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The street is quiet as Regulus walks down the solemn gravel pathway, slight gust pushing his hair away from his face. The sun has gracefully gone down since he left the large Black family Manor, determined get to the cliffs before anyone notices his disappearance. Set in his mind, he has a plan.
Two years ago, his mother disinherited his brother Sirius because she didn’t see him fit to rule the way she wanted. She stripped him away from the crown and away from Regulus; meaning the Blacks had no heir. The idea came to him that he could be the heir, if his mother allowed his transition from female to male. Desperate for an heir is mother allowed it, on the condition that he would be a girl outside of the public eye. It was better than nothing if it meant he could be himself for everyone but his mother. Regulus began to learn his new role as heir and came to understand why his brother was so keen not to rule like their mother. He began to dread one day becoming king. He had two years of being prince till his mother grew ill.
Now it wouldn’t be long till she passes away, and the kingdom falls into his hands. Lots of preparation has been put into training Regulus to lead London as king. Too much, its all too much for him to handle. Being put in the place where he’ll either make terrible things happen or chose the correct thing and have all of Europe blown up in his face. The only way for him not to become king, is if he ceases to exist. Which leads to his plan.
Regulus has always been in hidden in his brother Sirius’s shadow. While Sirius shined in the spotlight of being the heir to thrown of Black, soaking it up like it was the sun, Regulus was never quite able to manage the attention. His mother was never able to handle Sirius’ enthusiasm, it was always, “sit still” “don’t wave like that” “act proper” and so forth. Her words wouldn’t always work, so she’d use her hands to imprint her rules unto him. Regulus thinks that’s why Sirius “acted out” so much, so Regulus wouldn’t get that end of the stick, so he’d been seen as the perfect “daughter.” He was not a girl; he always knew that. He was in the wrong body. The jealously he had because Sirius got to be born with the correct body was infectious. The first time he told his mom he was a boy; was the first time she had hit him. It was upsetting she couldn’t see he was a boy when it was so clear to him. Sirius was always Regulus’ greatest supporter, so it destroyed him to have to tear him down like his mother had done countless times. Repeating the vile things, she used to say and using them as a knife to tear Sirius’ heart out. All to go through with his plan in as sound as a mind as possible. It was for the better he thought. If Sirius hated him, Regulus’ death might not be as devastating to him.
Once Regulus has finally made it to the cliffs, watching as the waves crash almost as violently as his heart is thumping. He feels as though he is at war with himself as he walks to the deep and ominous caves at the shore. The complete darkness in the caves is overwhelming. The edges leading into the cave are jagged and hard to maneuver around. The walls of the caves are narrow as he walks to the body of water in the middle. Its deep, a known place where drownings have happened. His lips quiver as he takes one last deep breath and jumps into the water. As Regulus sinks to the bottom, he watches his life flash before his eyes, and he thinks of his brother. The memories they made as kids, the undying love that his mother was never able to give him but that came easily to Sirius. Scared of the sorrow this will cause Sirius, Regulus changes his mind. He fights to break the surface of the water again. Flailing is arms in what he hopes is a great enough effort to reach the top. Its not. The water fills his lungs as he attempts to scream. In Regulus’ last moments he thinks of his brother. Wishing he could go back to when they last talked, to tell him that he does love him too.
When Regulus doesn’t show up for their monthly meet up, Sirius knows something is wrong. They do not skip meet ups, its Regulus’ rule. He hates breaking rules, he’d rather die. Even Sirius showed up, they may have fought, and Regulus may have broken Sirius’ heart with the things he repeated to him, but Sirius showed up. If he thought his heart was broken by the words Regulus said, nothing could’ve prepared him to hear the news of his brother. It was like a bomb went off in his heart, he was completely and utterly destroyed. His brother, his little brother, was dead.
As the years pasted, Sirius never stopped missing him; he would find things that reminded of regulus in everything—a black cat on the fence, or a line of poetry that could rival Shakespeare himself. It wasn’t enough though, he wished he could’ve told him he loved him, even if he was sure he wouldn’t’ve said it back. He would’ve split the ocean if it meant he could hold his brother just once more, and whisper to him soft words of comfort. He’d have told him that he doesn’t need to live up to his mother; that they could run away together. Sirius was good at that, he knew that. If he hadn’t acted out, maybe his brother would still be here, if he had just followed his mother’s orders, he could’ve saved him, but he didn’t and now he was gone. On the days that it would rain, Sirius would feel his brother’s presence; he could almost hear him whisper his name, like a taunt. A taunt of someone who gone, someone who was hurt and scared for the future, but also someone who was cared for, and loved. The world didn’t stop when Regulus died, but Sirius’ world did.