Chapter Text
The rest of the summer break passed in a blur of comfortable routine. Lando spoke to his mum a couple of times, pressed against Oscar’s side as he tried to stop feeling so ashamed about introducing Cisca to his little headspace. She was kind, patient, and listened where she needed to. She reminded him to come home soon, and that she loved him very much.
After each call, Lando would crawl into Oscar’s lap. He’d let himself be gently rocked and sink deep into little space.
They both video-called Nicole, too. Lando wasn’t quite little when they spoke, but he cradled Fish in his lap and shyly lifted one of his paws when she said hello to him. He buried his face in Oscar’s shoulder and Oscar laughed softly as he told his mum that Lando was feeling shy. Nicole cooed and spoke in a gentle voice and when Lando peeked up at the screen, she had the same crinkly eyed smile as Oscar.
Just before they hung up, Nicole said she couldn’t wait for Lando to bring Fish to Australia. Lando said, ‘me too’ in a quiet voice, and Oscar beamed at him.
Oscar encouraged Lando to spend as much time in his little headspace as he needed. ‘It’s the summer break,’ he said, and when Lando tried to protest and say that he was being too much, Oscar would just shake his head and remind him that it was good for him too.
Most mornings Lando woke up little, curled close against Oscar with Fish caught between them and his dummy somewhere in the bed. Sometimes he woke first, and he’d lie and watch Oscar sleeping peacefully. He reached out a finger and traced the constellation of moles that ran down Oscar’s neck and back and Oscar whispered that he was tickling. Lando pulled his hand back and felt bad he’d woken Oscar, until Oscar had reached out and tickled his ribs until he was screeching with laughter and then pulled him close again for a cuddle before they got up.
Days slipped past easily. Oscar would feed him breakfast and make juice in Lando’s special cup, the one Oscar had bought him a couple of months ago. They watched films curled up on blankets on the living room floor, Lando tucked between Oscar’s knees with Fish and a bowl of popcorn. Some days, Lando stayed right at the bottom of his headspace, quiet and pliant, and content for Oscar to read to him or just sit and rock him while he hovered in the in-between space of asleep and awake. Other days, he chattered non-stop, watching Bluey and pointing things out just to make Oscar laugh.
Sometimes, Lando stayed in his big headspace and they spoke about his blockers, and the future, and the season ahead, or just sat side by side playing video games.
Lando was usually little by dinnertime, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand as Oscar fed him bites of dinner and murmured praise, combing gentle fingers through his curls. Evenings often ended with the soft splash of bathwater, Lando sleepy and pink-cheeked as Oscar knelt beside the tub. Afterwards, Oscar would carry him to bed, curls damp, the sheets smelling faintly of fabric softener.
By the time the end of August rolled around, the air had changed. Days were still warm, but the light was starting to feel different, and the evenings cooled quickly. The summer break had been safe and soft, a little world of their own, but the rhythm of race weekends was beginning to call them back.
-
Lando had woken in the night, wide eyed and tearful. It was the night before they were due to fly back to England, the week before the first race back.
Oscar had turned on the lamp and rocked Lando until the tears had stopped. He’d run a bath and stripped Lando out of his wet pull-up and bathed him, talking in a low voice until Lando was able to explain what had scared him.
‘What if I’m little and someone sees?’
Oscar hummed as he gently poured water over Lando’s back. ‘I wouldn’t let that happen.’
‘But what if?’ Lando insisted. He could still feel the lingering worry of his bad dream.
‘If it happens, then I’d look after you. Like I always do.’ He wiped the flannel carefully over Lando’s cheeks.
Lando closed his eyes and nodded. ‘Daddy?’
‘Yes, sweetheart?’
Lando hummed and opened his eyes. ‘What if I can’t stay big on the plane?’
‘Then you can sit right next to me. We’ll find Fish and you can have a nap and I won’t leave your side.’
‘And what if I can’t stay big when we get to the hotel?’
‘You can stay in my room and you can watch Bluey and we can get room service and you don’t have to go anywhere.’
Lando nodded thoughtfully. His headspace was fuzzy round the edges and the terror he’d felt as he woke up had ebbed away until he felt soft and sleepy again.
‘Daddy?’
‘Mmm?’ Oscar hummed, as he pulled out the plug and stood to get Lando’s towel.
‘What if Fish is scared of flying?’
‘Well,’ Oscar said, slowly, as he helped Lando stand and wrapped the towel around him. ‘I guess you’ll just have to show him how to be brave, hmm?’
He rubbed Lando’s back gently and picked him up, carrying him through to the bedroom and lying him on the bed. He held out Lando’s dummy.
Lando held on to it thoughtfully, for a moment.
‘Daddy?’
‘Yes, baby?’
‘Can I take my blanket?’
Lando popped his dummy in his mouth and looked up at Oscar, who was drying his legs carefully.
‘Of course you can, love.’
Lando lay pliantly as Oscar got him ready for bed again, sliding a clean pull-up over his hips and pulling on a pair of pyjama shorts that Oscar was pretty sure used to be his.
‘And Daddy?’
‘Mmm?’ Oscar helped Lando sit up and pulled a t-shirt over his head. He kissed his forehead as he helped him thread his arms through the holes.
‘Can I take Fish to work?’
Oscar tapped Lando’s nose.
‘Of course you can. You’ll have to keep him safe, though.’
‘I can do that.’
‘I know you can. You’re very good at that.’
‘Daddy?’
‘Do you think we can have a cuddle and try and get some more sleep now?’ Oscar said, gently.
‘Are you tired?’
‘I am. And I think you might be in the morning if we don’t get some more sleep now.’
Oscar climbed into bed and held his arms for Lando to cuddle into. Lando shuffled up the bed, holding Fish against his chest. He nuzzled into Oscar’s shoulder and curled his legs around Oscar’s.
‘Daddy?’
‘Yes, love?’
‘I love you.’
‘I love you too.’ Oscar brushed a kiss against the top of his head. ‘Night night.’
Lando’s breathing evened out against his shoulder, the room sinking back into quiet.
-
The curtains were still drawn the next morning, the light in the room soft as Lando woke slowly. He could hear Oscar in the bathroom, door slightly ajar and steam gently curling into the bedroom. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. He tried not to feel nervous about travelling. He rolled the seams of Fish’s ear between his fingers and listened to Oscar turning off the shower and padding back into the bedroom.
‘Good morning,’ he said, voice gentle.
Lando hummed around his dummy.
‘We’ve got plenty of time.’ Oscar sat on the bed, and Lando crawled into his lap, pressing his forehead against Oscar’s damp shoulder. ‘There’s no rush.’
Lando closed his eyes. He wished he was feeling bigger. Oscar rubbed gentle circles on his back.
‘You don’t need to do anything other than what your body is telling you,’ Oscar said, quietly.
They both knew it wasn’t true. Lando sighed through his nose before sitting up and taking out his dummy to pass to Oscar. He shuffled over until he was sitting on the bed next to Oscar instead of in his lap. He looked down at Fish.
‘I thought I would be feeling bigger,’ he whispered.
Oscar reached over and carded his fingers through Lando’s hair. ‘I think you’re tired and I think you’re nervous, and I think your body is trying to protect you.’
‘By making sure everything I’m scared of happening…happens?’ Lando closed his eyes and nuzzled into Oscar’s hand.
‘By keeping you somewhere you feel safe.’
‘Oh.’ Lando thought about it for a moment. ‘With you?’
‘Being little, with your Daddy.’ Oscar’s fingers were still gently curling through Lando’s hair.
Lando nodded slowly. He thought about the night before, how Oscar had known all the right things to say. How he’d already thought about everything Lando would be nervous about and found ways that he thought could help. Oscar was right. Maybe his body was right, too. He always felt safest when he was with Oscar.
‘I don’t want to be little,’ he said, quietly.
Oscar hummed. ‘I know, love.’
‘I need to do some things by myself maybe. Just to…remember. To be big, I mean.’
‘You can do whatever you need to.’ Oscar untangled his fingers from Lando’s hair. Lando whined about it, just a little bit. Oscar smiled indulgently and threaded his fingers back through his curls.
‘And if I have to be little?’ Lando asked in a small voice, looking down at Fish in his lap.
‘You’ll be with me. I’ll look after you.’
‘And if anyone… sees?’
‘No one will.’
‘But if they do?’
‘Lando. Look at me.’ Oscar’s voice was soft, his fingers stilling in Lando’s hair. Lando looked up. ‘If you need to be little, I promise I will look after you and I’ll make sure you’re safe. That means making sure all parts of you are safe.’
Lando blinked slowly.
‘I promise. I will look after you. All parts of you.’
Lando looked down at Fish. ‘And Fish?’
‘And Fish. Although you’re much better at looking after him than me.’ Oscar untangled his fingers again, squeezing Lando’s shoulder before standing up. ‘Do you want to go and shower maybe? I’ll get dressed and make us some breakfast?’
Lando took a deep breath, and nodded. Oscar gently lifted Fish from his lap, and he padded into the bathroom, pushing the door to behind him. He tried not to cry as he undressed himself, trying not to think of Oscar running him a bath that smelled of honey and coconut. Instead, he turned on the shower and shivered a little as he waited for the water to warm up. He closed his eyes and stood under the spray, sighing.
-
By the time they left for the airport, Lando had packed and repacked his carry-on several times. His blanket was folded at the bottom of Oscar’s bag already, but he’d wanted to make sure Fish was close. His dummy was tucked in a little pouch in the zipped pocket inside.
First, he put Fish in, piling his hoodie and his headphones and his charging bank on top. Then he took everything out, shoving the hoodie at the bottom and zipping the charger in the front pocket. He kissed Fish gently, resting him on top, only to pull it all out again a moment later, wrapping Fish in his hoodie, headphones now looped around his neck.
Oscar leaned against the doorframe, a small smile playing at the corners of his mouth.
‘Do you need some help?’
‘No, I just-’ Lando unzipped his bag again. ‘I don’t know which is the right way.’
‘I don’t think there is a right way, love.’
Lando sighed. ‘I don’t want Fish to be scared,’ he said, quietly.
‘Oh baby.’ Oscar crossed the room and rested a hand on Lando’s head. Lando leaned against Oscar’s legs.
‘Let me help you, hmm?’
Lando nodded. He was brushing his thumbnail against his lower lip, a telltale sign that he was feeling little, or at least on the way to feeling little. Oscar crouched down next to him.
‘If you need to stay then you can just say the word. I’ll move our flight, we can travel tomorrow instead.’
Lando looked at him for a moment, thumb resting on his lip. Then he pulled his hand away and shook his head. ‘We can’t do that. I’ll just… get a grip.’
He pulled out his hoodie and unwrapped Fish, took his headphones from around his neck. He reached out and stroked the bunny’s head with a finger.
‘Do you want me to?’ Oscar gestured at the bag. ‘I’ll make sure Fish is ok.’
Lando nodded.Oscar rolled the hoodie, slid it down one side of the bag, and carefully tucked the bunny next to it. He rested the headphones on top and zipped up the bag before handing it to Lando.
‘Ready?’ Oscar asked quietly.
‘I think so.’
-
The ride to the airport was quiet. They sat in the back together, Oscar scrolling on his phone while Lando watched buildings slide past the window, his bag resting on his knees. He told himself he felt fine. Big. Normal.
The terminal was already busy when they arrived. Lando stayed close to Oscar, hands in his pockets, trying not to tense when someone brushed too close. He tried to tune out the noise of rolling suitcases, voices over the PA, and the smell of coffee drifting from somewhere ahead. He breathed through his mouth and tried not to cry.
‘You alright?’ Oscar asked quietly as they waited to hand over their bags.
‘Mhmm.’ Lando shifted his weight, fiddled with the handle of his suitcase. ‘Just…thinking about getting back to it.’
Oscar looked at him, but didn’t push.
When they went through security, Lando hesitated before handing Oscar his carry-on. He tried not to think about Fish going through the scanners, but when they sat in the lounge, he unzipped the side of his bag and slipped a hand inside, stroking the bunny’s fur as an apology as he pulled out his hoodie.
On the plane, Oscar sat next to Lando, just as he promised. Lando shoved his bag under the seat and leaned back, putting his hood up and closing his eyes. Oscar put a gentle hand on his knee. He curled his little finger around Oscar’s, eyes still shut, and breathed out through his nose.
Take-off was fine. He watched the clouds through the window for a while, eyes heavy, fingers toying with the cuff of his hoodie. He tried not to think about Fish, tucked up in his bag under the seat. Ignored the ache at the base of his skull.
The steady hum of the engines made his head feel heavy. He yawned, shifting against the armrest.
‘You can nap if you want,’ Oscar said, voice low so no one else could hear. ‘I’ll wake you up when we’re about to land.’
Lando shook his head. ‘’M not tired,’ he mumbled.
‘Okay.’ Oscar smiled and turned back to his phone.
He didn’t say anything when Lando shuffled closer, whining quietly until he’d lifted the arm rest. Lando rested his head against his shoulder and sighed.
‘Do you want Fish?’ Oscar asked, softly.
Lando hesitated. ‘Can’t,’ he said, eventually.
Oscar took his hoodie off and handed it over. ‘I know it’s not the same,’ he said, but Lando had already balled it up in his lap, head down and rubbing the cuff gently over his bottom lip. It smelled of Oscar, still warm from where he’d been wearing it, and Lando leant against him again, closing his eyes.
By the time they were descending, Lando was fast asleep, leaning heavily against Oscar’s shoulder. Oscar watched him for a moment, with a fond little smile. He always looked so little when he slept.
‘Hey, love.’ He gently shrugged the shoulder Lando was leaning against. ‘We’re nearly there.’
Lando frowned, eyes still closed. He shook his head slightly.
Oscar lifted his shoulder again. ‘Time to wake up.’
‘Daddy, no.’ The words slipped out, and a second later he sat up sharply, glancing around to make sure no one had heard. He shoved Oscar’s hoodie back in his lap. He slouched in his seat, pulling his hood back up where it had slipped down while he was sleeping. He avoided Oscar’s eye.
He was fuzzier than he wanted to feel, closer to his little headspace than felt safe. He could have been heard by anyone. He chewed his thumbnail anxiously.
Oscar didn’t say anything, just slipped his hoodie back on and squeezed Lando’s knee gently. The tension in Lando’s shoulder eased, just a little, as they touched down.
-
They usually stayed in the same hotel when they went back to the factory. The reception felt familiar now, smelling faintly of coffee. Lando kept his head down, letting Oscar take the lead at the desk. His cheeks still flushed every time he thought about calling Oscar Daddy on the plane.
Oscar collected both keycards and Lando followed him silently to the lift. When the doors closed he stepped closer, pressing himself against Oscar and reaching out to rub his fingers against the hem of Oscar’s hoodie. Oscar didn’t say anything, but pressed a quick kiss to Lando’s temple.
When the lift doors opened on their floor, Oscar waited for him to step out first. ‘Just down here,’ he said lightly.
Oscar stopped in front of the first door. ‘Are you staying with me?’ he asked quietly.
Lando nodded. ‘If that’s ok.’
‘It’s always ok.’ Oscar unlocked the door and swung it open. ‘I just never like to assume.’
He wheeled both suitcases inside. Lando trailed after him, hovering by the bed. He toed his shoes off, dropped his rucksack on the bed, and stared at the floor, fiddling with his cuffs.
‘Come here.’ Oscar held out his arms. Lando stepped into them, burying his face into Oscar’s neck. He breathed out shakily.
‘What if someone heard?’ he whispered.
‘No one did.’ Oscar’s voice rumbled in his chest. Lando felt it through his cheek.
‘No,’ he agreed, quietly.
‘I know it’s scary.’ Oscar squeezed his arms tighter around Lando.
‘I didn’t think. I felt too… safe.’
Oscar hummed. ‘I’m glad you felt safe.’
‘I always do.’ Lando sniffed. ‘I just… no one can find out. I have to be careful.’
‘How can I help?’
‘Stop being so nice,’ Lando mumbled.
Oscar laughed through his nose. ‘Not sure about that.’
Lando hummed. Oscar rocked him gently. His headspace was fuzzy round the edges again. He closed his eyes as Oscar played with his hair.
‘Just, like, remind me, maybe? We could have a code word.’
Oscar’s hand paused in his hair. ‘I hate it when I have to tell you to be big,’ he admitted quietly. ‘I know I need to, but it sort of goes against all my instincts.’
‘Is it hard for you too? When we’re out?’
‘I think in a different way. If it was up to me, I’d just be able to look after you all the time. And not have to worry about what anyone thinks because it’s just… normal. So when I have to tell you to be big, it’s like, I’m doing something wrong. Even though it’s the right thing for you. And I’ll always, always do what you need me to. There’s just a part of me that feels that I shouldn’t be asking you to do that.’
Lando nodded slowly. ‘I think I forget sometimes.’
‘Forget what, love?’
‘That you need it too.’
‘I love looking after you.’
Lando hummed thoughtfully. ‘Daddy?’
‘Mmm?’
‘Can I be little now?’
Oscar kissed his head. ‘You never have to ask. Shall we find Fish? I bet he’d love a cuddle after his flight.’
Lando nodded, letting Oscar guide him to the sofa. He curled up against the arm and tucked his thumb in his mouth. He let himself slip into his headspace without fighting it.
Oscar unzipped his bag and carefully pulled out Fish. ‘Hello Fish,’ he said, setting him on the bed while he unzipped the pocket with Lando’s dummy safely inside. ‘How was your flight, mate?’
Lando giggled as Oscar pretended to listen to Fish’s reply, nodding seriously. ‘I see,’ he said, as he unzipped his own bag to find Lando’s blanket. ‘Sounds like you could do with a cuddle. I actually know someone. A little boy, you might know him actually.’
He carried Fish over carefully, blanket over his shoulder and Lando’s dummy in the other hand. He held the dummy out first, then said, ‘Someone’s here to see you.’ He put Fish in Lando’s outstretched hand.
Oscar settled on the sofa. Lando climbed into his lap, and Oscar draped the blanket over them both.
‘That’s better isn't it?’
Lando nodded, eyes already drifting closed. He stroked Fish’s ear and listened to his Daddy’s heartbeat and forgot all about needing to be big.
-
The next morning, Lando sat on the edge of the bed. He was dressed in his team kit, running his thumb over the seam of Fish’s ear one last time before tucking him into his rucksack. He zipped the bag closed, and put it by the door. Patting his pocket to check his phone and pass, he closed his eyes and took a slow breath in and out.
Oscar ran a gentle hand up and down his arm. ‘Car’s here in ten.’ He gently brushed a curl away from his forehead. ‘You ok?’
Lando heard the unsaid question - are you feeling big - and nodded. ‘Yeah,’ he said, although his voice caught slightly on the word. He’d been to the MTC hundreds of times, but after the weeks in their quiet little bubble, the thought of the glass atrium and the low murmur of engineers talking over laptops felt strange.
The drive from the hotel was short. Oscar kept his hand on Lando’s knee, and Lando watched the water glint in the sun. He kept pace with Oscar as they walked in, nodding hello to people already moving between meeting rooms. He thought of Fish tucked up in his rucksack, the soft bulk of his blanket at the bottom of Oscar’s. Hidden away, just in case.
The first meeting room they were in was mostly taken up by a huge oval table. A couple of engineers were already there, laptops open. Lando waved as he took the chair next to Oscar, resting his forearms on the table. Big headspace. Professional. Normal.
They started talking through tyre data from the first half of the season, flipping between spreadsheets and simulation models on the big screen at the back of the room. Lando nodded along, asking the occasional question, scribbling notes on the iPad in front of him. He breathed out. I can do this.
But the voices were low and constant, and the screen caught the corner of his eye, and the chair was just a little too firm under his legs. The air conditioning hummed in the ceiling above them. The label in his t-shirt was itchy against the back of his neck.
He shifted, bouncing one knee under the table without thinking.
Oscar nudged a foot gently against his shin. Lando glanced up. Oscar didn’t look at him, still focused on the tyre deg simulation for a possible wet race in Zandvoort, but he nudged Lando’s shin again.
Lando’s knee stilled. He exhaled quietly, and looked back at his notes.
The meeting rolled on for another half an hour. When they finished, people packing up laptops and papers around them, Oscar leaned closer as they stood. ‘Ten minutes before we’re in the next meeting,’ he murmured. ‘Want to get some air?’
Lando nodded, following him out through the glass doors and into the open space outside. The air was cooler there. Lando rubbed his jaw with his palm and sighed.
‘You’re doing well,’ Oscar said, leaning on the railing.
‘Am I?’
‘You are. I’m proud of you.’
Lando ducked his head, cheeks flushing. ‘Don’t say things like that to me, Osc. You’ll make me feel…’
‘Shit, yeah. Sorry.’ Oscar smiled. ‘I am though. Proud.’
Lando nodded. He shifted his weight so he nudged the toe of his trainer against Oscar’s. ‘Thank you. For the reminder.’
‘Always.’
Lando glanced back through the glass at everyone still moving between rooms. ‘Ready for round two?’
Oscar laughed. ‘Let’s go.’
-
Their next meeting was in one of the biggest meeting rooms, with a huge wall of glass overlooking the lake. The sun bounced off the water, scattering light across the desks. Lando slid into the seat next to Oscar again. His fingers brushed Fish’s ear as he took out his iPad, and he shook his head slightly as he zipped his bag closed. Not now.
Lando knew the meeting was scheduled for longer than the first - a full session about post-break upgrades and set-up ready for their next race. The sun made the room feel warmer, and the drone of conversation blurred into the hum of the air conditioning.
By the time they’d been in there an hour, Lando was rubbing his thumbnail across his bottom lip without realising. His eyes were following the data on the big screen, but not entirely hearing the words.
He could feel the ache of his headspace in the base of his skull, feel the pull of his little space as he blinked.
Oscar’s pen tapped twice against the table. Lando dropped his hand into his lap and flicked his eyes sideways. Oscar gave the faintest nod.
Lando straightened in his seat, took a breath, and tuned back in to the conversation, forcing his focus back to downforce and wing angles. Big headspace, he reminded himself. I can do this.
They took a break for lunch after a couple of hours. Lando pressed his thumbs into his temples as he filed out with everyone else.
‘Still with me?’ Oscar asked quietly.
Lando nodded. ‘Just tired.’
They found a table in the corner, Lando sitting with his back to the rest of the room. He picked at his lunch, listening to the low hum of conversation and the clink of cutlery around them. He could still feel the faint ache of his headspace around the edges, but kept his shoulders squared. Stay big.
‘Two more hours, then we’re done here for the day.’
‘It’s fine.’ Lando poked at his food with his fork. ‘Just feels… long.’
‘You’ve done well so far.’ Oscar kept his tone light, but he nudged Lando’s shin under the table again. He’d been paying attention to him, too.
Lando looked out of the window. ‘Better than I thought, actually.’
‘That’s because you’ve been looking after yourself. Eating properly, drinking water. Taking… breaks.’ Spending time in your headspace, Lando heard. ‘Makes a difference.’
Lando smirked faintly. ‘You mean you’ve been looking after me and making me do those things.’
‘Same thing.’
Lando smiled. The quiet between them settled into something comfortable.
-
The session after lunch was dense, full of run plan simulations and discussions about set-up variations depending on the weather. Lando forced himself to keep taking notes, even when his focus threatened to drift.
Oscar spoke up a few times, his voice steady and low as he asked about type plan and potential compromises for Friday practice. Every so often, his foot gently nudged against Lando’s shin under the table. Not enough to draw attention, just a quick check-in.
By the last half an hour, Lando could feel the steady pull of his headspace. The voices felt louder, but words were muddling in his head. His clothes felt itchy and tight, like he’d been wearing them too long. He thought longingly of tucking his thumb into his mouth. Instead, he copied numbers off the screen to keep his hands busy. Stay big. Finish the day.
When the meeting wrapped, Oscar gathered their things. He slid Lando’s iPad back into his bag and handed it over. ‘Done,’ he said, with a gentle smile.
Lando let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding as they walked out of the front door. ‘Back to the hotel?’
Oscar nodded, opening the door of the car for Lando and climbing in after him.
The drive was quiet. Lando leaned his head against the window, his thumb resting against his lower lip.
When they got back to the hotel, Lando trailed behind Oscar, fingers almost-but-not-quite curled in the hem of Oscar’s hoodie. In the lift, he rested his forehead against Oscar’s shoulder. Oscar’s fingers curled in the hair at the nape of his neck. ‘Nearly there.’
Oscar unlocked the door and let Lando step in first. He dropped his rucksack by the bed and sat on the edge. Oscar knelt down in front of him and untied his laces, easing his trainers off.
‘You did well today,’ he said.
Lando shrugged, eyes on the floor. ‘I’m tired.’
‘I know.’ Oscar ran a hand up and down his shin. ‘Do you want to shower before we have something to eat?’
Lando shook his head. He tucked his hands inside the cuffs of his hoodie and felt the tug on the edges of his headspace that he’d been trying to ignore all day.
Oscar stood and carded his fingers through Lando’s hair. ‘You don’t have to keep holding it, sweetheart,’ he said quietly.
The edges of Lando’s headspace frayed. He took a shuddering breath, as he let go. He folded forward until his forehead was pressing against Oscar’s chest. Oscar rubbed slow circles between his shoulder blades.
‘Where’s Fish?’ he mumbled into Oscar’s hoodie.
‘In your bag,’ Oscar murmured back. ‘Want me to get him?’
Lando nodded without lifting his head.
Oscar crouched, unzipped the rucksack, and pulled Fish free, tucking him gently against Lando’s chest. Lando tucked his thumb in his mouth and watched as Oscar pulled his blanket out of his bag, too.
Oscar climbed onto the bed, sitting with his back against the headboard. Lando shuffled over so he was curled on Oscar’s lap, blanket draped over him, Fish tucked safely between them.
The room was quiet. Lando matched his breathing with Oscar’s and let his eyes drift closed. Oscar’s fingers were scratching his scalp gently.
‘You kept yourself big all day,’ Oscar said after a while. His voice was warm. ‘I’m proud of you. That’s not easy.’
Lando hummed around his thumb. He wanted to reply but he could already feel his headspace slipping further. Safe. Small. Exactly where he wanted to be.