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“How does this look?” Calder asks, holding up what might be the worst friendship bracelet that Coral has ever seen.
She tries to be diplomatic about it, she really does. “Like a great opportunity to start again.”
“Okay, whatever,” says Calder, sliding the beads off the string with no real indignation. “I guess since you’re the expert, I’ll start over.”
Coral laughs. All things considered, it’s been a decent day. She only woke up once in the night, which Nerissa says is really promising, even though she had to go downstairs and bundle herself up in a blanket and watch the fire crackling in the fireplace before she could fall back asleep. She was able to eat breakfast and not throw it back up. And Nerissa finally feels comfortable leaving her alone, which after five months should be a given. Not that it really matters, since Calder showed up an hour later asking if Coral needed help with her victor talent. Since she actually does, and since being alone still sends a chill up her spine, she let him in.
“I used to do this all the time,” she murmurs.
“Make friendship bracelets?”
“Yeah. I had a lot of friends.” They sit there in silence, taking a second to mourn the life she used to have. It feels like an eternity ago.
“You still do,” he ventures. He ties a knot in his bracelet, sliding it across the table. Coral picks it up and examines it carefully before slipping it on her wrist. Even with ten years between them, Calder is the closest person to a peer that she has in the Village. “So? Is it up to your standards?”
She pretends to scrutinize it, but honestly Coral thinks it’s quite pretty. “It’ll do.”
Calder pumps his fist in the air. “I knew I could do it.”
“Now we just have to make a hundred more,” she replies. “Or else the Capitol will think I’m wasting my time.”
“You know talents aren’t just for the Capitol, right?” he asks. “I mean, they are, but you can get something out of it, too. Do you like making the bracelets?”
“I guess,” she considers. She ties one off and sets it aside before grabbing a new piece of string. “I like having something to do with my hands. I might try to make other jewelry sometime, when I’m feeling a bit better.”
“Well, there,” says Calder. “Now it’s for you, too.”
“Wow, it’s like Nerissa’s here with us now,” she says, and only half means it. She tells Nerissa often that she’s ready for more independence, but the truth is that she doesn’t know where she’d be without her mentor. Then, softer, “I don’t know what I’m going to do when Nerissa leaves for the Games next year.”
“Oh, don’t worry about it,” he replies easily, not even taking his eyes off his newest bracelet. “She’ll be staying home next year.”
Coral’s hands pause. “Because of me?”
“Sort of. But she’s due for a year off anyway. Nerissa wasn’t supposed to mentor this year at all because—” He trails off into an unconvincing cough.
Coral frowns. “Because what?”
“Nothing. Don’t worry about it.”
“Calder,” she says, sighing heavily. “You realize that only makes me more curious, right?”
“Okay, fine.” He sets his bracelet down on the table. “Her husband died last fall.”
“What?” asks Coral. She drops her unfinished bracelet and the beads go skittering across the table. It’s impossible to get a word out through the litany of questions resounding in her head. “How—why—she never told me that!”
“Well, yeah,” says Calder awkwardly. “How do you imagine that conversation would have gone? ‘Hey, I know you just got out of the arena, but I thought you should know my husband is dead. Hope this helps!’”
The absurdity of it makes her laugh, but it’s quickly replaced by a growing feeling of unease. “So why did she mentor me?”
“Whenever we don’t get a volunteer, Nerissa takes the reaped ones,” he says simply. “So when last year’s girl didn’t step up for you…”
Something terrible must show on her face because Calder immediately discards his bracelet and reaches over the table for her hand.
“Look, none of this is your fault. You just got unlucky, and the timing was bad. Nerissa is an adult, and no one’s responsible for her decisions but her, okay?”
“Yeah, I know,” says Coral dully. She pulls her hand away. “I just don’t understand why she would decide to mentor me when she was still grieving her husband.”
Calder gives a small shrug. “She’s really good with the reaped ones. She’s good at meeting tributes where they’re at. I’m sure you remember.”
“Yeah,” says Coral softly. Mags once said that Nerissa could make anyone a victor. “She made me feel like I had a chance.”
“Exactly,” Calder agrees. “I was supposed to take the girl that year, but right after the reaping, Nerissa went straight to Kai. They discussed whether it would be too soon for her to go back to work, and she decided to do it. See, even mentors need their mentors sometimes. She has people looking out for her.”
“I feel like I should’ve been nicer to her,” says Coral after a moment. She fiddles absentmindedly with the beads on the table.
“To be honest, I don’t think she cares,” he responds. “I think it really helped her to have something else to focus on.”
Looking down at the bracelet supplies littering her kitchen table, Coral thinks she can understand that. Leaning back in her chair, she says, “I didn’t even know Nerissa had a husband.”
“She’s pretty private,” Calder agrees. He picks out a few beads at random, adding them to a new piece of string. “And these days she’s such a successful mentor that no one in the Capitol is very interested in her personal life. Plus, she wants to keep the kids out of the public eye.”
“Wait a second,” says Coral breathlessly. “If Nerissa’s here with me all the time, who the hell is watching the kids?”
Calder just laughs and hands her another bracelet.
It isn’t until later that night that Nerissa comes home. Coral has been sitting on the couch for the last hour, in and out of awareness. She keeps replaying every interaction with Nerissa in her head, looking for any evidence of pain or grief. Has it been obvious, and Coral is just too wrapped up in herself to notice?
Nerissa finds her with a half eaten bowl of soup on her lap. “Hey,” she says, joining her on the couch and coaxing the spoon from her tight grip. “How did it go today?”
She probably thinks that Coral is being weird because of arena stuff, but for once that’s not it. “I made you this,” says Coral, giving Nerissa one of the bracelets she and Calder had made. Calder said it reminded him of Nerissa’s husband’s eyes.
Something in her mentor’s eyes flickers, but Nerissa just smiles. “It’s very nice,” she says approvingly.
“I’m sorry about your husband,” Coral offers. “And I’m sorry for…” For what? Winning the Games and saddling Nerissa with an entire year of nonstop responsibility? Being reaped in the first place? Existing?
Nerissa doesn’t even seem mad that Coral knows. Her mouth tightens the way it does when she’s thinking hard about what to say. “You have nothing to apologize for,” she says eventually. “None of this is your fault.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because it’s not your burden to carry,” she answers, easily this time. “You’re not at a place where you can take on other people’s pain. No fresh victor is. And I never want you to feel like you’re responsible for the decisions I made.”
“You could’ve been at home with your kids,” she points out. “That’s where you should be.”
“My kids are well taken care of. It takes a village. Literally, in this case,” Nerissa responds. “Besides, my son Murphy is fourteen now, and I’m not sure he wants anything to do with me.”
Coral laughs. It comes out watery. “Do you regret it?”
“Not for a second,” she promises. Slowly, she wraps an arm around Coral’s shoulders. “We couldn’t do anything to save my husband. It happened too fast for even the Capitol to fix. But I could save you, and I knew I had to try.”
Coral slumps back into the couch cushions. The day has been eternal, and she’s starting to feel the weight of the situation. “I can help out with babysitting sometime,” she says, groggy.
Nerissa stands up and collects Coral’s discarded dishes before tossing a blanket in her direction. “We’ll revisit that once you’ve recovered from the Victory Tour. Get some sleep.”
“Okay, Mom,” says Coral jokingly. She curls up under the blanket and feels her heart raise at Nerissa’s responding laugh.