Chapter Text
There's a secret only he knows.
Standing in a quiet corner amidst the hills of Mond was a lone tree, where no one ever goes. It's much too far and doesn't connect to the main road, but that's exactly why he's so fond of it.
The hill is a bit steep, so he takes his time to reach the top. He only ever comes here when he has nothing else to do in his simple everyday life. Once the dishes were done and the laundry was put away, his days just pass him by idly, unlike all his friends who have the whole world to worry about…
Squelch
His feet stepped into something particularly odd. A disgusting sound escaped beneath his shoes. He looked down below, only to see that the grass around him have been colored in red. Dark and thick. It couldn't be anything other than someone's blood.
His heartbeat started to thump loudly as he continued to look up. There were several spots of blood trailing the hill, and it all seemed to stop at the peak of it all. An odd figure, barely recognizable as a human being laid there.
Thoma ran forward, instincts overtaking him. The blades of grass covered with fresh blood sliced at his pants, painting them in its hue. His foot had got caught up in a tangle, making him trip and fall forward; catching himself with his bare hands. His palms now covered in the same dirty blood that trickled down the earth.
Disgusting. He looked like he had just killed someone. But there was a person in need of saving, in a place where no one goes—it must be up to him.
Around the tree, was a devastating sight. A boy just around his age, was marred with injuries that were deep and embedded into his skin. A horrid slash across his shoulder led down to the chest, He swore he could see a bit of bone peeking out within.
And then his chest rose. Dropping down again shakily. He was breathing, barely holding on.
"You're still alive…" He whispered in disbelief. He could be saved, he will be.
"Stay—stay here. I'll be back for you, okay?" Thoma quickly prattled about, his whole body was shaking as he knew there was not much time left. He leapt off the hill again, towards the city as he ran on whatever adrenaline he could muster.
I can save him. I can save him. I can save him. Were the only words that repeated through his mind, feet kicking up the winds.
—
"You'll be okay… it's going to be okay…" His voice trembled. He had never patched up a wound this bad, and yet he continued to clean, disinfect, and wrap over it. He hated the little power he had. Maybe if Jean were here, or if he knew how to heal…
Then he wouldn't have to pull the thread back inside his flesh, stitching together his skin. Hoping its enough to bring him back to life.
He could feel the boy slowly dying in his arms. Even when he first found him, he was already halfway there—before he could even tell him who he was, his name, why he was here, his life.
Thomas hands were shaky but he needed them to be steady. Forcing them to jitter less, even with all the blood soaked tools and his arms, which have gotten covered up to his elbows.
Thankfully it only looked worse than it was. the cut was deep, but the closer it got to the chest, the thinner it was. Meaning he still had a chance if Thoma can close the wound.
Hours passed just like that. It was a miracle that the other boy was even awake, watching him with baited breaths. Did he not feel the pain? It must be insane to be numbed up until this point. But it helped, and he could not wish for anything less.
But then he noticed the boys' eyes were closing. Silently fading away.
Not yet. Don't die just yet.
"…My name is Thoma. I'm from Mondstadt." He heard a long time ago from a friend, that talking to patients could make them hold onto their consciousness just a bit longer. He couldn't come up with anything to say, only being able to introduce himself.
But maybe he could still hear him anyway, the mutterings of his voice grounding him back into the land of the living.
"My favorite color is red, Because its bright and powerful. And I love the dogs in the city, they're kind to you if you have treats…" He continued on just like that. Talking about anything his mind could come up with in an attempt to keep him awake. He didn't care if his voice was wavering or weak, as long as it was something to be said… anything goes.
—
The day seemed to come to an end by the time he was finished. The worst of it had passed, Thoma finally being able to breathe normally and wipe the sweat that trickled down his forehead.
Except the other boy immediately tried to stand up. Injury just barely patched and all.
"Hold on, don't move so much—" But he didn't listen to him at all. Continuing to bring himself up to his feet. His eyes connected with Thomas, making his jolt at the sudden pressure.
"I'm fine. Thank you…" His voice was raspy, as he was clearly unwell. Just then, in his hands was the streaks of something blue leaking out from his inner palm.
"Hydro…?" Thoma gasped with wide eyes. He's a vision holder.
The water danced about, before changing its shape and covering the bandages he placed on him. Silently glowing, cocooning over his wound and seeping into the material.
Just like that, he wordlessly began to wander off deeper into the forest. Into an area that was dangerous.
"Ah… wait! That place has too many monsters!" Even as he called out, the boy didn't stop. He only turned around and shook his head. As if to tell him not to follow any further. Supporting his other arm, watching him limp away slowly.
He wanted to run after him. Really, he did.
But his feet couldn't move the way he wanted them too.
And Thoma felt so weak in that very moment. Unable to do anything at all. His sullen demeanor gazed at the floor, picking up his things with those bloodied hands of his—cracking at the seams after they dried out.
He returned home like that, barely bothering to wash away all the blood that had gotten all over his clothes and under his nails. No matter what he did, they were stubbornly stained onto his skin. Thoma seemingly gave up after some time. Sleeping in bed unconsciously rubbing his arms throughout the night.
All his thoughts ended up being about him.
—
He would've tried to forget all about it, leaving it as a chance meeting as he busied himself with errands. It was his first time seeing the power of hydro so up close… the sight was dazzling. Where he was remained a mystery.
"Ah, Thoma you're finally here." The mid-day guard called out to him just as he was about to walk outside the city for said chores.
"Is something wrong?" He peered up at him curiously.
"That boy over there has been asking for you ever since the sun rose. Didn't want to bother you, but if you're already here…" He stared off into the horizon.
He lowered his voice. "I wouldn't trust him if I were you."
Thoma followed his gaze onward.
Standing on the other side of the bridge was that familiar tuff of orange hair, and the bandages he had wrapped for him yesterday; now covering his whole shoulder alongside the length of his arm.
A days worth of blood had already seeped through the cloth, clearly oxidized and hardened. Yet he hadn't bothered to change the dressings at all...
All hesitation he once had became forgotten. His feet quickening in pace as worry overtook him, scaring away the local birds that loved to hang about.
The boy was still smiling when he got there, no signs of pain were evident.
"You're alive! What's wrong? Does it still hurt?" Most people would have died with those injuries. He fully intended to start giving an entire once over, but he was stopped by a hand before he could even do anything.
"...I have something I want to tell you. Would you come with me?" His voice had a clear accent, but he was unusually polite.
It was an invitation he had no reason not to take.
—
“Wait! You're much faster than me—ah-!” Thoma's knee has given out mid-way up the hill.
The fleeting figure of the ginger boy heading farther and farther away. Thoma heaved below on the windy grass. His breath needed to catch up with him. For what reason, did he bring him back here? Surely anything he wanted to tell him could be said just anywhere.
Then, a hand was placed upon his. He warily looked up to be met face to face with the other boy.
His demeanor, cold as ever. But his words were anything but.
“I'm in love with you. I want to protect you.” Closing his eyes tenderly as their heads thumped together lightly. Thoma's eyes widened. Being so close together, so cherished and intimate with a stranger.
He couldn't understand. Slowly, his mouth opened to a whisper.
“Love? But love is…” Something unattainable. Something that you'll find in happenstance, when the time is right.
That's what all the books and poems seem to sing. Writing love as something he was too young to understand, far out of reach and beautiful.
For a place as romantic as Mond, he's never understood an ounce of this love. Not from his parents or peers, or the city that sings. He loves his home, he really does. But in his heart he fears he cannot feel what it truly means…
“Love is what I feel for you. I want to protect you.” Protect me from what? He wanted to ask. But this boy he just met seemed hurt and wounded, haunted.
It sounded too early for an outsider like Thoma to pry. As it was not his place to do so.
Or to care. He reminded. Yet his heart winced.
He was silent. And the other boy took this as an invitation to go on. He firmly grabbed his hand, and together they trudged towards the top of the hill.
“I'm confused.” He suddenly spat out. Not knowing why he intended to start a conversation.
“About?”
“About who I am to you.” They continued to travel upwards. The hill getting steeper. The other boy was silent at that. And that's when Thoma thought maybe he didn't understand any of it either.
“You took care of me. On this very hill with a single tree and nobody around, you saved my life.” He said, without looking back.
It made it seem all too easy. “Is that all it takes?” He asked, unsure about this answer.
The sound of his footsteps stopped. And Thoma did so too.
The ginger boy spun around quietly, taking their shared hand together and placing it upon his chest.
“Do you feel it?” The boy asked.
He tilted his head to the side in confusion.
“All I feel is the beating…” That seemed to make the boy smile ever so slightly. The most he's ever seen from him so far.
“This is the measurement of our feelings, back in Snezhnaya.” His face turned back to the usual.
“It's easier to trust the flesh and blood. This body does not lie.”
Thoma could only stare at him. Him, and the feeling of his heart.
The boy spoke again. In a much lighter tone.
“I don't know what love is like where you live, but this is how I feel.” He pushed Thomas hand further in. As if to push through his ribcage and to hold onto his beating live heart.
"Don't push so heavily, your wounds might open up." He remembered the places he had administered first aid, actively fighting against his fervor as to not place too much pressure...
Thoma was a little embarrassed to be read so thoroughly. His dilemmas and worries over something so fleeting.
He met eyes with him again. Who smiled.
Maybe he could come to understand what those feelings are.
“Uhm.. then if you're alright with it being me..”
Thoma hesitated. He brought his arms up halfway to give him a hug but realized it must be too early for such things, and started to drop them back to his sides.
The boy must have realized this, as he immediately dove into his arms; happily snuggling into the crook of his neck and cradling him close.
How do you respond to such enthusiasm? Thoma felt his mind reeling for answers. The only way he could give back was to wrap his arms around the other.
But then three minutes passed. And they were still hugging. He was starting to get embarrassed, honestly. He wouldn't let go for a long time, groaning something akin to a whine when Thoma tried to peel away.
"What's your name?" It was a bit silly to finally introduce one another after one of them had confessed his love.
"Ajax. It's my true name, and soon enough, a name that will become a secret between the two of us." He snuggled closer.
"…I'm Thoma. It's nice to meet you too."
"I know. You told me." You could hear me in that state? He wanted to ask. He only said all of that to keep him awake…
But well, being swept in someone else's pace wasn't so bad once in a while. He gave into his fate, slowly letting his body relax and drooping into the boy's shoulder.
He didn't even remember how he had gotten home that day.
All he could think about was the comforting smell of morning dew.
—
It's been days since then, Ajax never once appearing inside the city. Even back then, he had waited for him across the bridge—as if he wasn't permitted to entire the city capital.
The days seemed so fleeting, he can't seem to find the worlds to explain it. Ever since he met that boy atop the hill, he couldn't stop thinking about him. He does all his daily chores as normal, cooking and cleaning and such. But in the back of his head is that boy again. Taking over his thoughts in a flurry.
His bland everyday life was finally ruptured with something new. Even if that meant saving a boy on the brink of death.
Maybe the next time they met, he could ask about his hobbies. Or even his favorite food, and if he'd like his cooking… Thoma stopped thinking at that. His thoughts were going much faster than their actual relationship, if one could even call it that.
He flopped his head into the basket, a towel flying out of it and covering the top of Thoma's head.
…There's no way he could do his chores like this.
—
And he was here again, the next day. Laid next to the tree bark. He was only curious about him after such a brash introduction, so he decided to see if the other would be here again as well...
"This is no place to be sleeping, silly." He chuckled while he moved a few strands of hair out of the sleeping boy's face. He's cute like this. His cheeks were reddened by the morning weather, and he looks much more at peace...
Last time, his body seemed tense and alert all the time. As if something was coming.
Not wanting to disturb him, Thoma slowly slid down next to him against the tree. He shuffled closer, as close as he could allow himself. The sun had only just come up, shining beautifully atop the city, tainting it in its light.
The flowers beneath him rustled gently. All the sounds around him seemed to drown out when he's up here.
It's not so bad, sharing this space with you.
Without making too much noise, he plucked the flowers growing beneath them. Twisting the grooves of their stems together, creating something he hasn't done in a very long time. Perhaps it was the nostalgic feeling creeping up on him, or how there was finally company in this little bubble he called his world.
The garland in his hand was lopsided and clumsily put together, he hasn't made one in years after all. But it was still a garland, made with his love and care.
Turning to the other boy who was now drooling, he stifled his laughter.
"Here. For you." Thoma whispered in a low voice. He tilted the flower crown to lay atop his fluffy hair. The motion seemingly making him twitch.
Ajax awoke slowly, smiling when he saw Thoma's surprised face hovering before him.
"Thoma? did you come to see me?" He said softly, in a cute, croaky voice that tells he had just woken up.
Thoma's eyes widened a bit. Surprised he got caught so easily. There was no point in denying it. Not when he had practically pinned Ajax to the tree in order to place the flower crown…
"Yes..." He answered anyway, even if his cheeks had flushed red. If his legs had brought him here, then it was probably true.
He wanted to see Ajax.
"What are you doing up here? Monsters come by here often." He sat back down. Trying his best to fight the rising heat on his cheeks.
Ajax stretched his hands and groaned.
"Mmmh… but there's never any enemies when I come by here though?" He yawned out. Looking Thoma in the eyes.
"I finally got to meet you again." His smile caught Thoma off guard.
"Were you waiting?" Up here? All this time?
"Mhm. This is the only place I know I'll see you." He said, as the garland placed on his head fell down to his lap.
"This is...?" He picked it up curiously. Looking at Thomas shy face.
"I made that for you." It's easier when he's asleep. It's embarrassing when he's awake.
Ajax marveled at the object. Turning it and rubbing its leaves. He seemed happy.
"…Today, do you want to come with me instead?" He reached out a hand. If he's already here, he might as well make the most of it.
—
Out on the streets of Mond, the two of them walk hand in hand, Thoma showing Ajax around the city he grew up in. The streets were the same as always, with Good Hunter around the corner and bards singing in the square.
Alongside Ajax, it felt so different. He was so surprised at everything and tugged at his shirt when he wanted to ask a question.
"What flowers are those?" Pointing to a flowerbed full of white buds, not yet blossomed as it waits for a breeze.
"Cecelias. They grow in areas where there's harsh winds."
"Hmm." He hummed absentmindedly.
"So a warrior flower..."
Thoma laughed. "Well, I guess they work hard to survive up there."
But Ajax didn't give him anytime for rest. He excitedly dragged him towards the guild, pointed at signs he couldn't read, questioned the antique store, and so on and so forth. He had a lot of strength for someone who was still injured.
But as they strode, there were increasing whispers. Thoma could make it out faintly, their voices drowning out when he turned at the source.
“That child..”
“That boy is…”
And just like that, they'd turn the other way. What was it about Ajax that deterred them? He was brilliant and wonderful. A little scary at first, but that's just how he seems to be.
Then he gasped. No... could it be? I thought Mond welcomed all foreigners—!
"Thoma? Whats wrong?" Ajax was confused as to why Thoma suddenly started holding him closer and giving accusatory looks to passerby's.
"Is there an enemy?" Some of his blood lust started to leak out.
"Woah! Woah no, nothing like that!" The appearance of an apex predator made Thoma turn back to being a herbivore. He squeezed his hand as if to tell a dog to back down.
"It's just..." He looked around and whispered into Ajax's ear. "Why are people whispering about you?"
Ajax pulled away, looking not the least bit surprised.
"Is that not because I am fatui?" He said with a tilt of his head, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"You're what?"
They stayed like that for a while, staring at each other with completely different emotions splayed across their faces.
"I was hesitant to be honest. Walking with you like this. The city does not particularly welcome people like me." He curled his hands closer. Bringing his palm to etch the side of his face.
"But Thoma… I thought you knew?"
A voice rang out behind him.
"Thoma!"
Fingertips slipping out from his hand, Ajax faintly excused himself.
"You must be popular." He bitterly laughed, "See you soon Thoma." Walking into the crevices of Mond, escaping into the city's shadows and leaving him behind.
It all happened so fast, Thoma was struck silent. His now empty hand returned to his side as he looked towards the two figures quickly approaching.
It was Jean, waving her hand up high as Diluc caught up behind her.
"Made a friend?" Her eyes wandered beyond Thomas shoulder, but there was no one there.
"He's just a little shy today." He responded with a smile. It's been a while since Thoma has seen his extremely busy friends.
Jean sent an awkward smile. But she didn't press any further. "Hmm I hope you're continuing with your studies, I'm aiming to be in the same year as you alongside Diluc and Kaeya."
He scratched the back of his head, laughing apologetically. "That sounds a bit too far fetched for me."
His hand slid down to rest at his neck. That was just like Jean, who perfectly encapsulates the household name of her family. Always thinking ahead for the future, despite all of them being far too young to even enroll in the first place.
"You guys are always cheering me on. But I am no where near that level yet." His disheartening voice betrayed his weak facade.
The other two stared at him. Turning around curtly, their hands covering up the hushed whispers between them.
"It's like he doesn't know how good his control is." The redhead whispered.
"Truly, I'm actually getting mad at him now." The blonde replied, them leaning in closer and closer with each whisper.
"Let's beat him up later." His ponytail swooshed.
"Sounds good to me." Hers did the same.
"Hey!" At that, he finally protested. Yelling at them with an angry expression, but his grin showed otherwise.
"There's that cheerful voice I know." Jean stated, with so much confidence behind her, he almost felt like he could live up to her expectations.
"How can I not raise my voice when I'm being attacked right in front of me?" He tilted his head playfully. Smiling at the laugh Jean tried to cover with her hand.
"Ah, wait—I think I see Kaeya up top!" She gleefully started trotting and leading into a run up the vast stairs towards the capital. Leaving Diluc alone with Thoma.
He finds her so endearing. How she could act so commanding and mature in one instance and then completely turn that switch off, becoming a little kid again; showing their true ages. He lamented the fact that children like them had to grow up quickly...
Then what does that mean for Ajax?
"...Me and Jean aren't stupid." The other boy suddenly spoke when Jean was out of earshot. Finally turning to face Thoma.
"There's more fatui wandering into Mond, they're planning something. You've probably realized it by now." His eyes were intense. They always were. Shining so brightly with such conviction.
"We're worried for you. I trust your judgment but... just don't do anything you can't take back." He smiled. It was a lot more reserved, but natural.
He could never really face those gazes the two had. Their futures shined so brightly, it burned to be near them.
"Diluc… have you ever been in love?"
"Love?" He questioned. Eyes widening and blinking like he heard incorrectly.
"I… can't say that I have. There are more important things I give my time to, and romance can come after that." His shoulders drooped apologetically, for his answer seemed insufficient.
Thats true. Diluc was the epitome of a good son who everyone had high expectations for. It would be silly for him to think about anything else.
"Whispering things without me again? You're always acting like that, you know!" Jean yelled down atop the steps, with Kaeya within her hold. He noticed him and waved down to Thoma, who simply gave a weak wave back.
"Sorry! Just don't leave me behind again, Jean!" He let out a soft giggle before patting Thoma on the back, hitting him quite hard.
"I'm… happy you spoke to me, even if I'm of no help." He smiled again, bright and beautiful.
And then he left to run after the other blonde who also let out a, 'Bye Thoma!' before turning away, leaving him alone again.
Watching the three of them escape off into the capital he thought mindlessly.
…There's something he must confess.
He knows, of course he knows. How could he not? From Ajax's foreign attire to his open wounds, or the way his clothes seemed to have bloodstains he didn't bother to rub off. Even his accent, which Thoma finds endearing, sounds just like the soldiers that made their way into the city.
He just... simply wished he was wrong. Is it wrong to think that?
The terrors of the fatui are known far and wide. Mond has a particularly long history with their faction, the two nations slowly treading towards hostility while maintaining their appearances publicly.
They are the enemy, they have done things that cannot be forgotten, nor forgiven.
...That's all there is to it.
—
So then, why was Thoma still replacing his bandages? Tending to his wounds, meeting with him every chance he got?
It's been a while since Thoma first met Ajax. Most of his injuries had recovered; the wrappings he's been using to redo his injuries were becoming smaller and smaller every time they met.
Apparently he has no reason to do this for him in the first place. Ajax already knows how to administer first aid, and how to replace bandages. Yet he always lets Thoma do it for him.
Now was a good time as ever.
"Ajax? Why were you so hurt before when we met?"
"My injuries?" Ajax peered at his shoulder reflexively. Where the worst of it was.
He must've been thinking for a while, considering he went all quiet. Thoma started to wonder if he had said something wrong. It's not like he really asked what had happened to him back then. Thoma just thought... that it would be bad if someone died right within arms reach.
"The mission is a reconnaissance. New soldiers like us must prove our survival even on missions like this."
Thoma perked back up, realizing Ajax was speaking to him. He sounded so emotionless, the words almost went through one ear and out the other.
"Who you take orders under can change how you are treated... since I am young, I have to prove myself with twice the effort."
"I simply overestimated my enemies. If I was going to die, I'd want it somewhere no one could see me." He smiled oddly. Perhaps it was because, Thoma could not hold back the face he was making.
An expression full of hurt.
"How is that any fair? How can they just treat you like that? Would they not have saved you?"
I can't help but become angry on his behalf. Saying his hardships like they were just how things are.
"How can you just accept this?!" In an abrupt moment, he stood up and towered over Ajax, covering the sun and skies. He looked up, eyes wide; as if nobody had ever worried over him before. It only angered Thoma all the more.
But then he reached out to me, leading me by the hand.
My source of worry carefully unfurled my clenched fist.
"Thoma do not cry for me, I'm alive because of you, aren't I?" He caressed his palm, slowly opening them back up. Ajax tugged his wrist to sit beside him once more.
"Your homeland is considered safe, most enemies are not particularly tough, and the capital is more welcoming than most. It is the ideal place for trainees while we return to camp each night."
"But you..." Were almost gone. Even now he could remember the fading heartbeat of Ajax. All the blood surrounding him, returning back to the earth instead of inside his body. The cold touch, the ripped flesh…
"I hope you are okay with the waves of fatui coming into the city though..." He looked sheepish, as if it was his fault.
"It's fine! As long as they don't cause trouble..." Thoma was taken back into reality. The fatui are not good people but Ajax makes his heart waver. He's surely had a few moral dilemmas about being friends with him once or twice... as he's reminded often last time they were in the city.
Was it right for him to be treated like that? By the city, by his teammates…
Ajax had already tuned out, focusing more on his hands, lightly tracing the surface of his palms and circling around. It was a little ticklish so he squirmed a little, but Ajax still held that laser focus onto his palms.
"Callouses..." He whispered under his breath.
Thoma piqued. "What was that?"
He only stared at him, an unchanging expression.
"No, just realized its my time to leave." He quickly gathered himself and got up. Leaving without another word.
Thoma just stared at his small back, going farther into the distance without ever turning around.
It was odd.
Ajax had never left so early before.