Work Text:
Standing by the hotel’s bed, Oikawa pressed his palms against his eyelids, rubbing as he swallowed a whimper, soft and devastated. The wedding starts in a few hours and yet there he is.
He barely slept, instead spending the night mourning something he never had.
He knows that he needs to get it together, that if he kept it at this rate no amount of makeup would be able to cover the aftermath. He really knows, but it’s hard.
Sucking a deep breath in, Oikawa looked at his suit, beautiful and laid down neatly, it was in Iwaizumi’s favorite shade of green.
The shade he announced he liked the most when they were 4 years old little boys, cuddled up and cozy in a soft embrace of each other’s small warm bodies on a cold winter night. Small hands clutching the other as they slipped in and out of sleep, tired but stubbornly fighting it.
“Look! Tooru.” Iwaizumi jumped, startling the other sleepy little boy cuddled close to him.
Oikawa looked up, pouting and blinking the sleepiness away. He was so tired but he always prioritized paying attention to Iwa-chan.
He hummed, looking at the toy Iwaizumi pointed a small finger towards. “Iwa-chan.”
“Tooru! I decided now, when sensei asks again tomorrow I will pick green.” Iwaizumi vibrated with excitement, a big toothy smile adorning his little face.
Oikawa grinned back, sleepy and barely awake. “So cool Iwa-chan.” he slurred, excited for his best friend.
Iwaizumi nodded, determined and giddy, he went back to cuddling with his best friend, small hand holding Oikawa’s as they nuzzled close. Foreheads touching as they drifted into a sleep full of sweet dreams about the other.
Oikawa sobbed, throwing his head back as he clutched the fabric of his suit close to his chest, using it as an anchor to stop desperately rubbing his face and making it worse.
He has been trying. So hard. But the price you pay with knowing a man the most was finding bittersweet memories in every little detail.
How could a small shop tucked in the corner of a random street in a foreign city affect someone so severely? His friends would wonder, as they noticed him avoiding that street like the plague.
Because his friends don’t know how that store still sells the same tiny blue ring he wears around his neck.
His friends don’t know how pure and real that promise was. They don’t know how Oikawa still holds to that promise to this day.
Pathetic, he knows it.
Rounding the bed to get to the bedside table, Oikawa reached to hold the small ring that stopped fitting him over 10 years ago — caressing it and thinking back to the moment it was promised to him.
“Auntie said you marry the person who you think is the most pretty,” Iwaizumi started, 8 years old at the neighborhood’s playground, “So when we grow up, I'm gonna marry you. Mama said it’s fine, dad too.” He looked at his best friend sitting across from him.
Oikawa gasped and jumped to stand, “I’m gonna marry you too! Iwa-chan.” He announced, too loud, thrilled and delighted.
He jumped and giggled, running in circles around iwaizumi. Repeating to the trees and toys around them that he will marry iwa-chan, and they will have lots of cats, dogs and eat milk bread everyday.
“Stop it!” Iwaizumi huffed after waiting patiently for a few minutes, his lips pursed in a pout, eyebrows furrowed in his adorable signature scowl, “I want to give you something.” He mumbled quietly.
He sounded shy which stopped Oikawa in his tracks, big brown eyes blinking down at Iwaizumi in curiosity, Iwa-chan was never shy.
Standing up, Iwaizumi searched his pockets for something. Oikawa tilted his head, brown tufts of hair followed the movement. “What is it?”
Iwaizumi looked at him with determination as he extended a hand, “Dad said I was still a kid. But auntie said I can give you this until we grow up.” He said before turning his hand to show a blue ring.
Oikawa gasped in awe, he looked at it, then at Iwaizumi again before he burst into tears. Small hand clutched the ring close to his heart as he rubbed a snotty teary face into Iwaizumi’s shoulder for the next ten minutes.
Blinking back tears, Oikawa couldn’t help but smile fondly at the memory. He held the ring closer to his lips planting a soft tender kiss to the small old item.
Everything reminded him of Iwaizumi, all the little things that really shouldn’t. The streets of a foreign city, A random food ingredient. A bug that’d crawl up his leg. The movie theater. A constellation he made up as a kid. Even the skies haunted him.
He’d spend days homesick, just for it to get worse when he finally gets to visit his hometown.
It starts at the airport, the long minutes he spends watching the spot where Iwaizumi held him close before he left for Argentina at 18 years old, the way their forehead touched as he sobbed and Iwaizumi silently cried, holding Oikawa’s face and trying to reassure him. To calm him down with a steady presence when he was faring almost as bad.
Oikawa clutched Iwaizumi’s shirt, holding it tightly like it was his only anchor to hold as tears streamed down his face. He was overwhelmed with so many emotions clouding his vision, his mind.
He was fine. He was completely fine up to the second everyone stepped aside to allow him a last moment with his childhood best friend.
When Iwaizumi smiled, eyes brimmed with unshed tears as he opened his arms for Oikawa, warm and so familiar.
It was like a dim inside of him broke. He was worried, he was already missing him, he was looking up to what’s about to come. He wanted all of it, but feared it as much.
Being in Iwaizumi’s embrace came with its own consequences. He immediately let all his guards down, which meant he was unable to pretend anymore, ending in choked sobs.
“It’s okay.” Iwaizumi choked out, “You’re gonna be fine, Tooru. It’s you who we’re talking about.”
Oikawa shook his head, eyes meeting Iwaizumi’s, wide with panic. “What if I wasn’t?” He asked, voice hushed, a whisper only for the two of them to hear. “What if one day, you’re just the man who knew me the most?”
Iwaizumi sighed softly, lips curling into a small smile despite the thick tears rolling down his cheeks. “This is the dumbest thing you’ve ever said, and you’re pretty dumb most of the time.” He said, cradling Oikawa’s face. “We’ll be fine.”
The announcement of the last call for Oikawa’s flight interrupted them, but Oikawa was still hesitant to let go. Eyes fixed on Iwaizumi’s, looking for something. Waiting for something more, a final push.
Iwaizumi sucked a deep breath in, loosening his hold on Oikawa’s face to instead hold the hands he had clutched onto Iwaizumi’s shirt, His other hand still worked on wiping Oikawa’s tears away.
“Give me your hand,” he said when Oikawa refused to let go, “Just trust me, Okay?”
Oikawa nodded, exhaling a shaky breath as he relaxed his hold, letting go.
Iwaizumi held his hand, then slid a ring from his ring finger to Oikawa’s. “It’s gonna be okay,” he whispered, rubbing soothing circles on the inside of Oikawa’s wrist, “I promise.”
Oikawa blinked, more tears rolling down his cheeks — this time because of the immense relief that engulfed him. He nodded, leaning closer to plant a kiss on Iwaizumi’s forehead, slow and steady.
We’re gonna be okay, Oikawa thought as he walked to the terminal gate with a big smile and fond teary eyes.
The first time Oikawa went back home, hoping for the constant ache to stop if only for a minute, he was sitting on his favorite spot on the couch, Takeru chatted about school, his mom hand fed him his favorite homemade meal and his sister tried to break the record of both annoying and embarrassing him in under 20 minutes
He felt so happy, so warm and grateful. But never full. Never escaping how homesick he is. How much the feeling was poking his ribs, trying to crawl out of his throat and kill him in the process.
This is where he was forced to acknowledge for the first time that he was never homesick for a place, all his soul wanted and yearned for was a person. Was his childhood best friend.
Later that night, Oikawa ended up curled on Iwaizumi’s childhood bed, pulling the blanket over his head — chasing any trace left of the scent he missed so much as he sobbed to the man on a call.
“We’re going to be fine.” Iwaizumi told him over the phone, lulling him to sleep with sweet reassurance.
It reminded him of all the times he said it and meant it. Of all the time he was sincere, of the one time he wasn’t.
Years later, Oikawa curled up on a cold bathroom floor of the hotel room he used to share with Iwaizumi. Trying to will his tears away as he finally understood it was all just a lie. They were never destined to be fine.
Maybe he had to give away something as big as whatever the universe gifted him. Maybe this is how it all worked. He got all he wanted, got the wins he chased, just to lose something — someone — as big, as important.
So he moves, he showers, uses his most expensive skincare products, calls his sister to help him with his makeup. Then he puts on his suit, and carefully buttons the shirt to cover his necklace of two promise rings.
He’d walk out, watch his childhood best friend, the love of his life — the man who knew him the most, gets promised to someone else.
He’d sit, listen to the speeches, to the vows.
He’d lock eyes with Iwaizumi once, curls his lips in a crooked excuse of a smile, then disappears into the crowd.