Work Text:
It was the morning after Neil’s death. The floorboards creaked in symphony with Todd’s cries. Todd yearned to meet his eyes with Neil’s just one more time. He couldn’t bear the thought that the warmth Neil brought into the world was gone, forever.
The night Neil passed, he left a note, neatly folded on the desk, with “Todd” written in Neil’s print. Todd had opened it, hands trembling. Before he could even read the first word, the page was stung with his tears. The note read,
“My dear Todd,
I’m sorry I left. I couldn’t live with it anymore. I want more than anything to stay with you, but I can’t. You were lovely, really lovely, Todd.
I love you, Todd.
Neil Perry.”
🖋️
Todd was back, lying on his bed, unaccompanied by his former roommate. He wasn’t sure how he would make it through today. Not without crying, atleast.
He wasn’t sure how to take himself through his classes without Neil’s guiding hand. Sure, the other poets accompanied him, but they weren’t Neil.
A knock on the door startled him, his train of thought derailing. Though, maybe that was a good thing. Still startled, he managed to throw up his words.
“Come in.”
He didn’t look up from his bed at first. Knox’s voice met him there.
“Todd,,, I have to tell you something!!” Knox sung playfully.
“What?” Todd’s voice was coy and cold.
Knox, in an attempt not to burst out, said, “Neil is in the hospital. He survived. He’ll be out in a few days.”
Todd lit up, his spark was back. “Really?!” He spoke giddily, smiling like a little boy. He ran up to Knox, hugging him tight. Tears fell down his freckle-ridden face. For the first time ever, his tears were joyous.
The next few days waiting for Neil felt like a few years. He wrote poems to pass the time. All the poems were, of course, about Neil.
🖋️
“That’ll do it.” He mumbled to himself.
It was late night and Todd had finished a long study session. He immediately jumped into his respective dorm room bed and fell asleep like the switch of a light.
He woke up the next morning. Something was different, though he was too sleepy to realize. He snapped out of his drowsy trance. Hands were wrapped around him tight. Am I hallucinating from sleep deprivation? He thought to himself. Then he realized. Neil was back.
He matched his breaths to Neil’s as they went, up, down, up, down… He didn’t want to move his head as not to ruin the moment, though something must have given him away, as he was greeted by, perhaps, the loveliest voice he had ever heard.
“Good morning sleepyhead!” Neil teased, his morning voice dawning. He ran his fingers through Todd’s sandy hair.
Todd turned around to meet him. “Good morning, Neil.” His smile was bright enough to light the entire dorm.
They had done their fair share of, completely platonic, spooning. Neither of them ever spoke of it, as not to break the slient agreement they had that, yes the spooning was platonic, and no, it wasn’t romantic in any way. That would make it weird. Though it felt different this time, not in a bad way, though. Why was it different? Todd pondered, as he often did. Then he remembered.
The note that Neil left before he attempted. He ended it with, “I love you.” Maybe it was plantonic… no—it couldn’t be. Neil wrote it expecting to never have to think about it again; the thought in his mind of never having to face his words again. Maybe—maybe Todd was twisting Neil’s words to fit his fantasies. God, Todd, you gotta stop with the dreams! He scolded himself. Before Todd could dive any deeper into his spiraling mind, Neil interrupted.
“I’m sorry I tried to leave you.” His voice sounded from the other end of the room where he was fidgeting with a paper on his desk.
“What—oh! Yes… that.” Todd’s face turned cold. He wasn’t mad at Neil, no not at all. He just didn’t want to think about Neil being dead.
Neil looked to Todd with his longing, heart-shaped eyes. “It’s just—ngk.“ He went over to Todd, who was still stitting on his bed. Neil grabbed both his hands. They stared at eachother for a while until Neil grabbed Todd and held him by his waist.
“I’ll never try to leave you again Todd. It was stupid of me…” Both their faces were red by now. Before Todd could even think, Neil burst out. “I really want to kiss you right now.”
“I—“ Todd was shocked. His eyes darted across Neil’s face, looking for any hint of sarcasm. There wasn’t any. His fantasies weren’t fantasies anymore. Everything he wrote poems about was materializing right infront of him. “Me too!” Todd laughed. Neil pulled him in.
It was such a sweet embrace. Todd melted into Neil. The whole world around them stopped. This was what Todd wanted—more than he could ever have wished for. Each second they hugged tighter and tighter until they pulled away.
“That was…”
“Amazing.” Todd finished Neil’s sentence.
“Can we do it again?” Neil lit up.
“Of course.” They pulled back together like magnets, hands on eachother’s chests. It was just as good as the first time.
Knox barged in. “You guys up for-“ His eyes widened and he quickly shut the door behind him. “Oops.”
It didn’t matter to them. What mattered was the fact that they were together at last. Nothing could take this away from them.