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"Is that really necessary?" Vlad asks, eyeing his latest enemy, the stopwatch, with disgust.
"Are you saying you want to be a subpar uncle?" Leo retorts.
Vlad grumbles, but doesn't argue.
This is the latest in Leo's effort to prepare them both to receive the baby. Leo wants to ensure that they perfect not only the basics, but everything the child might possibly need. Among other things, that included practicing good etiquette at imaginary tea parties, learning how to sew dresses for dolls (which Laia happily joined), and, after one panicked call at 3:56 in the morning, learning to deliver a baby "in case we can't make it to the hospital and no doctors can make it to us in time or something."
He supposes today should be easy, compared to that, but Vlad has always been more used to blood and screams. And, he can admit to himself, he is behind Leo, due to the small matter of being born in 1430 and not keeping up with human affairs until recently.
Leo pulls a lock of his hair into a colorful hair tie. I need to get into character, he'd explained once.
"Okay," Leo says, "ready?"
Vlad takes in a deep breath. It cannot be that hard. The thing was made with ease of use in mind. Theoretically.
And it's for his goddaughter, so: "Of course."
"Uncle Vlad," Leo says, focused, "I want to watch Miraculous Ladybug."
Leo starts the stopwatch.
Vlad grabs the television remote.
The sea of buttons overwhelms him instantly. They all look the same, but Vlad has learned the one he needs first is always at the top. With his pointer finger, he presses the red circle, firm. The television takes two and a half seconds of precious time, but the logo shows itself.
"Too much silence," Leo reminds him, slightly reprimanding. "As a 4-year-old, I cannot tell if you heard me. Should I start to sCRE—"
"I heard you, sweetie, don't worry. Your friends will be on the screen soon."
"Good response, good cues for emotional regulation."
The television menu shows its face, and if Vlad thought the buttons were overwhelming…
None of the useless squares on the screen happen to have what he's looking for. The hard way it is.
Vlad searches for a magnifying glass on the screen, since that symbol often means "search", in the modern world. That's probably on top too, he remembers from Laia's past explanations. He follows her guidance, and… there it is. She has never led him astray, after all. He uses the almost invisible arrows on the remote to reach it.
In the meantime, he remembers the trick Leo taught him, to make sure his goddaughter isn't bored while she waits.
"Why don't you tell me about this…" Miraculous Ladybug. Is that a feature film, or a cartoon series? A musical? He cannot recall. He adapts on the fly. "Ladybug?"
"Good, good showing of interest and good distraction! We're nailing this, man."
Willing his face not to turn pink, Vlad continues typing.
It is a ridiculous, primitive system. If the television requires so much writing, the remote should have come with a keyboard attached to it. But he carries on.
Unfortunately, he must press too hard on one of the buttons, because it gets stuck in the remote, and the idiotic television takes that as a continuous command. A sea of Rs floods the typing box, ad nauseam. He doesn't need to look to know Leo is trying to hold in his laughter.
YOUR SEARCH FOUND 0 RESULTS. TRY AGAIN. The malicious device reads at him, mocking his efforts and mistakes.
Vlad looks at the screen. Looks at the remote. Nowhere is there indication of what one is supposed to do in situations such as these.
But persevering is the duty of kings and of good uncles, so Vlad perseveres.
He must stop the avalanche of letters, is the first logical step. If he removes the button from the remote, would that suffice?
But that path is not guaranteed to work as he wishes, and beyond that, this is Leo and Laia's equipment. He must find another way.
Carefully, he presses the button on the side that is not stuck, trying to "pop" it out. Nothing happens. He presses harder. Nothing.
In a fit of irritation, he sinks the button even more into the remote. If it won't serve humanity as intended, perhaps further punishment will teach it its place.
Miraculously, it works. The button springs free. Vlad looks at the now static screen, satisfied.
And now, he must erase what he wrote. And the television inventors, while daft and probably demonic in nature, must have realized the need for this function.
He studies the remote, quickly. The useless numbers, the arrows, the home button… Nothing.
He looks at the television keyboard again, beyond the letters, and there! An X encased in an arrow-shaped rectangle. That must be it.
And it is. He selects it, erasing the Rs one by one. It is tedious work, but at least it only requires one button.
Soon, Vlad resumes his writing quest with the arrows, trying to be both speedy and careful.
Leo lets out a loud, dramatic sigh. He doesn't even try to disguise how much fun he is having with this. "This is taking too long, and I'm starting to suspect you're not listening to my beautiful interpretation of the plot, so let me just—"
Leo tackles him with the force of a half-man, half-magical lion instead of a 4-year-old child's. Vlad falls on the couch cushions—Leo is careful not to let his head hit the arm of the couch—and the remote drops to the ground.
"Jesus Christ—" Vlad grumbles while Leo wrestles him without any real effort. Leo doesn't hide his grin.
"Did you know, you dork," he says, "that you could have just clicked the giant clear button to erase that mess?"
Vlad glances at the keyboard on the screen, searching for this apparently magical solution to his problems that he was sure wasn't— ah. There it was.
He presses his lips together.
"Well, I know now."
"After, like, six hundred years."
Vlad rolls his eyes. "Not funny. And the goal with these is to learn, is it not?"
"You don't have to be embarrassed," says Leo, who is still grinning at his misfortunes. "We all start somewhere."
"Why don't you shut—" Vlad puts more effort into this fake struggle, and Leo laughs.
They end up falling on the rug, the unhelpful remote caught somewhere beneath him. He lets out a curse while Leo straddles him, moving very easily toward victory.
In the scuffle, they don't hear the door open, or the footsteps. Both of them see her only when she's too close already.
They freeze, and Laia, bright, beautiful, studies them and the screen with curiosity.
"Why are you two fighting over Miraculous Ladybug?"