Chapter Text
Niall Horan had always known that he was completely different from most people. An outcast. A social outsider. Some one who wasn’t meant to belong, some one who couldn’t belong in a world with judgmental eyes.
Yet, the pain hurt a thousand times more hearing those cruel and twisted words slip from his lips.
Pitiful excuse of a human. A curse. Monster.
He was supposed to be his father, the one person who should comfort his son whenever everyone else turned their backs on him. Ironically, that was exactly what he had done. Turned his back on his own son. Here was a father who would do nothing but follow the crowd. Coward.
Niall was absolutely angry at his father but more so disappointed with himself.
Why couldn’t he be the son his father wanted? Why couldn’t he have been born normal?
Normality. He barely knew the definition of it.
Every slap across the cheek, every blow, every whip across his back… he deserved it all. He couldn’t even fight back because fighting back meant trying defend himself against a crime Niall knew he had committed. Fighting back meant hurting his father, someone who against all odds still shared blood with him.
No, it would be like fighting a hopeless battle. He couldn’t conjure enough energy to defend himself.
Niall fought back his tears, refusing to let his dad get the better of him. He had already lost a mother. Losing a father would me being forced to live in isolation forever. Niall was strong, had been ever since he discovered his “gift”, but he wasn’t strong enough to live in seclusion.
His father suddenly slammed him into the wall with abrupt anger causing one of Niall’s tears to escape from his grasp and roll down his cheek. The 10 year-old boy bit his lip, already drawing blood.
Blood was better though. Anything was better than to taste his own sadness and self-pity.
He was slammed into solid brick wall again, this time, even harder. A sharp pain went through his spine, almost as if he had been stabbed. Another tear rolled down Niall’s cheeks. Once again, he gnawed on his lip and deliberately looked straight down at the rusty floor.
His “family” couldn’t afford much after his mother’s death, but Niall knew that wasn’t the true reason why. Niall’s family was disgusted with him, and just like his father, they believed he hadn’t earned the privilege of living somewhere decent.
Slap.
Another slap.
Another tear rolled down Niall’s cheeks as he watched on helplessly.
“Don’t you dare do that.” his father whispered into Niall’s left ear in a raspy voice. Niall didn’t need to look up to detect his father’s drunken state. If the hoarse voice and sickening trace of alcohol in his dad’s breath wasn’t enough, Niall just knew. His father was always drunk. It was his way of coping with her death.
“Don’t you dare feel sorry for yourself boy. Don’t you dare pretend you’re all innocent. Underneath those innocent blue eyes, we both know there’s a creature far from innocent.”
He deserved this. He deserved this.
“Don’t you dare!” hissed his father, breathing on Niall’s neck. “We both know who’s at fault here. We might know, but the rest of the world might not.”
Niall felt his resolve weakening.
“Imagine if they did. Imagine if they knew the disgusting monster that I know. Imagine if the entire world was in on your little… curse.”
No, no, no, no. This wasn’t happening.
He refused to break down because giving in to his vulnerabilities meant more for his already infuriated father to hold a grudge over. Horans weren’t supposed to cry. His mother hadn’t cried, even when she discovered her son’s secret.
“What would your little friends say? I bet they would be disgusted now, wouldn’t they? To learn that their best friend knew exactly when they were to die… well, I can’t say that would win gossip points for you.”
Shivering and quivering with fear, Niall shut his eyes and closed them firmly.
At the exact moment however, there was nothing he wanted more than to be able to cry and let his tears spill out. To wrap his arms around himself and cry himself to sleep. In his dreams, everything was right. His mother was alive and happy while his father loved him dearly. When he let himself be enraptured by his imagination, there was nothing he couldn’t do. Nothing he couldn’t accomplish.
Right now, there was nothing he could do but silently hold back a sea of tears that were on the verge of completely breaking loose.
The lighting was dim, but Niall could still sense that his father was nearby. His half-shut eyes could briefly make out a three-legged bed that was somewhere off towards the side and the city of London underneath his feet.
As if sensing his son’s thoughts, Niall’s father suddenly had a deathly grip on Niall’s neck. Leaning in dangerously close, he whispered eight words. “Your are a disgrace to the Horan bloodline.”
There was a slam of a door and the sound of a person stumbling down the stairs. His father and he lived on the fifth story building, and Niall was fully aware that the elevator did not work.
Buying himself some time, he sank to his knees and burrowed his head into the crook of his arms.
For the first time that morning, he let out all his tears.
It was true though, wasn’t it?
He was a monster.
What would his friends say?
Niall didn’t want to find out.
He couldn’t even manage to meet his father’s gaze. Had he glanced at his father’s eyes during the fight, he would’ve seen one date. Today’s date.
On June 4th, 2004, Niall Horan lost his last parent. On June 4th, 2004, Niall’s secret was sealed.