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Ryunosuke was not accustomed to surrendering to Kazuma’s hands, rubbing up and down his back, and squeezing his neck with rough motions that grew minutely more gentle just for the task. It was Kazuma who insisted on the massage after just a few days of building guilt from allowing his friend to curl up in his wardrobe and live off his food scraps.
“Why don’t you sleep out here tonight?” Kazuma said, more like a dare than an offer, digging his thumbs into Ryunosuke's shoulder blades impatiently. Ryunosuke began to roll to one side to question him, but Kazuma swiftly forced him back into his stomach.
“What are you talking about?” he questioned, somewhat muddled into the sheets of Kazuma’s bed as he lay pressed comfortably between it and him. “Who knows who could catch me in here while we’re sleeping?”
“I do. No one. It’s locked, Ryunosuke. They’ll have to knock to come in.” He assured him, finishing up and climbing off of his friend to sit on the edge of the bed at his side.
He waited a moment longer before moving, as to not incur Kazuma's wrath if he was wrong about his massage being through. Once all seemed safe enough, he sat up and rolled his shoulders, bent his neck from side to side. He had to admit, he did feel worlds better. Kazuma was rough in his approach to everything, had been for as long as Ryunosuke had known him. He could especially appreciate the sureness of his rough approach this time. It was a life saver. He began to worry that the way his body had so consistently been packed into the wardrobe during the trip was doing irreversible damage.
"Surely, there are those who have spare keys to the rooms," Ryunosuke said, lowering his voice to a whisper.
Kazuma crossed his arms at him, irritated. "And what will they do? Come into my room in the night, and look into my bed to study who's there?" Kazuma stood to face him, authoritative and certain. "Switch with me for the night."
"I couldn't," Ryunosuke decided. Kazuma's expression only grew doubtful. He freed his hands to rest them on the pommel of his sword and looked over his shoulder at the door and back.
"The door has a bolt," Kazuma pointed out. With a shake of his head, he added, "I do enjoy the confidence you've been gaining, but on this I'm holding firm. You take the bed. I'll take the wardrobe… I know we should be wary of being discovered, but what hurt could one night really cause? It's enough that you've come here on my request. It's only right to show I appreciate it."
Ryunosuke's shoulders sagged. Kazuma's stubbornness would win out in the end. He wasn't exactly saying it, but he believed that what he was trying to say was that he felt bad, for what he was putting him through. And were that the case, it didn't feel right to deny him the request. He was trying to be kind. That kindness warmed Ryunosuke suddenly. He was fine to suffer in a wardrobe so long as his friend would be waiting for him outside, wasn't he? But he supposed he could be happy if the reverse was true too, for his sake. As Kazuma continued to glare at him he started to stand to tell him as much, but his friend pushed him back down to the bed so he would lie in it.
"No more arguments," Kazuma said, holding him there for an extra moment whilst looking down at his friend. Kazuma's attention passed over the whole of Ryunosuke, surprised and frozen in place, before relenting. After a moment passed, Kazuma broke into laughter. He turned and walked to the door, sliding the bolt into place before turning to rest his back against the wall beside it.
"You're so intense, sometimes." Ryunosuke begrudgingly smoothed the sheets and accepted them as his own for the night. More than anything he was doing it to show this acceptance, make it apparent. He sat up now that it was safe.
"And you are so nervous. Aren't we a pair?"
"I suppose we are," Ryunosuke said, smiling. Kazuma returned the smile with one of his own. Daring and confident.
"We'll have to be. It's going to be you and me over there, you know. Susato as well, of course. A brand new country…" Kazuma began. He felt like he understood what he was getting at.
"We will look out for each other," Ryunosuke added, resolutely. It was odd, the way he admired Kazuma, like he would always know exactly what to do when Ryunosuke didn't. They'd become such fast friends, that it didn't feel true that they'd known each other for such a short time. His presence here was evidence of that. He was really off to London. Just like that.
The statement had been enough for Kazuma. He ventured to the wardrobe, hachimaki flying behind him as he moved, and prepared for bed. Ryunosuke tried to do the same. He'd made himself as comfortable as he could which was, to be sure, quite comfortable compared to how he'd slept the previous nights. And maybe it was because of that or that when he'd put his attention back on Kazuma, he'd found that he was fighting for the wardrobe to allow his sword to stay at his side. Ryunosuke found an offer was building in his throat. Kazuma was determined to make it work for some reason, but the wardrobe was unyielding. For all his arguing that no one would barge in, he hadn’t even suggested he’d sleep on the floor as an alternative. Had it been guilt? He’d let Ryunosuke sleep in the wardrobe, so now he’d do the same, sword and all? But he could not warp the world to his whims. Apparently, his stubbornness had its limits after all.
Maybe, that was why.
Ryunosuke found that he'd been pulling for his success as he watched. But no, of course it wouldn't work. For either of them to think otherwise was absurd. But still. It was Kazuma, if anyone were to surprise him with such a feat, he would be the one. Ryunosuke began to laugh, it was subdued and then it escaped him entirely. Kazuma's eyes widened at the noise and he turned to him suddenly, like he thought he had gone mad. Ryunosuke tried to stop. Really, he tried.
Then Kazuma was laughing too, removing the sword in its sheath from his side and setting it neatly in the wardrobe. He recovered his composure much more quickly than Ryunosuke could, but he wasn't far behind. "I didn't realise you were still watching," Kazuma said.
"You're right beside the bed!" Ryunosuke turned to him.
"You were turned away last I looked!" Kazuma acted as though he were irritated.
"Think you will survive the night without your sword being strapped to your hip?" Ryunosuke joked.
"I just—I was just seeing if there was any easy way not to have to remove it," he defended. Was that embarrassment in his voice, he wondered. It reminded him of when they'd first met for whatever reason. Kazuma acted so serious most of the time, which was fine, surely. But he couldn't help but notice the softness suited him. "Stop looking at me like that!" It occurred to Ryunosuke he'd been staring.
"Sorry, I wasn't judging your decision. I just enjoyed watching you try. Even though it wasn't expected to work, you still had to check." He succumbed to another burst of laughter. "I suppose it's just that it's charming. Inspiring, in it's own way."
Kazuma rolled his eyes. "Shut up, Ryunosuke." Kazuma made to sit in the wardrobe, finally ready to rest.
The suggestion that had been quietly brewing sprang out of him, as if from midair. He said it because he didn't mind. He said it because he was comfortable. "We could share, couldn't we? If you'd like." Kazuma poked his head out of the wardrobe, unsure.
"The bed?"
"We could fit, I think?" He was second guessing now.
"Not exactly made for two, is it?"
"Perhaps not but, room enough," he said, still guessing. He pushed himself closer to the wall that the bed was pressed against. Indeed there would be room if Kazuma wanted it. He considered the wardrobe, then the open space beside his friend. Then he lay beside him without further deliberation.
"Don't you feel crowded this way?" Kazuma asked.
"I'm all right," he assured him. "You don't have to stay if you don't prefer. I just know how crowded and cold the wardrobe can feel when you're in there for the first time." He offered him a smile. And Kazuma stared at him and nodded his thanks. Perhaps it was, only today, hitting him what it would be like to sleep in there, like he'd considered it from the angle of theory and hadn't even imagined it in practice. Now, going a step further, he realised that he'd subjected Ryunosuke to that for days. He wasn't just staring he was admonishing with his eyes. Ryunosuke, how could you let me leave you in there? Why wouldn't you say anything? his eyes were demanding. "I didn't want to cause you any trouble," Ryunosuke said, without the need for him to ask.
Kazuma gave an exasperated sigh. "This… would be fine," he decided and pulled the cover up over them both before turning away from Ryunosuke and tucking himself further into the warmth of their blanket. Ryunosuke soon followed suit and he turned to face the wall.
Thump.
Kazuma bumped his back with his own in the stillness. "Speak up for yourself," he ordered. Ryunosuke smiled.
---
They found, they did get cold in the night. Maybe they always had done, individually. Just this time there was a source of heat close by when their bodies sought it out. Kazuma was the first to wake.
It was deep in the quiet hours when he felt his legs. Ryunosuke had come close to him without realising, practically nestling up to him for warmth. His head came to rest on Kazuma's chest. He seemed peaceful.
Upon further inspection, he found his body had sought him in much the same way. His own knee bent in towards his friend's legs, his arm draped haphazardly over Ryunosuke like a shield. Kazuma's heart seemed to race from waking so suddenly. In his half awake state, he began to notice the steady rhythm of their breaths in the dark, the gentle rise and fall of his own chest as Ryunosuke lay against it.
Kazuma had never slept beside anyone like this. The intimacy of it struck him. Not in the way of anything being improper. Just that they let themselves be rather vulnerable here like this.
This close, while asleep. Not even Karuma at his side. He'd left it closed away in the wardrobe for goodness sake. He trusted Ryunosuke quite a bit, didn't he? He'd asked him to come on this grand journey! Of course he did. Of course. Wrapped up together with him he understood all at once, as though he'd had any doubt, Ryunosuke trusted him too. He had the odd inclination to brush his thumb over his cheek just then. He blinked at this notion… Still half asleep.
Kazuma let his chin rest atop Ryunosuke's head, himself longing for another's warmth in the chill that pierced even their blanket.
It was enough to wake Ryunosuke.
He startled at their proximity. Much closer than when they'd fallen asleep. "I'm sorry," he said in hushed alarm, pulling away from him quickly. Kazuma found, immediately, that he didn't want that.
"It's alright, Ryunosuke," he said, playing at sureness, voice soft. "I'm cold, too." That was all, he reasoned. That's why it was so good to have him close. "You don't have to be sorry for being near me… Or if that's the case then I should be the one to apologise. The bed was to be yours tonight, after all."
Ryunosuke blinked excessively, willing the sleep to leave his eyes. "No, of course not," he spat out in a hurry. "You're right. I don't know why I apologized, I guess… I didn't want intrude on your limited space."
There was a palm's width between them now that Ryunosuke had pressed himself back against the wall. Kazuma found it quite funny really. He chuckled lazily in his tired haze, and glanced over his shoulder. "What's the matter, do you think I'll fall?" He joked, then he inched minutely closer. "Happy?"
Ryunosuke breathed out a short, quiet laugh, understanding on a delay that Kazuma was making fun of him. "I'm too tired to keep track your jokes right now," he told him with a smile.
"We should go back to sleep then," Kazuma said, again shifting closer, away from the edge. Beneath the blanket, Kazuma idly found Ryunosuke's hands bundled together now by his hip. Ryunosuke let him hold them. "Your blood flow is very bad," he remarked of their coldness, before releasing them.
Ryunosuke seemed aware of that, and simply nodded. "All right," he agreed. Sleep. Ryunosuke watched as Kazuma reached for him, and returned him to their previous proximity so the could try to go back to sleep in the ship's cold air, but it was different now. Before they had gone to sleep separate. Intentionally apart, and only unconscious did they seek to meet each other. Now they meant to curl themselves back into the shared space on purpose.
Kazuma experimented with resting his leg against Ryunosuke. Ryunosuke tested the weight of Kazuma's arm as he draped it back over his shoulder. All the while, they watched each other cautiously, impossible to notice in the dark. But they could feel it as they continued to test the waters of their closeness. Was this okay? How about this? Until they eventually stilled. Kazuma could no longer tell if his friend was watching him. It was all darkness and quiet and time stretching on. It was all the sound of the sea outside. Eventually, he closed his eyes.
---
A knock on the door woke them both in the morning.
The night's sleep had rearranged them in dramatic fashion, this time. Kazuma's arm, no longer draped near the shoulder, now was wrapped completely around Ryunosuke's waist, sealing them together. Ryunosuke's left arm was pinned, beneath him in part, and between him and Kazuma in another. The other arm lay on his friend's chest, twisted in a contorted bend it must have learned from his days in the wardrobe. At the ankles, their legs were a tangle of limbs.
They stirred at the knocking, pulling away from each other quietly at the whims of the sound. They each had a red mark from where Kazuma's temple had rested against Ryunosuke's forehead. The knocking stopped soon after, less a warning than an announcement of an arrival.
They lay face to face in bed for a few moments. Ryunosuke thought, for a lack of anyway to better describe it, that Kazuma looked sort of scared. He couldn't say why he would look that way. He felt a twisting in his chest, a longing to go back to sleep. But the tiredness had already faded from a good nights rest. Despite that, the this strange ache persisted as they looked without speaking. Something untold felt changed.
Kazuma breathed out and rolled onto his back. "That will be Susato," he said, quiet, absorbed in thought as he and his friend watched each other.
"All right," Ryunosuke said after too long a moment. In him, something rose up to be said. It failed to make its way.
Kazuma finally got out of bed, shooting a last glance at it on his way to gather his things. When he got around to opening the wardrobe doors, Ryunosuke knew it was time. He began to climb out of bed to get inside so Kazuma could leave, but Kazuma simply pulled his sword from within and closed the doors.
"No need get in here," Kazuma said, returning the weapon to his hip. "No one, is looking into my room that closely, not even Susato."
"Oh, all right," Ryunosuke said, at a loss. He sat beneath the covers on the bed. Kazuma smiled.
"I'll make too much noise when returning. I'll give you time to hide," he promised, eyes lingering a moment longer before he broke eye contact and turned for the door. He couldn't help but wonder, then, if Kazuma had more that he, too, almost said.
He slid the bolt away and Ryunosuke hid himself under the cover anyway, so no one would spot him through the crack when Kazuma slipped out the door. "See you again, tonight," he said, barely audible. The door opened, and then he was gone.