Chapter Text
Guilty.
Lexa had spent the past six years of her life trying to come to terms with that one word.
Over time, she had come to pinpoint the day of her trial as the moment her old life ended and the new one began. Looking back, it was easy for her to say that she should have seen it coming. A huge corporation taking an expendable employee to court for a large sum of money that had suddenly gone missing? Even with the evidence stacked in her favor, she should have realized she would be the one to take the fall.
Unfortunately, hindsight is twenty-twenty. She was aware that nothing she knew now could help her with what happened back then. The outcome would always remain the same.
Her story would always play out as her being guilty until proven innocent.
As soon as the jury gave their verdict, her mind rushed with the new reality she was dealt while the entire courtroom burst into outrage. Numb to everything else around her, Lexa turned to find Clarke standing right behind her, looking just as stunned as she was. Any last bit of resolve Lexa had completely disintegrated as her eyes met stormy blues and she silently revealed all of the thoughts and fears swirling around her head.
Picking up on the wordless exchange, Clarke gently took Lexa's face between her hands and forced the brunette to hold her gaze as she tried to help ground her to reality.
“Clarke, I-I didn’t do it,” Lexa quietly whimpered out just soft enough for only Clarke to hear.
“I know you didn’t, Lex. I swear I do, and there is absolutely no way in hell that I am going to leave you to do this all on your own, okay? I will do whatever it takes to get you out. We are in this together. You and I until the very end, right?”
Watching her favorite pair of green eyes suddenly fill with uncertainty, Clarke pulled Lexa into a quick but passionate kiss, allowing the brunette to savor the soft warmth of her girlfriend's lips one last time before the deputies could get to them. Before they could tear Lexa away from the blonde. Before they could slap a pair of handcuffs around her wrists and haul her away from the only woman she had ever truly loved. The beautifully brilliant and caring woman she would do absolutely anything for, even if it hurt her in the process.
That last thought resonated with Lexa long after that day. Some days, it broke her down. On others, it left her wishing that there was more she could do for her girlfriend. Lexa had barely made it a year of being locked up before bringing up the topic she knew Clarke did not want to hear. After an entire year of the blonde making the long trip up to the state penitentiary for her bi-monthly visits, Lexa finally mustered up the courage to speak the thoughts that had been haunting her since that day in the courtroom. She did not even manage to get past the first word, however, before Clarke sternly repeated the same statement she had told Lexa before she was taken into custody.
“You and I until the very end.”
For two more years, Lexa quietly sat by and watched as Clarke grew more and more despondent. She was lonely. Anyone with eyes could see that. Their situation, it was taking a toll on Clarke, and Lexa truly believed the woman deserved so much more than what she was being given. She deserved to be with someone who could be there for her. Someone who could take her on dates and comfort her when she was sad or upset. Someone who could give her the world and so much more. Unfortunately at that moment in time, that person was not Lexa, a woman who was looking at potentially twelve more years in prison.
Clarke was quick to voice her vehement disapproval after Lexa told her she thought they should break up, unwilling to even consider the suggestion. She was not surprised in the least when Lexa fought her every step of the way, though it still grated on her tired nerves and caused her to involuntarily raise her voice in frustration.
The prison guards were quick intervene once they noticed the couple's heated argument, telling them to calm down or Clarke would be forced to leave. Lexa knew it would not be long before she lost her composure as her eyes prickled with tears, so she got up right then and started to walk away as she fought the urge to cry, telling the officers they were done for the day.
Clarke instantly caught the brunette's hand, quietly begging with tears in her eyes, “Lex, please. Please don’t do this. I love you.”
Without meeting her gaze, Lexa told her that she loved her, too. She said that she loved her more than anything, which is why she was she had to follow through this decision. Clarke did not understand, though. She immediately asked her why Lexa was doing this to them if she still loved her, and Lexa lost all of the resolve she had left. Using the last bit of strength she had, Lexa told Clarke she could have everything. The money, the cars, the house. Everything. If she ever needed anything, Lexa's family and friends would be more than willing to help her out in any way they could. If she found someone out there that could make her happy, then she should give them a fair chance.
And with that, Lexa left.
It was not until a full six years after her initial sentencing that Lexa finally found herself back on the outside. As it turned out, someone finally managed to track down the person who framed her for the crime and, in turn, proved her innocence in the matter. As soon as she was out, her cousin Lincoln offered her a job bartending at the bar they owned with their other cousin, Anya, to help get her back on her feet. He also mentioned her staying in the upstairs loft until she could find a better living arrangement, which she quickly decided was her best option despite the fact that the old, dingy room was in need of some serious renovations.
Anya, on the other hand, fought with them at length about the brunette living there, making sure to voice her opinion on how Lexa should just 'get over her shit, call Clarke, and beg the woman to take her back.' She would quickly realize, however, that it was too soon for Lexa to even consider doing that after the brunette got drunk at the bar and not-so-politely reminded her that she had just gotten out of prison, which is what screwed everything up for her in the first place.
That was the last time Anya had mentioned the topic.
Two weeks later, Lexa found herself sitting at the bar while staring down at her phone, wishing her entire situation was not so messy. The woman could not help but remember when it was easy for her to text Clarke, especially with something as simple as hello, but now she just sat here staring at the word typed out in the textbox while trying to will herself into pushing the damn send button.
“Are you going to just sit there all night or are you going to order something?" Lexa suddenly heard a familiar voice question from across the bar, breaking her out of her thoughts. Glancing up, she found Anya standing there with both of her palms pressed to the cool, wooden countertop that separated them.
“Yes,” Lexa reluctantly mumbled, glancing back down at the device one last time before releasing a frustrated huff and erasing the pending message, just like she had done every other time she had attempted to make contact with her ex.
"Yes to the sitting there or yes to the ordering? Because if it's a yes to ordering, then I'm going to have to put a limit on how much you drink tonight."
"Anya, I own a third of this bar. I can drink however much I want."
"Yeah? Well, your drunk ramblings about shit you refuse to change is bad for business, so I'd like to request, as a fellow co-owner, that you please keep it cool tonight and not get shitfaced during open hours."
"Fine, then I'll be taking my drink to-go," Lexa snapped as she reached across the bar and grabbed a bottle of rum. Sliding out of her seat, she started making her way towards the back of the establishment as she barked over her shoulder, "Put it on my tab."
The ex-convict carefully unscrewed the cap of the bottle as she made her way up the stairs to her temporary living quarters and took a healthy swig as she stepped through the open entryway, kicking the door shut behind her. Pulling the bottle from her lips, she let out a long, disheartened sigh and slumped down into the rickety couch located a few feet away, where she continued to drink until the alcohol in her system eventually lulled her into a deep, dreamless sleep.
-
Lexa woke the next morning with an ache in her spine and a crick in her neck. Reaching up with a lazy hand, she rubbed at the irritated muscles while pushing herself up into a sitting position but immediately regretted the decision as she felt the room spin around her. She could hear quiet voices drifting up through the floorboards as she sat there, and with a heavy groan, she stood and reluctantly stumbled over to the staircase that lead down to the bar to see what they were up to.
Walking out into the main room, the woman found Lincoln already restocking the bar while Anya sat across the counter reading the morning paper. Without a word, she made her way over to take a seat beside the other woman.
"Your favorite company called again offering you your job back," Anya informed without looking up from what she was reading.
Feeling her face pull into a sneer, Lexa asked, "Did you tell them to shove it?"
"No, I figured you might want to have the pleasure of telling off those corporate douchebags all to yourself."
"Actually, I would really rather not speak to my former employers any more than I already have to. The only thing I even remotely want to know is who the hell thought I honestly stole money from their company. Me, the employee who put in countless late nights and spent four-and-a-half years of her life gunning for any promotion she could get. Why in the world would I risk ruining everything I had worked so damn hard for by embezzling money I didn't even need?" Realizing she was unintentionally going off on a tangent, she pinched the bridge of her nose and worked to move past her aggravation regarding the matter as she stated, "Whatever, I am over it. If they call back, you can tell them I personally said that they can go fuck themselves."
"Will do," Anya replied with an eager smirk as she flipped to the next page.
"Since when do you read a newspaper, anyway?"
"Ever since you started living upstairs. I understand why you are a little apprehensive to move back in with you-know-who, but that still doesn't mean you should be living up in that gross loft."
"It's really not that bad," Lexa replied with a roll of her eyes.
"Yeah? Well, just wait until the heater breaks one of these days. That hunk of junk is about as ornery as they get, and I'll be damned if you wake my ass up in the middle of the night complaining about how you're freezing your tits off."
Lexa could not help but scoff at her cousin's remark, sarcastically commenting, "You know, I have truly missed the real you over the past six years. Never really got to see your snarky quips make an appearance during your visits."
"Hey, don't be ungrateful. You’re lucky I came to see you at all."
"Sure, sure," Lexa conceded only because she was ready to move off the topic regarding her time in prison. Looking over to the man who was still busy placing bottles of liquor on the shelf, she asked, "Anything you need help with, Lincoln?"
"Actually, there is another box in the back that needs to be brought up if you don't mind."
"Not at all. Anything for my favorite cousin," she knowingly teased, spurring Anya to huff out a comment somewhere along the lines of unappreciative bitch in response as she threw the paper down onto the countertop and slid off the barstool so she could help prep for the bar's opening.
-
Work that night was beyond busy. The bar had been packed to the brim with college kids wishing nothing more than to drink away the stress that came with finals week, which was good for business but tiring for the three cousins who now longed for sleep. Once they were able to push out the last of the drunken patrons, the trio set to tidying up around the bar before calling it a night.
With a tired wave goodbye, Lexa made her way upstairs and crawled into bed without even bothering to change, ready to fall asleep almost instantly. She was only able to rest for a couple of hours, however, before suddenly waking up to find her body violently shivering. Forcing herself through the tiredness that still fogged her mind, she quickly realized that the loft was much colder then when she had gone to bed and pushed herself up onto her feet so she could investigate the issue.
As it turned out, the room's heater had broken down just as Anya predicted, which did nothing to help her feel better about the situation. Already anticipating a smug 'I told you so' from her cousin, Lexa shifted her jaw from side-to-side in frustration as she thought over her two options: either prove the other woman right even further by calling to ask if she could stay the night or suck it up and just deal with the freezing cold.
Releasing a quiet groan, she quickly padded over to the suitcase of clothes Anya had given her and put on all the jackets she could find as well as two layers of sweatpants. Her teeth chattered together loudly as she pulled on a pair of socks with trembling fingers and slipped back under the thick comforter, tugging the material around her as she curled up for warmth. Slowly glancing over to the cellphone resting on top of the table beside the bed, she briefly entertained the idea of calling Anya one last time before rolling over with a tired huff, already well aware that sleep would not come as easily as it had the first time.