or singers that set the trends of the day. And despite the economic crisis right now, sales are actually on the up! Demand is increasing, and we’ve recently opened up two new manufacturing locations in India and Brazil.”
The clips stop playing.
Connor: “But I guess... I kinda just feel out of place... I dunno. I came here to find myself again. I'm about to hit my fifties, and still, no wife, no kids, I'm starting to wonder if I wasted my life away while I was young just partying and doing stupid stuff. I don't really need the money. I signed up here because I want to catch up a little on the things I've been missing out on in life. Hanging out with the cool kids and making new friends and such. I'm gonna enjoy my time here, one way or another.”
(End Confessional)
Brick, Jo, and Fiore are still there.
Brick: “You should apologize to him.”
Jo: “Nuh huh, Sergeant Pansy. Apologies are for weak people. And I'm not weak.”
Brick: “This isn't about being weak. This is about respecting other people. Connor is just trying to fit in with the rest of us.”
Jo: “Only weak people try to fit in. Look at me, do you think I care what other people think of me, huh?”
Brick just sighs. Fiore looks confused and worried.
(Confessional: Jo)
Jo: “Don't look at me like that. I'm just being realistic here. Old spice needs to toughen up, and so does Sergeant Weenie Hut Jr.”
(End Confessional)
Jo: “Word of advice, little girl. Don't grow up to be like this guy. Be like me instead, be strong, and if other people stare at you, let them know you don't care about what they think.”
Fiore blinks. Brick looks worried.
Near the back of the group, Julia is texting on her phone and it looks like she might be streaming.
Julia: “Hashtag save the turtles. Buy a hydroflask, it'll save more trees and stop the ice caps from melting. Sunglasses emoji.”
Connor appears from behind Julia.
Connor: “Heya, what's crack-a-lackin?”
Julia screams in fear and fumbles with her phone, almost dropping it before catching it.
Julia: “Eeeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhhh!? What in the planet’s name!?”
Connor: “Oh, haha... Sorry.”
Connor rubs the back of his head awkwardly. He looks guilty.
Connor: “I tend to have a habit of uh, spooking people.”
Julia: “Yeah, well. You are old and creepy. Stay away from me! Or I will so dox you to my followers and they will ruin you!”
Connor just hangs his head in shame. His eyes start to water and he just walks off. Julia goes back to using her phone as if nothing even happened.
Julia: “Ugh. I cannot believe that something like that happened. Like, seriously? People these days need to keep. Their. Distance. Hashtag freaked out.”
----------------------------------------------------------------
The Purple Team makes it to their campsite, and the timer from earlier flashes showing that there's just under six hours left.
Alejandro: “Alright amigos, since we're all here, it's time to plan out how we're gonna do this.”
He flips the map over on a tree stump, and uses a rock as a pencil to start planning, when Jo suddenly stomps over and yanks the map away from him.
Jo: “Nuh-uh. I am not letting you take this lead on this one, hombre.”
Alejandro: “Excuse me?”
Jo: “I think someone more qualified should be the one making decisions. What background do you have in architecture that made you our team leader?”
Priya: “Um, does this really need to be a debate... I mean look at him... I mean! Yeah, we need a strong leader.”
Feeling most comfortable around Brick, Connor raises his hand.
Connor: “Ooh, I nominate Sergeant McArthur as our team leader.”
Jo: “Oh, you've gotta be kidding me.”
Brick smiles.
Brick: “Thank you, good sir. I'm truly humbled.”
Julia: “Well, I think it should be Diego.”
Alejandro: “Que?”
Julia: “He has the most hashtag wildlife experience. Very important.”
Diego smiles.
Diego: “Thank you, ma'am.”
(Confessional: Diego)
Diego: “I'm truly humbled to be nominated as team leader. With my experience as a tour guide and nature expert, I do think I could help this team quite a bit.”
(End Confessional)
The Purple Team has all gathered around, trying to decide on a team leader.
Alejandro: “Okay, who thinks yours truly should be the leader?”
Brick shrugs. Only Priya raises her hand.
Jo: “And who thinks it should be me?”
Noone raises their hand.
Jo: “Oh come on! This is the first challenge! Do you guys want to lose?”
Everyone is silent.
Connor: “Who wants it to be Brick?”
Connor raises his hand. Fiore reluctantly raises her hand.
Jo: “Ugh. This is ridiculous and it's gonna take forever. I'm just gonna go find some shelter stuff. If anyone else wants to win, come with me.”
There is a very quick montage briefly showing more people arguing over who should be the leader. It then cuts to Brick carrying logs and other materials around, Julia sitting on a tree stump in the middle of the woods on her phone, Fiore poking a deer behind a bush with a stick before the deer turns around and starts chasing her. She screams and tries to run into the partially completed shelter, causing the deer to knock into it and ruining everything. Alejandro looks very annoyed when this happens and his eyes dilate, but he manages to scare the deer away. Connor is very slowly carrying some building materials on his own to the campsite. When he finishes, he looks sad and depressed and just kind of cobbles things together slowly. Priya tries to impress Alejandro by carrying more logs than him but bumps into a tree and gets injured. She gets knocked down somehow before flipping over and rolling many times before finally laying on the ground with her tongue sticking out, as if she is dead. Diego helps her up and starts performing CPR on her. Jo walks by and just rolls her eyes at this sight. It's way too dramatic for her. The group scrambles to repair the shelter with about three hours left on the clock, and the montage segues into the teal team who are shown to arrive at their campsite with the same amount of time left in the challenge. The sun is starting to set in the background.
Nasa looks to Hunter, Dan, and Ezekiel.
Nasa: “Alright, you guys come with me. Hunter, grab the machete. We need to secure as many items for the shelter as possible and we'll bring them back.”
Hunter nods. He looks to Ellie, Lynda, Lake, and Ella next.
Nasa: “You girls start planning the shelter.”
Lake: “Ja! We've got this.”
Hunter: “Yeah, we're still in this!”
Ezekiel smiles and the guys and girls part ways. Lake grabs a stick and starts drawing in the dirt. Ella appears to be playing with animals in the background while Lynda and Ellie stay with Lake.
Lynda: “What in Hallmark's name is she doin’!?”
Ellie: “No idea. But we don't have time to worry about her. Lake, what's your plan?”
Lake: “Right. Vee use wood as the foundation and stack zhem on top of one another like zis.”
Lynda: “Alrighty, I'm listenin’.”
Lake: “Vee can keep this open, this should just be enough space for eight beds. Vee can collect rainwater here and here, and put leaves and sticks over the ceiling and on the walls to block out rain and camouflage us from any scary animals. There's not time for lots of decorations, so hopefully zis will be enough for us to win.”
Ellie: “Sounds like a solid plan to me.”
Suddenly, Ella arrives with some turtles carrying sticks and a deer carrying some wood on its back.
Ella: "Our fair skinned friends have arrived to aid us in our hour of need!”
Lake looks a little surprised. Ellie looks very surprised. Lynda looks incredibly surprised.
Lynda: “They wha now!?”
Lake: “Vow! Zhat’s so helpful Ella! How'd you get them to help us?”
Ella: “Oh, they were just so lonely and needed some attention. When I talked to them and played with them a little bit, they offered to help, and I couldn't say no!”
(Confessional: Ellie)
Ellie: “Am I just tripping? Or can she actually like, talk to animals?”
(End Confessional)
Ella: “Come and help our furry friends! We must assist them with the shelter if we want to finish in time!”
Lynda: “Hey- Uh, wait up Ella. Let's talk for a second. How about a girl's alliance, between the four of us.”
Ellie smiles. Lake also smiles.
Ella: “Oh! That sounds so delightful! Four princesses working together to help one another in their hours of need!”
Ellie: “That's a little melodramatic. But yeah, something like that.”
Ella: “Count me in!”
Lake: “Awesome!”
Ella suddenly hugs Lynda. The former smiles while the latter looks very uncomfortable.
Lynda: “Let's just... keep the alliance professional...”
Ella: “Nonsense, you're clearly a Disney princess just like the rest of us!”
Ella smiles. Lynda looks irritated now. Lake and Ellie exchange odd glances with one another, mainly because Lynda looks too old to be a Disney princess.
Ellie: “Ella, this means if we end up losing a challenge and have to vote someone off, it's going to be one of the guys. You're cool with this, right?”
Ella stops hugging Lynda and frowns.
Ella: “Oh, if it has to come to that, then yes.”
Lake: “Vell, this is vut we all signed up for. That money means a lot to all of us.”
(Confessional: Lynda)
Lynda: “Jeepers, startin' the girls alliance is great and all. I just hope Ella takes it from up here down to about here.”
Lynda does some hand gestures, lowering her hand in the air, before crossing her arms.
Lynda: “I'm not a princess, that's about the last thing I wanna be.”
She sighs.
Lynda: “Still, simple reality TV strategy. With all the girls united and votin’ together, I'm just one vote away from havin’ majority. If I can get one of the guys to flip and join our side, my alliance should be safe for a good long while.”
(End Confessional)
Lynda looks grumpy.
Lynda: “C'mon gals, let's do this challenge already.”
Ella: “Ooh, yes!”
There is a short montage of Ella and the animals carrying materials together. She smiles and treats them well, but one of them accidentally drops wood on Lynda, knocking her over. When she stands up, she looks very annoyed. Ellie and Lake are shown clearing a foundation and laying out materials, whilst conversing with one another and laughing together. The camera shifts to the woods, where Nasa, Hunter, Ezekiel, and Dan are carrying a massive fallen tree together. Hunter is the one in front, with Nasa behind him, followed by Ezekiel and Dan together near the end.
Dan: “Hnngh, wow this is heavier than a giant block of lead!”
Nasa: “We gotta move together, everyone ready?”
Ezekiel: “Yeah!”
Ezekiel smiles and gives a thumbs up despite looking like he's struggling a lot.
Hunter: “On one, left foot forward, on two, right foot forward. One two, one two, one two, one two...”
The four boys stay together and carry the log forward. After some time, Hunter is sweating, Nasa looks like he's struggling, and Dan and Ezekiel look like they're about to die, both out of breath.
Dan: “Stop, stop! Put it down! Gently!”
Ezekiel: “Yeah! Hnngh, c'mon eh!?”
They all slowly set down the log and take some time to rest.
Hunter: “Phew.”
Dan: “We're... About three quarters back...”
Ezekiel: “Me ‘n my bros... never lifted a log that heavy before. Wowza...”
Hunter: “Guess that means the four of us are pretty tough then.”
Everyone smiles, despite being tired and out of breath and sweating.
Nasa: “Hey, whatcha guys think about forming a guy's alliance? Just us four.”
Ezekiel: “I think that sounds awesome!”
Dan: “Yeah. You all seem sensible. If we all vote together, it increases our chances of survival.”
Hunter: “Heck, if you guys are all down, I'm down.”
Dan: “So, we just all promise not to vote for each other?”
Nasa: “Well, I was thinking we all just vote together. And obviously not vote for each other. If we do that, we're all more likely to get further in the game.”
Dan: “Sounds cool.”
Ezekiel: “Woohoo!”
Hunter: “But let's focus on the challenges first, okay guys? If we win more challenges, that means we can chillax more without having to worry about who votes for who and who's gonna have to go home.”
Dan: “Roger that.”
(Confessional: Nasa)
Nasa: “Alright so, step one complete. Got an alliance with four out of eight people, that means if I can get one of the girls on our side, we should have the majority and I should be safe until the teams go away. Step two, bond with everyone. Be friendly as much as possible. If I get people to like me, that means they're more likely to work with me than with other people. Ya know, building trust and all that jazz.”
(End Confessional)
(Confessional: Dan)
Dan: “Alright! We're all super stoked about the guy's alliance. Still, I kinda feel bad about doing the girls dirty. They all seem pretty nice. And I really don't want to have to vote any of them out. But I like what Hunter says. If we just keep winning challenges, we'll stay strong as a team and won't have to worry about that at all. But if worst comes to worst and we lose, well, it's like Lao Tzu said all those years ago... Bros before hoes. Or wait. Was it Sun Tzu that said that...?”
(End Confessional)
There is a quick montage from the Teal Team of the boys carrying the large log back to camp, Ella's animals helping out by moving sticks and small objects and whatever else they can, Lynda analyzing the plan with Lake, who makes some small changes, Lake and Ellie working together to lay pieces of wood on top of one another, Nasa and Ezekiel running through the woods with more wood, and Hunter and Dan carrying piles of sticks back to the camp. By the end of the montage, there is an hour left on the timer.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Back with the Purple Team, Brick and Jo are each carrying a log back to base. The timer remains, slowly counting down.
Jo: “Hey, don't tell me you seriously buy what that Mexican guy's selling us.”
Brick: “Al? Is he actually Mexican?”
Jo: “Potato potahto, tomato tomahto.”
Brick: “What are you referring to, exactly?”
Jo: “Look at how he talks and Diego and Priya just do whatever he says.”
Brick: “Hey, he's a very nice guy.”
Jo: “Oh yeah? C'mon Sergeant Green Beret, don't tell me you haven't also come across your fair share of bullies that manipulate and push people around because they're weak.”
Brick: “That's not what this is about Jo. You can't just walk around being rude to people and pointing fingers. You can't judge people you don't know anything about.”
Jo: “And you can't trust people blindly, especially people you don't know anything about. That guy is suspicious as hell. If there was an imposter among us, it's definitely him.”
Brick and Jo both avoid looking at each other, both clinging to each other's beliefs and refusing to acknowledge the other's points. Jo may be right here, but she won't always be in every situation. They walk back in silence.
Jo: “Bet I can get back to camp with these first.”
Brick: “Oh, you're on.”
Meanwhile, Fiore is walking through the woods, carrying some sticks. Julia appears in front of her, still on her phone.
Fiore: “Hey, how did you get that phone past the detector thingy?”
Julia: “Oh, I hid this one in m-”
The phone suddenly goes off.
Julia: “Oooh, hold on a moment. Selfie!”
Julia grabs Fiore and takes a selfie with her.
Julia: “You are so cute! Hashtag adorable!”
Fiore puts on a cute, pouty face.
Fiore: “Shouldn't you be helping out in the challenge?”
Julia: “Helping out? I'm already tired.”
Julia yawns, and continues texting her followers. Fiore shoots her an annoyed glance.
Fiore: “You know, relying on your followers for validation isn't gonna help you feel any better.”
Julia's eyes go wide and blank for a moment, while Fiore just walks away, an uncaring expression on her face.
(Confessional: Julia)
Julia: “Just for the record, I am not relying on my followers or my likes at all. I am perfectly happy with the person I am and the growth I experience every day. But influencing people is important, and so is setting trends, okay?”
She blinks. She won’t admit it but she feels a little uncomfortable.
Julia: “She's just a little girl. She doesn't know anything that I've gone through.”
(End Confessional)
Alejandro, Diego, and Priya are building the shelter incredibly quickly. Alejandro looks over his shoulder.
Alejandro: “Well, my friends. How would you feel about a secret alliance between the three of us amigos?”
Diego: “Sounds cool, fellow amigo.”
Diego puts a wooden plank in place after first bumping Alejandro.
Priya: “Yeah! That's a great idea!”
Alejandro: “But let's just keep this between us, okay? No need to freak out the others with talks of allies and votes.”
Diego: “Sounds fine. We need to focus on the challenges anyway.”
Priya: “Yeah...”
Priya briefly swoons over Alejandro.
(Confessional: Priya)
Priya: “For the record, I am not at all attracted to any men on my team. Ahem. I am merely playing the game like I should. Forming alliances. Building trust. That sort of thing.”
She shakes her head and slaps herself several times.
Priya: “Must. Stay. Focused. On. Game.”
(End Confessional)
Diego: “Ah... I need a siesta after this. This is a lot. Al, can you grab us more of these?”
Alejandro’s eyes twitch when Diego calls him Al. Nevertheless, he nods and walks away to grab more wooden planks, while Priya and Diego focus on putting the existing planks in place so that they're sturdy.
Priya: “Diego, I need your help!”
Diego: “Yes, kind mujer?”
Priya: “How do you like, suppress your feelings about someone?”
Diego raises an eyebrow and laughs a little.
Diego: “Is this about someone in particular?”
Priya: “No. I mean yes. I mean maybe.”
Diego sighs, and looks around awkwardly. He looks down. The mood suddenly becomes more solemn.
Diego: “I know exactly how you feel. I... There was a guy I met in Colombia once. We used to work together as tour guides in the same place, and after we got off sometimes we'd hang around together or go to a bar or something.”
Priya: “What was he like?”
Diego: “He was really nice. And good with animals just like me, and good with people, like Al. One time, an old lady got separated from her granddaughter during the tour. He stayed with her for hours, while I went looking for her. For awhile we thought noone could find her, but we did, she was hiding in an old abandoned hut. I was a lot more scared than he was. I was so sure she would turn out dead, but the way he talked to her abuela, he was so calm and collected, he knew she'd turn out okay.”
Diego speaks with longing while Priya continues listening intently.
Diego: “He was always like that, calm and collected... And I was such a mess.”
Priya: “What happened?”
Diego: “I moved too fast... Like always... I tried to kiss him when he really wasn't ready for that and then... he disappeared.”
Priya: “Oh, I'm sorry, Diego...”
Diego: “After a few weeks, I found out he found a new job. Guess it was too awkward for him to be around me, I wish I could talk to him just once and patch things up but... I'm too much of a mess...”
Priya: “Still, it sounds awesome that you got to meet him.”
Diego: “Si... He was special to me.”
Diego sighs, and Priya looks down. It's her turn to open up.
Priya: “My parents never let me talk to guys. They were very strict about my training and making sure I was always in tip top shape and ready to compete. Every time I'd come home talking about some new guy I met, they'd stop me from seeing him, and they'd ground me or something.”
Diego: “They were that strict?”
Priya nods.
Priya: “But the more this happened, the more I wanted to hang out with guys. The more and more I wanted it...”
Diego puts a hand on her shoulder, and she looks up at him.
Diego: “Word of advice, I know I was lucky. Other guys... They will tear your heart into little pieces and stomp on it until there's nothing left...”
Priya: “I know...”
Diego: “Be careful, muchacha...”
Priya: “I'm trying... I just don't know how...”
(Confessional: Diego)
Diego: “Priya's a sweet girl. I can tell she's trying really hard to suppress her feelings about Al. This is all her parents’ fault. How could you deny your own child something as simple love?”
(End Confessional)
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Another montage begins, starting with the clock showing thirty minutes left as both teams scramble to complete their shelters before Kristal arrives. Traditional Disventure Camp montage music is playing in the background. Connor hands a pile of sticks to Alejandro, while calling him Al, causing his eyes to twitch. Brick and Jo race to deliver more materials to the shelter. Lynda approaches the Teal shelter with a pile of leaves, but then a raccoon jumps onto her face. Hunter and Nasa are lifting wooden planks onto their shelter. Ella is petting a wild cat, and a group of birds carry her to the top of the shelter. Ellie looks up from what she's doing in confusion at this sight. The clock reaches 10 minutes left. Priya and Diego are laying down rocks around the Purple shelter for decoration. Julia and Fiore are on the top of the shelter, laying down leaves on top of the ceiling. Connor leaps up to hand them more leaves. Ezekiel steps on one of the wooden planks of the Teal shelter to test it's sturdiness, and then he shoots Dan a thumbs up. The clock indicates there's 1 minute left, and several long shots show the Teal Team and Purple Team scrambling to finish their shelter, with the Purple Team focusing mostly on decorations now. When they're both done, the Teal Team shelter looks completely finished, and the Purple Team shelter looks very hastily constructed with last minute decorations adorning the shelter. Everyone on both teams looks worried as the clock slowly ticks down until there's zero seconds left.
At the Teal Team Shelter, Kristal arrives alongside Marcus, Nina, and Jensen.
Kristal: “Hmmm, let's see what we have here.”
Lake: “Vee have made a standard shelter.”
Kristal: “Yeah, I can tell. Not much for decorations?”
Nasa: “Well, decorations may not be very practical, however, as you can see our usage of leaves and odd colored rocks give the roofing a nice flair. We aren't called the teal team for nothing.”
Kristal: “Eh, it's something. Three out of ten for me. Lots of room for improvement, but you tried. Markus?”
Marcus: “Well, let me take a closer look.”
Nina: “It doesn't look very strong.”
Marcus steps closer to the shelter and inspects it. He pushes against it hard, before stepping on some of the accessible wooden planks.
Marcus: “Well it's sturdy for sure. It's entrenched well into the ground and could probably withstand the elements. I doubt it'll hold against a hurricane or a bad tornado, but it shouldn't be falling apart on ya anytime soon. Gotta say, good job. Nine.”
Ezekiel: “Yeehaw!”
Dan and Hunter high five. Ellie and Lake smile at each other.
Nina: “Pssh, I would've given it a four.”
Kristal: “So, that's twelve points so far. Jensen, what's your take on practicality?”
Jensen steps forward.
Jensen: “Well, good sight lines. It's small. Part of it is even camouflaged. Could be better but I expected a lot worse from you lot. Seven.”
Hunter: “Woo! Thanks, chief!”
Kristal: “And that's a total of nineteen points for Teal.”
Dan: “Is that enough for us to win?”
Kristal: “You'll find out soon. We still have to check on the other team. If you guys win the challenge, we'll be back with your reward.”
Dan: “Sweet.”
Kristal: “Now, let's go check on The Purple Team.”
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A cut to the Purple shelter, which looks very hastily constructed. The decorations are pretty nice, though.
Alejandro: “Good evening hostess and kind sirs, and welcome to the humble abode of the Purple Team.”
Nina: “That looks like shit!”
Marcus: “Nina, language, there's a child on this team!”
Kristal: “Ahem. Tell me about the decorations, Purple Team.”
Alejandro: “I'm glad you asked. The architectural style is inspired by the minimalist movement of the late 20th century. As you can see the rock patterns and painted leaves are quite appealing and beautiful, reminiscent of-”
Kristal cuts him off, and Alejandro is taken aback.
Kristal: “Looks meh. Four out of ten.”
Alejandro: “Huh!?”
Fiore: “Wait, the finishing touches!”
Fiore appears from the roof and drapes a flag of Kristal's face which hangs over the hastily constructed shelter.
Kristal: “Oooh, well nevermind there. Someone here has fashion taste. Nine out of ten!”
Kristal smiles warmly at the flag. Most of the team looks simultaneously surprised and confused but also glad.
Brick: “Alright!”
Kristal: “Marcus, please give us your input on the construction.”
Marcus: “Uh huh.”
Marcus walks toward the shelter, and presses his hands against it. There's a tense moment where it looks like the shelter might collapse and everyone looks very worried. Marcus gives the shelter a strong kick, but it still holds.
Marcus: “Wow. Well, it doesn't look very sturdy, but it does hold.”
Alejandro: “A testament to the minds of myself and Senior Diego, the greatest builders of Latin America.”
Diego: “Haha, maybe not the greatest, but pretty close.”
Connor: “Hey, don't let Al and Diego take all the credit.”
Alejandro's eye twitches.
Marcus: “Well. I think this shelter is a solid six out of ten.”
Nina: “Seriously? It looks like a tornado just came through here and threw everything all over the place.”
Marcus: “Come on Nina, give them some credit. They worked really hard on this.”
At that exact moment, the shelter suddenly collapses. The Purple Team panics.
(Confessional: Alejandro)
Alejandro: “Mierda! If it just stayed steady for another minuto...”
(End Confessional)
(Confessional: Connor)
Connor just facepalms.
(End Confessional)
Marcus: “Yeah, that's a zero from me.”
Jensen: “Zero!”
Kristal: “Well, it looks like Teal wins the reward tonight! Have fun trying to sleep in... whatever that is.”
Suddenly, thunder is heard.
Diego: “Ay Caramba...”
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It's raining and dark and it's clear that some time has passed. The Purple Team is huddling together underneath what's left of the shelter with some hastily assembled wooden beams moved around to fortify the structure and block out rain. Brick gives Fiore the outer layers of his military uniform to protect her from the rain. Jo sees this and looks away, refusing to acknowledge his kindness as a fundamentally good thing.
Alejandro: “Fiore. You're very smart for a little girl. How'd you know to drop the flag of Kristal? If the shelter didn't collapse, that flag could have won us the challenge.”
Fiore: “Oh, uh... It was nothing... It wasn't even my idea... It was Julia's idea!”
Julia's eyes go wide.
Diego: “Wow, incredible!”
Alejandro: “How'd you know to do that, Julia?”
Julia: “Um, well, you know I'm an influencer, so I try to think of what Kristal would have liked, and like, duh. She would love a flag of herself. Boom, easy points for us.”
Connor: “A shame the shelter just fell apart.”
Jo: “You guys spent too much time arguing and not enough time doing.”
Priya: “Not to burst your bubble, but you know you did a lot of the arguing right?”
Jo: “Well, at least I was right .”
Brick: “Jo, come on.”
Jo sighs.
Jo: “I'm gonna do a mile run.”
Brick: “In the middle of a storm? You're gonna get struck by lightning.”
Jo: “Whatever.”
Jo stands up and leaves.
Fiore: “I'm tired... I'm gonna try and sleep, everyone...”
Connor: “Yeah, me too... I haven't had to work like this in awhile.”
Alejandro: “Well, good night amigos. Let's do better tomorrow. We're all strong, we just have to band together like a team and fight. We can win.”
Priya and Diego go to sleep near Alejandro. Fiore falls asleep using Brick's uniform as a blanket. Julia stays up texting on her phone, and Connor falls asleep. She shoots several creeped out looks toward Connor and stays on the opposite side of the shelter as him. Brick struggles to sleep and eventually gets up to look for Jo.
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The Teal Team is shown gathering around a fire outside their shelter. They surround the fire with some rocks and sticks on top to block water from extinguishing it.
Lake: “Let's try and keep the fire going. Vee only have a limited supply of matches.”
Hunter: “Yeah.”
Everyone seems happy and in good spirits.
Nasa: “Let's keep this going guys, we won this challenge, no reason we can't win the next one too, and the one after that.”
Ezekiel: “Yeah! We're the best team, eh?”
It starts raining very abruptly, and the group starts to funnel into their shelter.
Ellie: “Ugh. It's too cramped in here.”
There is physically only room for six of them.
Lynda: “Maybe if we got here on time, we would've been able to build a bigger shelter.”
It seems like Lynda is directing that comment to one person in particular.
Dan: “Alright, I think only six of us are staying in here... Uh... Who's okay sleeping outside?”
Ella: “Oh, not me... I'm a princess, I can't sleep on the ground!”
Hunter: “Yeah, you can't, not after you helped us win the challenge.”
Hunter and Ella smile at each other.
Hunter: “And uh, I can't either. I need to conserve my strength.”
Lake: “I can't afford to get sick.”
Nasa: “Ha. Yeah. I volunteer. I don't feel comfortable sleeping next to strangers anyway.”
Lynda: “Yeah, me neither. It's weird. Plus, my husband would kill me.”
Everyone else funnels into the shelter, while Nasa and Lynda set aside piles of leaves and makeshift beds for them to lay on in front of the fire.
Nasa: “Ugh... Sleeping on the damn ground. In the rain...”
Lynda: “Tell me about it. We won the challenge and we don't even get a tent. Ugh, I'm too old for this.”
Nasa: “Too old? You're what? 36? 37?”
Lynda laughs a little.
Lynda: “I wish... I'm 51.”
Inside, Hunter and Ella sleep right next to one another. Dan takes off his glasses and beanie. Ezekiel also takes off his beanie and the two sleep across from each other. Ellie and Lake lay awake beside each other, looking up at the ceiling which is blocking raindrops from landing on them. A final long shot of the entire shelter in the moonlight, with Nasa and Lynda lying down outside and failing to fall asleep, included in the picture, closes out the episode. The Disventure Camp outro credits play, and then there is a post-credits scene of Marcus and Nina reading the Patreon shoutouts. Then, the episode ends.
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