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Winter feels so bitterly cold and in fact, you are unable to endure this cold weather. However, this coldness has become a common thing for you, more precisely since you became the lady of this big house. The steaming herbal tea on the small table remains untouched, your gaze completely fixed on the large window facing the garden. Mrs. Sephie, who has been standing beside you—sitting with a blank expression—begins to break the silence.
“Madam, the tea will soon start to get cold. Come here, let me help you.”
Sephie, with her wrinkled hands, helped the wife of the master of the house whom she greatly respected to drink the herbal tea she had prepared. The lady remained silent, uttering not a single word, except for a nod of approval for her actions. Working as a servant in this large house had made her witness various events and impressions, starting from her young master, who had now become a Colonel in the military, a promising position, till her young master married a woman of authority from another country based on a diplomatic agreement that her young master could not avoid.
Sephie acted cautiously because she loved her Madame very much—even though she rarely interacted with the people in the house—Sephie still respected her. You saw Sephie with your usual blank stare. Sephie, who noticed the stare, immediately lowered her head and leaned in closer to hear clearly what her madame was saying.
“Will he not be returning home tonight?”
“Madam, there is good news for you. Master will be returning tonight and he has requested that you join him for dinner.” Sephie replied softly, gently rubbing her madam's hands.
“Why... Why didn't he tell me directly? The communication terminal in this house was so pointless.”
Sephie had anticipated that response. The marriage between the two of them was so complicated and difficult to explain that she didn't dare to take the initiative to give her madam any advice.
The housemaid finally walked into the kitchen to prepare dinner. You stared back at the large frosty window. Every second felt so painful that you could feel the urge to shatter all the communication terminals connected to your husband's private flight deck. Bright lights and the sound of engines could be heard from outside, your heart pounding and you walked toward the sound. Even the beautiful necklace pendant you were wearing couldn’t make you feel calm.
The broad shoulders in full military uniform step out from the bulletproof car. The military hat that obscures his stern and weary expression was finally lowered when he noticed your presence in this extremely cold weather. Caleb Xia, whose name feels like summer melting away your entire autumn, walks toward you with his usual stride.
"It's cold here. Get in.”
“....”
Your entire body has completely obeyed your husband’s voice. Caleb opens his military coat and lets one of the maids take it. The long nightgown you’re wearing sways with the direction of the wind as Caleb moves. It’s too quiet, this is very quiet, you need an answer, any answer, quickly, why isn’t he saying anything else?
Caleb noticing your restless movements, sighs and pulls your fragile body into a warm embrace. This winter no longer feels cold.
“Is there something you want to ask?”
You look into those beautiful cosmos-colored eyes, “There's no reason for me to tell you, you should be the one who explain everything.”
Your voice sounded calm, but there was a piercing meaning behind it for Caleb. Were you questioning him out of concern or because of the blood contract? Caleb left a slight gap between you two, he wasn't ready to answer that question yet.
“Hm? What's wrong? Why aren't you answering?”
“Are you worried I'll leave only a tombstone behind when I return, hmm? Is that what you're worried about?”
Hearing that answer, you're extremely angry but still maintain your calm expression.
“Whatever happens..... Don't leave that Colonel's badge without an owner.”
Caleb watched you walk toward the dining table with a warm smile. Yes, after three years of marriage, the two of you still have a lot to learn and today Caleb learned that your cold and arrogant attitude was the opposite of the intentions you were hiding from him. Very amusing.
Dinner went smoothly, this was probably the 15th time you had eaten together since your marriage. Caleb rarely—or almost never—came home because of his military duties. Caleb glanced at you again as you finished your dinner, this conversation was about to get quite serious.
“Hey... There's something I need to tell you about the current situation.” You realized this discussion would be very serious, so you simply nodded in agreement and listened intently.
“The military situation in this country isn't good and even with the support of your country's troops, it's not enough. Country Q is declaring large-scale intervention and that's something we can't avoid. It's going to be happen, no matter when will it happens."
Caleb taps the dining table gently, as if trying to calm you down.
“Does my father... no longer want to help you...?”
“Something like that...”
This marriage is indeed intended to strengthen two alliances. Caleb has deliberately chosen you to be his wife because you have a strong influence over military forces. You are not just the only child of a famous general but you have something more than that. That's what's written in the blood contract you both agreed upon. Caleb, a Colonel from the air force unit, needs additional strength to avoid any interference from the Q Nation, which continues to disrupt global peace.
The war continues and you continue to play the role of a kind-hearted Colonel’s wife. It cannot be denied that over the span of three years of marriage, this role has become deeply entwined with you so much that you struggle to breathe when you receive bad news from your husband.
“Listen, it doesn't mean the current situation makes you any less. I understand why your father doesn't want to help our forces anymore, one's homeland deserves protection and priority. However, for the next few months— I don't know what will happen, but I will be gone for an extended period.”
Finally, Caleb managed to express his thoughts. You still haven't responded yet, just stare at Caleb with your usual blank expression.
It's very difficult to express everything because you still don't fully understand Caleb. Even now, you still feel like a stranger every time you're near him. However, he is very kind and respects your position as his wife. But there’s something missing, and you’re so greedy for it.
“You’ll be okay, I promise.”
After that, Caleb walked toward the room to rest, leaving you to process all the information. You could make a huge decision but it would only sacrifice your own country for a man who isn’t even from your country.
A month later, since that last dinner, Caleb stood tall in his dashing military uniform. The warship was still being equipped and required some logistical supplies. Many people were passing by and here Caleb was monitoring the situation while gazing at the sky which seemed reluctant to offer its warm light. Gideon, the colonel's adjutant and attentive personal aide, approached Caleb, who was still standing there in a daze.
“All logistical and medical supplies have been replenished, but we have suffered heavy losses this month. We have been forced to reduce the number of personnel for domestic operations.”
“If the situation continues like this... We're not sure if our forces can hold out for the next few months, Colonel...”
Gideon tried to explain the situation in detail, hoping his Colonel would order the entire army to retreat for the time being. However, Caleb raised his hand to stop him from speaking.
Caleb's sharp gaze was still fixed on the dark sky, then he slowly turned his head toward the harbor. Large waves crashed against the harbor, as if to serve as another reminder to them.
That night, the unfortunate truth arrived sooner than they had anticipated. The sound of artillery fire echoed from the distance, a sudden attack that caught them off guard and the enemies managed to strike one of their main defensive positions. Gideon rushed over to Caleb, who was about to board his T-93 fighter jet.
“Colonel! This is extremely dangerous! The surveillance tower has just reported that they are targeting the air route directly. Don’t go straight to the front lines!”
Gideon’s face was already covered in cuts from shards of glass that had struck him. Caleb firmly patted his adjutant's shoulder.
“I can't just sit quietly while my armies is being attacked. Tell them, we will fight until our last blood!”
Gideon stared as he watched the T-93 gallantly soar through the dark sky.
On the other side, the grand mansion looked even more miserable due to the heavy rain and constant thunder. You could only stare at the communication terminal, which was crackling with an emergency broadcast. The necklace you had been holding tightly began to get slightly damp from your anxious sweat. Your hands trembled violently, your hearing began to ring, tears nearly spilled but you held them back. You heard your husband's voice on the last frequency.
“For you... I will come home... So don’t... Surrender...”
Then the sound of shots becomes explosions, and finally the communication terminal falls silent.
Still in the same dark night, you run out from this big house, clutching a piece of paper that is barely readable. You don't care how tight and painful your breath is as you run. This choice must be made immediately because you don't want to regret every second of life that Caleb has given to you.
With trembling yet determined steps, you entered the basement room as instructed on the paper in your hand. A pair of sharp eyes from across the room, which had been waiting for a long time, now stared at you intently.
“Finally, you made the right choice.”
The voice was cold, piercing your bones and making your head throb with pain. You stared at him with cold face even though your heart was crushed.
“Release my him and his entire troops if you want to claim this code.”
Your fingers are turning white from suppressing deep emotional pain. The man lets out a deep laugh but it's full of lies. This forbidden agreement continues until you're asked to enter the nuclear code into the man's secret device. Every number you give him that you have kept safe for years stabs your own heart. After this, nothing will ever be the same again.
Winter has gone, leaving behind only a faint trace of cold wind. You stand in this room filled with medical equipment. Caleb just sits silently, unwilling to look at your pretty face. Two weeks ago, the headquarters hospital informed you that Caleb had survived thanks to the intensive care he had received. His injuries are slowly improving, although Caleb has lost his right arm.
However, for you, the news feels bitter. Every word of greetings and prayers from everyone only reminds you of the bitter reality. You have betrayed everything to save him.
“Why did you do that?” His voice was hoarse and cold. It was very painful.
You remained silent. Your fingers gripped your dress tightly.
“I couldn't let you die like that. I don't care of what I had to give up, I just wanted you to live.”
Caleb bents his head, his left arm, wrapped in bandages, clenched weakly.
“And with that... You’ve handed your own country over to them. You’ve destroyed all your father’s sacrifices... For me...”
Your tears fall slowly but you remain calm as usual.
“Yes, what’s the point of the world if I have to lose you?”
“You’re foolish and selfish. You say you love me? Hah, what kind of joke is that. You’re no different from them. You chose yourself, not me. I... never asked to be saved this way.”
His words cut deeper than the passing winter. Although his body survived, your love died with that night of betrayal. Since that day, Caleb rarely looks at you, but you remain faithful in your role as a good wife for the sake of his recovery.
The following winter, snow fell again. You stood behind the large window, staring blankly at the frosted garden. Caleb stood behind you in his neat military uniform, his body regained firmness, but he did not greet you or call you as usual.
Caleb walked with a firm stride, his body now fully recovered, toward the military vehicle waiting for him. His face was cold and stern, almost flawless, as if the old wounds had never existed. As if the night when you handed over the nuclear code to save him was just a nightmare buried beneath the frozen ground.
"Colonel!"
Gideon gave his usual salute before opening the passenger door for his colonel.
The journey to the military quarters felt very long. Caleb kept trying to distract himself from his feelings for this country. This marriage was supposed to go smoothly, this marriage was supposed to protect you, this marriage was not supposed to be like this.
He knows that as long as you are by his side, the nuclear codes are safe because no one in this world can take them from you. Because you are his, you are his eternal winter.
A fierce love, a love he can never express, because words would only weaken him in a world craves for war.
So the two of you chose silence. Silence in love, silence in betrayal, silence in regret.
Caleb might have survived. You might still be standing by his side. But your love is buried deep, never taking shape, never spoken
Just a brief glance from afar— enough to remind you that behind the frosty of your attitudes, you once—and always—loved each other.
But that's not for this world.