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Jax awoke with a start, his body tensed all over and his heart pounding against his chest. He held a shaking hand up to his face and rubbed at his eyes, hoping that dispelling the sleep from them might help to press the memory of his dream back into the pit in his brain it crawled out of.
But when he closed his eyes, all he saw were those eyes.
He tried to calm his shuddering breaths. It wasn't real. It was a dream.
He wiped cold sweat from his forehead and inhaled deeply. It was a dream.
His exhale broke out of his mouth much quicker than he'd wanted it to. He brought his knees up to his chest and took another deep breath. It wasn't real. It hadn't happened. It was just a dream.
His exhale was snapped in half by a sob breaking out of his mouth, the pathetic noise echoing in his ears as he snapped his mouth shut to stifle the next one. It was just a dream, so why worry?
But the eyes.
Her eyes.
He trembled, curling into himself as his vision blurred with tears. It wasn't going to get better. He had to get up, he had to get out of this room, he had to get out of his head.
He stumbled out of bed and to his door, scarcely remembering to check for activity in the hallway. Exposing his heart to one person was enough, he didn't need the whole circus to know his problems.
Maybe that was why she'd suggested it earlier. He was doing so well, though, he wasn't a child.
God, did he sure feel like one. Couldn't even take care of a nightmare by himself.
Seeing the coast was clear, he nearly avoided slamming into her door in his haste to get back into some sort of semblance of privacy.
He opened the door as quietly as he could, slipping in and shutting it gently behind him. Although she made a small twitch, he knew it'd take more than the latching of a door to wake her up.
Jax looked at Pomni's slumbering form, stepping forward just to prove to himself that she was still there. Yes, she was still alive. No, she had not abstracted.
He pressed his palms into his eyelids. He should be able to sleep now. He had proven to himself that the dream wasn't real. It never was.
He frowned deeply. All he could see when he closed his eyes was-
"Jax?"
He opened his eyes and looked down at Pomni as she stirred, her sleepy voice gentle and a balm for his aching heart. She opened all two of her eyes and gazed up at him. "Are you okay?"
His lower lip trembled, and he hoped she couldn't see. Something about the way she asked that, like she cared about him, like she wanted him to open up to her, always felt like an arrow shot right through his chest.
He must have taken too long to collect himself, and she asked, "same dream?"
His throat felt tense, so he gave a single nod to save what little of his pride remained.
She looked at him with half-lidded eyes and heartfelt warmth that he wanted to wrap himself in. When she opened her arms to him and muttered for him to "c'mere", he didn't deny himself the opportunity.
He slotted his head under her chin, pressing his eyes against her neck and hoping she wouldn't mind if her skin got a little wet. Her arms curled around his torso like he fit there perfectly. If it weren't for his long legs, he might think he was made for her to hug to her chest.
She pressed a kiss to his forehead as he settled against her and tossed a blanket over the two of them. When he'd told her about the recurring dream, he'd tried to go back to sleep in his own room after talking it out, only to return an hour later even more shaken than before. Since then, she'd been trying to keep him near her as long as possible.
She had offered that he just sleep in her room. He didn't seem to care much for his room, and being so close to her seemed to help. He'd tried to deal with the problem as best as he could by himself, and he was doing well enough.
Until Kinger had pointed out the similarities in their faces, blissfully unaware.
And old memories were yanked out of the void in his heart.
"Stay with me, okay?" Pomni whispered into the air and he clung to her.
"'M sorry," he slurred against her neck.
She pressed another kiss to his head. "I know."
"'M sorry…"
"I know, Bun," she pet the fur on the back of his head. "It's okay."
She'd forgiven him, he knew this.
"Sorry…"
"I'm not leaving, I'm right here."
He'd babble more apologies until he fell asleep, and she'd respond to each and every one of them. His heart still ached like it wasn't enough. She knew the truth well enough now that there was no point in lying.
Although he fell asleep tearfully, snuggled in her arms, assured that she was still with him, his dreams were blissfully still.