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All of it was too much, every single sense of his was heightened into infinity and the tears were rolling down his cheeks onto your hand. Your hand, the only thing that was keeping him in this realm right now. It was like a string in the fabric of the universe was attached to him that was meant to connect to you, cause nobody else could keep him from drowning in this awful feeling of shaky breathing and dizziness.
*I hope some day I’ll make it out of here
Even if it takes all night or a hundred years*
In his opinion, you shouldn’t have to keep up with this. With his problems, with saving the planet, saving Steve from being stuck in the quantum realm. But your mind was set on helping. He guessed that’s the reason the universe put you together. Maybe you were always meant to be his internal support while he was your external.
*Heart made of glass, my mind of stone*
Everytime he was in this state he tried to think about what could be in the future. A beautiful small house in Queens, a child or two, waking up next to you every single day. His little paradies far away from fighting baddies, only with you and a gigantic collection of current media you were going to show him. He also tried to remember the day you showed him Star Wars and went on a tangent about at least half of the characters. The day he started drowning in your eyes every time you looked up at him.
*Looking for a better place*
His breathing got calmer, the tears stopped. His mind was still going in circles but in smaller ones. He felt you sit down on his lap and let his eyes wander up. Somehow it made him worry about not getting his perfect vision. There were thousands of ways you would end up living a better life without him. Fears that were holding him back more than once a week when he looked at you. Didn’t matter if you were sleeping next to him or sitting on his back while he did some push up’s.
*But I know someday I’ll make it out of here
Even if it takes all night or a hundred years
Need a place to hide, but I can’t find one near
Wanna feel alive, outside I can’t fight my fear*
“Hey, Bucky, I’m here. You’re going to be okay.” you mumbled before pressing a kiss to his face and then another. Another anchor to reality. He put his hand onto your thigh and pulled you closer. He needed to feel you as close as possible after this damn mission. After all of these things he saw. His family, his sisters, Steve being so…lost. You were the only red string in his life at this point with all this stuff happening around him. He just wanted to have a break and spend it with you.
*Hello, welcome home*
“I love you.” he whispered into your skin.
“I love you too, Bucky.” you answered caressing the back of his head.
“Seeing my family back there. And Steve being so-. I got so overwhelmed.” he mumbled.
“It’s okay, Bucky. You’re here now. This is where you want to be, right?” you looked into his eyes so soft.
“Yeah, this is where I’m supposed to be. And don’t you dare go anywhere without me either.” he smiled up at you.
Your fingers wandered through his hair, “Where would I go? There is only now.”