Chapter Text
"no, i'm not going."
jaehyun stood in the doorway, arms crossed, big eyes trying to convince the other guy. it was the third time he'd gotten the same answer that week. no excuses, not even flimsy ones, just a dry refusal, like woonhak no longer had the energy to explain himself. still, the older one wasn’t going to give up.
"you don’t even know if they’re officially together," he tried, aiming for the most casual tone possible. "I want to go with you. you know everything’s more fun when we’re together."
woonhak didn’t answer. instead, he bent down to look for his phone among the mess on his bed. jaehyun watched him while throwing out more excuses, calling him his "party partner," the "life of the gathering," and every cheesy nickname he could think of, just to make woonhak wrinkle his nose in mock disgust. when he found his phone, he sat on the bed and patted the space next to him for his best friend to join.
when he finally found what he was looking for, he turned the screen toward jaehyun. he didn’t say a word, only watched as jaehyun’s brow furrowed in confusion.
"no way..." was all jaehyun could manage when he saw the profile.
the change was brutal. hara wasn’t posting blurry selfies or random food pics anymore. now her entire account revolved around him, the new guy. her highlight stories carried his initial. photos of them hugging, cliché couple videos, and long captions dedicated to her actual boyfriend. in every post, that boy’s warm smile, his hands around her waist. it all landed like a punch to woonhak’s already fragile heart. but the worst part was seeing those eyes, the ones woonhak had once wanted on him, now looking at someone else with the tenderness he had always longed to feel.
since finding out, woonhak had scrolled through both of their profiles over and over. the first time he’d seen his name, it had sent a strange chill down his spine. there was something familiar about it: dongmin. it was beautiful, a name that fit his face.
the younger one slowly took his phone back and placed it face down on the bed. he stayed silent for a few seconds, but jaehyun knew him, he was holding something in.
"that’s why I can't go." despite his effort, his voice cracked on the last word. jaehyun moved closer, carefully, as if any sudden movement might shatter the younger boy’s stability.
"she replaced me like I never mattered. maybe to hara that’s true, but to me she was everything."
woonhak paused, and when he lifted his head again, his eyes were already shining. that first tear was all it took for his façade to crumble.
"she treated me like trash, jaehyun. like something she could use when she was bored and toss aside whenever she wanted. and i’m still stuck here. do you get how pathetic that is?"
jaehyun didn’t answer with words. he wrapped his arms around woonhak’s shoulders, tight. woonhak let himself sink, resting his forehead against his best friend’s chest. the older boy rested his chin on his head and gently rubbing his arm.
"you’re still in love," jaehyun murmured. "and that hurts. but you’re here with me and i’ll stay for as long as you need."
"i’m not in love," woonhak said, lowering his gaze. "and I don’t miss her. I just don’t understand what I did to deserve that. and that’s why I can’t get it out of my head, because i’m still looking for an answer that’s never coming." he fell silent for a moment, swallowing hard.
"it was like living hungry, you know? she’d give me crumbs now and then. and I was grateful, every time."
"you deserve the whole damn feast." jaehyun told him, kissing the top of his head.
the silence grew heavier, but never uncomfortable. jaehyun kept holding him without rushing, as if no party could ever matter more than this moment. woonhak didn’t say thank you, he just tightened his fingers around jaehyun’s wrist, a small gesture strong enough to say i love you without speaking.
minutes passed like that, until woonhak, still with a hoarse voice said, "I can’t hate him."
"the new guy?"
"he’s got a pretty face, he seems nice. she looks at him differently, like she’s sure she wants to be with him."
"then let’s go, we’ll look at him together. you tell me if he’s as perfect as he seems. if he’s not, we laugh at his haircut and leave. if he is, i’ll get you a drink, and we’ll talk shit about them all night."
woonhak raised an eyebrow through dry tears, almost smiling.
"and what if I can’t do it?"
"then i’ll pick you up, carry you if I have to, take you home and cook you something. but you’re not staying with this doubt, I hate seeing you like this."
the younger boy looked into his eyes. not with certainty, but with enough spark for jaehyun to know he was considering saying yes.
★
the sound of music was already spilling out through the open windows of the house. voices, laughter, shouts from people who had more than a few drinks. outside, jaehyun and woonhak lingered for a moment, staring at the door as if it were something unfamiliar.
woonhak adjusted the collar of his shirt even though he didn’t need to. his hands trembled slightly, but he tried to hide it.
“we can leave if you want,” jaehyun said, glancing at him from the corner of his eye. “we’ll go grab something to eat, watch a movie. or sit on some sidewalk and talk about life. whatever you want to do.”
“stop,” woonhak replied, though without much strength behind it.
jaehyun smiled softly. he stepped closer and placed a hand on his shoulder.
“don’t forget that no matter what happens in there, i’m with you, okay?” he said, lowering his voice just a bit. “if it hurts, if you want to cry or tell the whole world to fuck off. even if you end up having fun and just need someone to tell that the party was amazing. i’m here for you. always.”
woonhak looked at him. his eyes softened with affection, and he nodded silently.
“still, try to enjoy it a little,” jaehyun added with a conspiratorial smile. “just for tonight. you deserve it.” and without warning, he kissed him on the cheek.
“jaehyun!” woonhak protested immediately, scrunching up his face. “you’re such a pain.”
but his body betrayed him and a genuine laugh escaped for the first time in days. jaehyun laughed along with him, satisfied, and ruffled his hair affectionately before gently pushing him toward the door.
“come on, baby. let’s see what’s waiting for us.”
and with their hearts just a little lighter, they crossed the threshold together.
★
the house was already full when they stepped through the door. you could feel the music in the air before a single sound was made, vibrating in every corner of the place. the lights hanging from the ceiling were tangled with shimmering ribbons, and the air was dense: it smelled of spilled liquor, smoke, heavy perfume, and human heat. guests danced, laughed, shouted names over the noise. half-empty glasses passed from hand to hand, some ownerless cups rested in unexpected places, and somewhere in the distance, phones lit up with notifications that were being ignored for the night.
woonhak hadn’t taken more than two steps inside when he froze. the first thing he saw was hara. dark clothes, flawless makeup, a presence that was both captivating and defiant. but tonight she didn’t look like she usually did. she laughed with bright eyes. the same smile that had once felt unreachable to him, the one that only appeared in rare and guarded moments.
that’s why it hurt so much to see it now—because it wasn’t meant for him, and it never had been. she was with someone else.
the boy holding her had a presence that was impossible to ignore. tall, just messy enough to look effortlessly natural, sharp features with an elegant, quiet beauty that clashed with the chaos around them. woonhak knew instantly: dongmin, in the flesh. his hand rested on hara’s waist like he already knew it belonged there. she turned to him with devotion, like all it would take was a glance for her to follow him anywhere.
woonhak’s chest tightened. anger that he’d been storing since things ended rose fast. it was the realization that with him, hara wasn’t like this. she never laughed with that kind of freedom, never leaned in with that spark in her eyes, never surrendered so easily. with him, it had been begging, doubting, waiting for messages that didn’t come. living by excusing silences and bad treatment because “they don’t know her like i do.”
the air felt heavier. he swallowed but it barely help. his chest ached and his stomach churned. he felt the urge to run, but his legs wouldn’t move. when he knew that staying any longer would give him away, he turned on his heel, looking for jaehyun. he spotted him in the crowd, already holding a drink, smiling that fake smile he wore when he didn’t want people to realize he was reading the whole room.
woonhak walked straight to him and, without a word, grabbed the edge of his jacket. jaehyun just looked at him and understood, not asking a single question as the younger dragged him upstairs, where the noise was still there but softer—like they’d stepped a little outside the world. they went into one of the bathrooms, and woonhak braced both hands on the sink.
“did you saw them?” the older asked.
“yeah. she looks very different,” woonhak murmured. “with me, she was never like that. she didn’t smile that way.”
jaehyun stepped forward and opened the cabinet where someone probably too drunk to care had left a half-empty bottle.
“then we’re starting now,” he said, a half-smile meant to help.
woonhak looked at him through the mirror’s reflection. “that’s your solution?”
“my temporary solution, so you don’t overthink. and because I refuse to watch you in this mood all night.” without saying more, he poured a full glass and handed it over without asking.
woonhak hesitated. he took a small sip and coughed almost immediately. the burn slid down his throat, his stomach clenching as it took in the liquid. but at least that sting distracted him from the real pain, the one he’d been hiding for weeks. he downed the rest quickly and held out the empty glass.
jaehyun didn’t hesitate, filling it again.
“come on. one more.” woonhak drank.
“and another,” jaehyun added, half-laughing. “for his stupid face.”
“he doesn’t have a stupid face,” woonhak mumbled, pouting. “he’s really handsome.”
“see? you’re already talking nonsense. this is good.”
woonhak slid down to lean against the wall, his laugh now was equal parts exhaustion and desperation.
“how much more do I have to drink to stop feeling like this?”
“five more glasses and you won’t remember anything tomorrow. don’t worry, we’ll have plenty of time to worry later.” jaehyun stepped closer, pulling him in until his head rested on the taller man’s shoulder.
and for a moment, woonhak felt like he wasn’t completely alone.
★
downstairs, between the noise, the drinks, and the lights, hara leaned against the staircase railing with a glass of some improvised cocktail in hand, her lips freshly repainted for the third time that night. taesan stood beside her, watching in silence. not with admiration or tenderness. just with an uncomfortable emptiness that had been growing in his chest for weeks.
he’d first noticed it when she stopped answering his messages with the same warmth as before. she no longer spoke to him in the mornings, included him into her days the way she used to. entire days passed without him knowing anything about her, only for her to call like nothing had happened, asking him to join her at some event, a dinner, a party like this one. she paraded him around like a medal, a tangible proof of her superiority. he could see it in how she only touched him when there were more people around or the way her voice turned sweet only when others could hear it.
and he went along with it. because it had taken him years to truly trust anyone, and he’d imagined he could finally build something real. but standing there, surrounded by strangers, it all felt so fake it ached.
she slid a hand over his neck and leaned into him like they were the perfect couple. and he smiled mechanically. because that’s what was expected of him, and he didn’t want to admit that he’d been turned into an accessory. even as he tried to convince himself he was just paranoid, something inside him already knew the undeniable truth: their relationship was never as loveable as it looked.
“did you see the guy who walked in with the one in a denim jacket?” she asked suddenly, her voice playful and a little wobbly smile, hinting that the alcohol was starting to sink in.
taesan looked up, curiosity flickering in his eyes, but he didn’t get the chance to answer. hara had already kept going.
“the tall one, loose pants, face like someone forced him to come.”
“yeah. what about him?”
she turned fully, resting an elbow on the railing, her glass dangling from her free hand.
“he’s my ex,” she said, like it was the most normal topic in the world. taesan just blinked.
“really?”
“mm-hm.” she took a sip and smiled again. “though calling him an ‘ex’ is giving him too much credit. it was more like a phase. one of those guys who follows you everywhere, texts you all the time and lives for a single reply.”
taesan stayed silent. he knew there was no point in trying to interrupt her until she was done talking.
“you know the type?” she went on, still smiling. “he wrote me thousands of letters and songs that ended up in the trash. once, he even waited outside my house with flowers. who does that nowadays? I almost felt bad letting him go.”
her laugh came without restraint, a simple, condescending mockery.
“it was fun for a while. until he got too intense. then I just left him. poor woonhakie.”
taesan stayed quiet, staring into his glass. something in his head buzzed. bnot because of what she said, but how she said it. he had never heard her talk like that. not about her friends, her parents, or even people she genuinely hated. there was something so light in her tone that unsettled him.
he turned subtly, like the name he’d just heard demanded a face to go with it. woonhak. his mind stirred. something in that name filled his chest, like it was an answer, though he had no idea what the question was.
why did it feel like hara wasn’t telling him the whole story? and why, all of a sudden, did he care so much about who this guy was?. taesan lowered his gaze, thoughtful. he didn’t say a word. but curiosity had already lodged itself deep in his chest. and there was no going back.
★
he had no idea how many drinks he’d had by now. maybe five, maybe ten. at this point, he’d stopped counting. coming back into the center of the party hit him harder than he expected: the heat, the air thick with smoke, laughter, and alcohol. everything seemed to move faster than it should, like the music itself was shoving him forward without giving him time to think.
woonhak blinked, the bitter taste of the drinks still coating his throat. he rubbed his eyes with one hand, but the world stayed just as blurry. when he finally managed to focus, he saw them again. he remembered all the times he’d begged hara to stay just five more minutes. the endless nights staring at his phone with no new messages. the way she’d ignore him for days, only to come back when she felt lonely. the way she’d repeat, between empty kisses, that she didn’t want commitment. the nausea came back, along with the buzzing in his ears.
he didn’t know exactly how it happened, but someone bumped into him by accident, and his drink spilled to the floor. a girl smiled at him, her grin both euphoric and drunk. she was pretty. short dress, smudged makeup.
“are you okay?” she asked, loud enough to be heard over the music.
“i don’t know,” woonhak answered. she laughed.
“want another drink?” he nodded, even though he knew he didn’t need it.
the kiss wasn’t planned. they were just standing too close while talking. maybe she thought he was someone else. but suddenly, their lips were moving against each other’s, and woonhak didn’t pull away. he closed his eyes and let it happen. he felt hands on his neck, his shirt stretching, but nothing about her touch felt real.
when they pulled apart, the girl kept smiling, saying something he couldn’t catch. he only nodded, half-dizzy, and walked away with unsteady steps. and even though he’d barely looked into her eyes, he knew he’d forget her by tomorrow.
meanwhile, across the room, taesan had seen him. first just a passing glance. then one or two seconds longer. now he couldn’t stop watching. there was something familiar about him, but he couldn’t quite place it.
they were finally on the same floor. taesan had been going up and down the stairs all night, among drinks, greetings, and doing whatever hara needed. but for some reason, the moment woonhak appeared in the crowd, his eyes betrayed him, drawn to that direction before he could stop himself. he looked dazed: eyes bright, hair messy, clearly not all there. and yet, the older one couldn’t catch a breath. he tried to match this image with the pathetic, clingy boy his girlfriend had described, but nothing fit. what he saw now was something else. something brighter. much more human.
a sudden burst of laughter made the rest of the drink from the kiss-girl spill onto woonhak, who simply licked it off his fingers before throwing his arms up and dancing again, like his body was moving on its own. drinks kept passing from hand to hand, the floor sticky with spilled alcohol, speakers vibrating like they wanted to shatter everyone’s eardrums.
in one of those erratic moves, woonhak stumbled into someone, with a laughed apology, he let himself collapse into the nearest couch.
he didn’t realize it, but he was right next to taesan.
their legs touched almost instantly. taesan turned his head, curious, and saw him up close for the first time. woonhak tried to fix his hair, then let his head fall back and closed his eyes with a smile, one of those that made his canine catch the light.
★
the first time he heard his name, something in his head snapped.
he couldn’t explain it. it was like hearing a song he didn’t remember liking, but the moment it started playing, it filled him with an inexplicable melancholy. he shifted uncomfortably, the glass still halfway to his lips, looking at hara as if she had just mentioned the name of a ghost. but the alcohol had already dragged him far enough away from that feeling.
until he saw his smile.
the world stopped immediately. maybe he was in front of him again, with a name that had echoed in his head all through his teenager years without knowing why.
"i’m so fucking drunk." woonhak murmured, not knowing he was being heard. the smile still on his face.
taesan smiled back. because even though his heart screamed that it was him, his brain was still afraid of being wrong. maybe it was just a cruel coincidence of fate, with a similar face and a similar laugh. an echo of something he had wanted to find for so long that he no longer knew if he was truly seeing it, or if his heart had simply made it up.
but that smile was starting to convince him.
★