Archive of Our Own

Percy Jackson hadn’t known that he was drowning until the day he turned 22.

It was supposed to be a joyous occasion, a happy day. He’d be graduating soon after finally choosing a major, and finally join his girlfriend in adult life. Everybody was smiling at him, all the people he knew and loved were there. Even his father, who he hadn’t really seen in years, had shown up to congratulate him. And as all of them got closer to sing him happy birthday while his mom brought in a beautiful seven-layered blue cake…

Percy felt the same as all those years ago, when Gaea had buried him alive. His lungs were burning, he couldn’t breathe, his chest felt an overwhelming pressure.

In this state, he started noticing stuff about his situation, his guests, that he hadn't before he noticed that pressure.

All the schoolmates from either high school or college that had come to wish him a happy birthday, were they here because they cared, or just because they remained friends with Annabeth? He couldn’t remember the last time he had talked to Piper one-on-one (had it been Jason’s funeral? One of the reunions they stopped having after everyone realized how awkward it was to reminisce about their big, traumatic quest?), yet there she was, in the first row with her girlfriend, like they were his best friends. His father, obviously, had dipped already, having given him his gift and a warm hug, and he was nowhere to be seen in the huddle around him. The only ones he felt somewhat close to among the two dozen or so people in the room were his parents, sister, Annabeth, and Grover.

And yet, he couldn’t help but notice the ones missing. Not just his father, not just the people who had died through the years, but people he had once considered precious to him and either hadn’t been invited or had declined due to conflicting schedules.

He thought about Leo Valdez, who had a very important deadline with a client and couldn’t show, though he knew the real reason had been that he and Calypso were attached by the hip, and it was just too awkward to bring her.

He thought about Rachel Elizabeth Dare, who hadn’t received an invitation because, according to Annabeth, she would have had to make the trip all the way from Barcelona for just a one-day party. Too much money and trouble, better not make her feel guilty she’d have to miss it.

(The text he had received that morning from Rachel promising to meet up that weekend for coffee seemed to disprove his girlfriend’s argument)

He thought about Hazel and Frank, who were similarly too busy overseeing the new Praetors in Camp Jupiter, and had to settle for an IM during the pre-party, before his mortal acquaintances arrived and started to wonder why there were floating images of his friends from the other side of the country in the living room.

He even thought of Tyson, who had grown too big to comfortably fit in his mom’s apartment, and had cried as he and Annabeth explained why having a different, more private hangout the next weekend was for his sake and wellbeing.

Each name, each justification of why they couldn’t be here, the realization that even before today it had been months since Percy had decided to hang out, or be part of the life of the people he actually loved, felt like another metric ton of muddy dirt entering his lungs and making him heavier, burying him deeper into the ground.

He was drowning, he realized. Percy Jackson was drowning, and no one around him seemed to notice.

As the song came to an end, his blowing of the candles came out as a desperate wheeze, but no one seemed to care. Annabeth and Grover clapped louder than anyone, and all the guests followed their lead. Percy searched with his eyes for his mom, but she and Paul were in the kitchen, pouring drinks on a tray for everyone to toast, and Estelle was by their side, trying to sneak a sip of the forbidden sparkling wine.

“T-thank you so much!” he said, a little breathless. He hoped it could pass as him being overwhelmed with emotion. “I… I feel… so lucky, to have you all here. The people I… the people I love…”

Everyone awed or clapped again, calling him softie and the like, but Percy felt as if they were miles away, above the ground, while he kept sinking.

Once his mom arrived with the glasses and everyone took one, Annabeth raised hers high and used the cake fork to clink it.

“To my wonderful boyfriend, Percy!” she exclaimed. “May he live many, many more happy years, despite himself!”

“Cheers!” Everyone said, some of them laughing. Percy gave a small, weak smile and excused himself to the bathroom.

His mother looked at him in worry, but he gave a small wave as he closed the door behind him.

He turned on the sink and dipped his head underneath, but it did nothing to make him feel better. It didn’t revitalize him like water usually did.

“Of course it doesn’t,” his own sneering voice said in his mind. “Who tries to stop drowning by sinking further into water?”

That made him pause. Further? Was it not earth he was sinking into? Were his own powers turning against him?

He turned off the sink and looked at himself. His eyes were bloodshot, his breathing ragged. How had no one commented on it was beyond him.

He had been like this for a while, he realized. He had been drowning for years. He just hadn’t noticed because he wasn’t used to the feeling, thanks to his power over water. He could only compare it to his incident in Alaska, since Polybotes’s poison wasn’t remotely similar.

He quietly opened the door. No one at the party seemed to be waiting for him. They were all talking among themselves, all with their wine glasses in hand and laughing. They hadn’t even noticed he had come out.

He sneaked into his old room. He had moved out a while ago, and it had been turned into Estelle’s bedroom, so there was a lot of pink and baby blues where dark and royal blue used to be. He sighed and opened the window. The moonlace on the windowsill had withered long ago, but the empty pot was still there. He sat beside it, his feet resting against the fire escape as he gazed at New York’s starless sky.

“You look terrible for a birthday boy,” he heard someone say, almost making him fall backwards.

Percy felt a sense of déjà vu as he stared at Nico di Angelo, leaning against the fire escape, looking at him with an unimpressed expression.

Nico had always known he was lost in the dark.

At first, he hadn’t minded. The endless dark felt cozy. It obeyed him. It always felt like he had a place to hide away, to not let others see the hurt, the ugly parts of him. He was free to do as he wanted in the dark, even if he didn’t know where he was, where he was headed.

But he was still lost, at the end of the day.

He was alone, with no one to understand him or see him. He only got superficially close to people, and they never tried to find him.

The dark started to feel suffocating, stifling. Nico, by nature, craved connection. He wanted people he could understand, and who understood him. But no one dared venture into the unknown, scary darkness.

Nico had been found a few times, but only by happenstance. The first time, it had been by Percy Jackson.

The son of Poseidon had found him when he was floundering, not knowing what to do, with only Minos to guide him further into loneliness and hatred. Percy had found him then, and shown him that it was him calling the shots, that could control the dark around him. He may have been lost in the Dark, but he was also its ruler, the Ghost King.

Soon after, however, Percy saw that, despite being lost, he didn’t want to leave the dark, and he left him there, kept going his own way, so Nico could find his path on his own.

If only it had been that simple, he wouldn’t be lost in the first place.

The second person to find him was Jason Grace. He was not trying to find him, if anything, he had been shoved in his direction when he was flung into a dark place himself. He saw Nico, and tried to keep him company, to make him feel less alone.

It worked, for a while, but Jason had this idea that Nico had been forced into the dark, instead of being born there. He didn’t realize Nico was lost, and thought it was his choice to keep wandering around. Like Percy, Jason understood Nico belonged there, but he expected him to already know where to go, what to do. That Nico just needed someone to accept that.

It was the same with Reyna. The daughter of Bellona accepted his domain was the dark, reassured him that it was okay for him to dwell there, but she didn’t help him find his way, and after she joined the hunters, she never found him again.

It was then that he was found by one Will Solace, and he did try to guide him… but unlike the others, he didn’t understand him.

Because Will feared the dark, and he thought everyone felt as he did, Nico included. Will took his hand, and tried to guide him towards the light, and nowhere else was an acceptable place to go. Returning to the darkness, in Will’s mind, was Nico choosing to go back to being lost.

In the end, he was right. Nico chose to be lost, rather than forced away from the dark, from his home. It was lonely, it was suffocating, but it was his own, and Will, despite insisting he wanted to understand, never really did.

So, he gave up, he let him roam the dark, frustrated that he couldn’t save him. To his credit, he had tried for five long years, and tonight was the night he couldn’t take anymore.

Nico sighed. He didn’t know why he was outside of Percy’s old building. He knew he hadn’t been invited to his party, that he and Percy had fallen out of touch, that the last time they were together on Percy’s birthday he had been witness to him and Annabeth becoming an item and breaking his heart.

So why was he here? Just to reminisce about that one birthday party with the blue birthday cake and the pitying smiles, the one time his traitorous heart dared to hope that maybe Percy would notice him? Or maybe he was even more lost than he thought, and he had finally moved in circles to the same place he had been in seven years ago.

The window opened, and he saw Percy taking his legs out, looking forlorn.

No, scratch that, Percy looked like he was dying. His breathing was shallow and quick, and he was pale and almost blue.

Without thinking, he rushed through the shadows towards the fire escape, not making a sound. Percy had his face in his hands, and then he looked up at the sky. His sea green eyes were bloodshot and tired.

Nico felt… angry. He felt like Percy was being selfish. Here he was, surrounded by people who knew him, who could guide him if he ever felt lost, and yet he seemed miserable. How could he look like he was having a worse time than Nico, who had just gone through a breakup with the only mortal who tolerated his presence?

“You look terrible for a birthday boy,” he said, holding back the sneer. Percy jumped, startled and fell back inside before scrambling to look at him, eyes wide.

“Nico? What are—”

“Dunno,” he said honestly, putting his hands in his pockets. “Happy birthday, by the way.”

Percy didn’t smile. He didn’t even attempt to give out a grimace. He just nodded.

“Thanks…” he responded, softly, resigned. It made Nico pause. He realized he really couldn’t judge Percy. He knew nothing of what he was going through, only hearing about him from Hazel sometimes. “Say, want to come in?”

The déjà vu wasn’t lost on Nico. He remembered being 12, and being asked the same question by a much happier Percy, which only made this moment lackluster in comparison.

“I wasn’t invited,” he told him instead. There was no malice in his statement, but Percy still cringed at it. “I would upset everyone if I showed up.”

Something changed in Percy’s expression. He frowned, and he looked a little more alive.

“Well, I’m inviting you,” he said, crossing his arms. “You don’t upset me, and I’m the birthday boy. What I say, goes.”

Nico blinked, a bit surprised by Percy’s sudden change, and then… he chuckled. It was a little funny how the only thing able to pull Percy out of a funk was distracting him into helping others.

“I would agree, except… I don’t think you want to go back there either.” Nico said, hearing the murmurs and chatter beyond the door. Percy’s vanishing bravado told him all he needed to know. “How about we both just go? We can eat burgers in Central Park or something.”

Percy’s eyes widened, making how red they looked even more obvious. He seemed ready to accept but looked back at the door at the last second.

“I… I really shouldn’t,” he whispered, disappointed. “They are waiting for me.”

“They’ll be fine without you for an hour.” Nico waved his hand dismissively. Percy still looked conflicted, making him sigh and offer his hand. “This is my birthday gift, Percy, don’t be rude and reject it.”

The seconds felt like hours as Percy looked back and forth between his hand and the door. A loud, general laugh from the party made him clench his fists and look back at Nico.

Biting his lip, Percy nodded. He took his hand.

Nico was still lost, he still didn’t know what he was doing.

This time, he hadn’t been found. He had found someone while wandering in the darkness, just as lost as he was.

And he felt like he had to do something about it.

The fact that he had expected Nico to take them to a McDonald’s was proof enough of how distant they had gotten through the years.

They had appeared near a small, locally owned burger joint that probably overcharged for their ‘from scratch’ burgers to pay the criminal NYC rent rates, and Nico had told him to order anything that caught his fancy, which ended up being a cheeseburger with a flowery name that had bacon bits and arugula instead of lettuce.

They sat on a bench a bit away from the foul odor of the horse carriages and started eating silently.

It was surprisingly nice. It felt like Nico was with him, but not prodding or forcing him to speak. They were just enjoying each other’s company.

When he was halfway done, he spoke, voice low and trembling.

“I think I’m drowning,” he whispered. Nico raised an eyebrow, but gestured at him to keep going. “I… the closest I have ever been to it was when Gaea tried to bury me alive but… I’m short of breath, my chest burns, I feel… suffocated. Isn’t that what drowning feels like?”

Nico swallowed his bite and looked at him in contemplation before placing his burger back in the pretentious cardboard container.

“You do seem lethargic, and your eyes are bloodshot,” he mentioned. “Your symptoms do align with delayed drowning reactions.”

Percy felt a weight lift off him at Nico’s words. Just having someone tell him that he wasn’t imagining things, that people were indeed not noticing, was reassuring despite the fact that Nico’s diagnosis didn’t sound very comforting.

“How is that possible?” Percy asked. “I… I can’t drown. It’s literally one of my powers.”

Nico leaned into him, placing his head against his chest. Percy felt his face grow hot.

“Um, Nico? What—”

“Breathe as deeply as you can,” he instructed him. Percy tried to obey despite his nervousness. Nico nodded to himself and sat upright again. “There’s water in your lungs.”

“W-what? You know, just like that? Don’t we need like tests or something?” Percy asked, panicked. “I… haven’t even been to the sea, or a river, or even a pool in weeks! How did water get in there?”

“Percy, calm down,” Nico said, voice soothing. Percy tried taking a deep breath, but now that he was aware of it, he felt like no breath was deep enough with all the water lodged inside him. “I’m not an expert but when you breathed in, I heard… sloshing. As for how it got in there, I may have a theory or two.”

“Well, out with it!” Percy exclaimed. He didn’t understand how Nico could be so calm. “How did I turn into a water balloon?”

“You breathe water in, and your body doesn’t get rid of it, so it just builds up and it never gets coughed up,” Nico said. “Theory two is that you’re storing it subconsciously. You get revitalized with water, so you’re taking it from air humidity in your day to day, saving up for a rainy—or rather, for a dry day.”

Percy groaned. He was sure he would be tearing his hair out if he wasn’t holding the stupid burger.

“Am I… in danger?” he asked miserably. “Am I dying?”

“You’re a son of Poseidon so… probably not,” Nico reassured him. “But you’ll probably be short of breath and present all the drowning symptoms unless you’re submerged and breathing in water. There are ways to reduce it, like with oxygen and diuretics but… it’d only be temporary unless we find out why it’s happening.”

“How do you know all that?”

“Stick around an infirmary for years with nothing to do except hear your ex-boyfriend talk and you pick up a thing or two.”

Percy nodded. It made sense that Nico had learned during the summers he was—

Wait, what?

“Ex-boyfriend?” He asked, eyes bugging out. “What, when…?”

Nico shrugged and took his burger again.

“About two or so hours ago.” He took a bite. Though he tried to appear nonchalant, Percy could see he was upset. Nico swallowed, his eyes never leaving the half-eaten burger. “It’s fine, we weren’t… right for each other.”

Percy continued eating, trying to order his thoughts. He didn’t know what to say, if he should offer a shoulder to cry on, try to pivot back to his drowning problems, or just mention something stupid like a TV show or a meme to bring levity back to the heavy atmosphere.

“That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt,” he said, his mouth going on its own before his brain caught up.

Nico’s breath hitched. The façade around him crumbled for an instant, and Percy saw a glimpse of the lost, hurt boy that he remembered so well from Triple G ranch. He tried reaching for him, but Nico scooted away.

“Yeah, well… I know how to deal with that,” he said, indifferent mask back on. “I’ll travel the world, hunt lost souls… I’ll keep busy. No better cure for a broken heart.”

“Okay, if you say so.”

They didn’t talk anymore. They finished eating their burgers and Nico offered his hand to take him back to the party. Percy preferred not to go, but he was sure his mom, Annabeth and Grover were worried, at least.

When they landed on the fire escape outside his mom’s apartment, Percy started coughing uncontrollably. It hadn’t been this way when they went for the burgers, but now that he knew about the water in his lungs, getting his air forced out made it all the more obvious he wasn’t getting enough oxygen back in.

Nico rushed at his side and gave him a few soft hits on his back.

“Percy, deep breaths, deep breaths,” he said softly, his brow creased in worry. “There’s room in your lungs, just breathe in… and out… in…”

Percy followed Nico’s advice, feeling his breathing even again. He looked at his friend gratefully.

“Thank you,” he said, voice a little hoarse.

“You need to tell someone,” Nico said seriously. “This isn’t something you can fix on your own.”

“I don’t want them to worry,” Percy admitted. He could still hear music and chatter from the living room. It was a happy, carefree sound. He didn’t want to mess with that. “Besides… I told you, didn’t I? That’s enough.”

Nico looked like he wanted to argue, but he just nodded. Percy made to go back inside, but found that Nico hadn’t let go of his hand.

“What is it?”

“You need help, Percy. If… if I’m the only one that knows, then I have to help you fix it,” he said, determined.

“You don’t need to—”

“I told you I have to keep busy, so this is also for me,” Nico insisted, squeezing his hand. “Please, let me help you, Percy.”

Percy wanted to refuse. He wanted to deal with this on his own. Maybe visit his dad if things got too complicated, but only as a last resort. He didn’t want to trouble anyone.

But a look at Nico’s pleading eyes make him sigh and nod.

“Meet you tomorrow? I don’t want anyone to find out,” he asked. Nico breathed in relief and nodded, letting him go. “Thanks for the burger, Nico… and for the help.”

“Don’t mention it… happy birthday, Percy.”

Percy grinned. It felt like the most genuine birthday congrats he had had all day.

He waved him goodbye, and opened the door.

People were laughing as Piper and her girlfriend took bows. The Smart TV behind them showed a YouTube video had just finished playing.

His mom was the first to notice him, followed by Annabeth.

“Seaweed Brain, where have you been? You missed Shel and Piper’s duet!” his girlfriend chided as she ran up to him. He felt his lungs grow heavier.

“Sorry, I needed some fresh air.”

He let himself be led towards the crowd of near strangers, as they all greeted him like he had been gone for a few minutes, and not almost an hour.

His chest burned even more intensely, and he couldn’t wait for tomorrow.

“You live close,” Percy commented the next day as they went in front of the door. There was an accusatory tone there. “Close enough to visit.”

Nico shrugged.

“Not really, this isn’t my home,” he said simply. “There’s this app that lets you rent an apartment for a few days. I chose this one so we could have our therapy sessions close to your home.”

Nico really needed to thank Leo Valdez for demigod safe phones with Internet connection. He had been avoiding that conversation because being close to Leo only made him think of Jason, and that wasn’t healthy for either of them.

“Therapy?” Percy asked, grimacing. “Are you even certified to do that?”

“Nope,” Nico said back, smirking. “I’m just going off some medical books and Google. I know, I’m overqualified, but what can you do?”

Percy snorted, rolling his eyes at Nico.

“So, do I… lay down? Talk about my childhood?”

Nico shook his head and picked up a small box from the kitchen isle. He opened it and took out the spirometer.

“Physical therapy, Percy,” he said as he shoved the device in his hands. “You blow on this tube to control the speed the balls rise and drop… okay, I just heard it, you can snicker like a twelve-year-old.”

Percy rolled his eyes like such a reaction was beneath him, but the shaky smile told another story.

“Point is, you breathe into this, doing so in steady intervals,” he instructed. “That way, we can see your lung capacity and see how bad the problem is.”

“Will that really help me?” Percy asked uncertainly. “We already know I have water in my lungs, I won’t do that well with this.”

“I also have a few oxygen canisters,” Nico supplied, pointing at the couch. “From what I read, it’s supposed to help push out the water.”

“So why don’t we try that first?”

“To know if it works,” he explained. “We do the spirometer test first, then we do the oxygen, then the spirometer again.”

Percy nodded, humming pensively.

“So, if I do better the second time around, we know it works,” he surmised. Nico nodded. “Okay. Just… don’t judge me.”

Before Nico could even ask what Percy meant, he placed his lips around the tube and started blowing. The first ball barely lifted halfway, and if the other two moved, it was such a small, twitchy movement that Nico didn’t notice.

“Keep going,” he said, brow creased in worry. “Use your nose to breathe deeply and let all the air out through your mouth.”

Percy did as instructed, but the ball still barely got two thirds of the way up, even when Percy, frustrated, blew with all his strength, his face turning red at the strain.

“That’s enough,” Nico said softly, taking the spirometer from Percy’s hands. “Sit down on the couch, I’ll put you on some oxygen.”

“That bad, huh?” Percy said, scoffing.

“We knew it wasn’t going to be good,” was all Nico said, lips thin. “Come on, let’s see if it gets better after the oxygen.”

Percy sat down wordlessly, and Nico set up the mask around his face and pressed it against him.

“What now?” Percy’s muffled voice asked behind the mask.

“There’s a trigger at the base of the mask,” Nico explained, taking Percy’s hand and guiding him to it. “Press it and breathe in for a few seconds, then let go, and let the air out.”

Percy pressed the trigger, but let out a cough as soon as he pressed the trigger.

“It’s like huffing paint!” he complained.

“It’s not, you’re just not used to oxygen coming out as a spray,” Nico said. He placed the canister against his mouth and nose again. This time, he didn’t let go as he guided Percy’s hand to the trigger.  “Let’s try again. Breathe deeply. It’s okay. Nothing bad will happen.”

He let go of the trigger and put down the bottle. Percy breathed out.

“That was… better,” he admitted. “Thanks, Nico. I know I’m not exactly a model patient.”

“Hey, if it was easy, you wouldn’t need help,” he said back, smiling.

Nico noticed he was still holding Percy’s hand when he felt Percy’s thumb caressing his palm. He blushed and took his hand back immediately. Percy, who had seemingly just noticed what he had been doing, blushed too.

“Um, think you can do the next ones on your own?”

“Y-yeah, sure!” Percy said, not looking at him. “How many times should I do it?”

“4 or 5 more times should be enough for this first try,” Nico mumbled. “Then we’ll try the spirometer again.”

Nico moved to the kitchen, shaking his head as Percy took another oxygen shot.

“He has a girlfriend! And You’re not going down that path again!” Nico chided himself as he stared at the empty sink. “You’re not that lost yet!”

“Okay, I think I’m done,” Percy said, sounding proud of himself. “Bring on the blowing tube!”

Nico gave a deep breath before schooling his features into an annoyed frown. He turned and offered Percy the spirometer.

The first ball went all the way up, and the second lifted prominently before falling.

“That was… a noticeable improvement,” Nico noted, confused. “Maybe it’s because you’re a demigod… it shouldn’t be this fast.”

Percy just grinned.

“It doesn’t matter if it’s working,” he noted. “So, more oxygen now?”

“No.” He shook his head. “Taking in too much can cause dizziness or even seizures. Better if we just take the win and wait before trying again.”

“Well, I freed up all my day thinking we’d be at it for hours, so… what now?”

“We can give it another try in a couple of hours, if you want,” Nico offered.

Percy nodded, smiling.

“So, until then, do you want to hang out, or something?”

Nico knew he should refuse, that what just happened meant being that close to Percy was dangerous, but he found himself nodding.

“There’s this show I’ve been wanting to see… and this apartment's TV has a streaming subscription.”

Percy grinned and moved around the kitchen isle. He put his arm around Nico.

“Well, I’m in! We should go get some snacks! Ooh, there’s this candy store down the street that—”

Nico had to correct himself.

Being around Percy for such long periods of time wasn’t dangerous.

It was downright reckless.

Percy left Nico’s rented apartment at around 10 P.M.

By the time he was done, he could lift all the balls with his breath. Nico wasn’t sure if that meant there wasn’t any water left in his lungs, but Percy was optimistic. He looked at his reflection on one of Tiffany’s window displays.

His eyes weren’t bloodshot anymore, his skin tone was much healthier, and he was sure he could breathe and shout and blow out a hundred candles in one go.

He basically skipped his way into the subway happily. He hadn’t just fixed his problem, he had also sort of reconnected with Nico after all these years.

“He said he broke up with Will,” he thought, stopping at the platform that would take him home. “It happened just yesterday but… he’s acting like nothing’s wrong.”

He wondered how much of the whole ‘Nico is keeping busy’ excuse was real. Was Nico truly using today’s therapy as a way to not think about his breakup? And if so, was that healthy? Percy had never really dealt with heartbreak, so he wasn’t that well versed in it.

“Maybe I’ll get him to talk about it tomorrow,” he decided, speaking to himself. A lady a few feet from him gave a few steps away. Percy rolled his eyes. It’s NYC, he’s not even cracking the top 100 weirdest guys here, even counting the whole demigod and water magically staying in his lungs deals.

When he got to the apartment he and Annabeth had just started renting, he felt relaxed and with a sense of purpose.

It lasted about 15 seconds, after he opened his door and his girlfriend socked him in the arm, eyes watery.

“Do you have any idea how worried we were?” Annabeth said, glaring at him. “I know cellphones are kind of a new thing for us, but you can always IM! I heard nothing from you the whole day!”

Percy grimaced as Annabeth kept ranting, pointing out how irresponsible, careless and selfish he was.

“This isn’t New Rome! Monsters can attack at any time!” She kept going as Percy hanged his jacket and looked appropriately scolded.

“Sorry Wise Girl, I was just catching up with Nico and… it was already dark before I noticed.” He shrugged, giving her an apologetic smile.

“Nico? You mean Nico di Angelo?” Annabeth almost screeched. “I already worry enough about you. Not only are you a Seaweed Brain, but you’re also a child of the Big Three, and you’re telling me you doubled the exposure by hanging around another child of the Big Three?”

“You know monsters don’t really bother me anymore,” he said, knowing it was useless to argue. “Save the world a couple times and most monsters get too scared to hunt you.”

Annabeth looked completely unimpressed.

“‘Most’ being the keyword here,” she told him. “The ones that still try are powerful enough to be trouble. Any monster attack could still be the last!”

“But nothing happened,” Percy mumbled, tired. “I’m here, and I’m alright.”

His girlfriend wasn’t having any of it. She crossed her arms and walked away, frustration apparent in every one of her features.

“Good, since you’re fine, you be the one to call Sally and Grover and tell them why you disappeared on us,” she said, not looking at him.

Percy almost tripped over his own feet at that.

“You… you called them?” he asked, incredulous. Here he was, hiding his issues to not worry anyone, and Annabeth just went and made everyone worried anyways. “Why would you do that?”

“What part of ‘you disappeared on us’ isn’t registering, Seaweed Brain?” She raised her arms and groaned. “Of course I had to call them, I had to check if you were with them!”

Percy felt his chest burning with shame and rage. How could Annabeth do something like this? She could have just asked casually, subtly, instead of just advertising he was nowhere to be found to everyone who mattered to him.

“I… I’ll be on the bathroom, get a rainbow going,” he muttered, unwilling to keep dealing with Annabeth’s worry.

He knew she did it because she cared, because last time he went missing he had been kidnapped and memory wiped, and that was bound to leave scars. Still, it was suffocating.

The next day, he woke up with a heavy cough. Annabeth was already gone. He didn’t know if she was off to Olympus to do a check-up on her designs, or just to the firm she was doing an internship on.

When he looked at himself in the mirror, he was horrified to see his eyes bloodshot again.

“And you’re sure you didn’t go into the water at all,” Nico said as he got his ear away from Percy’s chest.

“Unless you count a quick shower last night, no,” Percy told him, looking miserable. “So, how bad is it?”

Nico grimaced and shrugged.

“I’m not sure,” he admitted. “I’d need some medical equipment that I don’t have. I just know your lungs have water in them again.”

“So, back to the oxygen?” Percy asked, resigned.

“Not for now,” Nico said. “Whatever is causing this, it’s not physical. It’s mental. If we don’t find the cause, we’ll be doing this over and over until we die.”

Percy sighed as he sat down on the couch.

“So, the physical therapy becomes therapy-therapy,” he muttered forlornly. Nico nodded.

“You can call it that,” he half-agreed, moving closer. “But I’m not a therapist, Percy. I’m not here to figure you out or pick at your brain. Think of it more as… two people trying the Socratic method.”

“The what now?” Percy said, bemused.

“Socrates believed you could reach any truth by questioning every statement until you eventually get to the answer,” he explained. “We can do that until we find out why your body is reacting that way.”

“So, it’s less therapy and just… us talking about what’s going on with us?”

Nico wanted to correct him. It would just be Percy answering questions, but something in his expression stopped him. Hounding Percy with questions that would be intrusive and uncomfortable without him getting to do the same was lopsided and pushy. Percy needed to feel at ease, and Nico would feel more comfortable if this went both ways.

“Sure,” he said finally. Percy grinned at him. “So, when did you notice you started suffocating again?”

“This morning, I woke up short of breath, and when I looked in the mirror, my eyes were all red again.”

Nico hummed. That wasn’t much to start with.

“Did you have… a nightmare of some sort? Maybe a dream where you were fighting a monster?”

Percy frowned, looking pensive, before shaking his head.

“I don’t remember last night’s dream, actually. So I could have dreamed about that,” he said, shrugging. “Say, since we’re asking questions… are you okay? With your breakup, I mean.”

Nico tensed up. He wanted to snap at Percy, tell him it was none of his business, but just sighed and shook his head.

“I already told you, I’m dealing with it by not talking about it,” he told him.

“Can you… tell me how it happened?” Percy asked. Nico didn’t dare look at him. He didn’t want to see the son of Poseidon looking at him with pity in his eyes. “You always seemed…”

“Perfect together? Like we were good for each other?” Nico asked, unable to keep the anger out of his voice. “Well, we were not. He was… I couldn’t… it just wasn’t working out.”

Percy stayed quiet for a while. He felt a hand on his back, rubbing soothing circles. Nico felt his heartbeat pick up.

“I was going to say that you always looked like you were… yielding,” Percy said, chuckling humorlessly. “Both of you. Like Will had to put up with you and vice versa. You never seemed to really enjoy yourselves.”

Nico thought back to Will’s indulgent grimaces whenever he made a morbid joke, his displeasure whenever Will dragged him to an activity he didn’t want to do. He remembered their ‘amicable’ breakup.

“You may have been the only one to notice,” he whispered, feeling his eyes sting. “That day I just wanted to do… something. Gods, I don’t even remember what I had wanted to do. It was only two days ago!”

Had it been to Shadow Travel? Maybe he had wanted to visit the Underworld, or just to summon a ghost. He couldn’t remember.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Percy said softly. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

“No, it’s just… I’m sure it had something to do with my powers. It wasn’t important, but I wanted to use them.” He hugged his knees, trying to hide his face in them. “Will didn’t tell me not to do it, but he… he was strongly against it. He said it was me being stubborn, that I just wanted to go backwards in my ‘progress’. And that’s when I realized… that he never really understood me.”

“That you are a child of the Underworld?” Percy asked gently. He hugged him, tucked in legs and all, and pulled him to his side.

“Percy I am—” lost in the dark, but not averse to it. Uncomfortable being light and peppy or being expected to be light and peppy. He said none of that. “I am not the man Will wanted me to be. I told him I couldn’t be what he expected and Will, he… he just told me that he couldn’t be there for me if I wasn’t willing to help myself.”

“And do you… need help?” he asked, speaking against his hair. Nico suppressed a shiver.

Yes. I need help to find my way in the dark, but I can’t do it alone. I want someone to help me the right way, not try to mold me into their perfect version of me.

“I’m… not sure,” he lied. “Maybe I do. But the help I need is not the one Will was willing to offer.”

Percy squeezed him tighter. Nico didn’t break down crying, but he still felt like he wanted to.

“I’m afraid to think that I’m trying to kill myself,” Percy whispered. Nico finally looked at him. Percy looked distraught. “That this whole drowning, water in lungs thing is me being tired of living.”

Nico shook his head. Percy couldn’t… he wasn’t the kind of person to want that, was he?

“Are you? Tired of living, I mean,” Nico asked with a sliver of voice. “Do you think you’re not worthy of life?”

Percy didn’t answer immediately. He just shrugged.

“During my birthday party I… I was thinking about how I had grown apart from everyone except Grover and Annabeth,” he admitted. “How I haven’t seen people I fought and bled for in years, that even my own brother could not be in my party because he was too big for mom’s apartment. I went to my old room and… it wasn’t mine anymore. I felt… erased, like it didn’t matter if I was around for my own birthday or not.”

“That doesn’t answer my question,” Nico told him, frowning. “Feeling abandoned, erased, is not the same as not wanting to live.”

“I don’t know, okay?” he exclaimed, frustrated. “I never thought I’d make it this far! There was always something that wanted me dead since I was a toddler! How am I supposed to live now that I know there’s a future?”

He coughed again, and Nico felt Percy’s chest making a soft splashing sound, like when you filled a water bottle with a very strong water stream.

“Breathe, Percy,” he said softly, hugging him back. “It’s okay, just breathe.”

“I… I can’t,” he managed to say between wheezes. He looked panicked. His skin was turning a pale blue. “I can’t, Nico!”

Not knowing what to do, Nico acted on instinct. He grabbed Percy and closed the curtains, enveloping the room in Darkness. He let the shadows take him to a place with water, any place, and dragged the son of Poseidon with him.

They Shadow Traveled right above a pool, dropping them both in.

As soon as Percy was submerged, he started breathing in water, taking big gulps. When he came out, he spit out about gallon of water from his mouth.

He gasped and breathed deeply, his eyes wide.

“T-thanks,” he said, his wheezing now relieved instead of panicked. “How did you know that’d work?”

“I… I didn’t,” he admitted. “I just saw you drowning and… acted.”

“Well, I’m glad you were right,” he said, joking smile in place to break the tension.

“Anytime, Percy.”

“Hey, you two!” The lifeguard shouted. “No roughhousing in the pool! And where are your bathing suits?”

The next few minutes were spent explaining how they were two college friends daring each other, how it wouldn’t happen again, and how it was a one time thing.

They were still banned from the pool. Not that it mattered much.

Nico had taken them to a public pool in Alabama. They definitely wouldn’t be back.

“I don’t think it’s you not wanting to live,” Nico told him once they were back at his apartment. “I think this is you thinking you should be dead.”

“Really?” Percy asked, tilting his head.

“If anything, your reaction to almost drowning for good shows that you do want to live,” he pointed out. “But… when you mentioned not knowing how to act with nothing wanting to kill you, you filled up on water, and at your birthday, you felt like you weren’t supposed to be there.”

It was a good theory, Percy guessed, but there were still a few holes in it that Percy couldn’t help but notice. He hadn’t felt like he should be dead that morning, and when he thought back, the shortness of breath and tiredness had been around for years. There were no triggers then.

“So, what am I supposed to do?” Percy asked. “We’re still doing the whole Socratic thing, aren’t we?”

“Yeah…” Nico said, looking him over. “I think… we need to find reasons for you to live.”

Percy smiled at that.

“We, huh?” he said back, leaning against the wall.

Nico rolled his eyes and nodded.

“Since you refuse to tell anyone, it’s up to me to help you, right?” Nico said, huffing good-naturedly. “I won’t leave you alone, Percy. Not when you need help.”

Percy bit his lip. He didn’t know if he should push Nico on the issue but…

“Same goes for me,” he told him. “You told me you also needed help. I know I’m not the best at sticking around but… I want to help you too.”

Nico looked stunned and then… he gave him a small, honest smile.

It was the first time Percy saw Nico like that. It wasn’t a smug smirk, or an understanding, indulging smile. It wasn’t even the wide grin he used to have before Bianca died. This smile was different, unique. It felt just for him.

He felt his heart skipping a beat.

“I said I maybe needed help,” he reminded him. “But I won’t stop you from trying.”

Percy frowned at that.

“Well, of course I’ll try,” he said, feeling offended for some reason. “What do you need help with?”

Nico shrugged.

“I’m as lost as you,” he said, Percy couldn’t help but think there was a hidden meaning to his words. “Maybe more. But hey, if it were easy, we’d have fixed our issues already.”

“Well, I’m guessing the Socratic method really does work,” he joked.

“It really does, and it almost killed you, too” Nico said. “Let’s never use it again.”

Percy couldn’t argue with that logic.

“So, when do we start this journey of self-help?”

“Are you free tomorrow?” Nico asked, sounding uncertain. “We could try some things around and see what works.”

Percy was about to agree, but he checked the calendar behind Nico. He shook his head.

“Sorry, I’m meeting with Rachel in the morning for coffee, then I promised to hang out with Tyson.” He didn’t bother to hide how regretful he sounded. “If you want to come, I—”

“I wouldn’t want to intrude,” he interrupted him. “You said you haven’t seen them in a long time.”

“It’s sort of a late birthday celebration,” Percy said. “Being with people who couldn’t make it… and you weren’t there either.”

Nico’s smile turned into the usual smug smirk.

“We did have our own private celebration, though,” he mentioned simply. For some reason, the wording made Percy blush. “You enjoy time with them, Percy. It’ll do you good.”

Right. He and Nico were finding reasons for Percy to keep living. Living to reconnect with the friends he had grown apart from was a start.

He gave Nico one last hug.

“I’ll see you on Sunday?”

“Um… yeah, that sounds good.”

Percy smiled brightly at him.

As he walked away, he felt peppier and more energized than any time he had been soaking in the sea.

Maybe Nico had truly gone backwards in his endless stumbling through the dark.

“Then, the absolute genius decides that now that I’m quote unquote ‘groveling’, it means it’s suddenly safe to tell me his whole plan!” Percy exclaimed, laughing. “Who does that?”

Nico snorted and rolled his eyes.

“A very attention starved minor god,” Nico answered, shaking his head. “Grovel or praise them for a second, and they think you’re not a threat anymore.”

“If I had a nickel for every time someone just… admitted they were the bad guy to me I’ll…” he got quiet, probably trying to make calculations.

“You’d be treating me?” He asked, shaking his half-empty milkshake cup.

“And still have some leftover for the bus ride home,” Percy said, still laughing.

Nico liked that sound. Percy’s laughter was charming and made him feel joyful.

“Luckily for you, I can get us there for free,” he said, taking his hand and moving their shadows a bit for show.

“Come on, dude, they still haven’t brought in my hot dog,” he complained, but didn’t let go of his hand. “Let me at least eat.”

It had been about three weeks since Percy’s birthday, and things were… he wouldn’t say better, but more manageable now.

Percy still had moments where he would choke on water, and their outings to find stuff Percy could live for had deteriorated to just friends hanging out, but most of the time he was breathing normally, and now they knew that Percy could get better by submerging in any body of water for a few seconds.

As for Nico…

“Speaking of purchases, did you convince Annabeth?” he asked curiously, taking a sip of his milkshake.

Percy’s smile fell. His thumb rubbed circles over Nico’s palm.

“Not really,” he said softly. “She thinks a bathtub is an expensive, difficult to clean architectural nightmare.”

Nico squeezed his hand sympathetically, already used to his heart speeding up when he touched the son of Poseidon.

“You may need to actually tell her what’s going on with you, Percy,” he told him seriously. “You need to have a way to submerge yourself in case of an episode.”

“I can’t Nico!” He exclaimed, frowning.

“I know you don’t want to worry her, but—”

“It’s not that,” he said miserably. “Not anymore, at least. I just think… she wouldn’t get it. I’ve tried hinting at it, looking for openings to tell her and she… she thinks nothing can be wrong with me. The idea is just ridiculous to her.”

The restaurant’s sound system called Percy’s order. He let go of his hand and went to pick up his supreme hot dog with so many toppings Nico would be surprised if anyone could taste the sausage.

Nico sighed when he came back.

“I won’t tell you what to do,” he said simply. “But maybe not talking to Annabeth and her dismissing you is making you feel… unimportant, and you know that’s dangerous.”

“I know,” Percy murmured, taking a bite of his food. Without swallowing, he grinned and said, “but at least I’m lucky you have a tub!”

“Say it, don’t spray it, Percy,” he groaned after Percy swallowed, making him laugh. “So, what’s your plan, move in with me?”

“I would if you let me. Your place is awesome,” Percy said in jest. “I could actually bring over some furniture that’s not lawn chairs and futons.”

In the weeks since reconnecting with Percy, he had managed to get a nice apartment near Central Park, with a bathtub and a big kitchen and a place for a huge TV once he saw one he liked.

(Yes, it was all bought with Hades’s money. No, Nico didn’t feel an ounce of shame.)

“Yeah, that sounds like a great idea. Tell your girlfriend you’re moving out because your gay friend has a bathtub,” he snarked. “That’s bound to go over well.”

“Come on, you know I don’t care about the gay thing,” Percy chided him. “You’re just my friend.”

That was Nico’s current problem (well, his most pressing issue). Nico was gay, and Percy didn’t seem to realize it. He didn’t seem to notice that holding his hand, cuddling, and sharing meals meant to him. He seemed oblivious to the things he was doing to his heart.

Nico had gone back to having feelings for Percy, and like an idiot, or maybe a masochist, he hadn’t been able to take distance like he had last time.

“Annabeth might,” he said. “Remember how she was with anyone that dared have feelings for you? I’m lucky she just found out about my crush when I was already over it.”

He expected Percy to laugh, to excuse Annabeth and say she wasn’t that bad, but he just grimaced and took a huge bite of his hot dog.

“She’s still a bit like that, I think,” Percy muttered. “She told me I’d bother Rachel by inviting her to my birthday, you know? But I think she doesn’t quite trust her now that she passed down the Oracle to a new girl.”

“That’s… not a nice thought to have,” he whispered, evading his gaze.

“I know, and I feel awful for thinking it,” he admitted. “But… the only girls I’m allowed to meet alone are either Piper and Hazel, who aren’t single, or my family. Even when I went with Rachel for coffee she insisted on coming. Something about how it would be easier to not have to meet up later to see Tyson.”

Percy’s words made something click inside Nico. He looked at his friend hesitantly.

“Does… does Annabeth know we hang out?” he asked. Percy nodded. “And does she know I broke up with Will?”

“It… it hasn’t come up,” he said quietly.

“Okay… first things first, that’s wrong,” he said. Percy nodded miserably. “She can’t just… control you like that!”

Percy’s head whipped up, eyes wide.

“W-what?” He asked, bemused. “I thought you were saying I was in the wrong!”

“Percy, you’re allowed to have friends,” he told him, crossing his arms. “Annabeth needs to trust you. Especially considering your fatal flaw.”

“But she’s… she’s like that, Nico,” he muttered, sounding unsure. “She’s got issues too. As her partner, I should be able to understand her and meet her halfway.”

“Well, from my perspective, you’re meeting her where she is while she stays comfortably in place,” he said gruffly. “But hey, what do I know?”

“A lot, it looks like,” Percy said, tone slightly accusing. “Did Will… not meet you halfway?”

Nico squirmed uncomfortably in his seat.

“Will, he… I doubt he ever wanted to meet me at all,” he managed to say. “He wanted me to go where he was and then… keep walking, so to speak.”

“I don’t follow.”

“All about me is dark, morbid and miserable, to Will, at least,” he said, shrugging. “I was only acceptable when I wasn’t…”

“When you weren’t you,” Percy stated. He just nodded. “I’m glad you split, then. You deserve better.”

“Well, better hasn’t shown up, so…” He left the sentence hanging. “We better get going.”

Percy nodded sullenly and finished his food in three big bites (his jaw unhinged in a frankly fascinating display) and took Nico’s hand. Nico ignored how it looked to the people around them and dragged Percy out of the food court and into the parking lot before calling on the shadows.

The thing about Shadow Travel, Nico had discovered, was that it was somewhat tied to his emotional state. Not enough that when he was distressed he ended up in China (not anymore, at least) but when his emotions were too intense, sometimes space-time bent funny around him while teleporting.

And that was how they had arrived at his apartment sideways, about two feet off the ground, and fallen roughly on the wood floor.

When Nico opened his eyes, it was to find Percy hovering above him, eyes wide and cheeks rosy, but all he could feel was their hands, still entwined together, and refusing to let go.

He wanted to kiss Nico.

The realization hit him like a ton of bricks, but he didn’t have the willpower to pull away as he squeezed the son of Hades’s hand.

If anything, he drew even closer, his gaze completely on Nico’s lips.

“P-Percy?” Nico asked, though he sounded far away, and not the few inches Percy was rapidly closing.

How long had he been feeling like this? A week? Since his birthday? Even before, after Nico had confessed when Percy was 17?

Gods, did this mean Annabeth had been right to be suspicious and distrustful? Was Percy really that easy when it came to falling in love with others? The fact that the raft that took him away from Ogygia, that would only appear when he fell for Calypso, had shown up after only a few days didn’t help his case.

“Annabeth,” his mind reminded him. Suddenly his eyes widened and he jumped away. He felt his chest thumping and burning up.

“W-What was that?” Nico asked, heaving. Percy now couldn’t help but notice his pupils were larger than usual, that his cheeks were rosier. Things he used to dismiss or, at least, push out of his mind were now at the forefront, staring at him and mocking him over how oblivious he was.

“I… I don’t know…” he lied, standing up. “I… I’m sorry, Nico. I need to leave.”

“Percy, your—”

“I’ll pick it up another time!” he said loudly, practically running away from the apartment and pressing the elevator button at least a dozen times.

He needed to be away from Nico. He couldn’t do this to Annabeth. He couldn’t be… feeling this way about the son of Hades. He wanted to believe this was all a freak occurrence, that maybe Aphrodite or another love god was messing with him for a laugh, that in a few days, he would apologize to Nico and things would go back to normal.

He knew better, though.

The elevator opened with a ding, and Percy went in and pressed the ground floor button.

He had feelings for Nico, and he didn’t know how deep they were. What he did know, however, was that they were strong enough that a wrong move would make him act on them and betray Annabeth.

He needed to cut Nico off from his life again.

His chest burned even more, and he started coughing. He knew what it meant by now, but he didn’t know why he was drowning this time. What made him believe he should be dead?

Was it the idea of betraying Annabeth? Did going against his fatal flaw made him think he should die instead of doing something so against his nature?

Or was it his decision to distance himself from Nico? Did he think he should die rather than be apart from him?

Both options were distressing, and Percy felt his lungs fill up more and more and his breath come out in shorter and shorter intervals.

When the elevator doors opened again, he was surprised to find Nico there, face red from exertion and heaving.

“Nico, what—”

“It’s stress,” he said, entering the elevator and pressing the top floor, where the indoor pool was.

“Did you… run six flights of stairs to catch me?” he asked, coughing a bit.

“You were… starting to show symptoms… I had to catch you,” he explained between deep breaths. “We were wrong Percy. The drowning… it’s not your powers attacking you, they’re trying to defend you.”

If Percy wasn’t busy coughing up a storm, he would have looked at Nico incredulously.

“W-what? That doesn’t… make sense…” he managed to say. The elevator dinged again, and Nico hurried outside, taking his hand and dragging him beyond the glass door and into the roofed pool room.

(Percy knew it was wrong that he felt a spark of electricity going through his body as Nico touched him, but he couldn’t control it)

There weren’t any people in, which meant no one to look at them weird when Nico basically pushed him, a young man choking and coughing, into the pool.

The relief was immediate. Percy breathed in deeply and moved around the pool, feeling the pressure leave his chest. When he came out, he spit out a lot of water, but that was a normal reaction by now.

He looked at Nico, frowning.

“What do you mean my powers are trying to protect me?” He asked, bemused. “Last I checked, drowning and choking doesn’t help anyone escape danger.”

“Water does,” Nico said. “Remember when you told me how your powers activated in Camp Half-Blood?”

Percy tilted his head, unsure of what Nico was getting at.

“Yeah, Clarisse wanted to give me a swirly, and I made the toilet explode,” he recounted. “But that was actually helpful…”

“And when you were claimed and you stood on a stream, you suddenly felt revitalized and could keep fighting?” Nico pressed on, ignoring him.

“Yes, Nico. I actually remember my life.” He told him rolling his eyes.

“You weren’t in danger with Clarisse,” he said. “You would have been humiliated, and probably very gross, but not in actual danger. You can breathe water, you would have been fine.”

“My subconscious used my powers to protect me nonetheless,” Percy said, eyes widening. “But then, why am I filling my lungs with water? What good does that make?”

“It’s a stress response,” Nico told him. “Your body is trying to tell you to run away, to return to a comfortable place, where you are protected. Your powers are trying to encase you in water.”

It was ridiculous, illogical, and it was the only thing that made sense.

“Why? Why something as stupid as realizing I don’t belong at my birthday party, or feeling that my girlfriend doesn’t get me, is getting me this reaction?”

He looked at Nico as if he held all the answers in the world. Nico sighed and dropped onto the floor, so their faces were closer.

“You said you remember your life,” Nico told him softly. “When in your childhood and teenage years being stressed wasn’t life threatening? When was your stress not tied to you or the people you love possibly dying?”

Percy wanted to give Nico an actual answer. Maybe a hard test, or a bad fight with Annabeth, or anything really. Nothing came up. He never had stressed over tests. He had always assumed he wouldn’t do that good either way, and after finding he was a demigod, education became even more trivial.

He had also learned how to handle Annabeth’s moods, so whatever fights they had were short and they always moved past them by Percy pretending they didn’t hurt.

“I almost died… so many times,” Percy mumbled, looking at his hands as if he expected to see a ghostly after image. “And it was always a joke, or something I had to get used to… I thought I had gotten used to it.”

“You did, you normalized it,” Nico said. His hand moved towards him, but stopped before actually touching him, hesitating. “But now most of that is over. Very few monsters chase you, there’s no ancient evil to foil, so what happens when you experience stress again?”

“I do what I consider normal,” he whispered. “I use my powers, look for a way out, deflect it with a joke and pretend all is fine.”

He looked up. He hated that the only thing he could think about was how beautiful, how safe, Nico looked, hovering over him with that creased brow and big, lovely brown eyes. He looked away.

“I’m… I’m broken, Nico.” He said with a sliver of voice.

The water stirred as something else fell in the pool. Nico, soaking wet, went over to him and hugged him.

“Fractured,” he corrected him. “Percy, what we went through… it’s not healthy. Yes, it’s part of the deal of being demigods, but there’s a reason all heroes die young. I don’t think the gods expect any of us to make it.”

“…Yet here we are,” he said simply. “What now?”

Nico stayed quiet for a while. Percy allowed himself to breathe in his scent. His newly emptied lungs took it all in eagerly.

“We find ways to heal, I guess.”

“Stay here?” Percy asked him, making him realize his baby seal eyes were as effective as ever. “Please?”

“So that’s it?” Nico heard Annabeth’s voice shout behind the door. “You’re leaving because I’m not a mind reader?”

“I’m not blaming you for not noticing!” Percy said, desperate. Nico closed his eyes, trying to picture the nearest ocean to drop Percy into when he came out of the apartment. “I was the one who hid it! But I simply can’t stay here anymore!”

Not wanting to snoop, Nico tried to glance at the window. From the third floor, he could see the tree just outside, leaves swaying gently with the breeze as they were slowly but surely turning orange.

September was almost over, and he and Percy had been attending therapy sessions separately for about three weeks now. A legacy of Bacchus that lived in Oregon with a very open mind and no issue with discussing demigod business. At first, Nico wanted it to just be Percy, but he had pointed out that Nico may not have his powers going haywire, but that didn’t mean he was okay.

(He was right)

He was also staying over at Nico’s apartment far more often than would be deemed acceptable, and Nico hadn’t complained or stopped him.

“Will you listen to me for once in your life?!” Percy screamed, making Nico pay attention to the door again. “I love you, Annabeth. You’ve been there for me for almost 10 years! But I can’t stay here, with someone who won’t even notice if I’m gone!”

“You think I don’t notice you’re gone?!” Annabeth shouted back, unwilling to yield. “How often you don’t come home to sleep? How when I bring it up you just brush me off? How can I care if you don’t let me?!”

Dr. Vinther had warned him that what they were doing was, by all accounts, an emotional affair, but Nico couldn’t bring himself to stop or bring it up with Percy. Very early in their sessions, Percy had recognized Annabeth, or rather, their current relationship, as a stressing factor that was making his powers act up, and Nico had no choice but to offer the guest bedroom (that totally wasn’t originally meant to be a studio) for Percy to crash in.

So they went on a few outings, holding hands, cuddling and hugging. That didn’t have to mean anything. After realizing how messed up they were, they had turned to each other for human contact, someone who understood…

Yeah, even Nico couldn’t fool himself there. He knew what they were doing, especially after they had almost kissed after Shadow Traveling. But he needed Percy. He was happier around him. It didn’t matter if their therapist called it unhealthy or counterproductive. Percy didn’t drown around him and Nico…

Nico finally knew where he was in the darkness. He just couldn’t give that up.

“I tried! But you. Never. Listen!” Percy said back, punctuating every word. “You just were too worried about getting things done to notice me almost dying a few feet away!”

“That’s not—!”

“Percy will be okay, he always is! Let him fight the big monster alone while I put him down in a pleasant conversation with his would-be murderer!” He interrupted her. Nico frowned. He could already hear the shortness of breath. “That was when we were in constant danger, why should I believe you’d be different when the only one dying is me?”

“Percy we…” Annabeth’s voice had gotten quieter, but still a little defiant. “We can talk about this. Just… you never said anything! How was I supposed to know? You aren’t a poor, defenseless victim!”

Nico gritted his teeth. He wanted to come in and shout at Annabeth, but this was something Percy wanted to do alone, and he had to respect that.

“I’m not saying I’m perfect, or that everything is your fault,” Percy said, coughing a little. “But I can’t stay here, Annabeth. Not with the constant threat of… of this happening…”

His coughs got more violent. He heard rustling, probably Annabeth rushing to Percy’s side.

“What do you need? I can—”

Whatever Percy did, it made Annabeth stop talking. A few seconds later, the door kicked open. Percy was there, with a suitcase in his hand, bloodshot eyes and nose bleeding.

Nico rushed to his side and started dragging him towards a darkened corner of the hallway. Annabeth looked at him with narrowed eyes.

“Nico,” she said, gaze cold. “We’re in the middle of something. Leave.”

“Are you kidding? He needs help!” Nico exclaimed, trying to reason with her.

“I can help him. I’m his girlfriend,” she continued talking as she turned to look at Percy. “Were you with him when you didn’t come home?”

“Annabeth… please…” Percy heaved.

The daughter of Athena looked ready to cry. She shook her head and walked back inside.

“Go, help him, since it seems I only make things worse,” she said bitterly. “I could have helped, you know? If you had wanted me to…”

She closed the door at the same time Nico reached the shadows, dropping Percy on the slightly cold ocean in Montauk.

Acknowledging that you had been a jerk is not the best feeling in the world, Percy realized.

At the end of the day, he couldn’t trust Annabeth any longer. After years of being the Seaweed Brain, the brawn to her brains, the one with no emotional needs, he had decided to trust someone else.

But just as Annabeth said, that didn’t mean he was the innocent victim in all of this. He had hidden what was wrong with him and, according to Nico and their therapist, at least, he had been unfaithful to her, emotionally if not physically.

It had been a long time coming, he realized. For a long time, being near Annabeth was suffocating, it was stifling… it made him slowly drown. He had done everything for her, risked his life for her, gone to college for her. Dr. Vinther had told him that it was time he did something for himself.

The problem was that the thing he had to do for himself was breaking up with her.

It had hurt, it had been scarring for both of them, but Percy couldn’t keep pretending his love for Annabeth was the same kind he held when he was 16.

He had needed someone to support him, to take his problems seriously, not as him complaining or exaggerating. It didn’t need to be a romantic partner, just someone who cared.

“Percy, can you bring me my keys?” Nico asked as he zipped up his jacket. Percy nodded and took them from the coffee table, flinging them at him. Nico, of course, caught them mid-air. “Thanks. Remind me, why do I work retail?”

“You want some economic independence, and the job market sucks even with a college degree,” he recited like it was a practiced answer. “How’s that business course going, by the way?”

“I’m mostly there for a paper that will let me start my own thing,” he muttered, rolling his eyes. “The only thing I’m learning is all the bureaucracy needed… still less complicated than the Underworld’s, though.”

Percy hummed as he glanced at the clock. He had his virtual therapy session in an hour.

“I’ll hold down the fort, then” he called, waving. “I’m still waiting for any news on that NGO gig.”

Nico smiled.

“I’m sure you’ll get it, Percy, they’d be crazy not to accept you,” he said, turning to look at him.

“Eh, my grades during college weren’t the best, and no one knows I can actually talk to the endangered sea life they want to save so…”

“Your interview went great, just be patient,” he insisted. “Now, I really need to get going, those… $15 an hour won’t make themselves…”

Nico deflated as he talked, making Percy laugh.

“Just remember, it’s temporary,” he reassured him. “Just keep your eyes on the goal.”

“Will do…” he muttered. “See you tonight?”

Percy shook his head.

“Having dinner with mom,” he said. “But I’ll be here to tuck you in.”

Nico snorted and rolled his eyes, waving at him and closing the door behind him.

Percy still had drowning spells sometimes, usually after dealing with job interviews or when being swamped with responsibilities, but he was getting better at recognizing the early signs and had an inhaler at hand and, if all failed, he had Nico on speed dial to Shadow Travel him to the nearest river, pool, or bathtub with an old lady in it (miserable experience, the Mist barely fixed that one).

He was getting better, he realized, and it was all because he had dared to trust Nico that warm August night.

(Sometimes history does repeat itself.)

And after all the confusion that had brought about their decision to start therapy, Percy had decided he shouldn’t pursue Nico. They now lived together, and still had those outings that were way too similar to dates for anybody’s comfort (good thing it also wasn’t anybody’s business anymore). Just last week, they had run into Annabeth, and she… had looked at them resigned, and just told Percy he seemed to be doing well.

He still had to explain that he and Nico weren’t together, even if Annabeth insisted it was none of her business. Still, it was for the best. They weren’t together because…

Percy blinked in confusion. Why weren’t they, actually?

It wasn’t due to guilt. Both he and Nico were single, and there was no guilt in them being a couple. Percy knew the son of Hades still stirred something inside him, and sometimes he’d stare at Nico as he chewed on his pencil while doing his homework. True, he didn’t know about Nico’s feelings, but didn’t that mean he should just ask?

And here’s the thing about Percy Jackson: He was impulsive, he preferred to act, so why was he waiting… no, why was he holding back?

Like a reverse of that afternoon, when he had escaped after almost kissing Nico, Percy ran out the apartment, sliding down the stair railing to make time, hoping Nico had taken the elevator that was fast approaching the ground floor.

Nico felt a sense of déjà vu when the elevator door opened to his friend breathing heavily, grinning.

It immediately set off alarms in him.

“Need a dip?” He asked, worried. Percy shook his head and held up his hand to keep him in place while he caught his breath.

“Nico… did you… did you ever wonder why I ran away that day, when we found out my drowning was because of stress?” he asked him, his smile slightly manic.

Nico blushed as he remembered that afternoon. Percy on top of him, his face inches from his own, his scent all over Nico…

“I just… assumed it was because you realized about the whole… emotional affair thing, at least subconsciously,” he said awkwardly. “Was that not it?”

“Nope,” he said, shaking his head. “I didn’t even know what an emotional affair was.”

Nico raised an eyebrow.

“I see.” It was all he could say, even if he didn’t understand what was going on at all.

“I ran away because I had just realized how much I wanted to kiss you,” he said. Nico blinked, sure he had heard wrong. “And… and I still do.”

Nico felt as if, for a change, he was the one drowning. He found it hard to breathe, and his brain felt slow and unable to process what Percy was saying.

All this time, he had berated himself, for taking advantage of Percy’s issues to keep him close, for not including Annabeth when it became obvious she wanted to help, to understand. He could dress it up as Percy being his priority all he wanted, but at the end of the day, he just hadn’t wanted to lose his connection to Percy, the man he was, once again, developing feelings for.

Now it became obvious Percy probably was feeling the same way about him.

The silence stretched to an uncomfortable length. Percy’s grin started to falter as panic started settling in. Realizing this could lead to another drowning episode, Nico blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

“All my life, I’ve been lost,” he said. Percy frowned, confused at his non-sequitur. “I… I’m a very lonely person, Percy. Everybody knows that, but what they don’t get is… I don’t know where I’m going. Everybody just assumes that I need to do this on my own, but I’ve been at it for over a decade and… I still don’t get it!”

“Nico…”

“I liken it to being lost in the dark, which is, you know, a bit insensitive to you considering your powers actually act against you,” he kept talking, unable to stop the verbal deluge. “But the thing is, everyone expects that, because the dark is my home, I can find my way on my own, and I can’t! Then Will comes and, in this metaphor, tries to take me out of the dark, thinking that’s what I need, but it’s not!”

Nico’s breathing heavily, trying to guess where he’s going with this as much as Percy is.

“Then what do you need, Nico?” Percy asked, smiling reassuringly.

“I want someone to accept me, but also to stay,” Nico whispered. “Someone to help me see where I am, where I’m headed, but not try to make me go any way… and I’m scared that, if things go wrong between us, I’ll lose the closest thing I have to that!”

Yes, he guessed that was his current issue with Percy. After years of guilt, miscommunication, and bad timing, he was too scared of losing him, like he had lost nearly everyone else.

Percy nodded, like anything he said was at all reasonable and not extremely selfish.

“Nico, I don’t think you’re lost anymore,” he told him. “When I was drowning, you found me… we found each other, and now we can keep moving forward.”

“I… I know that, Percy,” Nico admitted. “But I can’t help feeling like it’s not going to last, that if we grow apart…”

He didn’t want to complete the sentence. Percy sighed.

“We don’t need each other like we used to, Nico,” he said. “We’re better now… but that doesn’t mean we have to part ways, keep going alone.”

“We… we live together, Percy, we’re not really alone.” He felt like explaining.

“You know what I mean,” Percy said, some frustration seeping into his tone. “I like you, Nico. I want us to be together. If you don’t want to, I get it, but if it’s something else… you should talk to me. I’ll always help you find your way in the dark.”

Maybe he still was a little bit lost, because he wasn’t sure which way to go, what path to take.

He got closer to Percy.

“And I… I’ll always be here to stop you from drowning, Percy.” He added, bringing their faces together and kissing him softly.

They weren’t quite out of their problems yet, but moving forward, taking these risks…

It was why they decided to stop drowning, to stop being lost, in the first place.