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Shadowheart felt the rays of light behind her eyelids as she awoke. The sun was quite far up the sky signifying that she had slept in. She tilted her head to the side and found the bed to be empty. Well, this wasn't quite accurate. Meursault, one of the cats (and the laziest one), was curled up next to her. Of course the only reason this was the case in the first place, was because Stephan was not there. Of all their animals, this little rascal had a strong preference for Shadowheart's beloved. Not that she could blame him. Shadowheart could hardly believe that she could end up with someone like her, so willing to be honest and open with her, even if a little blunt at times. Someone who loved to live, even in the face of impossible odds, or on the flip side in quiet existence, without much worry.
All of this was hard to fathom really. It was almost a dream. A tranquil life surrounded by color and life. The opposite of what her life would have been like had she chosen her faith's path. But most of all, everything was real; genuine, good or bad. There was no false oblivion, none of Shar's fraudulent nothingness. For the first time Shadowheart was free to carve her own path, and despite all the pain she needed to endure to get there as well as the terror of freedom she had to overcome, she would never give it up.
She was only starting to feel whole, but there was this persistent, gnawing thought that she would never truly be able to achieve that. She was hopeful of course, that she might, eventually, be able to retrieve something of the life that was violently ripped from her, when her memories were suppressed. But even then, there were certainly aspects of her life that might be lost to time, with no way to be retrieved. Could she simply be happy with all she had now?
Shadowheart was taken out of her contemplation, when the door slid open and Stephan tiptoed in, and though she did try to not make any noise -not knowing that Shadowheart was already awake- some of the creaky floorboards gave her presence away. Stephan was never good at sneaking, after all.
"I'm awake," Shadowheart said,
"Ah," Stephan exhaled and walked the rest of the way to the bed in her usual gait. As she slid into bed, Meursault noticed his favorite’s presence and nonchalantly migrated over to her, leaving Shadowheart's side.
"That traitor," Shadowheart said and Stephan chuckled, petting his dark colored fur, "he could at least pretend that he doesn't have such a blatant preference. Then again he may have taken after you, in terms of honesty."
"I do hope you don't feel threatened." Shadowheart hummed and moved closer to Stephan draping an arm over her midsection. Meursault, who was lying there before, now jumped out of the bed entirely, leaving them alone and joining some of the other cats on the floor.
"There," Shadowheart said, "he can't always be the one with a monopoly over you."
"You're the only one who has that right, beloved." Stephan turned her body to face Shadowheart, pulling her ever closer.
Shadowheart laughed sweetly, "We should get out of bed, now. We can't spend the entire day here."
"Why not?" Stephan inquired, as though they didn't have a house to run,
"Did you forget that we have work to do?" Shadowheart asked rhetorically, raising an eyebrow.
"No need to worry. I took care of the most important tasks."
Shadowheart hummed in realization, as Stephan pulled her into a hug, "Is that why you were up so early?"
Stephan nodded, "I thought you deserved a free day to do what you like." She leaned down to place a kiss on her forehead, and Shadowheart let herself melt in her arms.
"Sweet of you, but you know I like tending to the house. But perhaps a day of rest isn't such a bad idea. So what are we going to do?"
"Anything you want." Stephan replied.
"I think I might actually want to stay here, then, with you." Shadowheart said, and moved her body, impossibly closer to Stephan, "Talk to me?"
"What about?"
"The old times." By now it must have been at least a year and a half since the absolute crisis and Shadowheart had to admit that she was feeling quite nostalgic about that time, despite the difficulties and world ending stakes associated with it, "After all, our old adventures make for quite the tale." She said, nodding to herself,
"But, I recall you saying that I'm not a good story teller." Stephan observed, remembering Shadowheart's playful jabs at her inability to tell a story as well as her lack of charm.
"All the more reason to get some practice in. You never know when that skill might come in handy." Shadowheart reasoned, really she just wanted to hear Stephan's voice rather than a story per se, "Go on. I'll help." She urged gently,
Stephan inhaled deeply, and shifted around so that she was laying on her back again, while Shadowheart took Stephan's arm to use as a pillow, tossed a hand over her stomach and snuggled into her neck.
“Is there anything in particular that you would like to hear?”
“Tell me what you think my favorite moments were.”
“Alright. That should be easy enough.”
“Cocky, are we? Let’s see how well you’ll actually do.”
As Stephan began her narration, Shadowheart closed her eyes and relaxed, allowing her mind to drift to the images painted by her beloved’s sweet cadence.
~
It was their last night on the mountain pass. Tomorrow they would be on their way to Moonrise Towers. Shadowheart was nervous to say the least, given all that she had heard about followers of her goddess of days past. Tossing and turning as she was, she easily noticed movement outside her tent, as the dim light that barely shone through her tent flap was obscured for a moment, until the fabric moved aside and she heard a voice, “Sorry to wake you.” the familiar voice said as they noticed her stirring.
“I wasn’t asleep. Did you need something?”
“No exactly, I just wanted to show you something,” Shadowheart nodded, “Alright, but we have to be quick.” Shadowheart stood up and joined Stephan outside her tent.
“What is it?” a distraction may not be so bad, Shadowheart thought, especially as sleep seemed impossible.
“We will need to go to the roof. Can you follow?” Stephan asked and made a gesture to indicate she intended to use a spell in order to get there. Shadowheart nodded and followed her lead. A mere second later both were standing on top of the roof of the dilapidated monastery that was until recently a githyanki stronghold.
“Over here,” Stephan walked ahead toward the edge of the roof and motioned for Shadowheart to follow.
“I hope you don’t intend for us to jump,” Shadowheart joked, as she treaded closer to the edge and looked down. They were rather high above the ground and she felt thankful that her only fear was wolves and not heights.
“Of course not, we would miss this.” Stephan shook her head and she pointed up, where a few stars were gliding through the sky, leaving a shining trail behind them, cutting through the endless darkness of the night.
“Beautiful,” Shadowheart murmured, without thinking, almost as though she was entranced by the sight in front of her, “I’ve never seen something like this.”
“I haven’t either.”
“What do you think it is?” Shadowheart asked, unable to tear her eyes away.
“I am not sure.”
“It certainly seems like a rare occurrence.”
“If that is the case, I am glad we are seeing this together.”
~
“I thought you’d choose our first night together, when we shared wine.”
“You mean to tell me I guessed wrong?”
“No.”
~
The outskirts of Baldur's Gate were quiet, as opposed to the hustle and noise of the city. Shadowheart still could not believe all that had happened the day prior; her whole world was turned upside down and she was feeling so much that it was almost as though she felt nothing. Thankfully there was a constant in her life, an anchor. It was everyone whom she spent the last few tendays travelling with. They were all much more understanding than she could possibly anticipate and for the first time she felt like she truly belonged, unconditionally and without any expectation placed on her. Of course there was one person in particular who was more important to her than the others.
"Here," the person in question, Stephan, passed her a mug. It was warm to the touch and Shadowheart could sense the heat emanate from the material to her palm.
"What is it?" She asked
"It is something my father used to make. I always thought it was soothing." Stephan said as she sat down on the stool next to her tent. Shadowheart brought the mug close to her lips and she smelled cinnamon. A familiar sensation swept over her, one that originated from the back of her mind. She took a small, tentative sip, being careful not to burn herself on the hot liquid. The taste that flooded her mouth was present but not too overwhelming and a little sweet. She felt a soft caress as she let the warmth slide down her throat and settle in her stomach. She closed her eyes and let go of everything else, completely shifting her focus onto that very moment. "Thank you." she said as she opened her eyes again.
Stephan smiled, "I will make you more once we reach the city and I have more ingredients." she promised.
"I'll look forward to it."
~
"You’re correct again.” Shadowheart said as the brought a hand to Stephan’s cheek and turned her head to face her, “That memory… it fills me with warmth even now. You gave me such grounded hope. Something I knew I could look forward to. I never realized how powerful such a simple thing could be. Thank you.”
~
'Circus of the Last Days' was somewhat of an ominous name, though not an inaccurate one. The circus was filled with weird characters all around but perhaps this was part of its charm that made people flock here in search of excitement and a break from the ordinary.
The party was walking around the different stalls when Astarion stopped abruptly in front of a specific one. Strewn around the colorful tent were a number of sculptures, depicting various things, from people to more abstract shapes.
"Excuse me," Astarion called to the one person present, most likely the artist behind the sculptures.
"Hmm," the magma mephit turned to him. "Oh customers. Welcome, I am Boney."
"Did you make these?" Astarion asked
"Of course. I can make anything out of stone." Boney replied. Astarion's eyes twinkled in mischief.
"Excellent. I want to commission a statue of the," he did a slight gesture toward himself, "the most handsome in the party of course."
Boney informed the part that their commission would be sent to their camp by the end of the day. What they saw when they returned to camp was not at all what they expected. Astarion's eye was twitching the moment he saw the statue he commissioned, Stephan was smiling absently, while Shadowheart was trying to contain her laughter, without much success.
"What is that?!" Astarion asked in utter disbelief and immense annoyance, "but what did I even expect from a mephit whose eyes are made of mud." he grumbled, crossing his hands over his chest and slumping forward in frustration.
Stephan turned to Shadowheart who had just managed to stop laughing, "He captured you quite well." she said,
"Indeed. It seems I am the most handsome then, Astarion." Shadowheart nudged him playfully with her elbow.
"You aren't!" Astarion cut in, "I am!" He huffed, "I guess I'll just have to commission that artist we saved for a portrait, I wouldn't have been able to see any details anyhow," he mused, "but you're not coming with me." he said, narrowing his eyes, and pointed a finger at Shadowheart, "I'll take Gale instead. That way there won't be any misunderstandings."
~
"I don't think I'll ever forget his face," Shadowheart said in between fits of laughter,
"A shame we couldn't bring it here. It would have made a nice addition to the garden. Do we even know what happened to it?" She asked.
"It was in the camp when half of the city was destroyed, so it most likely suffered the same end.” Stephan replied, “So was I correct?"
“Yes. A perfect score… it seems your confidence wasn’t misplaced. You know me perfectly.” Shadowheart leaned her head up to place a sweet kiss onto Stephan’s lips, and then untangled herself from Stephan, who winced as she removed her hand from beneath Shadowheart's head. "My arm is a little numb."
Stephan made a pained noise, as Shadowheart rolled her eyes and pinched her arm playfully. "It wasn't that numb if you felt that." she said as she laid back down.
Only the sound of their breathing could be heard, as they lay there, still quietly reminiscing about the past. "It is quite hard to believe that we were the ones to stop the absolute, no?" Shadowheart asked suddenly,
"I suppose."
"You know, when I first asked you this, I thought that my favorite moments were the more obviously important ones; freeing my family, saving the world. But you’re correct as much as I am glad we achieved all that we did. But what I find a little confusing is that despite that year being the most difficult in my life I don’t think I’ll ever stop remembering it fondly.”
"The struggle can be enough to fill your heart." Stephan echoes a sentiment she had shared with Shadowheart at the beginning of their journey, the night of their first kiss.
"There was a time I would call you naive, but now after all we've been through, I think you're right." Shadowheart chuckled quietly, thinking of how much had changed since their early days, how much she had changed. She felt as though she was a different person at times, but oddly enough she also felt that she has always been who she is now, paradoxical as that was. Perhaps she did not change, for her past actions her still her own and no one else's. One cannot be separated from their actions after all, like lightning cannot be separated from its flash. Her outlook, most of all, was different; she now recognized the behavior that came easiest to her, not naturally, but chosen most effortlessly.
All of today’s reminiscing and reflection coalesced into a realization for Shadowheart. Even if she never managed to reclaim her old memories, she should not view herself as anything but whole, not when she’s lived through so much, not when there were still so many experiences to be had, each and every one worth living, no matter how grand or simple. Each one enough to fill her heart.