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Carla sat on the sofa, staring at the wall. It was late and Ryan had gone to bed to watch Netflix. She'd barely seen Lisa all evening. After they'd got home from the pub, she'd gone up for a shower and had only reappeared to announce she had a headache and was going to bed.
Ryan had tried to buoy Carla up about the failed proposal but, if she was honest, the whole thing had left her feeling flat. She'd been so excited. Nervous yes, but excited. And then Lisa had made a jibe about how she'd been married 5 times and her heart had sunk a bit. She knew Lisa was only joking. They'd spoken many times about Carla's marriage history. They'd joked about it together. But this felt like a joke at her expense. And then there was the story about Becky proposing. Carla wished she'd known that. She'd never even asked who had proposed. A couple of days ago it had crossed her mind to ask Lisa about it, but she didn't know how to do it without giving the game away. At least she hadn't actually gone through with it. Hearing that story, as Glenda appeared with the champagne, her stomach had twisted in a knot. If she'd actually done it...well it didn't even bear thinking about.
Staring at the wall ahead, Carla couldn't help but think "what now"? She still wanted to get engaged - of course she did - but she didn't know how to ask. The more she thought about it, the more she thought that Lisa probably wouldn't want a grand gesture. But Becky had done it that way. Now she had competition. If Carla was honest, she often felt like she was competing with a ghost. Becky was dead and so could do no wrong. Carla felt awful, thinking like that, but she couldn't help but feel a bit bitter at times when Lisa dreamily reminisced over something lovely Becky had done.
She sighed. Everything just felt so flat.
Lisa put her pyjamas on. The shower had eased her headache a bit, but it still niggled at her. It had been a stressful day. She'd never admit it, but she'd found it hard, being back on active duty. It would take her a week or so to adjust properly, she reckoned. She could have done with going straight home for a cup of tea and a bit of telly, but Carla had dragged her to the Rovers. She'd been weird all day. That phone call, desperately trying to persuade her to go for a drink, felt strained. There was a forced jolly tone in Carla's voice. And then, in the pub itself, she'd been like a cat on a hot tin roof. She was on edge. Jumpy. Something was bothering her, but Lisa wasn't sure what. It probably didn't help that Debbie had invited herself to sit with them, yapping about wedding invitations. And she'd asked about Lisa and Becky's engagement story. Lisa had watched Carla stiffen. It was a response she'd seen before from her girlfriend and she wasn't naive enough not to know where that came from. Lisa knew that Carla felt she was competing with Becky for 'soulmate' status. It was no secret that Lisa felt she'd still have been happily married to Becky if she hadn't have been killed. But that wasn't Carla's fault. Carla had made her feel whole again, in a way she'd thought impossible. She loved Carla more than she could even put into words. If she was being honest with herself, she loved Carla more than she'd loved Becky. She was so happy.
A thought struck Lisa then. They were happy. When she'd proposed to Carla, after Craig had died, it had been a spur of the moment thing. Her feelings had poured out of her mouth. Life was too short. They needed to seize the moment. And all of those things were true, but Carla had understandably wanted to wait to get engaged. Until they were happy.
They were happy now.
Settling down on the bed, Lisa pulled up a jewellery website on her phone. She was going to do this properly. She loved romance. That lunch she'd organised on New Year's Eve was exactly the sort of thing she loved doing. And she could do something similar. Roy would help, she was sure of it. And Ryan. And Betsy. Ideas started flowing through her mind and the excitement built. She'd never proposed before, but she loved the idea.
Scrolling through the options for rings, she started making a shortlist. There was a lot of pressure. Carla had been engaged a lot. She'd had a lot of engagement rings. How was Lisa going to make up for this? Some of these rings were very ostentatious. Would Carla want a big rock? Something told her no. She'd probably had a fair amount of bling. Lisa wasn't a showy sort of person and, these days, neither was Carla. Lisa had seen photos of Carla in her 20s and 30s and her style was far more glamorous than it was now. Not that she wasn't glamorous. It was just more...tasteful. More mature.
Rubbing her temple, Lisa felt frustrated that her headache was putting a dampener on her excitement. Nipping into the bathroom, she was frustrated to find an empty box of paracetamol. Who puts an empty box back in the cupboard? Had this empty box moved house with them?
Returning to the bedroom, Lisa resigned herself to going to bed with a headache. She'd have to leave the ring research for another day. It was getting late, anyway. Where was Carla? Lisa had heard Ryan going to his room half an hour ago, and Betsy was already in hers. Was Carla just watching tv? Why didn't she come to bed? Something was bothering Carla. Lisa only wished she knew what.
Taking her earrings out, she dropped them in her jewellery box. Carla's handbag lay on the floor next to the dressing table. She'd dropped it there when they'd got home. Maybe she would have paracetamol in her bag. Lisa didn't think she'd mind her having a look. They didn't have any secrets.
Except they did.
Lisa stared at the small box. Her heart was racing. Holding the box in her hand, she didn't know if she dared open it. Maybe it wasn't what she thought it was. Maybe it was earrings. Or maybe Carla was taking one of her own rings to get resized or cleaned or something.
Or maybe it was an engagement ring.
The suspense got the better of her and, glancing over her shoulder, Lisa gingerly opened the box. Sat inside was a beautiful platinum ring. One single small diamond. It was incredibly simple. Beautiful. And very 'Lisa'. She was as sure as she could be that this wasn't one of Carla's rings. Carla's ring size was bigger than hers. She knew this from trying each other's rings on before. That was the way to find out. Her heart hammering in her chest, Lisa slipped the ring on her finger. It was snug. It definitely wouldn't fit Carla.
It was a little too snug.
Shit!
What if she couldn't get it off? What if she had to go downstairs, wearing her engagement ring, before Carla had even proposed? No, this couldn't be happening!
Eventually, after nearly dislocating her finger, she got it off. She'd definitely need to have it resized.
Trying to calm her breathing, Lisa quickly put the ring in the box and stuffed it back in Carla's bag, paracetamol long forgotten.
What now?
Carla was just about to head to bed when she heard a noise behind her. Turning, she saw Lisa in her pyjamas.
"Tea?"
"I thought you'd gone to bed."
"I've got a headache. I thought a cuppa might help. Want one?"
Carla nodded. "Sure."
She watched Lisa busy herself in the kitchen. Carla sighed. It wasn't Lisa's fault she felt so bereft. She didn't know. Carla should never have planned a showy proposal in the Rovers. That wasn't Lisa's style at all. Maybe it was, back when when was with Becky, but it wasn't now. She was sure Lisa would have hated it if Debbie and Glenda had clucked around her, offering congratulations and making a scene. No, it was for the best that it didn't happen tonight. Carla just needed to think of another plan.
Lisa sat down, placing Carla's tea in front of her and blowing on her own.
"Are you OK?"
Was she? Yes, of course she was. She was being dramatic.
Nodding, she forced a smile onto her face as she grabbed her tea.
"Are you sure? You been a bit weird all day."
"Weird how?"
"I dunno. Jumpy. On edge." Lisa shrugged. "And now you seem a bit down."
"Oh, it's probably hormones." Carla could hear how forced she sounded.
Lisa looked at her curiously. "Did something happen in the Rovers? One minute you were flapping about, looking all anxious about something, and the next you wanted to go home."
"Like I said, it was just a couple of emails." Carla tried to be dismissive. "Pissed me off a bit."
Lisa put her tea down and took her hand. "I don't think so."
What was she supposed to say to that?
Lisa gave her hand a squeeze. "Carla, I know you. I know when something's bothering you. You and me, we're a team, aren't we. Soulmates. When you're sad, I'm sad."
Carla's heart did a little flip at the word 'soulmates'. "I'm not sad, Lisa."
Lisa pushed a rogue bit of hair out of Carla's face. She was looking at her intently. "I love you, you know."
She leaned in, kissing Carla gently, and Carla felt some of the tension melt away. This evening might not have gone to plan, but it wasn't like Lisa had turned her down. It wasn't Lisa's fault it hadn't happened. There was plenty of time. Carla could do it another time. She'd just need to think of a better plan.
"I love you too." Carla smiled at her. She loved this woman so much.
Lisa reached for her tea, her eyes suddenly averted. Carla could see her hand in the pocket of her dressing gown, almost like she was fiddling with something. What had happened?
"Are you OK?"
"Yes, yes I'm fine. Headache, that's all." Lisa still wasn't meeting her eye. "Listen Carla, was there something you wanted to ask me?"
Carla almost laughed. "Yes, I wanted to ask you to marry me." She could hardly say that, could she. But she didn't know what Lisa meant.
She looked at Lisa, her brows furrowed.
"I wondered...if you'd...er..." Lisa stumbled over her words. "Whether you were gonna ask me...well I found...I wasn't snooping or anything, but I found...this..."
Carla watched as Lisa reached into her dressing gown pocket and placed the small ring box on the coffee table.
Carla felt like she couldn't breathe. Lisa had found it. She knew.
With a monumental effort, Carla raised her gaze to look at Lisa. She looked terrified. Carla didn't know what to say. It wasn't supposed to be like this. It was supposed to be romance and excitement and kissing.
They stared at each other for a few seconds. Carla's mouth was dry. Should she ask her? It felt ridiculous now.
"Carla..." Lisa's smile was tiny, but her eyes were shining with an anxious anticipation. "Do you want to ask me?"
Carla could have laughed. Did she? Like this?
"Lisa..." She was embarassed to feel tears prickling in her eyes. Her voice choked in her throat.
Lisa took both of her hands, looking deep into her eyes as she stroked her thumb across the back of her hand. She smiled encouragingly.
"Go on."
Carla took a deep breath. "It wasn't supposed to be like this. It was supposed to be romantic. I was gonna get down on one knee -"
"Go on, then!" Lisa interrupted her.
"What?"
"Get down on one knee!"
"I'm not doing that in the middle of the living room, with you in your pyjamas!"
"Why not? Carla, we're not kids. We've both lived a lot of life. Had ups and downs. Highs and lows. We've just bought this place. It's our happy place. Somewhere for me and you. Well, us and our merry band of hangers on. There's nowhere I'd rather do this than here."
Carla smiled averting her eyes. She wished she'd had more than one glass of wine. Taking a deep breath, she shuffled off the sofa and got down on one knee. Lisa's smile lit up her face. It was encouraging. Her smile was infectious.
"Right, well...I don't have a speech planned or anything. So, I don't really know what to say. But..." She paused, trying to collect herself, but she could feel the tears gathering again. "Lisa, it's no secret that you were the last person I expected to fall for. But somehow I did. And it feels like we've lived a lifetime together, even though it's been less than a year. You and Betsy moving in after only a few weeks. My head injury, the sepsis, everything that happened with Rob, dialysis. We both could have died. And it really showed me that life is too short. And I know you felt it too. That day that Craig died...I didn't expect you to propose to me. I didn't want it to happen like that. Although, to be fair, I didn't want it to happen like this either. But I know I upset you, saying it was the wrong time. But it was never because I didn't want to marry you, and I hope you know that. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone before. And buying this place together, it feels like that first time that I've ever had this safe little family unit. I never want it to end, Lisa. I want to marry you. For us to stand up in front of our family and friends and make that commitment to each other. Or disappear to Ibiza and do it in secret. But, either way, I want you to know how much I love you. How much I want to spend the rest of my life with you. So...what do you say? Lisa Swain...will you marry me?"
Lisa burst into tears, leaning down and grasping the sides of Carla's face as she kissed her. Carla could feel the tears again her cheeks.
"Of course I'll marry you. Of course I will."
Carla got up, her knees creaking as she did. Sitting back on the sofa, she gathered Lisa into her arms and held her close.
"Really?" She whispered, her voice muffled by Lisa's hair. "You really want to marry me?"
"Yes, you dafty. I love you!"
They held each other tightly for several minutes, both just taking in the enormity of what had just happened.
Carla pulled back. "I'm sorry I didn't get to propose properly. Make it more of an event."
Lisa shook her head. "It was perfect. I'm not a showy person. I hate being the centre of attention. You, me, our lovely new home, it's all I need. When Becky put my ring in a glass, I was mortified. I didn't tell Debbie that, earlier, but I was so embarrassed. Everyone was looking. I'd hate something like that again."
Carla laughed, shaking her head. It was funny how things worked out.
"What?" Lisa looked at her, a bemused smile on her face.
"That's what I was going to do. I had the ring in a glass of champagne. Glenda was about to bring them over when you started to tell that story about Becky."
"Oh my god!" Lisa laughed, her hand over her mouth. "That's hilarious. That's why you were sad, wasn't it. You felt like Becky stole your thunder."
Carla shrugged. "It's nobody's fault. You lost the love of your life. I'll never be able to compete with that. But -"
"Hey. Stop." Lisa turned Carla's face so she could look in her eyes. "You don't need to compete. Becky is in my past. I have some really happy memories. Some less so. But it's you I want now. You're my future. And I'm sorry I bring her up so much. I should think about your feelings more."
"No, it's ok. I don't ever want you to feel like you can't talk about her."
"I know. But I don't want you to feel second best. I love you, Carla. Unconditionally. I love you so much it scares me. And I can't wait to marry you. And to live in this house together. And think about how you proposed to me in the living room. I don't need bells and whistles and I certainly don't want to be a public spectacle. I just need us."
Carla pulled her close, kissing her softly. She felt Lisa's tongue gently nudging against her lip and she let her in. Their kiss was slow. Languid. The heat built steadily until Carla found her hand running up the smooth skin of Lisa's waist.
Lisa pulled back slightly. "We need to take this upstairs."
"You don't want to christen the living room, then?"
"Maybe when we've got the place to ourselves."
Lisa smiled, grabbing her hand.
Carla caught sight of the ring box on the table. They hadn't even opened it.
"The ring. I haven't even shown you it."
"It's beautiful."
Lisa grinned cheekily at her. Of course she'd looked at it. Of course she had. Carla shook her head in mock disbelief. Lisa pulled her close for another kiss, the heat immediately apparent. Carla could feel her desperation. What was about to unfold in the bedroom was going to be passionate and messy and very very enjoyable. Carla could feel her body reacting, just as Lisa pulled back.
"But er..." Lisa looked sheepish. "It's a bit small. It's gonna need resized."