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The lights of Tokyo's skyscrapers broke through the darkness of night illuminating Ai's bedroom. She could hear the soft sounds of people outside, as she put the last pieces of her laundry in the closet. The appartement didn't make a single creak.
I wonder what the kids are doing.
She approached the living room which was oddly quiet, but what she saw melted her heart. Aqua and Ruby were asleep on the couch with a video of B-komachi's performance that day paused on the TV. Her hands automatically wanted to put them to bed, but they hesitated before she could touch them. The kids would probably wake up if she moved them. So, Ai decided on the second best option. She got the blankets from their bedroom, adjusted their uncomfortable looking positions, tucked them in and pecked them on the forehead. She took the empty space on the couch next to them, patting Ruby's head, and her eyes wandered around the living room. A bottle with star sand and a drawing on a shelf caught her attention.
~*~
Relief washed over her as the soft ringing in her ears started to fade after B-komachi's performance ended, but now a new loud noise came forth. As she settled at her booth, a large crowd approached the meet and greet stations. Mostly men, but also women and even children formed lines at the booths. She swore hers was getting longer and longer after every concert. She could feel the other members eying her. She caught Nino scanning her line and meeting her eyes with a glare. She gave her a small smile and ignored the twisting in her stomach when Nino narrowed her eyes.
She turned back to the crowd, widening her smile as she happily greeted her fans. After a few fans, a young boy approached her next, a man and a woman accompanying him behind. The boy stood silently before her, holding something tightly in his hands. The woman gave her an apologetic look, as she heard the man whisper "it's okay" for the little boy's ears to hear. The boy stumbled forth, carefully lifting his gaze as if doing it too fast would be a mistake.
"Hi, there!" she greeted the little boy as their eyes met.
"AH, hi!" The words came out chopped, as his eyes widened. He dropped his gaze and she could see him bouncing on the balls of his feet.
The boy seemed to realise something as he suddenly stilled. He quickly stretched out his arms.
"I made this for you!"
She took the object from his hands. It was a folded piece of paper. She carefully opened it.
It was a drawing of her! Some scribbled lines of blues and pinks made her form and many stars surrounded her, but what caught her eyes were the little kittens drawn next to her with little hearts surrounding them. Her eyes widened and a smile unintentionally graced her lips. Her babies!
"That's super cute! Thank you!" She said to the little boy. The boy lifted his gaze back to Ai with the widest smile she has seen in a while.
"I'm glad you like it! I love you, Ai!" The sincerity in the child's voice made Ai's own voice waver.
"I ..."
The words clogged up in her throat, before the short silence can stretch any longer, words automatically flew out of her mouth.
"I really appreciate your support!" She ended her sentence with a wink and her tongue out.
Seeing how long they've been interacting, the woman pulled the boy away and gave a small apology. On the other hand, the kid's eyes shone and he quickly waved while both parents guided him to the exit. She waved back and carefully folded the drawing and put it next to the other fans' gifts.
~*~
The strands of Ruby's hair tangled in her hand. How she wished those words were as easy to say, as others do it. Her mother never told her, but she knew her kids deserved it.
She moved her gaze to the kids sleeping next to her.
"I ..." the next words clogged up in her throat. Her mouth dried up like sand in a desert as she chewed on her lips. She tried to ignore the weight crushing her chest and how the couch seemed harder than it did a moment ago.
A liar like me can never say it.
Her eyes widened at the familiar thought.
How could she forget?
An unfamiliar yet weirdly familiar heat started to cloud her eyes.
"Mama?" a soft voice whispered below her. She quickly pushed those thoughts away in the depths of her mind. A tight smile automatically graced her lips as she tried to blink the uncomfortable feeling in her eyes away.
"Did I wake you, Ruby?"
"I think so, you pulled at my hair." Ruby sat up, massaging her scalp and scooting over on her mama's lap.
"Ah, I'm sorry," Ai smiled apologetically. She sunk in the couch when the day's fatigue suddenly washed over her, adjusting Ruby's position on her lap. Ruby looked up at her a frown forming on her head.
"Are you okay? What are you thinking of?" The little girl questioned. Ai brushed her hand through Ruby's hair, untangling the knots. What could she say to Ruby when she couldn't even say that she loved her? She spilled the next words without another thought.
"I just want to be the best mom for you and Aqua." She ignored the tightening in her chest. That's closer to the truth than she wanted it to be. Ruby looked at her with a sympathetic look that she is probably too young to have. She cupped Ai's cheeks and a determined fire burned in her eyes.
"You're the best mama, I could have ever wished for!" Ruby said as the most adorable smile appeared on her lips. The little girl wrapped her arms around her mother and buried her face in Ai's chest. Ai could feel her eyes crowd up again together with relief that brewed in her chest.
"I'm glad." Her arms tightened around her little Ruby and she let her hand stroke the head of her little Aquamarine.
She hoped the words will come easy one day.