Chapter Text
Subaru put down her phone, releasing a breath she didn't know she was holding. This whole situation was a mess, but at least Kaoruko seemed calm.
Was telling Toki-sensei the best idea? she thought, worried about her friend. Subaru didn't know what to think, her mind was scrambling, trying to come up with a solution but ended up with a plethora of nothing. Her and the girls would talk about it tomorrow morning, but that seemed ages away. “How am I supposed to fall off to sleep like this!”, she chastised. “I wish I could speak with…”
As if conjuring it with her mind, Subaru's phone rang. She looked at the name that popped up, and immediately, her face softened and that smile, the smile she only shows to him, graced her face. She swiped to accept.
“Natsusawa-kun, is something the matter?”, she cringed at the formality.
“Hey, Hoshina-san. Is now… a good time to talk?”
“Yeah, of course!”
“Hoshina-san… stop overthinking. This is not a weight for you to bear alone.”
“What? I'm not…”, she tried to protest, but was cut off.
“I know that you're trying to think of ways to protect Waguri-san, and that it's keeping you awake. But you, Waguri-san and Yuzuhara-San agreed to handle it tomorrow. Staying up all night while trying to come up with a solution by yourself will just tire you out rather than yield any results. I need you to compose yourself, Hoshina-san. Get as much rest as you can.”
He was gentle. His words were kind, caring. Subaru could feel all of his concern for Waguri-san… and for her.
The line was silent for a beat before she began, “I don't know what to do…,” tears started to trickle down her cheeks. “I feel responsible, for some reason. I… I don't know what they're going to do to her. Kaoruko has worked so hard to get to where she is now. I'm sure she's struggling with this ordeal, but still, she joined the group call to comfort us. Us! Why can't I do more for her?”
Her cries were louder now. Sobs, almost. It broke Saku's heart, having to hear the woman he loves cry like this. Yes, he's concerned for Waguri-san, and even Rintaro. But if he's being honest with himself, his main concern is the beautiful, silver haired girl that's crying on the other end of the phone. The girl who cares too much about others, and not enough about herself.
Saku waited for a moment, took a deep breath and, “You once told me that you're at ease when I'm by your side. Well I'm here now. Whatever burden you're carrying, you don't have to bear alone. I know that it's not my place to ask this of you but, please,” he begged, “lean on me. I'm here to support you, for as long as you'll have me.”
He mustered up all the courage he could.
“Even if that means you want to scream and shout at someone, then I'll be the person you can scream and shout at. Even if that means that you want to run around town until you're exhausted, then say the word and I'll be at your door in minutes.”
His tone softened.
“...Even if that means that you want to stay on this call, crying until you fall off to sleep, then I'll cry with you.”
Subaru was baffled, lost for words. He'll always be there for me. Her tears stopped and her fears subsided, replaced by something new… and familiar at the same time. Something warm. Her heart started to race. Subaru was almost certain that Natsusawa-kun could hear the thrumming coming from her chest. Her face felt hot.
What's happening to me? I've felt similar to this before. When Kaoruko spoke to me at school, after the beach, about… about… being in love with Natsusawa-kun.
“I just… Waguri-san needs you to be okay. I'm almost certain that she is struggling internally, and if she were to see you panicked tomorrow, she'd be more concerned about calming you.” With that final statement, Saku believed that he was able to convey what he felt.
What was she thinking? Kaoruko's the one in trouble, yet here she is, worried about her emotions. Everything is just so confusing right now. There's way too much going on!
“I'm such an idiot, right? Kaoruko is the one in trouble, yet here I am, crying, as if I got caught with yo… as if I got caught… doing something wrong.”
What! Did I just…! If I got caught with him!
I need to get a hold of myself.
Saku let out a chuckle, “I can't even imagine you being a minute late to class, let alone doing something wrong.”
Hoshina-san just cut herself off. Was she going to say ‘as if she got caught with someone’. Does… does Hoshina-san like someone? A sigh escaped from Saku's lips. I really am lame, huh?. Worrying about her liking someone while I'm supposed to be trying to comfort her.
Saku ran a hand through his hair.
Realistically speaking, it's unlikely to be a guy. With her painful past. What… if it's a girl? Damn it! Damn me! Why the hell am I here again! Thinking about her as more than just a friend. She trusts you as her friend, Saku. Stop thinking about having more! Being more! STOP TRYING TO BREAK HER TRUST! He screamed at himself internally.
“...sawa-kun… Natsusawa-kun, are you still there?”
She had been saying something. None of which he heard.
“Yeah, I'm here. Sorry. My mind was… wondering.”
“I was saying that I was once 10 whole minutes late for a class!” Her sniffles, dying down.
“When I finally arrived, Toki-sensei really gave it to me. I just wanted to curl up into a ball and die!” she expressed with what sounded like guilt, but was in fact, was just her cringing at the memory.
“Hahaha… I was joking about the being late thing. I couldn’t even… Ha…couldn't even imagine that, and now you tell me it was actually ten minutes!” He exclaimed between heartfelt laughs.
“HEY! I'm being serious here. Don't make fun of me.” Subaru teased, starting to laugh as well.
The atmosphere suddenly did a 180. It went from them both being lost in thought, thoughts of each other… not being with each other to two rooms filled with laughter and comfort.
Once they had stopped finding amusement in Suabru's surprising tardiness, she began to speak again.
“Thank you, Natsusawa-kun. For everything.”, followed by a barely audibly yawn.
“Talking to a friend is hardly anything worth praise.”
“Not just that. For always being there for me. For apologising to me first when we were washing dishes. For buying me donuts at the beach…”
Tears begin to pool in her eyes again. Not tears of pain… or fears. But rather, tears of elation and bliss. Tears of adoration.
“Thank you for accepting me first, and letting me know I was accepted. Thank you for making me feel comfortable with everyone…”
There was so much sincerity from her words that Saku couldn't stop himself. Tears began to form in his eyes as well.
“Thank you for helping me study.”
“Thank you for helping me off the train.”
“Thank you for putting up with me when I speak before thinking, even though it might hurt you. And still, you smile at me after.”
Saku could hear her cries, feel them, in his heart. His soul.
“Thank you, Natsusawa-kun, for making me feel seen, making me feel cherished.”
He let out a half laugh, half cry, all happy kind of sound.
“You mean the world to me, maybe more than Kaoruko….That's a lie, not more than Kaoruko.” She giggled, breathy.
Kaoruko is the part of my world that has always lifted me up. That has raised me and helped me become who I am now. My best friend and my sister. But Natsusawa-kun is the part of my world that I want standing beside me. That will help me up when I fall, and who I'll help stand when he falls. Who'll lean on me, and who I can lean on.
Until my last breath.
Saku Natsusawa, I really am in love with you.
Subaru heard sniffles through the call, “Wait! Are you crying?”
“No!” He shouted back. “I'm just… something just, I dropped my phone on my face. Yes! It hit my nose.” An obvious lie.
“That's funny, I didn't know you could drop something from your ear to your nose.”
“Damn it! Yes, I was crying! Are you happy now!”
She smiled again. That same smile, but with more joy.
“You really meant it when you said you'd cry with me, huh?” She teased.
He whispered, “You ruined the mom…”
Subaru didn't hear the last part before she began to speak, “I'm really happy I met you, Natsusawa-kun!”
He smiled, “Me too, Hoshina-san.”
I really do love this girl
“Hoshina-san, once we receive our university application results, would you… would you like to join me for dinner? In celebration of course!” He quickly added.
“...” nothing.
“Hoshina-san?”
“...” silence from Subaru's end.
She must be asleep. She had a stressful night, and has a busy day ahead of her.
“You should try to live for yourself more. Ahhh. What am I saying, you're too loving of a person to do that.”
“Sleep well, Hoshina-san.”
“I love… Sleep well.”
Don't tell her you love her, idiot! What is this? Some rushed, pathetic romance fanfic.