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It's very late. Tenma knows he shouldn't be out so late but, after so long having the stars be the only thing he could see, it felt weird to stay in his room. It felt claustrophobic, it felt wrong to return to his normal life after flying across the cosmos. He thought he hadn't appreaciated the planets they visited enough because, now that he knew they were out there, it felt like a loss being unable to reach out to them again.
"Aren't you cold?"
Tenma startled and turned towards the voice, watching Tsurugi as he came to stand a couple steps away from him. He looked worried, he looked like he wanted to say more but wasn't sure how to anymore.
"Not really, it isn't that cold yet."
The forward hummed in response as Tenma's eyes were drawn back to the sky, to the stars. How a part of him longed to fly up and meet the clouds. How a part of him wished to escape the land under his feet and never look back at it. How that part whined like a bratty horse when Tenma's chest ached at the idea of leaving all those people he loved and cared for behind.
It had been easy to ignore for a long time. Or maybe it was more that he had other things to please that side of him. Defeating Fifth Sector was, in principle, a fight for freedom. Travelling through time, breaking the linear barrier of living every day moving forward just to stop El Dorado from repressing the sport Tenma loved so dearly. And then fight on that tournament, first for what he thought was just Japan and then turned to be to represent the whole planet...
That last one is the one where things had somehow gone wrong. That's where the part of him that yearns for freedom, to fly, began to pull at him and fight him. Maybe it had been all the pressure of being a captain finally getting to him, maybe it was seeing something so new and different, maybe it was seeing the struggle for power Falam Orbius itself had been in. Maybe it was the black hole itself now that he thought about it. Maybe seeing the ultimate chain of life so up close, seeing the end so real and near... He wasn't sure.
"Tenma?"
Tenma startled again and inmediatly wanted to hit himself for forgetting Tsurugi was there.
"Sorry. Were you saying something, Tsurugi?"
Tsurugi was looking at him with a frown as he moved to sit down beside him on the grass. His eyes were searching for something in Tenma's own face but he couldn't begin to try and guess what it was.
"What's going on inside your head?... I don't usually see you thinking about anything this hard."
Tenma gave him a half smile at the comment before turning to look down at the field below. He was looking there now if only so he could no longer see the stars or even Tsurugi's face, he couldn't face either.
"It's nothing. I'm just thinking over our last match out there in space against the Ixal Fleet. Just reminising."
"Are you worried Oxrock and the others may still cause trouble?"
"No, I don't think they will. They weren't that bad in the end. They were just grieving and wanting repayment for their pain in the worst way. They are better now. Or they should be, I hope."
"Do you miss the friends we made up there that helped us back then?"
"A little bit but not as much as I thought I would. I just hope they are all okay out there now that their planets are no longer at risk."
"... Did you have a nightmare about your pegasus getting out of control? I heard from Konoha that Kusaka had something like that about his bear."
"No, I didn't have a nightmare. I'm fine in that regard too."
He could feel Tsurugi looking at him intently, hear the grass shift under him as he moved a bit closer.
"Then what are you thinking about in that match in particular?"
Tenma let his eyes flicker to the other for a moment before pulling up his knees and burying his face down into his legs.
"I don't know if I want to be the captain anymore."
"... Okay. Why?"
Tenma huffed a laugh at the monotone response he got. It must have been very obvious what he was thinking if the other didn't even sound slightly surprised.
"I know what Falco said, what you guys all said back there. I know you don't mind me being 'free' and playing without always feeling the need to be right there at your side when you fall. But back when we were in King Arthur's world you also all said that was my greatest quality as a captain, as your captain."
He remembered how happy it had made him to hear those words, those reassurances that he was doing good and that he inspired the rest to continue. He remembered King Arthur himself calling him a true king. But weren't rulers the most chained down humans, the lifes of so many leaning on their shoulders and making them unable to move.
"I don't think I can both play freely and be a good captain. How can it be true that I play with all I have if I am always walking behind everyone to make sure no one falls behind? How can I say I am a good captain if I just fly above everyone and never look back at the rest of the team just to focus on whatever game we are playing?"
The air between them was silent for a few moments before Tsurugi let out a sigh and Tenma felt the other lean into his side before flicking the side of his head with his fingers.
"Hey!!"
"Both sides of you are wrong, you know? They are both being idiots and assuming we want you and only you to be the one helping us all the time. We can also help each other up ourselves if one of us falls behind and isn't capable of following after you."
Tsurugi turned his gaze to the sky, looking for something for a moment before pointing upwards. When Tenma followed his finger, he found the North Star.
"For a long, long time, people have used the stars as guides... We might not be able to reach out and touch them yet, we may never do. But they still give us a light in the dark night, they still guide us even if they never come down from the sky. They don't really care if we are good or bad, if we are lost or escaping from somewhere, if we are going west or east... They will keep being our bright guides from across the cosmos."
Tsurugi then turned to look at him again. He lowered his hand and moved it to hold Tenma's chin to make him look at him more directly.
"You are our star, Tenma. The bright star that's free and caring, that guides us and doesn't judge us. You are so warm, so brilliant, so big and noticable when compared to all the darkness around."
"I-"
Tenma wanted to answer, to say something back. He wasn't sure what but he just wanted to say something. His eyes were welling up though, and trying to take a breath now felt harder from the sobs he was having to push down.
"If you really want to stop being captain I assure you we will all respect it. But our loyalty isn't to the arm band or to the hissatsu techniques. It's to you. For all that you are and have done for us just because you wanted to do it. Isn't that part of what freedom is? Doing what you want. What a coincidence that your freedom was to be so kind. So kind even when some of us were quite bad at first."
"You weren't bad."
Tenma's words came out in between choked up tears that inmediatly began falling down when he finally managed to say a full sentence. He raised a hand to try and clean them away even though he knew it wasn't going to work.
He felt Tsurugi wrap his arms tight around him. He let him. He hugged back. He melted against the embrace. He let himself cry even if it stained Tsurugi's clothes. He knew the other wouldn't mind it.