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Pulling pranks with a straight face,
Using tears while making my excuses
It’s so lonely, I wanna play around
Syrupy like honey
The first time his father forced Michael to steal from convenience stores, tears ran down from the child’s already bruised face as the older man gives him another punch with a straight face at first. He cowered in fear as he muttered excuses to not have to do a crime that will cost him punishment.
The beating didn’t stop until he agrees to his father’s demand. The cruel man only huffed in annoyance as he left him alone to burry himself in his bottle of alcohols. Michael looked at the ceiling of their house for a while as silence surrounded him.
‘I wanna play around.’ He thought to himself as he once again suffocated by the loneliness that refused to leave his side as long as he remembered. Then he quickly got up from the floor. He didn’t want to get another beating, so he makes his way outside to the convenience stores.
Along the way, he founded his light of life, the soccer ball. For the first time, he feels a sweet feeling deep in his heart, something similar with honey he tasted back when he founded some leftovers in the honey jar’s dumpster.
To him, the soccer ball is everything. His only companion that will never leave his side no matter what he did to it.
To you, and even you
To be blunt, I’m not really needed
In this world, right?
That festival seems pretty fun
The next day, as Michael walked aimlessly with the soccer ball tightly clutched to his chest, his thoughts suddenly went to both of his parents. To his father always who refused to spelled his name, to his mother who refused to be by his side. It was obvious that he was never needed in their world. Then, why did he even had to exist in this world that refused to acknowledge his existence?
Somewhere along the way, he heard chanted and laughter, something that always feels foreign to him. He looked at the direction and found out that a festival seems to be ongoing around the town.
‘It seems fun.’ Michael brought his companion—the soccer ball—to visit the festival with him, hoping to enjoy a bit of happiness in his life, even if its only for some minutes.
Come on,
Walk, walk, come over here
Clap your hands and walk, rattatta
That’s enough, I’m tired, go away
Today too, I’m a bad child, an unwanted child
Michael’s once gloomy expression soon started to change into a childlike smile as he walked with his companion, sometimes kicking it and bouncing it around as he finally got to the less crowded area.
It felt like only him and the ball alone in the midst of chattering from people that visited the festival. They didn’t pay their attention to the frail little boy as he communicated in his own way with the ball.
The fleeting happiness of the boy didn’t last as soon as his gaze landed on a black-haired boy that got carried by his father as both of them laughing happily to each other. The boy’s eyes were blue, a bit darker than his. He has blue eyes too yet his life seems more sparkling than him. What is it that the boy had that Michael hadn’t?
The ache in his heart started to appeared again, he felt he has enough of the sight. He wanted to screamed at the boy and his family to go away from him. But he knew that the unneeded one was him, not the joyful boy so it should be him that has to go away. Then he stormed off, ignoring some people that yelled at him as he makes his way.
As soon as he arrived at his secret place, he just laid down as snows fall around him. Today, he didn’t get his happiness again since he’s a bad child, and bad child is always unwanted by their parents.
I dreamed of rich colors
But when I wake up, all I see are my two black hands
Only I’m being torn apart
That voice sounds so happy as it sings
There was a time when Michael dreamed of colors, not a gray that always filled his life. But the mix of green grass, blue sky, and many more colours that bring warmth to him as his parents played with him.
Once again, the world never gave him a rest as he awoke to seemingly black colored hands in his sight. The painful ache getting immensely stronger.
‘Disgusting'
He remembered one of his father’s words earlier when he gives him another merciless beating. Then the next time he knew, he fainted in the living room’s floor with his father nowhere to be founded.
The sound of a joyful singing came from a TV. It displayed a beautiful and stunning woman with blonde hair and blue eyes. She sang with such happiness in her sweet melodic voice, a contrast to the eerie silence of his house.
Come,
Tonight, tonight, at that place
Everyone, let’s go, hurry! Rattatta
That’s good, that’s great, if you feel envious
A carefree child dances happily, unknowing.
Michael’s feet bring him to his secret place, where he played with his companion again. It was a winter night, but he didn’t give a care in the world as he heard the calming thump of the ball hitting the places he wanted. The floor, the wall, even the sky.
As if the world sneered at him once again, when he went to his way back from his secret place, he met the same black-haired boy again. This time, the father held his hand as they talked between each other.
‘What a carefree child, it’s annoying.’ Michael gritted his teeth as he stormed off aimlessly, uncaring to the wind that started getting colder, pricking his skin beneath his black hoodie.
On a one, two, three and four, let’s play hide and seek
*father’s name*, *mother’s name*, I found you~
Out of breath, we play a game of tag
And I was caught by you.
As the cold winter biting his small body, making him shiver and his head spinning, he imagined that he played hide and seek with his parents. Having his fun just like how normal children did in a park he always passed by every time he makes his way to the sandwich place.
He imagined how it feels to play with them until he lost his breath, like how he currently feels in his shivering state. Then his parents both caught him in hide and seek, showing up with smiles and laughters as they both wrapped him in a warm embrace.
Come on,
Walk, walk, come over here
Clap your hands and walk, rattatta
Taking a trembling step forward,
Alone, I say; “Bye bye”
Then as the snow heavily piled up around him, he turned around and could see a glimpse of two people’s sillhoutes, his father smiling brightly at him as he extends his arms. Beside the man, there’s a blurry sight of someone he barely knew, but somehow from the long blonde hair, it must be his mother.
With trembling legs, Michael went toward them, step by step as he tried to fight back the winter’s unforgiving wind.
He knew both of them must be hallucination, he wasn’t stupid enough to not realizing his cruel reality. But he didn’t care, if the hallucination of his parents, welcoming him with open arms will be the last thing for him before he didn’t in the cold, then so be it.
Michael smiled sweetly for the first time in his life as he welcomed a sweet death that the world gave.
“…ser? ...Kai…s”
The distant voice suddenly stopped his staggery movements, he quickly turned around only to found empty spaces. He barely heard the voice but it’s strangely feels familiar.
‘Must be another hallucination.’
Michael decided to proceed with his steps, this time, he increased his steps desperately to reach his ‘parents’. He was sure he was headed right toward the glimpse of his parents before a hand pulled him away from going forward.
Come on,
Love, love, come over here
With open hands, I touch it; owch!
Is it all right? Is it fine? I open my eyes
Today and even tomorrow, let’s all play together.
“Michael! Michael, wake up!”
His vision was still blury as the voice he once heard started to get more clear, close to his hearing. He could feel his body was being shaken lightly by the figure in front of him.
Then, he founded himself in a completely different surrounding as his vision become clearer. His gaze landed on the magenta haired young man that looked at him with worry written in his faces, but it soon turned into relief when he opened started to regained consciousness.
“Micha? I’m sorry to wake you up, you looked uncomfortable so I…ah drink the water first! Here! It will make you feels better.”
Michael tried to comprehend the situation he’s currently in as he reached for the glass of water that Ness just gave him.
Right, he’s no longer that frail pitiful boy anymore. He’s Michael Kaiser, one of the New Generation 11 in the soccer world, Bastard Munchen’s pride. He was just having a bad dream when he slept in his room. He remembered he was pushing away Ness when Michael lost to Yoichi in the earlier match.
There was silence between them, only the sound of him gulping the water. He was glad that Ness is never the type to pester him with questions at his vulnerable state. Usually, Ness was only stayed by his side in silence, like what he did right now.
“Micha.”
It surprised Michael to not heard his own voice to be the first that breaking the silent, Ness was always the passive ones between them.
He unconsciously gave Ness a sharp look, contrary to his disgusted feeling of vulnerability of having a bad dream right after losing like a piece of shit.
But unlike the usual Ness, the magenta haired didn’t look fazed by his seemingly pissed look, he looked at him right in the eye while holding both of his hands after he put the glass in the table beside the bed.
“Please don’t ever forget that I will always cast a spell on your broken soul. That is my ego, to always stay by your side.”
His tone was always gentle to Michael, but this time, it sounded firm, as if Ness founded things he always wanted to said to him.
Michael didn’t understand why Ness insisted of staying by his side, the one who is no longer worthy of being a king. Even when he was stucked in that horrible dream, his hand pulled him firmly, as if saving him from being forever trapped in whatever place deep inside the dream.
He looked at Ness who gently caressed his stiffened hands—that isn’t used of affections—and started to questioned him. “The heck? I told you to go away, aren’t I? That all of this mess can no longer being fixed.”
His words sounded harsher than he intended to be, it was always like that which never failed to frustrated himself.
“I won’t listen to you anymore, Micha. Even if you said that you can never fix everything again, then I just have to fix it for you. I’ll fix it until you started to get on your sense to be joining me on fixing things you thought will never go back.”
Is it what humans usually called a second chance to go fix whatever mess they created in the first place? Does he deserve this? Is it fine to think this way?
“You know what, Micha? Even if you yell at me thousand times, I will cast the spell over and over again until I can fix your soul. So, please stop telling me to go away again. Well, even if you still insisted on it, today and tomorrow, I’ll just pestering you all day.”
Michael just stared at his hands, the hands that hurt Ness countless times, to finally reached for something called love and forgiveness. He can imagine that currently, it feels painful like a thorny vine of roses, foreign things are always equal to threats in Michael’s stormy life.
But, if it’s really okay. If Ness decided to be that irritatingly stubborn for reasons he didn’t understand, he decided to see how things will be going for now on.
“Fine. Do whatever you want, shitty Alexis.”