Chapter Text
Brandon was never a bad person.
never.
but he never really considered himself a good one either. a good friend? maybe. but a good person? not really. he felt lucky that he was able to even get to his last raise.
he had broken many rules, and received many punishments and scoldings for it. he even tried to run away once, sometime during the final countdown quarter. his father had been furious, and he didn't get that far before he had been dragged back home by his father and given a long scolding about how he shouldnt leave the house during the final countdown. how he was betraying the lord and showing how fragile his faith was. that he wasn't truly a good downer yet. he was scared the whole time. he'd even punished him by taking away his internet access. which meant no more roblox, and no talking to his friends. he was stuck inside with nowhere to go, no one to talk to, having to re-do every last part of the raising process from the beginning.
but it was okay! even if he had to start over.. he always tracked his raising progress and cleansed himself. daily, even. infact, he started to actually listen to his father, and follow every single thing he asked him to do. he checked in with crosses every night, watched only what was allowed, and he didnt dare to even look at the remote wrong, or for too long. he tried not to bother his father with anything, and tried his best not to make any sounds that could be too loud. he was great at sneaking around y'know, he thinks if he snuck up on someone, they wouldnt even notice until it was too late and he spooked them! could be totally useful for scaring his friends if they ever met in person!
and it was useful for him to avoid his father every day, making sure he didnt do anything that made the man upset.
he didnt want have to feel the ache and burn on his body every day. didnt want to hurt. didnt want to hide.
nows not the time to dwell on that! his last raise is soon, he got it just a few days before the designated month! he felt proud. he clicked on his screen mindlessly, working on his game again. his father let him have roblox back a couple weeks ago. he had convinced him that it was to recruit new members into their religion, and bring those people to the right path! ...maybe that's not fully true, but he didnt have to know that, right?.. he wouldn't tell him, thats for sure.
anyways, roblox was always his way of escape entertainment. it had fun games, he forgot how he learnt about it in the beginning, maybe he'd heard about it when his mother was still here and everything was less strict.. who knows! but he remembers that he would pass the time using it. an online game where he could pretend that he was just another normal kid living his life like usual! he'd argue he was normal, but considering his father.. maybe not..?
he met his friends on it, too! ozo, sony, sparten, brie, weegee.. all of them were amazing friends, and he had so much fun playing with them and talking! he learnt a few things just from reading their chats, too. least he could do is leave npcs to explain and for them to talk to when lonely. it felt a bit weird having to "explain" why he was leaving, he was used to it by now, but considering none of the others ever talked about sundowners or the goods, and got confused whenever he placed green to keep stuff clean.. maybe they needed this explanation.he edited and added text dialogue, options during the talk with npc. hesitating when he got to a message he was gonna type. he was gonna put a link to the site so that his friends can learn too, cause his father told him to, and he'd promised him that. but... his fingers hovered over the keyboard as the thought about it. clenching and unclenching his fingers over and over. staring at the keys as he swallowed harshly. he didnt really know what was on that site, probably just the teachings he and his father followed, but part of him felt guilt doing this. if this is what all sundowners went through.. he didnt want his friends to be the same too!
but then another thought came to him. maybe this was for the better. he didnt want his friends to be lost, afterall. he wanted his friends to have mercy from the lord too! ...and he wanted his friends to come join him. meet him in paradise. he wants them to be together again. to have fun. to laugh and play forever. he wanted a chance to pretend again that nothing was wrong—or maybe this time, nothing really WAS wrong if they were to be in paradise! either way, he wanted to have his friends by his side again. he cared about that more than he really cared about them having mercy. maybe that was selfish? but he only saw that mercy as a gateway to them finally being able to be together again. it had been a while since they last hung out, afterall! he saw ozo a couple weeks ago, but that hardly counted as hanging out! surely he could be selfish just this once..
his finger slowly lowered to the keyboard again. hesitantly. before quickly, almost desperately, typing in the link in the code for the green text bubble—he'd chosen that cause it was clean!— and staring at it on the screen with his breath held. the loud clacking of his fingers typing the letters in quickly, like he was being chased by time itself, stopped. and he let out a heavy breath before quickly continuing to the next message. guilt still gnawing in the back of his mind, but overshadowed by the thought that he needed to do this.
even then, he didn't want to stare at that link for any longer. so he'd continue working on the rest of the npc dialogue instead. he needed to get this over with quickly so he can write the other npc!
shortly after he found himself building the next archway and placing in another npc of his avatar. he’d changed it a couple days ago, so it wasnt the dc hoodie anymore. it felt odd, but it was fitting. it was the sundowner attire now. he was gonna do the last raise today, afterall. his father had said that sundowners would use this robe during the last raise. brandon wasnt exactly sure why, but he followed the rules anyways. he thought to change his avatar the same way too!
this npc was supposed to be the one his friends talked to! so to make sure they werent lonely while he was gone… he thought about the dialogue options. what should it say? maybe small talk? like asking about how they’re feeling? brandon felt that made sense, so he continued to type. he thought of making specialized messages, too. if this was going to be goodbye, then at least he could make sure his friends felt cared for.
which, speaking of, he was writing one for ozo right now. his best friend. the one he knew as ■■■■. he knew his favourite game, heli wars! they met on that game, and ozo was quite good at it too. so he knew ozo would pick that one. he definitely would. he stared at his screen, suddenly thinking over the past. he felt odd about it, for a reason he couldn’t understand. vision blurring slightly, fingers trembling. he sniffled as he typed in slowly, the dialogue that appeared if you selected that option.
“ozo is that you? LOL it must be! hope you still get out there and pwn, so much fun.”
he kept his gaze on it for longer, a small, weak smile tugging on his lips. though they didnt quite reach his eyes. he was too busy reminiscing now. but he had one thought that kept repeating in his mind— “i hope ozo likes it”. before he kept writing.
he hoped. he really did.