Chapter Text
First Family Dinner
Azriel’s pov
It has been 8 months since the Blood Rite. Yes, that one. For the first six months, everything was back to normal. The only change was Cassian and Nesta were fully mated, and somehow it was worse. They no longer tried to hide their love, or sometimes even their lovemaking. Azriel would have brought it up but didn't want to get banned from living there.
Not only was it easier to avoid the River House and its residents, but he felt more at peace in the House of Wind. Maybe it was all the big windows, after having spent his childhood in the windowless dungeon. Sure he had access to the sky in Windhaven, but that also came with its own horrors. Thinking back through the years Azriel didn’t remember the House of Wind feeling so peaceful, but the last two years, it just did. Maybe it really was because it provided him a way to escape all the mate bonds.
Even as he thought it, Azriel knew it was obviously not the real reason. Nesta and Cassain lived there for starters. The last two or three months have been so crazy Azriel barely had any time to give to his jealousy. That and his late night sparring with Gwyn. Ever since she moved into the house a few months ago their friendship has grown. Their occasional training ring run-ins have become a nightly occurrence. They usually ended their time deep in conversation, and Gwyn helped Az make peace with a lot of his feelings.
Apologizing to Elain, Gwyn’s idea, had been awkward, but not as difficult as he thought it would be. He thought she was going to ask him if they could try again, but she didn’t. That was a relief, he didn’t want to try again either. Things were slightly better, but still a bit awkward. It was like that still with Rhys and Feyre too.
Yes Gwyn had suggested he sit down and talk to them too. She even offered to sit with him as support. Azriel almost declined, but since he was talking to Rhys and Feyre, he thought having Gwyn there would at least make it feel more even. She promised not to speak unless it was absolutely necessary… and she kept her word, for the most part. Azriel felt she may have stepped in to defend him more than he felt he deserved, but Rhys and Feyre had agreed with every word she spoke.
About two months ago, the most unbelievable thing happened. Someone from another world, dropped onto the lawn of the River House. Nesta and Az were tasked with following her. They ended up in an underground palace, under the prison. Not only did some ancient secrets get revealed, but many many more questions came up.
Truth teller was stolen by the other worlder, and Azriel did well hiding how much it bothered him. Well not from everyone. Gwyn knew. For some reason she could always tell when he was hiding something.
As it turns out, Azriel had a harder time seeing his own value without it. Gwyn helped him see it. Thankfully Truth Teller was returned, but it had a different effect on him. Before Azriel felt as though Truth Teller was part of what made him valuable. Now the dagger was just another tool for him to use. It did not hold power over him anymore. Azriel was more than his dagger.
As Azriel’s thoughts wandered over the last few months, he found himself walking to the dining room. He could hear Nesta and Gwyn talking. Azriel wasn’t spying, they just weren’t being quiet, and since he was lost in thought… he was walking slowly… very slowly.
“Listen Gwyn, I’m not saying you have to come. I just wanted to invite you. It's selfish really. If you are there it's one more person that isn’t Rhysand. Besides, he likes you.”
That’s true, Rhys respected Gwyn. Once she got over the shock of him being High Lord, and after she heard about his threats to Nesta after the otherworlder… Let's just say Gwyn is a fierce defender of those she cares about. And that is something Rhys can respect. They have also bonded over their love of research, their uncanny ability to figure people out, and unfortunately knowing the pain of losing your sister and mother, among other things.
As far as Azriel knew Gwyn had a standing open invite to family dinner but has not attended yet. He wished she would join them. Azriel might actually look forward to family dinner if Gwyn was going to be there.
“You two need to get over yourselves. I’ll think about it. Don’t make that face, Nesta. I will think about it. You are right, it is time I start getting out of the house. I wanted the road less traveled. I should start traveling it.”
Why should she feel forced to leave if she is not ready? Nesta shouldn’t push her. But at the same time Azriel was so proud of Gwyn for wanting to take those next steps.
“Ok, Gwyn. Let me know when you have decided. I’m sure Az will fly you down.” There was a long pause before Nesta spoke again. “I’ll see you in the morning for training.”
“Good night Nesta.”
The shadows thickened around Azriel. He didn’t want Nest to think he really was spying on them, but he may have been a step too late. Nesta walked past him but stopped close enough. “I can’t tell if that is you Az, or just your shadows. But please encourage her to come to dinner tomorrow, she needs to start getting out. The river house in Velaris with the two of us, and Rhys and Feyre, it is the safest place she can go from here.” Then she kept walking, leaving Azriel to think a moment before shaking his head and hurrying into the dining room to catch Gwyn before she left.
“Oh Azriel, Hello. I would say I’m surprised, but…”
“But we run into each other so often, it is no longer surprising?”
“Indeed.”
They just seemed to find themselves in the same rooms of the house. All of the time. If Az was getting a book from the small library, Gwyn would be in there. If Gwyn wanted to rest in the sitting room, Az was already sitting in it. They would find each other on balconies, in the kitchen, dining room, every room but his bedroom. Azriel was pretty sure he now saw Gwyn more than Nesta. More than he saw Cassian. Not that he was complaining.
Azriel’s shadows darted to Gwyn and twirled through her hair and around her wrists, coaxing a laugh from the priestess. “Yes, hello to you too of course. How are you today?”
His shadows twirled in front of her. Tell her. Tell her. Azriel’s shadows whispered to him. Then went back to Gwyn. Doing as he was told Azriel told Gwyn what his Shadows wanted to tell her.
“They say Hello, beautiful Priestess, it is lovely to see you.” Gwyn flushed and thanked the shadows. Agreeing it was lovely to see them as well.
Azriel did not know if he would ever get used to seeing Gwyn and his shadows act like this. No one ever treated them this way. Not even his brothers. Azriel expected he was grinning like a fool at Gwyn, but he couldn’t help it. She looked back to him and met his goofy grin with one of her own.
Nesta, as usual, was right. Gwyn deserved to be out of the house, she needed more light and life in her, well, her life. Azriel knew there was one way to guarantee she would come to family dinner tomorrow.
“Hey, Gwyn, I am glad I ran into you actually. I have been hoping you would come to the family dinner this week… I have been feeling a bit uncomfortable, and having you there would really help.”
Gwyn was looking at Azriel with sympathy, and understanding. Until that understanding grew. She narrowed her eyes and put her hands on her hips. Azriel’s shadows gathered at her back.
“Did Nesta put you up to this? Are you only asking because Nesta told you too?”
“No!”
Gwyn crossed her arms over her chest and lifted an eyebrow, she did not believe him. Shit she was too good at reading him. Azriel sighed looking briefly to the ceiling.
“Nesta mentioned to my shadows that she invited you. But what I said is also true. I really would like you to come.” Azriel paused and took a deep breath. “Things with everyone have been slowly getting better, but it’s not there yet. That makes me feel like I need to try harder, but I overwhelm myself with how to do that, so instead I shut down. Having you there will help. You always seem to know what to say to get me to talk.” Azriel fluttered a hand in the air. “Like right now, for example.”
How did she always get him to confess these things? He thought about keeping the second reason to himself, but knew that would only upset the priestess. Azriel tried very hard not to upset her. For some reason it really bothered him to see her upset. He didn’t like seeing anyone upset, but especially Gwyn.
“Also,” Azriel tried not to wince. “I think it would be a good first step for you.”
“Did Nesta tell you that too?”
“Yes, but..”
Gwyn uncrossed her arms and started to walk out, but Azriel put his arm out, gently laying across her abdomen to stop her.
“But, I agree with her. I don’t want to. I don’t want to see you upset. I don’t want to push you before you are ready. I don’t want to hold you back either.”
Gwyn relaxed, and took a step back. “I’m listening.”
“I know it is scary, but I know you are the bravest person I have ever met. Don’t roll your eyes. It’s true. Sometimes we move from healing to holding ourselves back so seamlessly we do not realize it until someone else points it out.”
Gwyn considered his words, her eyes fluttered as if holding in all of her emotions, desperate to stay in control. Azriel watched as she closed them completely and breathed. Mind stilling. On a final exhale Gwyn opened her eyes and looked to Azriel.
“So you said you need me to get through dinner?”
“I do. I need you for me. But I can also be there for you.”
They stared at each other for several minutes, Azriel could not read her face. As usual his shadows were of no help when it came to Gwyn. The only time they helped was if she wanted to be found or the shadows wished to find her. There were a few times, Gwyn was having a bad day, and his shadows brought him to her. He did not think Gwyn initially appreciated those times, but in the end she said she was grateful.
“Ok Shadowsinger. We leave the second either one of us wants to leave.”
“Yes.”
“I reserve the right to change my mind, even if we are about to walk through their front door.”
“Absolutely”
“I get to have as many weapons on me as I would like.”
Azriel couldn’t help his smile. “I wouldn’t expect anything less.”
“I can add or change any of the rules at any time.”
“Always Gwyn.”
“Ok… Ok.” Gwyn took two more deep breaths. Squared her shoulders, lifted her chin, and looked at Azriel. Determination and apprehension swirled in her eyes.
“I will go to the family dinner. I will support you whenever you need it. In any way I can I will be there for you. You will support me in any way you can, and If one of us needs to leave for any reason, we get out together. Deal?”
“Deal.”
Magic swirled between them. Then a tingle spread from Azriel’s hip, down his thigh. Wrapping around his leg, and seeping in, as if to add to his strength and stability.
Gwyn was wide eyed, looking around unsure of what just happened.
“Is this your first night court bargain priestess?”
As if it was possible, Gwyn’s eyes grew even wider.
“But I… I didn’t mean to. I didn’t know. What did we bargain for? What did I say?”
Azriel paused and thought of her words carefully, he had not meant to make it a true bargain when he agreed to the deal either, but he meant every word he agreed to.
“You agreed to come to dinner, and that we would always look out for one another, support each other.”
“Oh. So just for the dinner? Or…”
“From how you worded it, I think it is indefinite.”
“Oh. Well, that is…” Gwyn paused and thought for a moment. “Really nice actually. To know I always have at least one person to count on. And so do you now, the deal went both ways.”
Before Azriel could respond however, Gwyn was undoing her leathers, and working on sliding her pants down.
“Ummm Gwyn, what are you doing?”
“What? Oh, oh. I um I want to see it.” Lifting and dropping her shoulder like it was not a big deal. “It’s fine I have my underthings on… unless you are uncomfortable. Or you could take your pants off..”
“It’s fine, I don’t mind, really, it's ok with me. You can take your pants off. I’ll just be right here then. Um you can show me if you want or you ....”
“Azriel I know you have seen a female's legs before, what has you so flustered?”
“I’m not flustered.” yes you are. Azriel rolled his eyes at his shadows. He started undoing his own leathers, and pulling his own pants down to his ankles.
“Fine, Berdara, you caught me off guard. I’ll just join you. Then I can look at yours while you look at mine.”
“I just came in here for a snack, but this is so much better.”
Azriel and Gwyn froze at the sound of Nesta’s voice.
Azriel knew Nesta was actually coming to check on Gwyn. The house loved Nesta and would bring her whatever she wanted, wherever she wanted. Before he could call her on it, Gwyn shook her head.
Clearing her throat, she stood tall once again.
“We made a bargain. On accident. But it’s done now, and I wanted to see the tattoo.”
Nesta narrowed her eyes, worry flashing there. “What does the bargain involve?”
“I will go to dinner tomorrow, but Azriel has to take me home, the second I want to leave.”
Nesta relaxed immediately. “You’re coming to dinner?”
“Yes.”
Nesta flew to Gwyn and wrapped her in her arms, “I am so proud of you. I promise everything will be just fine.”
Gwyn looked over Nesta’s shoulder, her eyes held Azriel’s. “I know.”
Azriel stood with Cassian on the veranda. Nesta and Gwyn spent the evening together getting ready.
“You made a bargain with Gwynie?”
Azriel grit his teeth. He knew Cass and Gwyn were close. He loved that Gwyn had more people she could count on. He also knew Cassian would never hurt her. But sometimes knowing Cassian had a special nickname only he was allowed to call her just grated. He didn’t know why. But it just did.
“I did.”
“Want to talk about it?”
“No.”
“Gonna show me the tattoo?”
“No.”
“Awe come on! Nesta said it involves taking your pants off. Want to talk about that?”
Azriel sighed looking to the sky. His shadows swirled around, half comforting, half amused by his brother's antics. He willed the females to come outside already.
Azriel felt a slight tingle run over his skin, then heard the sound of Gwyn’s footsteps. She had been practicing walking silently, Azriel knew this was her way of letting him know she was on her way.
“They are here.”
“Did your shadows tell you that?”
Not wanting to get into how he knew, or why he knew the sound of Gwyn’s footsteps so well, Az shrugged his shoulders and turned to the doorway just in time to see Gwyn and Nesta.
Azriel took a small moment to admire how far Nesta had come. She was doing so well. The otherworldly female had caused more problems for Nesta than anyone else. Things were still a bit tense, but settling down. Azriel was proud of Nesta for her decisions and standing up for herself. Cassian, Gwyn, and Azriel had all defended her. Feyre came around first. And that was all they needed to get Rhysand to come around too.
Turning his attention to Gwyn, Azriel almost stopped breathing. She always looked gorgeous, but he had hardly ever seen Gwyn in anything other than her priestess robes or fighting leathers. Occasionally she would wear a simple dress or tunic and pants, but….
Gwyn was wearing a deep blue dress. It was silk and looked as if it was a sapphire gem in liquid form. Her hair was down and flowed around her like molten copper.
Gwyn smiled at Azriel, “Do I look ok?”
He couldn’t answer. Words were stuck in his throat. He nodded, before shaking his head and then rasping out. “Fine. You… you look fine.”
“Well Gwynie, I think you're stunning. Absolutely gorgeous and I think Azriel is a lucky bastard. He gets to carry you down.”
“It’s not too late to switch?” Nesta chimed in. A smirk playing on her lips.
Cassian wrapped himself around Nesta, burying his face in her neck. “You’re mine. Only mine. And I’m all yours.”
Then he was kissing her neck and jaw.
Gwyn had stepped closer to Azriel, placing a hand on his arm, “shall we get going before they need to step back inside?”
The words processed and helped shake Azriel from his stunned state.
“I think you are right, Berdara.” Azriel looked at the entangled couple and spoke louder. “Alright you two, break it up or we’ll be late.”
Cassian growled, but stopped, scooping Nesta into his arms he shot into the sky. Azriel was grateful he would have a moment alone with Gwyn before they set off.
”Are you ready? Or do you need a moment?”
“Thank you, but I’m good. I’m ready. I think I have spent so much time building it to be something it’s not. I know I will be safe.” Running a hand over her thigh, Gwyn continued. “I know you will have my back. Shall we go?”
Azriel nodded once and held his arms open.
“When you are ready, step into my arms. Would you like to shadow step or fly once we are past the wards?”
Gwyn stepped into Azriel’s arms and wrapped her own around his neck as he scooped her up. “I would like to fly please, I think the view will be too good to miss.”
Azriel looked at Gwyn expecting her to be looking out over the city or up at the night sky. But she was looking right at him. Azriel smiled. “Let’s get this over with Berdara.”
Gwyn laughed, the sound pure and intoxicating. Azriel shot into the sky, making her hold tighter and laugh harder. If Azriel thought she would be scared he would be wrong.
Gwyn seemed delighted with the flight. She had removed one arm to wrangle her hair, and was looking everywhere she could from where he had her, tucked into his chest. Gwyn was slightly taller than most females. But she fit perfectly in his arms.
“Cassian was right, by the way. On the veranda… you look stunning.”
Gwyn looked back at Azriel. A small smile on her face, “Thank you, Shadowsinger.”
When they arrived at the River house Cassian and Nesta were waiting for them near the front door.
“You could have gone in, Nesta, I’m fine I swear.”
“I know, Gwyn. But the more time I spend out here waiting for you the less time I have to be in there.”
Gwyn rolled her eyes, and gave Nesta a small slap on her shoulder.
“Well I am here now, and everyone will behave or they can answer to me.”
Azriel loved this side of Gwyn. Whatever hold Merrill had on Gwyn, she was the only one to hold it. Gwyn had no problem telling anyone else they were being ridiculous.
Cassian threw an arm around Az, “come on brother, lets go.”
Cassian was more observant than anyone gave him credit for. He knew that Azriel, like Nesta, was stalling.
All four entered the house, and made their way to the dining room. Rhys, Feyre, and Nyx sat on one side of the table with Nyx between them. Mor sat at one end with Amren at the other, while Varien sat to her side next to Feyre. Four empty seats lined the other side of the table. Rhys and Feyre both got up from their seats to greet Gwyn.
Feyre spoke first. “Gwyn how lovely to see you, welcome to our home. I am so happy you could make it.” Gwyn nodded and returned the hug Feyre was giving her.
Then Rhys greeted her in a similar fashion, “Gwyneth, I am glad to see Merrill gives you some time to yourself.” They shared a small hug, before everyone found their seats. Cassian and Azriel pulled out the middle chairs for Nesta and Gwyn, then sat down in the remaining spots, bookending the girls.
Looking at the full table, Nesta frowned. “Where is Elain?”
“She is traveling… with Lucien. They went to the continent to get a feel from Rask. We are hoping they have thought more about the new treaty plans, since they did not seem to like the last one.”
Feyre started off hesitantly, Lucien and Elain… Recently Azriel had seen them have a somewhat civil conversation, but it did not appear they were necessarily happy to be talking.
“Let me guess,” Nesta said. “You two meddling fools sent them together on assignment. Hmm? You thought it would be best if they were stuck together, they would work it out? LIke what a forced proximity trope from a book? Or worse, a fake relationship?”
It was Rhysand who answered. “Both actually. They are stuck together, pretending to be celebrating their mating ceremony.”
Rhys looked at Nesta daring her to say what a terrible idea it was. When Gwyn spoke up.
“I think it’s brilliant. They were just going to keep avoiding each other. Now they have to work through it. Even if they find they do not want to end up together, at least they will know and can move on with life.”
“Gwyn is right.” Nesta said. “But based on the way she has been watching him lately, they will at least be giving one part of the relationship a try.”
Amren chimed in. “Indeed.”
Everyone laughed, including Azriel. He really was over Elain and hoped she was happy with Lucien. Gwyn has been such a boon, he didn’t even realize how little Elain and the mating bond, or Mor and a lack of one, bothered him. Azriel’s shadows gently swayed around him. A couple of his shadows twirled around Gwyn as she laughed. Azriel noticed Rhys watching her, but he chose to ignore it.
Their laughter died down, all agreeing that Elain and Lucien being stuck together was for the best. Who knows maybe it would be like Nesta’s ‘Smutty books’ and they would come home actually in love.
The food was now served, and conversations flowed. Gwyn was delighted to be sitting across from Nyx, making silly faces and asking him questions. She was even able to get him to eat a few real bites of food, for which Feyre and Rhys were grateful.
Amren asked Gwyn about her work in the library, and after she answered Rhys chimed in. “Gwyn, what does Merrill have you working on now?”
“Oh she is currently researching ancient beings from our world. She has me looking into the bone carver and the weaver… She is also trying to compile a volume on the Daglan.”
One by one everyone at the table fell silent all looking at Gwyn as she spoke. Azriel could see her nerves rising. She could sense the room growing more and more tense at her words but did not know why. Azriel's shadows reached out to soothe her. Running through her hair and circling her wrist. Nesta and Cassian were unfazed, they were long used to his shadows behaving this way with her. But the rest of the table was now watching Azriel.
Thankfully that took the heat off Gwyn and she continued.
“Merrill said next week, I am to gather as much information on world walkers as I can. Amren, have you ever heard of a world walker before?”
“Just because I am old does not mean I know everything.” It was a deflection and Azriel was sure Gwyn knew it. But none the less she took it for what it was.
Gwyn turned to Nyx, “What about you good sir? Can you tell me about the world walkers?”
Nyx squealed and babbled nonsense; only every few words were actual words. Gwyn waited for him to be done before replying as if he had given her the secret to the universe. “Yes yes I see, you are very wise. I shall pass this on to Merrill, she shall be very pleased to hear of it.” Everyone laughed again, Nyx clapped and laughed along. Azriel’s shadows danced around Gwyn and Azriel. This time Feyre looked at Azriel with a raised brow. He shrugged and returned his attention to Nyx and Gwyn.
The conversations broke off into smaller groups once again. Gwyn took her plate and passed it to Azriel. “Finish this. I know how much you like to eat your weight in meat.”
“Fine but only if you take this,” Azriel held up his plate. “And finish my potatoes. I know how much you like to eat your weight in potatoes.”
Gwyn gave him a wicked grin. “Of course I do. I am not a fool. Potatoes are delicious.”
Azriel rolled his eyes, but smiled down at their swapped plates. He cut a piece of the roasted chicken, but before he took a bite he shook his head and muttered. “You re ridiculous.”
“So are you.”
Azriel did not notice that the table was once again watching them. Well everyone except Nesta and Cassian. They were watching everyone else figure out what they have known for a while now.
“Gwyn you may have the rest of my potatoes if you would like?” Azriel’s head snapped up and he had to work extra hard not to growl. What the fuck was that about? But he did not have time to think about it because he could see Gwyn turning bright red out of the corner of his eye, before his shadows started to deepen around her.
Azriel placed a hand on her thigh and squeezed gently. That seemed to remind Gwyn who she had at her side. She took a deep breath, and straightened up. “You know Rhys, if you actually trained like the rest of us, you might be able to finish a plate all on your own like a big boy. Isn't the right Nyx?”
The table exploded with laughter, Nyx was chanting “Big Boy, Daddy” and shadows fluttered about. As the laughter died down once again, Azriel couldn’t help smiling at Gwyn.
The plates were cleared and dessert was brought out. Gwyn and Azriel seamlessly filled one plate and shared it. They did not often have desserts after dinner in the house of wind. Cassian would never stop lecturing them if they did. But Azriel learned from a few late night run-ins, that like him, she too had a sweet tooth. One that often struck late in the night.
Typically one would wander into the kitchen looking for a treat only to find the other already there with a plate. For some reason that plate would always be shared. So when dessert arrived it was only natural they shared a plate.
“Azriel, I think Gwyn can have her own plate of desserts.” It was Mor this time, but he noticed Feyre and Rhys watching again.
Gwyn cleared her throat. “Gwyn can speak for herself.”
“I’m sorry Gwyn you are right. I should have asked you. Would you like your own plate?”
“No thank you. Azriel and I are perfectly fine sharing.” Gwyn wrinkled her nose. “It’s a bit of a habit. Plus it doesn’t look as bad if Cassian happens to catch us.” Gwyn had a wicked smile as she looked at the General.
“How many times are you two sharing a plate of treats? And just how much is on those plates? I did not approve of this.”
“Relax, big boy,” Nesta cooed to Cassian. “They need the extra calories from all the late night workouts they do.”
“You’re right Nes. They are always working each other extra hard.”
Azriel didn’t know why the rest of the table was looking so shocked. He didn’t think extra workouts were that surprising.
“We both have trouble sleeping, so we often train again in the evenings.” Azriel said, shrugging one shoulder.
Gwyn seemed just as confused as Azriel. “Sometimes the training is not enough to help us sleep. That’s when the treats happen.” Gwyn mimicked Azriel's shoulder shrug.
The whole table looked around, everyone wearing a different expression. Azriel wasn’t sure what they were trying to get at. He and Gwyn were friends who lived in the same house. What was so odd about that.
“See everyone. Perfectly normal things.” Nesta was staring at Feyre, her brows almost touching her hairline.
“I see, yes. Just two friends, right?”
Azriel and Gwyn both said “Yes.” At the same time.
The High Lord was smirking at Azriel, and then he felt a light scrape on his mental shield. “ What do you want, Rhys?”
“Nothing, I just wanted to see if this is true. Gwyn is just your friend?”
“What else would she be?”
Azriel felt Rhys withdraw from his mind and watched him chuckle as he shook his head back and forth.
After dessert Rhys asked Azriel and Cassian to join him in his study, while Feyre asked the others to join her in the living room with Nyx.
Azriel hung back a moment, pulling Gwyn off to the side before she left the room.
“Gwyn, are you ok? Do you want to stay?”
“I’m good, Shadowsinger. Thank you but I am doing ok. Plus I definitely want some more time to play with Nyx. He’s so cute.”
Azriel smiled at Gwyn. “Yeah, Nyx is the best. Ok, I’ll leave you to it.” Azriel started to walk when a shadow whispered in his ear then curled around Gwyn’s wrist.
“My shadow will stay with you, if you need to leave before we rejoin you, the shadow will alert me. And I will be there in seconds. Is that ok?”
“Perfect.” Gwyn looked to the remaining shadows, they were resting on his shoulders. “I would like the favor to be returned. If Azriel needs me while he is in there, please come and get me.”
Shadows swirled and danced, and enthusiastically agreed. Azriel nodded to Gwyn letting her know their answer. Without thinking, Azriel reached out and tucked a lock of Gwyn’s hair behind her ear. “See you in a bit, Gwyn.”
Gwyn left first, then Azriel.
“Want to tell me what that was all about?”
“I thought I was the spymaster Rhys?”
Azriel knew Rhys was waiting just outside the door. But since he was just talking to a friend, he did not feel there was anything to hide from Rhys. However, if he was going to keep acting weird about it, he might start. Azriel started waking down the hall and Rhys quickly caught up and walked beside him.
“Why would you need to get her out of here, and why would she need to come get you?”
Rhys was still buzzing with amusement. Clearly he felt like the cat who caught the canary, but there was no canary to catch.
Gwyn would tell him to be honest with Rhys, so he would for his own reason, but he would not share Gwyn’s private and personal needs. That was for Gwyn to decide who knew her business.
Placing a hand on Rhys’s shoulder, Azriel slowed them to a stop and faced Rhys.
“As for Gwyn, that is not mine to share, but for me…” Azriel took a deep breath. “Sometimes things are still very uncomfortable for me here. Sometimes I feel a bit overwhelmed by my mistakes, and I want nothing more than to run away, but the guilt I would feel keeps me here longer. I am working on it. But I feel so bad for letting you down, and I don’t know how to really move past it. Gwyn keeps telling me to open up to you more. That it will help… it's just.. It's.”
Rhysand’s eyes softened, “Brother it is o.k.” He pulled Az into a hug. “It's ok to tell me these things. I want you to tell me. I had no idea you still felt this way. You did not let me down. If anything I let you down, I lost my temper. I was scared. I heard your thoughts that night with Elain.” Azriel stiffened. He didn’t know Rhys heard his thoughts. But why would Azriel's lust scare Rhys. Does he really think that low of him? Did Rhys really believe Azriel was so far below Elain. He was just starting to believe Gwyn that it wasn’t about worth, that she was just not the right one for him. Or him for her.
“Breathe Az, I can almost hear your spiral again. That is what I heard… You were so hard on yourself. Believed yourself unworthy. Azriel, you are the greatest male I have ever known. Anyone would be lucky to call you theirs. But that night you were spiraling and irrational. I was scared and wanted you to stop and think. I admit I did not handle it in the best way. I apologise.”
“Thank you, Brother.” It felt good to call Rhys brother again and mean it the way he used to.
“Everything ok out here?”
Gwyn’s voice was weary, but still stern. Demanding an answer.
“Yes, Gwyn. Azriel and I were just catching up on a few things. All is fine.” Rhys looked toward Gwyn, smiling and amusement back in his eyes.
“I am glad to hear it. But I was asking Azriel.”
Rhys’s smile faltered but only for the briefest of seconds. Azriel’s smile was uncontrollable.
“Yes, Priestess. I am good. Just following your orders.” Az knew Gwyn would know what that meant. She smiled back.
“Well, if you’ll excuse me. I will see you later.” She turned on her heel and went back down the hall.
The moment Rhys turned back to Azriel he knew he had said the wrong thing.
With one eyebrow raised so high Azriel found himself impressed, Rhys opened his mouth.
“Just following your orders?”
“Shut up.”
Gwyn’s pov
Happy that Az was actually opening up to Rhys, Gwyn smiled as she reentered the living room. Nesta caught her eye, and waved her over.
“What has you smiling like that?”
“I’m just enjoying my evening.”
“Sure, and it has nothing to do with Az?”
Gwyn whipped her head to Nesta. What has gotten into everyone?”
“What do you mean?” Nesta looked concerned now.
“Well for starters all the looks and weird comments, like the one you just made. Rhys and Feyre at different times speaking in my mind asking for more information about Azriel and I. Am I wrong to assume they are all also his friends?”
“They are, well we are. But..”
“Then why is it so odd that I am his friend? You and Cassian seem to be fine with it. I did not realize being his friend would cause such a stir.”
Nesta seemed to be thinking over her words, choosing them carefully.
“I think it is the shadows. Cass and I are used to it, but you must see that they are different with you.”
“Maybe. Or maybe they are that way because I acknowledge them, does no one else do that?”
“No. No one besides Az talks to them.”
Gwyn made a slightly horrified face. “So you all just ignore them?”’
“Hey don’t look at me. You did too, in the beginning.”
“Not entirely. And that was also when I was not even Azriel’s friend yet. It feels weird to be his friend and not acknowledge such a huge part of him.”
Nesta seemed to deflate at that thought. Feeling bad that she may have accidentally insulted Nesta, Ggwyn tried to correct her mistake.
“But maybe you are right… They just respond to me differently.”
“Thanks Gwyn, but I think you are the one who is right. And I think it’s time I change that. Time for Cassian to change that too.”
They shared a wicked smile, plans to use Azriel’s shadows to get Cassian to notice them already dancing through their minds.
“So Gwyn are you going to tell me what the tattoo is? But please don’t pull your pants down in front of my family!”
Laughing, Gwyn shoved at Nesta’s shoulder. “Just because you said that, I might just do it.”
Nesta laughed at Gwyn. Feyre was watching them with a small smile. Nesta returned the smile. Gwyn had the sense those didn’t happen often enough. So she decided then and there, as long as she was invited she would come to family dinner. At least until things with Nesta and her family were better.
Feyre stood from her seat and walked over to Nesta and Gwyn. “May I join you?”
“Of course. Gwyn, was just about to tell me more about the bargain tattoo she has with Az.”
Gwyn tried not to groan at the smug tone in Nesta’s comment. The fact was that she was actually dying to tell Nesta about it. Well the design anyway.
Feyre seemed delighted to be involved, “Oh really, you made a bargain with Az? What is the bargain for if you don’t mind me asking?”
“Not at all, It was a bargain to come to dinner, And if I needed to leave at any point Azriel would take me home immediately. As I am sure you are aware I have not left the house of wind since the Blood Rite.” Gwyn could feel the heat rising on her cheeks, but she did not want to feel shame for taking time to heal. “So as this is my first time going out, Azriel offered to be my support. We did not realize the way I had worded it would result in a bargain, but here we are.”
Feyre took it all in before speaking. “I am so glad that Azriel was able to be a support for you. I hope this evening was not too overwhelming, I know our family can be a lot.”
“That’s an understatement.” Nesta muttered under her breath. But it broke the tiny bit of tension that had built and all three of them huffed a small laugh.
“Now Gwyn, back to my question what is the tattoo of?”
Absent-mindedly Gwyn ran a hand over her hip and outer thigh.
“It is a tree. An ancient tree, one I have seen in my studies with Merrill. It is meant to represent life, and shelter.. Strength. The tree trunk and branches are all twined together. Spreading wide at the top but also the roots at the bottom. It’s beautiful.”
All three were silent for a moment. Gwyn thought the sisters may have even had tears in their eyes.
“That is beautiful Gwyn, is it only for tonight this bargain?”
Gwyn should not be surprised that feyre caught on to the lack of a timeline. She wasn’t sure she wanted to share that part, but she had no reason not to. And they seemed so happy that she and Azriel shared this.
“We think it is indefinite. The way I spoke the words… I will always support and look out for him, and he would do the same for me, if I agreed to come to dinner.”
“Hmmm damn fae magic and their way with words. However, it is not really a bad bargain after all is it?” Feyre smiled at Gwyn.
“No. Not bad at all.”
Gwyn enjoyed the rest of the evening. Nesta and Feyre seemed to be getting along better than ever. Nyx lasted another 20 minutes before he was asleep in Mor’s arms. Eventually the Rhsy, Cass, and Az all joined them for a drink. Azriel seemed lighter. He was smiling more and being an active member of the group.
Gwyn could handle the few looks and remarks. The more she came to dinner, she had a feeling the more those things would stop. Everyone would do as Cass and Nesta, and get used to it.
At the end of the night, Azriel flew Gwyn back to the House of Wind.
“Did you have fun tonight?"
“I did Az, thank you. Not just for flying me. For everything.” Gwyn couldn’t stop herself, she went up on her toes and kissed his cheek. She was so grateful to have him in her life. Gwyn felt like she was finally ready to start living again.
First Kiss
Azriel’s pov
Walking into the kitchen, Azriel was not surprised that he found Gwyn already there. She had a book in her face, and a mug of tea next to a plate of cookies on the counter. Gwyn was leaning her hip on the counter, and just reaching for a cookie when she spotted Azriel.
“Oh, Azriel. Hi I wasn’t expecting anyone to still be awake, I… I thought you were going to bed an hour ago?”
“I was.” For some reason Azriel felt the need to gesture down his body and draw attention to the fact that he was wearing light linen, black sleep pants. Only sleep pants.
Gwyn followed his hand, but lingered a bit longer on his bare chest and torso, before blushing and Quickly looking back at his face. Then she crammed a cookie in her mouth and chewed it as if that might distract him from her lingered gaze. Taking pity Az continued to explain himself.
“But my stomach suddenly wouldn’t let me sleep until I had some cookies. What about you? I thought you were going to bed?”
Azriel was hoping Gwyn would return the favor and give him a chance to openly give her body a once over.
Gesturing down her body, Azriel’s wish came true. “I was. But like you, the cookie called to me.”
Azriel took his time looking Gwyn up and down. She wore silk sleep pants and a matching silk camisole. The color was a dark, burnt orange. It reminded Azriel of the late evening sky in the fall, just before the sun sets. Her hair was in a long loose plait that draped over her shoulder. Azriel could just make out the outline of her nipples, before darting his eyes back to hers.
Gwyn grinned at Azriel, her eyes sparkling. He knew she was planning something that would no doubt surprise him.
“I’ll share if you don’t tell Cassian I had any.”
“As long as you don’t tell him about my share, Priestess.”
Gwyn smiled, it was becoming one of his favorite things about her. Her smile, especially when she aimed it at him. His other favorite thing was seeing Gwyn riled up about… well anything really. It was largely the reason most nights ended in a debate. So many times he would secretly agree with her, but play devil’s advocate, just to see what she would say. What she would think up, how she would think her way through a topic, and prove her point. He learned so much from her and about her from these debates.
Azriel scanned the plate, before leaning over Gwyn to grab the last lemon cookie. Standing back he brought the cookie to his mouth, just before he could bite into it though,
“Are you really going to eat the last lemon cookie without asking me if I wanted it?”
Azriel lowered the cookie, but did not offer it to Gwyn.
“Am I not to think that since it is the last lemon cookie, you have already had all of the other lemon cookies? Only fair I at least have one.”
“What if that was the only lemon one, and I was saving it for last because it is my favorite?”
“Then why did you say it was the last one?” Az lifted one eyebrow.
“What if it is the last one in the house, and not just the last one on the plate?”
Azriel rolled his eyes, and extended his arm, to hold the cookie close to her mouth.
“Do you want it?”
Amusement danced in her large teal eyes, as she held his stare.
“I never said I did want it. Just that you had not asked me.”
“I am asking you now, Do you Gwyneth Berdara want the last lemon cookie?”
Gwyn’s eyes fluttered for just a second, before they returned to their usual state of mischief.
“Can I have a moment to think about it?”
“No.” Azriel brought the cookie back to his own mouth, but before he could bite it, a hand on his wrist stopped him.
Before he knew what was happening they were in a hand to hand battle for the cookie. Azriel found himself laughing at the absurdity of it all. But nothing was going to stop Az from winning a challenge. No matter how ridiculous. Victory was so close he could almost taste it. Literally.
“A little help guys?”
Az wondered who she was talking to but would not be distracted from the task at hand. The answer was suddenly clear when the shadows stole the cookie from him. Gwyn danced back, then ran around the kitchen table before holding out her hand, as if waiting for a prize.
Right on cue the traderous shadow, dropped the cookie into her awaiting palm.
“I think you need to pay me a tithe, I am sharing my cookies with you after all.”
With that Gwyn brought the cookie to her mouth and took a bite.
Az gawked at her. “I can’t believe you just bit into my lemon cookie.”
“Mmm and it is soo good too. It was definitely worth it.”
Azriel was stalking for her now. Determined to get the rest of the cookie, and maybe something else. A muffled laugh escaped Gwyn’s full mouth, as she backed up, looking for the best escape route.
“I changed my mind. It’s too good… I don’t think I will share it.”
Gwyn dashed and rolled over the table and made to escape through the door. She turned and paused in the doorway just long enough for Az to watch her shovel the rest of the cookie in her mouth.
Then she was off. Azriel, hot on her trail.
Gwyn darted down the hall, and if Azriel knew her like he thought he did, she was headed for the private library. Smart. There are a lot of places to hide, and lots of things to use to keep distance, like she did with the kitchen table.
Sure enough he watched her dart into the library and close the doors. As soon as he entered one of his shadows whispered to him. Sorry
Shadows enveloped Gwyn and her next moves were hidden from him. No worries, Azriel could follow her scent. Lotus flower and sandalwood… Azriel sniffed the air trying to get a sense of her direction. Sorry The shadows whispered again. Really?? Azriel was still getting used to his shadows working against him, with Gwyn. It was their new favorite thing to do. Of course Gwyn loved it.
If Azriel really thought about it, he loved it too. He just hadn’t thought about it too hard yet.
Stalking past the rows of book shelves, Azriel kept a sharp eye. He would still be able to sense his shadows. We no longer hide her. She sent us back to you. Az did not bother asking if they would help him. He knew the answer.
The faint scent of lemon caught his attention as he neared the corner. On silent feet he walked back and forth trying to sniff out which aisle she went down, but it was no use. That was when he realized he only smelled it when he passed a large cabinet. Clever Priestess, but not clever enough.
Azriel set his trap. He waited silently for several minutes next to the cabinet, before sending a tendril of his magic to open and close the library door. Several moments later Gwyn emerged from the cabinet.
Azriel grabbed her around the waist and pulled her to her chest. Leaning down to her ear he said, “Did you really think you could trick me?”
“No, but I can still get away. Cassian is a great teacher!”
Azriel did not have time to tsk at her words, Gwyn expertly executed the move they just learned last week, how to escape the exact hold he had on her. He would like to think he used that hold because he was too tired to realize she could easily escape, or that he was giving her a chance to practice in a different setting. If Azriel was honest with himself, it was because he was able to hold her body against his own. He noticed how perfectly she fit there, tucked into his chest, has arm around her… it felt right.
Shaking away the thought, Azriel followed the sounds of Gwyn’s laughter. The fact that he could hear her at all meant she wanted him to follow. The chase continued throughout the house of wind. Az getting only so close before she was gone again. Finally they ended up back where they started, in the kitchen.
Breathless and grinning wildly Gwyn looked at Azriel, “If you catch me, you might still be able to taste the cookie?”
“Berdara, What do you mean by that?
“Catch me to find out.”
Azriel feigned left then grabbed her again when she tried to run past his right side. Trying for a different tactic, Az pinned her against the wall. One knee between her thighs, one hand holding both of hers above her head. The other pinning her waist. Face to face, their noses almost touching, panting breaths mingled between them. Gwyn looked directly into his hazel eyes, teal sparkling with delight.
“It seems I have caught you, Gwyn. Now where is my prize?” His voice was a low purr, and his head tilted just a little to one side.
Gwyn was panting, her chest rising and falling against his. Her eyes dipped to his mouth. Then back to his eyes. Azriel’s body was buzzing with anticipation. His heartbeat was pounding in his ears. Unable to stop himself he looked at her mouth, her big full lips, the perfect shade of deep pink… barely parted. Just waiting for him.
Gwyn hadn’t answered him yet. Desperate to know the answer Azriel questioned her again.
“Do I get to have a taste?”
Gwyn hummed in affirming pleasure. Her chin lifted slightly, her mouth coming closer to his. An open invitation.
“Go ahead Shadowsinger, have a taste.”
Their lips crashed together, frantic with the need to be closer. Gwyn’s lips were soft, and molded to his. Azriel kissed her again and again. Then the corners of her lips, along her jaw, down her neck, and back to her lips. This time she parted her lips for him, their tongues brushing together in a slow dance.
Gwyn’s scent deepened and filled the room, mixing with his own. Lotus flower and sandalwood, mingled with night chilled mist and cedar… And lemon.
Azriel moaned as he continued to kiss her deeply. Forgetting to hold her hips still, his hand was gently holding on as she ground her hips down to writhe on his thigh. Lost to the moment Azriel rolled his hips forward, letting her feel just how much she affected him.
Azriel slowed the kiss, then pulled away. He rested his forehead against hers eyes closed. He wanted to talk to Gwyn first, before things got out of hand. Azriel wanted more with Gwyn. Not a one night stand. Gwyn consumed his mind. He had been able to think of little else for a long time.
At first he thought it was just her ability to surprise him that kept him so interested. Then it was the idea of a new friend. Looking back now, Azriel realized it was all because he was attracted to her. But he wasn’t in the right state to see it. But he is now.
Sighing Gwyn said, “Finally.”
Azriel’s eyes shot open and he picked his head up to look at her better. Gwyn just grinned.
“What do you mean finally?”
“If you didn’t kiss me after tonight, I was going to give up.”
As always she surprised him. Azriel let go of her hands and hip, taking her face in both hands. He looked in her eyes to find she was being truthful. She had been wanting this for longer than just tonight. How long? Was it as long as he wanted to kiss her? They could have been doing this for months???
As if she could read his mind Gwyn gave a tiny nod of her agreement.
“So could you still taste the cookie?”
Gwyn’s voice was laced with amusement.
“Hmmm I’m not sure, I better try again.”
Az pulled her face to his and devoured her.