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Solas was outraged when he had heard what happened. The Inquisitor was supposed to take back the Adamant Fortress, crippling Corypheus’ army and dispelling the Warden threat. Instead, Solas found himself pulled from his study out to the courtyard to find hundreds of battered, bruised, and broken Wardens filing into Skyhold. Cassandra, obviously fuming, was doing her best to direct the new soldiers, her voice carrying over the cries of the injured as the Wardens were directed to the barracks. Solas clicked his tongue. Just how far off the path had the Inquisitor strayed? He pushed his way back into the main keep, a confused Josephine and Cullen balking at their new troops.
Try as he might to focus, Solas found himself continually pulled back into the Great Hall as Warden commanders made their way in, annoyed by their constant questions or confused wandering. He finally gave up on his work and relented to watching the chaos unfold in the Great Hall, standing beside Varric. The two watched the Wardens for a moment of blissful silence, before the dwarf spoke.
“They’re saying she went back into the Fade.” Solas’ head whipped to meet Varric’s gaze.
“What do you mean?” The dwarf studied Solas’s face, before taking another long drag from his cigar.
“At Adamant. Our dear Inquisitor went back into the Fade to stop Corypheus’ army from coming through.”
”Did she come back out?” Solas felt sick. It had been an insane fluke that the Inquisitor had physically entered the Fade once, much less made it out alive. But a second time?
“Watch it, Chuckles. People might catch on that you care.” Varric smiled as he puffed, head turning back to watch the procession. Solas’ face flushed. Their… entanglement wasn’t quite a secret, but wasn’t supposed to be open knowledge. Solas’ feelings about the whole situation were complicated, to say the least. But for a moment, he secretly felt glad he wasn’t alone. Varric stole a glance at the elf out of the corner of his eye. “But yes, she made it out. They all did.”
Solas blinked. “They all…?”
They had returned. Solas knew without looking. His question had been cut short by the growing noise in the Great Hall, as every dwarf, elf, and man tried to catch a glimpse of the elf who survived the fade not once, but twice.
He wasn’t surprised by the appearance of the group, but still felt a silent awe as they pushed their way in. Sera seemed angrier than she had ever been, a feat Solas thought near impossible from their brief time spent together. Her hands were white, balled so tightly around the daggers she held. The Quinari, who usually held himself high with a certain swagger, seemed small, his gaze distant. Even the cocky, unfaffable Tevinter seemed distraught.
And there she was. Wrong. Stoic between her shaken party members, body rigid, each step falling heavy as she marched in. Her soft eyes as hard as steel. She was covered in wounds and bruises, and Solas couldn’t help but notice the unmistakable presence of the Fade upon her. He watched as she held up her fist, the room drawing silent as their Inquisitor addressed them.
“I need to meet my advisors in the war room, NOW. No one else is to disturb us.” The room burst into noise again, the silent shock broken. The Inquisitor ignored them all, scanning the room. Solas noticed then the dried blood coating the left half of her face, a bandage wrapped around her head. He pushed forward, unsure of what he was going to say. She met his gaze, for a moment, but her eyes quickly slid off of him. She pointed beside him. “And Varric. You too.”
The first crack. He had heard the Inquisitor’s voice break slightly when requesting the dwarf beside him. He looked down at Varric, who had an uncharacteristically straight face. The dwarf next to him sighed.
”I’ll keep you updated, Chuckles.” None of the usual mirth was present in the name. Solas wondered if Varric had noticed their missing party member as well.
The Inquisitor turned and made her way toward her now gathered council, Cullen waiting with the door to Josephine’s office open. Varric followed, pushing through the crowd and closing the door tight behind him.
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He was concerned, of course. Who in Skyhold wouldn’t be, seeing their fearless leader returned so battered. A reminder of her mortality, a reminder for them all. How easily they could fail.
They hadn’t failed, though. Corypheus’ army had been stopped. The biggest threat was gone. But as time went on, as the Inquisitor remained behind locked doors, Solas grew angrier. Was the mission truly a success? While she had succeeded in crippling the demon army, the Wardens were still a threat. Their weak minds had already succumbed to the false call once before. Now the Wardens were crawling all over his beloved Skyhold. How easy would they be able to twist again? Were they truly even on the Inquisition’s side?
Selfishly, secretly, he was mad that he hadn’t been there. What would he have given to be in the Fade? He had traversed it countless times in his dreams, spoken with all ranges of spirits and demons, but to physically be present in the Fade once more? Where had they been?
He knew it was childish jealousy, unbefitting to one such as himself, which made the anger and jealousy worse. It was obviously an unpleasant experience. Seeing the Inquisitor so… damaged. He knew her mind was strong, having once been in the Fade and survived. But seeing her companions so mentally broken upon their return, the very Wrongnesss she exuded as she spoke? Solas felt unsettled.
The door of Josephine’s office slammed open, all heads turned once again to watch the Inquisitor exit. Solas stood, watching as she stormed out. The advisors, who followed behind her, expressed a range of emotions, none positive. Varric followed out last, something inside of him seemingly having cracked.
The Inquisitor stood in front of her chair, face still caked with blood. “I am to be left alone,” her voice boomed above the crowd, many of whom were yelling questions. Josephine had probably directed her stand in that spot. “We shall further discuss the Wardens’ arrival and new station-“ the crowd reached a higher pitch. The Seeker Cassandra began to push her way forward now, and Solas thought it wise to follow. “-THE WARDENS’ will be discussed further tomorrow. I am NOT to be disturbed, Seeker Pentaghast, Solas.” Cassandra stopped in the crowd, Solas behind her, her face contorted in anger. The Inquisitor scanned the crowd once more, notably not stopping to meet Solas’ eyes, and left the hall, departing toward her quarters.
The crowd dispersed. Solas, hot with anger once more, returned to his study. He knew that his status as companion should not grant him further access or influence over the Inquisitor, but the order still hurt.
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It was two hours before Skyhold staff found Solas, quietly fuming under the guise of meditation.
“Um, Ser?” Solas remained in his pose, not granting the satisfaction of opening his eyes.
“What?” The young woman nervously cleared her throat.
“The Inquisitor would like to see you.” Solas opened his eyes now, glaring at the serving girl.
“But I thought we were under strict orders to not disturb our Herald.” His voice dripped with sarcasm. He couldn’t help it. Or if he could, he didn’t want to.
“I kn-know, but she asked for you.” Solas closed his eyes once more and sighed before standing.
“Fine. I shall go at once.” The serving girl nodded and scurried away.
Solas made his way up toward the Inquisitor’s quarters and knocked sharply on the door when he arrived. An equally tense voice called out from behind the closed door.
“Who is it?” She still sounded… not angry. Coarse.
“It is Solas. You sent for me.” There was a pause, and Solas heard some kind of shuffling behind the closed entryway.
”Enter.” Solas opened the door, letting his annoyance win as he stomped in.
“I CANNOT believe that you let the Warden threat not only remain in Orlais, but into our very Hold! This-“ Solas stopped. He had stormed in, having expected the Inquisitor to be at her desk, or by the chaise lounges she sometimes took company at. Instead, he found the Inquisitor on the floor next to her bed, wrapped in the duvet and sobbing. “My… My heart, what is wrong?”
It was like the anger had dissipated from him entirely. Once again the panicked feeling returned, the one he felt when he had first learned of her second journey into the Fade. He knelt on the ground beside her and pulled her into his arms, cradling her head as she sobbed into his chest.
She was clean now, obviously having scrubbed herself since she had returned from Adamant all those hours ago. Her left ear was more carefully bandaged, the normally sharp tip suspiciously dull. He held her as she sobbed, his shirt quickly becoming damp with her snot and tears. But he continued to hold her, his hand stroking her hair.
Eventually, her sobs became soft gasps, her tears spent. He guided his hand under her chin, lifting her face to meet his. Her eyes, now red, were at least once again soft.
“What happened, my love?” She closed her eyes tight, further retreating into her body.
“It was… his commander. It was his realm. A Nightmare… it… we saw…” Solas understood. It would make sense for Corypheus to use a Nightmare Demon to command his army, and to call to the Wardens. No wonder the Inquisitor’s party had seemed so shaken upon their return. It must have been a personal hell for each of them. “You should have been there.”
“It is okay, vhenan . I am here now.” He tried to pull her to his chest once more, but she pulled back to face him. She looked scared.
“No, vhenan , you… I needed you. I need you. Emma salin. ” Her eyes welled with tears once more. “You… you would have known what to do. You could have stopped…” She started sobbing once more, a dry and uncomfortable noise.
“You could not have known you would be re-entering the fade once more. Your initial thought of bringing your… Dirty Boys… to claim Adamant Fortress seemed correct at the time,” Solas responded, using the Inquisitor’s code name for her team containing Sera, the Bull, and the Tevinter, due to their ease to play dirty up close and personal. That, or it was named for their ability to party and rally. He held the Inquisitor, her face pressed back against his chest.
He heard her voice, small against him. “She was there.” He pulled her back, carefully stroking her left cheek, avoiding the bandages.
“Who, vehnan ?” Her eyes were glazed over.
“ The Divine. ” Solas, truly now, felt shock.
“In the Fade? She entered? Not only, but lives?” The Inquisitor shook her head.
“Yes? But no? I don’t… We don’t know.” Her eyes found Solas', her gaze intense. “I don’t know if she was a spirit, or a demon lying, but she helped us, helped us escape, and I… I remember now.” Solas studied her face.
“The Conclave?” She nodded. “What happened?”
“I was there… I walked into the Warden mages and Corypheus… They were trying to sacrifice her. He dropped something, this orb, and I touched it.” The Inquisitor pulled her back from around Solas, green anchor glowing. “It… it’s what gave me this.” Solas tensed. “And then we went into the Fade.” Solas watched as her gaze grew distant, eyes scanning like she was still there.
“What happened, love?” He pulled her closer in, her cheek pressed to his chest.
“We… we fought our way through. Only one of us could escape.” She began to shake in his arms. “She chose me. She pushed me out and let the demons…” The shaking was violent, as if she were out on the terrace exposed to the mountain air. “It wasn’t…. Andraste never…” She suddenly scrambled away from Solas, crawling and tripping through the blanket she was wrapped in. The Inquisitor found a pot, left on the floor, and retched. Solas followed, hand pressed into her back.
“It was the Divine behind you.” Solas stroked his lover’s back. “You never claimed the Heraldry, my love. I didn’t think you even believed in the Maker.” The Inquisitor’s knuckles were white, gripped around the lip of the pot.
“I didn’t, I don’t, but…” Her violent shaking began again. “Part of me hoped that, still, somehow, there was a reason, a purpose for all of this. For what happened to me. That there was a REASON!” Solas could feel the rage rolling off of his love as she stood, fists clenched around the blanket, and sat on her bed. He knelt below her, taking her hands into his.
“I had hoped that something would come of this. For me, my people, for… us.” She met his eyes. “That I really had been chosen, that it would mean something at the end. But I was nothing but a mistake!” Solas rose, cupping the Inquisitor’s face and sat next to her.
“You are no mistake, my love. Look at all the good that you have brought. The hope you have given the people of Thedas.” She tilted her head, further into Solas’ palm, but refused to meet his gaze.
“What of my people.” It wasn’t a question, but a quiet curse. “Slaughtered, victims of a religious crusade they asked for no part of. Persecuted for my position.” Solas wiped a stray tear with his thumb. He had no comfort to offer her on this. “The last of my clan, and for what? The Orleasians to hurl slurs at my back behind their masks?”
Solas pulled her head towards his, and pressed their foreheads together. His thumb found its way toward her bandaged ear, gently stroking. “I cannot replace your clan, and I cannot pretend to. But vehnan , I am still yours. I cannot understand your people, but if you would have me, I could be your… person.” Guilt pooled like a pit in his stomach.
The Inquisitor nodded against his forehead. “I want to be your person, Solas. I don’t want you to feel alone.” Tears threatened the corner of his eyes, now.
“I am here, vehnan. ” He felt her lashes against his cheek and opened his eyes. She was studying him. More than anything now, she looked sad. Exhausted. Broken. He knew this wouldn’t set back their cause, but she would be different now.
“I’m sorry.” Solas kissed her forehead, laying her back on the bed.
“For what, vehnan ?” Her eyes were tightly shut, tears squeezing out of the corners. He should send for water.
“For the Wardens. After seeing everything, in the Fade, I couldn’t send them away. Who was I to-“ Solas leaned over her, pressing a gentle kiss to her lips before laying next to her.
“It is alright, my love. I shall not pretend to be happy with the decision, but I shall accept it. Besides,” Solas lifted his love gently, sliding his arm beneath her neck, “you should save your strength to defend yourself against the Seeker Pentaghast.”
Finally, a smile. The briefest upturn of her lips, before she turned into him, resting her head on his chest, her arm wrapped up around his neck. “I love you.”
He kissed the top of her head. “I love you as well.” She sighed, her body heavy against his, full of the weight of the Fade.
“It was awful there. Not at all how you’ve described it.” He stroked her hair, carefully avoiding the bandages.
“What did you see, vehnan ?” Her arm slipped tighter over his body, holding him close as she thought.
“It was… it was fear. We saw our fears, each other's fears. Fears from those far away. Monsters, bugs, just absolutely disgusting things.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “Sera saw… nothing. I think that might have been even worse.” Solas nodded.
“What does one fear when you believe that there is nothing?” The Inquisitor shook her head.
“Solas?” She sounded so small.
“What is it, my love?” She was silent for a moment, he could feel her struggling to swallow.
“Will you stay tonight? I know you don't usually stay, but,” he could feel her hand on his shoulder, holding him but trying not to squeeze. “I’m so scared.” She was crying again, her body shaking against him. “Please tell me more of your stories from the Fade. Of the beauty and good things there.”
“Of course.” He listened as she began to cry louder, shaking and burying his face into his chest once more. He did his best to comfort her, stroking her hair and describing great pastures, preserved ruins, spirit rituals until her sobbing stopped and breathing steadied. No nightmare would find his love tonight.