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This is a good bye letter. Next time we see each other at S.H.I.E.L.D. HQ or around the others, we pretend like nothing happened. They don’t know about us, and it will stay that way.
It’s one thing to be dating the villain and defending your choice. It’s another one to be the ex of a villain and defending your choice. Especially when it blew up in your face.
I hope you had fun slumming it. Don’t get the reference? Don’t care.
I know what I was to you now. A mirage. You have been starved for so long, mainly because of your own choices (that’s right, you can’t blame your family for everything) so when someone offered you understanding and love you just took it, without thinking. You’re not in love with me and you never will but you let me believe it and let me think we had a future. You were the one who said we were true lovers, the one who said it while still inside me. You said you would never lie to me, would rather just keep the truth to yourself. But how hard do you think it was to find out you had children? You didn’t even bother to lie well.
But you don’t know me, don’t care. You don’t remember my birthday, don’t know my middle name, don’t care that I hate how you mock Clint and Erik’s weak minds in front of me, you look at my boss as if you want to kill her, you scoff at my jokes and you didn’t notice that my dad died. Everyone else wondered what had happened, what was wrong with me but you never asked just ignored my tears and let me sit in the bathroom for hours without checking on mee you inconsiderate ass.
You just wanted a warm body that told you that your okay (I don’t care about spelling at this point you ass, don’t you dare frown at it), that you’re not a complletely bad person, that you being a frost giant doesn’t matter. But you know what Loki? You’re a victim. You always will be.
Who settles for the first person who comes around? Were you too lazy to go out into the real world? Or was I just temporary? Use me up until I turn grey? I heard you dicuss the “limited use” of mortals with Thor when told everyone he and Jane were getting married, even though Odin disapproves.
That is love. That is what you should want. So fuck you.
I love you. I might be the only woman who will ever love you this way.
Darcy crumpled the letter and threw it in the trash. Loki would never see that version, or any other version she had written. It was too raw and open. He might not even bother to skim it after reading the good bye part, just put it down.
Instead she wrote an e-mail, knowing it would take days before he checked his inbox (perhaps fewer days than it would take to for him to notice all her things were gone from his apartment). Days before he noticed she hadn’t called to say “I love you.”
She noticed things like that. Loki did not.
We are over. All my things are out of your place. Let’s pretend like nothing next time we see each other. It hurts too much.
It hit her that maybe this whole thing had been fake. He had been adamant about eventually telling everyone about their relationship. Perhaps she was his beard? A way to pretend he had repented, so he could end his punishment and return to Asgard faster?
The thought was too much and Darcy broke down in tears, barely able to press send.
She hated herself for it but she waited during the entire weekend for a visit, while pretending she just wanted to say in. But he didn’t come. And the next time she saw Loki at S.H.I.E.L.D., he gave her a look.
He had read the e-mail. And he turned away.
Next month he announced his engagement to a girl in accounting. Someone quirky, lovely and fun, beloved by all. Just the way Darcy knew she was described. After that, people began to slowly see Loki in a new light. He even let Thor give him a celebration hug.
Three years later, Loki was partly forgiven due to the Avengers vouching for him, and sent home to work off the rest of his punishment in Asgard.
He did not take his human wife with him. He left her and his brother, who was banished until Thor asked for forgiveness himself and left Jane behind (he never did).
Darcy only hoped she would be long gone when Loki finally ascended to the throne and came back with a Asgardian army to take his revenge on the world that had humiliated him.
What would be more painful in that scenario; to see her former lover return and rain destruction? Or to be disappointed he didn’t even bother to look her way long enough to kill her?
~ ~ ~ ~
We’re supposed to stop ourselves from sighing now, remembering that yes, sometimes things do feel this hopeless. Maybe shed a tear for this sad depressed little being. We just want to tell her it will be alright.
And it did. Darcy’s first love wasn’t her last. And when Loki did come back, her grandchildren had had time to grieve their quirky grandma for years.
Darcy was partly wrong though. Loki did think about her, even though he tried not to. And he was glad she wasn’t one of the people he would be forced to kill to succeed in conquering Earth.