Work Text:
2002
New Jersey
“Everything okay?” Mikey mumbles behind him.
Gerard nods. He needs a smoke. They’re supposed to be playing a show in less than an hour, and Gerard isn’t sure he can do this. Nothing new, just the usual nerves.
It had been six months since he started the band, and never in his wildest dreams he thought they’d last this long, or that they’d be about to record their first album.
Things usually didn’t work out for Gerard, so the whole idea to start a band felt crazy back then, and he thought that he’d keep it up until he got bored of it, or found something better to do. And while the band doesn’t exactly sell a lot of tickets, seeing people sing the songs he wrote, and just showing to see them, is something Gerard can’t quite explain, but it encourages him to keep doing it. And now, Geoff Rickly from Thursday is helping them produce a whole album the moment he comes back from tour.
“I’ll be right back,” Gerard announces to his band, putting a cigarette between his teeth before he walks out of the building.
He needs air.
He needs to be away from everyone, just for a moment, and really think about how his life could change. He knows they’re never going to be big like Bon Jovi, or even Thursday, but if things keep going well, maybe one day he can finally quit his stupid office job. Maybe he can even afford getting his own apartment and moving out of his parents’ basement.
But if he thinks too much about it, he’s going to have a panic attack, and this isn’t the time.
He just needs another beer.
“Hey,” someone says, as Gerard almost runs into them. It’s not until Gerard turns around to apologize that he sees it’s Frank, the cute guy from Pencey Prep who let them use their rehearsal space. Even with those dreads, Frank still looks stunning. And Gerard doesn’t know how words work anymore.
He knows it’s stupid to have a crush on a guy who’s younger than his brother, but he can’t help it. Especially when Frankie has been so nice to him and the band, getting them gigs, and sharing their space with them.
“I’m –” Gerard starts, but gets interrupted by Frank.
“You okay, man? You look like you saw a ghost.” And Gerard could just shrug it off, or lie and say he’s cool, but then Frank giggles, and that just does something in Gerard’s brain.
“Yeah, I’m good,” Gerard lies. “Just needed a cigarette to calm the nerves.”
“Oh, mind if I join you?”
Gerard just nods, hoping Frank can’t see how nervous he really is. And as Frank approaches him, Gerard notices he smells like he’s been smoking something else himself. He’d offer Frank a cigarette, but he left the rest downstairs in the basement, so he just offers his own lit one, doing his best not to think too much about it.
But this is doing nothing for his nerves. On the contrary, all he can think about now is how that thing is now touching Frank’s lips, and how he wishes that was –
“There’s nothing to be nervous about, man,” Frank says, breaking the awkward silence. Gerard has no idea how long he was staring at him. “You guys are always amazing.”
What is Gerard supposed to say? Did Frank just say him and the band are good? It’s not the first time, Frank has always supported them, and even helped them selling merch during their first shows. But hearing him say that always catches him off guard. Because Gerard can’t believe he actually likes them. What if he’s just trying to be nice? “I don’t know about that,” Gerard says, taking his cigarette back. As much as he tries to keep the facade and pretend he’s confident about himself and what he’s doing, sometimes, he just needs to admit he’s fucking scared.
Because he just turned twenty-five. He’s supposed to be serious about what he’s going to do with his life, and as fun as the band has been, he knows that’s not going to go far, so he needs to think of a plan B.
It’s not like a lot of people come and see them, so no matter how good they are, there’s no way they’ll last too long.
“Oh, c’mon!” Frank interrupts his self-loathing. “You have any idea how good you are?”
Gerard shakes his head, being honest. And Frank turns to him with the most beautiful smile, it’s impossible not to fall for him. Gerard is aware Frank must be too intoxicated to even make sense, but he still listens. “Look,” the younger man continues. “I don’t know how to explain it, but the moment you guys first played a show, I knew you guys were different.”
Gerard trusts him. Even if Frank is young, he knows his shit. He’s been doing this his whole life, and he grew up with musicians. So, he wants to believe him. And as Frank goes on about how good the band is, and how they give him hope that rock ‘n roll is alive, Gerard can’t stop smiling.
They already dumped the last of the cigarette, but they keep talking. Gerard mentions he hasn’t seen Pencey Prep in the rehearsal studio in a while, and Frank tells them they took a break. “Yeah, Everyone else got real jobs, so we don’t have time to practice anymore,” he says, clearly upset about it.
“I’m sorry,” Gerard tells him. He wishes there was something he could do about it, because if there is someone who should be playing music forever is Frank. Maybe, if My Chemical Romance lasts long enough, he can ask him to join the band.
He’s going to have to talk to the guys about it.
“It’s okay,” Frank says. Gerard is still registering the words, when out of nowhere, Frank reaches for his hand, locking their fingers.
What does this mean?
Gerard doesn’t want to overthink this moment. Maybe Frank just needs a friend. So, Gerard tells himself to enjoy the moment and be there for him. “I know we’ll be okay,” Frank continues, looking up at the moon, as if it somehow has all the answers to their prayers. “We’ll make it, I swear.”
Gerard just smiles. He knows the motherfucker just quoted Bon Jovi trying to sound cool, but this is too sweet. So, he just nods along.
“You think so?” is all he can think of saying.
Frank nods. “In twenty years, I’ll have a bunch of kids, and a house in Belleville. Maybe seven dogs.”
Gerard can’t help smiling at his fantasy, even though he knew that he would not be part of it. But Frank looked too adorable not to be happy for him.
They stay there for a bit longer, enjoying each other’s company in silence, not letting go of each other’s hands. At least until Gerard looks at his watch. “Oh, shit!” he lets out. “Our set’s about to start.” And then they’re both running back inside.
2004
Somewhere in Louisiana
They’ve been driving for who knows how long, and they’re exhausted.
Luckily, they don’t have a show until tomorrow, so they could just take the night off and stop at the nearest motel they can afford.
That, or –
“Let’s get a drink!” Mikey complains from the passenger’s seat. He can be kind of annoying sometimes. And he knows Ray doesn’t have the patience to deal with him most of the time, so he just pulls up at the first dive bar he sees.
Gerard would prefer to be sleeping in a real bed right now, but he needs a drink, too. So, he jumps out of the van and follows everyone.
“Hey!” Frankie calls from behind. He’s always checking on him. Gerard isn’t sure where the band would be if he hadn’t joined two years ago. Or where he himself would be, for that matter. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” Gerard nods. “Just a bit tired.”
“Me too. We should convince the guys to go to a motel for the night.” He loves how Frank is always on the same wavelength as him. “Buy me a beer, and I’ll talk to Ray.”
“Deal.”
Gerard wishes he could buy Frank a beer and ask him out, go for a walk and maybe more. But he doesn’t have a chance. Frank has a girlfriend, and even if he didn’t, Frank is straight. He’d never be interested in Gerard.
So, even when they’ve only got closer in the past couple years, it doesn’t mean anything. They’re just good friends.
Whatever.
Gerard needs to get drunk as soon as possible.
“Are you sure about this?” Mikey asks, coming to a halt. When the band sees what he means, they all stop on their tracks, too. The place is almost empty, except for a couple truckers and an old man, which is already the wrong crowd to be around when you’re wearing smudged makeup and black nail polish.
But they also notice the big banner on the wall.
Karaoke Night!
Ray just rolls his eyes. “It’s either this, or drive for another hour,” he says.
After discussing it briefly – yelling at each other for five minutes –, Mikey just sighs, and then says, “Fine. But the first round is on you.”
Ray has no choice but to accept, and so they head to the first empty booth they find.
Ray buys them all the cheapest beers they got, and Gerard helps him take them to the table. It’s been a while since they had a night off, and even longer since they went out for drinks, just for fun, so they’re all enjoying it.
A round of cheap beers later, they’re celebrating that their second album is about to drop out in a month. Soon, they’re a bit too drunk and laughing their asses off at random things they say.
“Gee!” Frank screams out of nowhere. “You should totally sing a song right now!”
Gerard just laughs, because he’s definitely not singing right now. First of all, it’s supposed to be his night off. And second of all, he noticed the looks he got from the other men in the establishment. The last thing he needs is to bring any more attention to himself. “Nuh huh… you sing, Frankie,” he mumbles.
“Are you kidding me? You’re the only one here who actually has a good voice.”
“That’s crap, Frankie!” They argue back and forth, but Gerard can’t resist Frank giving him puppy eyes and begging. That motherfucker knows what he’s doing. “Fine!”
As Gerard walks to the stage, he can hear his friends cheering for him, and while he appreciates it, he’s not sure he can pull it off. It’s one thing to sing onstage, but karaoke, in front of a bunch of strangers who look like they’d punch his guts – that’s a different beast.
Either way, it’s too late to turn around. So, he goes through the list of available songs, looking for something everyone here can enjoy. Maybe some classical rock, or maybe some 80’s hit. That’ll show them.
There.
He spots the perfect song. What better song to show their Jersey pride?
When the first notes play, his band immediately recognizes it, and cheers in the corner. Gerard avoids eye contact, because he knows they’ll make him nervous and he’ll ruin it. So, he just takes a deep breath, and starts singing.
Tommy used to work on the docks, union's been on strike
He's down on his luck, it's tough, so tough
***
We've gotta hold on to what we've got
It doesn't make a difference if we make it or not
We've got each other and that's a lot for love
We'll give it a shot
Frank knows he’s overthinking.
Because there’s no way he’s looking at him as he sings those words.
As if – he’s serenading Frank.
And perhaps Frank drank too much. But even then, he knows one thing. He’s in love with Gerard.
Not that he hadn’t realized before. But he knows this is serious now.
They’ve known each other for three years, maybe more. And while Frank fell for Gerard the moment they met, it took him some time to accept what that meant.
He hadn’t told anyone he liked guys, and he tried to keep that part to himself. But it wasn’t easy. The more time he spent with Gerard, the more he realized he had never felt like that with anybody else.
Then, he joined the band, and that made things even more difficult. That meant sleeping close to each other, being near him twenty-four seven, which only made him fall even harder for him.
And yes, Frank has a girlfriend. The coolest girlfriend anyone could wish for, so cool that she had told him it was okay to experiment while they were apart. Probably thinking he’d get drunk and hook up with a random girl at a party. Except Frank has eyes for one girl only.
And maybe one guy.
The same guy who’s looking at him right now.
By the time Gerard is done with the song, Frank is almost running out of the building, gasping for air. Desperate for Gerard.
Frank reaches for his cigarettes, putting one in his mouth, just as the front door opens behind him.
It’s Gerard.
He doesn’t need to look to know it’s him.
“You okay, Frankie?” the older man asks, and Frank nods.
As he hears him approach him, Frank turns around, and pushes himself against Gerard, and kisses him.
2025
New Jersey
Their hometown show.
Standing in the middle of the stadium as the crew finishes setting up the stage, Gerard can’t believe this is real. They made it.
He remembers how they used to play basement shows not far from here, back when their families were their only audience. And somehow, their dream came true.
“Hey, there,” Frank greets him from behind.
They just saw each other a few days ago, but Gerard still missed him. This tour has meant a lot to them in many ways, and that includes whatever they have going on now.
It took them a long time to figure things out, having families of their own and all, as well as living on opposite sides of the country. But they’re trying out having an open relationship again.
It’s worked for them before, but it isn’t easy. And right now, Gerard just wants to kiss his boyfriend and have his hands all over him, so he looks around to check if anyone’s coming, and when he’s sure no one is, he pulls Frank for a kiss.
“You just got here?” Frank asks when they finally pull apart.
Gerard shakes his head. “Last night. I stayed with my mom.”
It was nice to be home again. He wished he could visit more often, especially now that he and Frank were a thing again. He knew there was a solution to that, though.
In the meantime, they all get ready for rehearsal, and discuss the surprise setlist as they go along. Of course, they have to play a few songs from their first album, and as they go through the possible closers, Frank approaches him. “I was thinking,” he says with a smile. “Remember that time we went to that dive bar, and they had a karaoke machine?”
Of course Gerard remembers. “Yeah, why?”
“Why don’t we play that song?”
“Oh.” Gerard loves the idea, but he’s not sure he can sing that high. “Oh, wow!” is all he can say.
“C’mon! Do it for me.”
And how can he say no to his Frankie?
***
This is the greatest day of their lives, Gerard thinks.
Never in his life he thought he’d get the key to his hometown. Like, he thought he’d never even leave Belleville. And yet –
They have a few hours before the show starts, and that’s already nerve racking, but to add to that, the mayor of Belleville shows up to give them the award and take pictures with them, and Gerard is trying really hard not to cry.
But he has more important matters to get to. “Hey, Frankie!” he calls his bandmate and boyfriend as they run into each other in a hallway. Their families must be somewhere upstairs, and they should be getting ready soon, so this is his chance.
Frank immediately stops, noticing he looks off. “Everything okay, Gee?”
Gerard nods. “Better than ever,” he says. “I just wanted to give you your key.”
Frank gives him a confused look. “But I got my –,” he tries to say, and then notices what Gerard is handing him.
An actual key.
“For that house in Belleville,” Gerard says, no longer able to hold back the tears. “Remember? The house of your dreams?”
Frank just looks at him, unable to find the words. Instead, he just throws himself at the older man, wrapping his arms around him.
“We made it, Frankie,” Gerard whispers in his ear. “Just like you said. You want to come and live with me?”
Frank laughs between sobs. “I do.”