Chapter Text
Percy was having a pretty normal day, right up until a billionaire’s sparkling white limo rolled up beside him.
He barely managed to hold in a sneeze when a strong cloud of perfume bombed him after the window was rolled down. A face, all scared up and brutish, scowled at him from behind the wheel.
“Get in, punk,” Ares growled.
“Nope,” Percy replied and tried to jog away. He didn’t make it far because suddenly the war god, his nemesis, appeared in front of him out of thin air. Percy just about managed to jumble to a halt before he could smack into the god but this just meant that Ares was able to herd him backwards towards the limo.
“I ain’t interested in ya today, brat. Now move along. It’s bad manners to keep a lady waiting.”
“I don’t want to,” Percy said before snapping his mouth shut. Honestly, he hadn’t meant to let that thought slip out and he cringed (just a bit) when he realised how petulant he sounded.
Ares scowled harder. His flaming red eyes burned so bright that Percy could start to see them through the god’s thick black sunglasses.
“What my woman wants, she gets. So move yo ass, Jackson.” Ares growled and shoved Percy into the limo before slamming the door shut in his face.
Percy gaped. He couldn’t believe how fast he’d been demi-napped! His focus returned with the sound of the doors locking.
“Are you for real?” Percy glared at the offensive door with its tinted windows and child-locks blocking him from freedom.
A giggle drew Percy’s attention to the other occupant in the limo. “Oh, dear Percidiki, you never cease to entertain me.”
Aphrodite, the goddess of love, sat in all her better-than-thou glory surrounded by bouquets of blood red roses in full bloom. She wore a wide brim hat and a classy white dress, looking for all the world like a 1940s movie-star who’d just stepped off set.
“Lady Aphrodite,” Percy greeted warily.
Aphrodite smiled. Percy didn’t find it comforting. Despite everyone thinking he was a seaweed brain, he still knew enough to recognise that this goddess was definitely not one he wanted to cross.
“Umm, I’m not sure what you might have heard, but when I was arguing with Ares it wasn’t that I didn’t want to come see you. It was just that I didn’t want to go anywhere with him.” Percy thought over what he’d just said and grimaced. “What I mean is, I would never intentionally disrespect you, Lady Aphrodite.”
“So polite,” Aphrodite said. “Honestly, I’m not sure where the talk of your impiety comes from. You are devout enough with me.”
The goddess’ smile remained shark-like as she twirled a lock of hair around her finger. It was curly, like Annabeth’s, but the colour was a warm chestnut brown, like his mother’s. The goddess’ face was a little hard to focus on, since it always seemed to mimic the appearance of those the onlooker loved. Percy chose to focus on her eyes instead, but even they kept swirling with different colours before finally settling on the exact shade of Annabeth’s piercing grey eyes that reminded him of both stormy clouds and battle-ready steel.
The goddess’ face took on a softer expression. Her smile became close-lipped and her eyes looked slightly distant. “Doesn’t this bring back memories?”
Percy tried to recall what she was thinking about so fondly. The only thing that came to mind was him as a child, terrified of upsetting this yandere goddess. He remembered being directed to hold her mirror as she fixed non-existent blemishes in her makeup. He remembered how the goddess had mentioned her intention to make his love-life interesting. After that, Aphrodite had always been one of the gods whom Percy had tried avoiding the most.
Aphrodite sighed, a touch forlorn. “You mortals grow so fast,” she shook her head. “It seems like only yesterday when you first appeared on my husband’s channel and peaked our interest with that mischievous grin of yours.”
Percy didn’t really get the point of this conversation. Half of him wanted to ask what exactly she meant and how it was relevant to the current situation but that would mean prolonging their meeting. Instead, he tried to ask as tactfully as he could what she wanted with him so that he could leave as soon as possible.
“Lady Aphrodite, if you don’t mind my asking, why did you want to see me?”
The goddess blinked, as if she had forgotten herself why she’d come. Then a more genuine smile spread across her face. “Oh! I heard about those recommendation letters you need! And I thought I’d help out. Very generous of me, I know.”
“…Help out?” Percy tried not to sound unsure. What could this goddess possibly want with him? Percy had barely managed to survive this long, and he wasn’t aware of Aphrodite actually liking him enough to genuinely help with Zeus’ absurd demand for Percy to get recommendation letters in order to attend New Rome’s university. Also, Aphrodite had her brute of a boyfriend/brother-in-law literally driving her everywhere and doing whatever she wanted. She had all the influence and money a mortal and immortal could possibly receive. Maybe she wanted help with shopping? A lackey to carry around her piles of bags, a position which a god might find demeaning? Was that why Ares was so desperate to throw Percy in here with her? Or did she have a hangnail that she thought could only be fixed with some sort of ocean ingredient that was super dangerous to get and ultimately led to the death for whoever went after it? Percy had experience with helping mermaids with hangnails (thanks to his trusty pegasus, Blackjack, who had constantly bombarded him with little missions one summer a few years back). Maybe the dolphins had exaggerated his good deeds and Percy was now known as a hangnail expert among immortals? Percy just hoped the goddess didn’t need his ‘help’ with cursing someone who’d offended her.
“Yes, I want to help!” Aphrodite clasped her hands together. “After all, I need you to get into university with that girl of yours. I have such plans for the two of you! All the greatest loves will fail to emulated you both! Hero and Leander, Romeo and Juliet, Perseus and Anna Elizabeth-“
“You really don’t have to,” Percy interrupted the second he heard Romeo and Juliet leave the goddess’ lips (he may not have known the names that came before that but he got the gist when the most famous tragic couple in the world was mentioned). Then his mind caught up with what the goddess had said. “Wait, who’s Anna Elizabeth?”
Aphrodite sighed like she hadn’t heard him. “You know when your relationship first truly caught my eye? It was during that chariot race that you both won. It reminded me of Idas and Marpessa.” Aphrodite crooned, “Oh, what a romantic tale that was!” She leaned forward as if spilling such gossip was of the upmost importance, something that had just happened instead of being thousands of years in the past. “Idas fell in love and asked for Marpessa’s hand but her father refused. So, you know what Idas did then?”
There was a moment of silence before Percy realised the goddess was actually waiting for him to give an answer. “No…” he said.
“He abducted her!” Aphrodite brightly informed him with a giggle. “It was such a cliche back then, but a trend is a trend for a reason. However, that wasn’t even the best bit. Do you want to know what was?”
“Umm…” Percy really didn’t, but he also really needed the recommendation letter so he forced himself to play along, “sure…”
“Apollo started chasing them in his own chariot, trying to steal Marpessa for himself!” Aphrodite’s eyes lit up with crazed zeal. Percy warily shifted as far back in his seat as he could. “It was neck to neck! Hoof to hoof! Until…” Aphrodite paused for the dramatics and pointedly looked at Percy.
“…until?” He dutifully asked, holding back a sigh.
“Until Lord Zeus himself intervened!” Aphrodite clapped giddily. “Oh! Even all these centuries later, the tension still sends a rush through me!”
Percy gave a small hum of agreement, just to show he was still paying (semi) attention. He really didn’t need an offended goddess to worry about.
“And Lord Zeus said, ‘Woman, you must choose the mortal or the god,’” Aphrodite thundered in a low voice. “And so Marpessa said ‘I choose the mortal for he will grow old with me and keep his love burning, yet the god would forsake me the moment my hair turns grey,’” Aphrodite spoke in a high pitch. “And thus it came to pass that Marpessa and Idas were happily wed.” The goddess finished with a fabulous flourish of her hands.
Percy stared at the goddess. The goddess stared back.
“That was nice,” Percy eventually said, giving a little clap.
“Yes, indeed!” Aphrodite beamed. “And, of course, you can see the comparison between you all!”
Percy really couldn’t and he didn’t know how he felt about being compared to some long-dead guy who kidnapped the woman he liked.
“Anyway,” Aphrodite continued. “For my plans, I need Percabeth to go to university together.”
“…Percabeth?” Percy titled his head.
Aphrodite pursed her lips at his confusion. “Do you prefer Anncy? Only it doesn’t have a nice flow to it and it sounds too much like ‘angsty’. Not a pretty couple-name at all.”
“Percabeth is fine,” Percy quickly replied, blushing. Honestly, he kinda liked it but he would refrain from telling Annabeth about it until they were on their death-bed. He’d never hear the end of it otherwise.
“So, umm, about this quest. What exactly do you want me to do?”
“Oh! Nothing too much. It’s rather simple, really,” Aphrodite told him.
Percy held back a grimace. The amount of times he had heard that before…
“I just want you to pick up a box of cupcakes for my slumber-party tomorrow evening.”
Percy blinked. He waited for more. There was always more. But the goddess just stared at him.
“…That’s it?” He prodded.
The goddess tapped her chin. “I know it’s not exactly to the standard which someone of your calibre would deal with nowadays, but I thought you wouldn’t mind. I know you’ve had a lot on your plate with school and such.”
For the first time in a while, Percy was genuinely shocked…and a bit touched. He knew his uncle, Zeus, had thought up these stupid ‘recommendation letters’ just to mess with him, and the gods usually liked to start fires in his life and watch the flames burn. And yet, here was a goddess, not even one he was particularly close with, and she was trying to help him out.
“…Thanks,” Percy said, unexpectedly feeling a bit guilty for having thought poorly of her.
Thankfully, Aphrodite didn’t seem to notice his sudden change in mood. She just smiled brightly and proceeded to tell him the name of the store where he had to pick up the cupcakes from in the morning. “It’s called Mally’s & Gally’s Lovecakes - the name is just so super cute!”
Percy gave a small but genuine smile. “It does have a nice ring to it,” he admitted.
“Now, remember, I must have them by tomorrow evening before my guests arrive. My slumber-parties are all the rage and I will be most disappointed if I am to be made to look like a fool who can’t organise a simple box of delights to arrive before my guests.” Aphrodite flipped her hair over her shoulder, this time a brilliant blonde like his girlfriend’s but wavy like his mother’s, and gave another dazzling smile. “Well, dearest, it’s been lovely but I’d best be going now. Lots of preparations to finish: the Rosé pool, the Hecate Blow-out face-masks, the romance and horror films!”
“Will there be balloons?” Percy asked. He couldn’t imagine a party without balloons.
Aphrodite’s eyes widened, a look of horror replacing her usually calm and flirty appearance. “My heart-bursting balloons! I can’t believe I forgot-“
The goddess banged on the limo screen and shouted something in Ancient Greek that was too fast for Percy to catch but what he instinctively knew was a girlfriend telling off her boyfriend. The goddess then sent him an apologetic smile. “Apologies, Perseus, but I really must dash. See you soon, mon cher!”
She blew a kiss and Percy barely had time to wave goodbye before the limo he was sitting in vanished, abandoning him on a dirty curb in a New York street.
Percy sighed but he was used to the gods’ flightiness by now. He sat there for a moment longer before getting up and brushing himself off. He decided that tomorrow he’d wake up early for once in order to finish this quest as soon as possible. With that in mind, Percy headed home with an extra pep in his step as he thought about how he was one letter closure to completing his uncle’s ridiculous college requirements.