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Fir was lying on the couch with his head on Tanner's shoulder—one of many little details he tried to copy from the movies they used to watch every weekend. Tanner liked that. Maybe a little too much.
Since Fir had moved in and revealed himself as an alien, things became easier to manage. Since Tanner recognized his own crush, things became so much more difficult.
"Your heart rate is increasing," Fir said, tilting his head to see Tanner's face clearer.
Tanner slowly came down from the trance he was in, mindlessly threading his fingers through Fir's hair, deftly avoiding his antennas. Sometimes he wanted to touch them, and he knew Fir would allow him the second time, but he also knew how vulnerable Fir turned when touched like that, and he didn't want to take advantage of him. He still wasn't sure Fir understood all the complexity and implications of a romantic relationship—not a concept on his home planet, yet an aching desire in Tanner's chest.
That's why he always turned down Fir's attempts to kiss him—Fir always tried to act out things he saw in media. It didn't mean that Tanner didn't want it. It didn't mean Fir lying on top of him wasn't having an effect on him.
“Hm?” Tanner asked and stilled his hand in Fir's hair.
Fir was looking up with his two sets of green eyes, and Tanner almost lost himself in them. He always did. Fir was too mesmerizing: his fair blue skin, his pointy antennas, his pretty face marks. He was cute in his human form, but his original humanoid state did things to Tanner he was embarrassed to acknowledge.
“Your heart rate,” Fir repeated and put his palm to Tanner's chest for emphasis.
“Ah. Still measuring my vitals, huh?”
Tanner expected Fir to get into the details of his research again. To his surprise, Fir shook his head. “No, I feel it. Or maybe you would say I hear it, based on common human perception of acoustic waves.”
Fir shuffled off Tanner's shoulder and pressed his pointy ear to his chest. Tanner almost stopped breathing right then and there.
“Why are you doing this?” Fir asked, looking up again, and his eyes blinked out of sync. Tanner couldn’t hold back a soft smile. He brought his hand to Fir’s head again and caressed his hair. The texture was always so nice, so much better than human hair. “Your vitals are all over the place. Do you want me to do something about it?”
Tanner wanted. Fir looked at him with his innocent inhuman eyes, and Tanner wondered how come that he became so familiar with all these crazy features of his intergalactic roommate.
“Fir,” Tanner started before he could stop himself again.
“Hm?” Fir tilted his head to the side like a curious dog.
“Do you remember how we talked about human relationships and stuff?”
Fir nodded, “Affirmative.”
“About the difference between family, friends, partners, and lovers? I know it was a while ago, I just want to be sure it's settled in your mind.” Tanner patiently waited for the confirmation. The least of all he wanted to deceive Fir, even if he wasn't certain Fir would understand that he's being lied to. Tanner sighed and gently squeezed Fir in his arms, for the scanty chance he might be turned down. “Can I kiss you? Romantic ‘kiss you’.”
He saw gears turn in Fir’s head. The alien slowly grinned. “You can, Tanner.”
Tanner's stomach fluttered, and he hoped Fir wouldn't mention any of it aloud. Fir didn't. He rose to his arms to be on the same level as Tanner, who caressed his cheek. He pulled Fir a little closer. His heart pounded in his chest, as his guilt for pushing it grew. He still could back out if he wanted; the problem was that he didn't want to.
Fir closed the distance, studying Tanner's face intently. He put his hands on Tanner's shoulders, trusting him to hold him steady. Then he bit him on the mouth.
Tanner recoiled, as far as their position on the couch allowed him. He snorted, deeply amused and perplexed, and stopped Fir's second attempt at manslaughter of his face. “What are you doing?”
Fir looked at Tanner, evidently confused, “Kissing you.”
Tanner hadn't laughed like that for a while. God forbid liking his hot alien roommate was ever easy. He only forced himself to calm down because Fir suddenly looked distressed and panicked. He tried to get off, but Tanner held him tighter and hurried to reassure him.
“Hey, that's alright. You just caught me off guard.” He smiled and watched Fir force a little shy smile back. “I didn't think you pay this little attention to how people kiss in movies.” He chuckled again.
Fir averted his gaze. His cheeks turned deep blue with blush. “Sorry, I must've mixed up my data entries for human affection types.”
“Like I said, it's okay. Want me to show you the proper technique?” Tanner said and cringed at himself; he didn't want it to turn into a human study, but everything regarding him was probably scientific for Fir. It hurt.
Nonetheless, Fir nodded, and Tanner couldn't help but love the way his antennas perked up with curiosity and interest.
Tanner planted a hand at the back of his neck and pulled him in. Their lips touched, and Fir let him take control. Tanner started out slow, with gentle brushes of lips, and, like most things, it took Fir only a few seconds to learn and mirror the action.
Fir's fingers dug in Tanner's shoulders with force he could never get used to, and that sent a herd of goosebumps along his spine. He didn't have an intention to deepen the kiss, but then Fir shyly licked into his lips, as if trying something he'd seen before. Tanner stopped an inch away from his face and took a deep hot breath, steadying his thoughts. Sometimes thinking straight wasn't an option when Fir was around. Tanner swallowed, and through half-lidded eyes he could see the way Fir looked at him: he had that face that clearly communicated, “I fucked up.” Now all Tanner wanted was to reassure him.
So he kissed again, held him closer, and didn't resist when Fir tried again, showing how it's supposed to be. He kissed shallowly and long, enjoying the moment and the face in his hand, the warm body over him. When he slightly opened his eyes, he noticed how Fir had his lower eyes closed, but the upper ones were half-lidded, studying him even at the most intimate moment.
Tanner chuckled in Fir's lips and pulled away. He gently caressed his cheek with his thumb, admiring his face.
Fir frowned and hummed, “Hmm. Interesting.”
Tanner almost choked on nothing. He was lost and fully ready to get offended at that reaction. He considered himself a good kisser; his previous partners had never complained. But what an alien could know.
“I think,” Fir said and pushed off Tanner hurriedly. “I think I need to analyse this data right now. Your heart rate is exceptionally high, your pupils are dilated, and your blood seems to be heavily transmitted to your groin.”
With that Fir rushed to his room. Tanner blankly stared after him, deeply flushed, unsure what to do now. Then a hysterical laugh escaped his lips. The effort to stop a little smile from forming on his face proved itself useless. He rolled his eyes. Fondly. Because he could never look at Fir and react to his endless strange antics any other way.
He wasn't sure what this momentary decision brought their relationship to. Maybe he didn't need to worry about it. If he chose to believe Fir's judgement, they both were on the same page about the meaning of romantic gestures like that.
On the other hand, he was still a lab rat, a guide on human behaviour to Fir. He didn't like that idea. But he knew it was so much more plausible.
Fir appeared right in front of Tanner, interrupting his thought flow. “Do you mind if we kiss again?”
“Um.” Tanner was taken aback. “You want to gather more data?” he asked before he could stop himself. He knew the answer would hurt.
“Yes.” Fir nodded, and Tanner did his best to hide his disappointment. “I attached a monitor to myself too,” he continued suddenly, straddling Tanner's lap, “I can't seem to pinpoint the stimuli to irregular reactions I have lately. Need to monitor.”
Tanner stared at him, then slowly relaxed, as the idea settled in his mind, “Okay.”
He sat up and wrapped arms around Fir's waist. He shortly pecked Fir's lips, then pressed his forehead against his. Both sets of eyes looked at him, and Tanner's gaze didn't waver. He heavily breathed in the air between them; it faintly smelled of something he called in his mind cosmic pine—to match Fir's name—fresh, milky, barely stinging his receptors with spice, dreamy.
They had discussed it once: the ways Fir's species showed trust and selflessness. They didn't have any common signs for affection between individuals. So Tanner communicated what he could, everything he could, to say his intentions were sincere.
Fir looked at Tanner, intently, studying, and a small smile formed on his lips. He put hands on Tanner's shoulders, breathed in and rubbed his nose at Tanner's—this time, a gesture he surely picked up from a cheesy movie.
Tanner couldn't hold himself longer. He blinked, because he hadn't been really good at staring contests before. Fir giggled at him and pecked his lips, just like Tanner had done previously.
Then they kissed again. Just like Tanner had promised. And as he held Fir closer and firmer, only one thought was on his mind.
I don't want him to leave.