Chapter Text
Yoongi is your first love. That much is clear. Everything else… everything else, you’re no longer sure about.
You’re almost afraid to smile at him or even look at him for too long. He’s right in front of you, but you’re convinced that he’ll slip from your grasp like waking up from a dream and trying to remember why you woke up smiling.
Time has passed since you two parted ways and thinking back on it, you’re sure that you loved him - that you love him. You recall your memories with him and all you get is an overwhelming feeling of knowing that he was the one. Your feelings are vividly coloured in your memories, but time has blurred him so much that you can’t decipher his feelings anymore.
You start to think that perhaps he never loved you as much as you loved him. Maybe your relationship was all you. You were the sun and he was the moon, just reflecting your light back at you and never really emitting his own.
There was a time when you would know exactly what he was thinking, but the man in front of you was entirely too foreign to you and you just felt worse thinking about what used to be. You try to remember what his hands felt like on you, what his arms felt like around you, what his heart beat sounded like when you laid your head on his chest and you come up short. Terribly and dreadfully short.
Yoongi clears his throat and you realize you’ve been staring far too long without saying anything. You don’t know what you expected with texting him and asking him to meet up like nothing had changed from years ago.
It was a surprise that he still had the same number, but you heard he was back in town and you were digging up a scrap of paper with scribbled numbers before you even knew what you were doing. Your eyes drop to the mug in front of you and you bring it to your lips, letting the steam cloud Yoongi in your vision for a moment.
“So,” he says trailing off. “What did you want to talk about?”
You’re tempted to reminisce with him, but this stranger wouldn’t know anything about the two of you from years ago.
“I… I just wanted to catch up with you. How have you been?”
“I’ve been fine.”
You nod into your mug and he leaves it at that for a few moments until he hastens to ask about you. The next few minutes consist of painfully meaningless small talk and you want to scream at the formality and the stiffness between you two. You think about how you two used to be comfortable in silence as long as you were in each other’s company, but it’s no use comparing the past to now because the past is fading and the now is dousing you with reality.
What empty conversation you two were having has now died down and your tea has gone cold. Yoongi is shaking his leg under the table and you’re glancing at anywhere but him. You see him check his watch in your peripheral and you know he’s about to make an excuse about the time.
He does so without fail and he’s throwing on his denim jacket that he had draped over the chair and you’re trying to pretend that you’re ok. He’s saying something about “doing this again sometime” when you interrupt him with a huff of laughter. Yoongi looks at you in question.
“I know I haven’t seen you in a long time, but even I could tell that was half-hearted.”
Yoongi looks sheepish and he opens his mouth to speak, but you shake your head with a small smile.
“It’s fine.”
Your frank words seem to have triggered something between you two and the pair of you leave the cafe in a silence not unlike the kind you used to share in comfort back then. He opens the door for you and the spring air hits you with nostalgia.
If you closed your eyes and lied to yourself hard enough, it almost felt like you two were on a date and it was the week before everything went to shit and you hadn’t lost Yoongi, but your eyes are open you were never a good liar.
He steps out after you and you stand to one side, while he hovers over on the other. You finally give him a small smile accompanied by a nod goodbye. You call out to him before he can slip from your grasp completely.
“Yoongi!”
He turns back around with a small smile dancing around his lips, hands shoved into his jacket pocket. You raise your hand to wave and you see one corner of his lips quirk up even from this distance. He takes one hand out of his pockets to wave back before continuing on his way. You watch him until he disappears around the corner and only then do you turn.