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It started with a letter; one of hundreds, if not thousands, that Eve had written over the past 30 years. It had started as a form of therapy, though her younger self would never have considered it as such, but over the years it had morphed in to something more - a way of her keeping the connection alive even if it was all one-sided.
This particular letter though held an extra layer of importance. As she seated herself at the table, her eyes kept being drawn to the photo of her and her sister. She knew every pixel of that image and yet she could still lose herself for hours staring it at, wondering what her sister was doing now.
She liked to imagine that she’d fulfilled all the dreams that her teenage self held; not like Eve herself who felt so far removed from the wishes they’d whispered in to the stillness during sleepless nights. Of course the things she had shared had never been the full truth of the future she’d desired. But Erica - she had painted pictures of the fairytale future life; a life that, not only did she truly want, but of which their parents would also approve. The picture postcard image of the perfect family life.
But that idealised version of perfection was not the only way and now Eve was counting down the days until her own wedding day; a real wedding not just a ruse alongside her best friend to get her out of prison but a day to celebrate the love that she and Suki shared. And as much as she knew it was unlikely to happen, Eve wanted her sister there beside her.
It had seemed impossible to her teenage self that she would ever lose her sister. She couldn’t imagine a world without her other half by her side for no matter how different the sisters had been their bond was unbreakable. Although she’d kept the words held back, Eve never truly expected her sexuality to be an issue for Erica; certainly it would be for their parents but her twin? Never. It’s why it had shattered her all the more when it was not just her parents who had turned their back, discarding her like she meant nothing.
Those first letters to Erica had been filled with anger and bitterness as the harsh world bared its teeth. But over time, some had softened. There was still some anger but it was tempered with sadness and curiousity about the person that Erica became. Was she still under their parent’s thumb or had her world expanded beyond their influence? But then surely if Erica had freed herself she would have found her way to her sister. After all, a good many of the letters had found their way in to a post-box - though many more had been discarded, some had even been burned. The reality though was some, at least, should have found their way to their intended recipient, but there was no guarantee that she’d read a single one.
As she filled the paper with the story of her love, she felt the tears well in her eyes. Everything she’d lost, and all that she’d gained, overwhelming her.
—
The shop was quiet, frustratingly so, meaning that Suki had little to keep her mind from wandering. It had been weeks since she’d found Eve staring at the photo of her and Erica, as though the power of her gaze could transport her sister in to the room. In those weeks, Eve had been quieter; a little piece of her seemingly withering each day – and nothing Suki tried seemed to be any help at all.
Having grown tired of standing idly behind the counter, Suki stepped out to do yet another sweep of the store, checking that no items had somehow moved out of place. It was a fools errand of course but at least it would add a few more steps to her daily count.
Finally, though, she heard the sound of footsteps announcing the arrival of, hopefully, a customer. The footfall sounded unfamiliar to her ears, and that pricked her attention further. It wasn’t often that someone outside of the locals came in. Rounding the corner, she took in the newcomer with a slight air of suspicion but the woman before her didn’t appear to be someone that she should be worried about. If anything, there was a familiarity about her, though Suki could have sworn that she’d never seen her before. Still, she just had this feeling that she knew her from somewhere.
“Can I help you?” Her professional tone slipped in and the woman glanced up, looking startled for a moment before her face slipped in to something much more neutral. It was the eyes, Suki decided, taking in the features that both recognised and yet somehow didn’t in the same moment.
“Perhaps,” The woman’s voice was careful, controlled in a way that unnerved Suki just a little. The singular word was spoken with a practiced neutrality but there was the hint of something underneath it, perhaps an accent that she was trying to mask. Suki felt her eyebrow rising, almost of it’s own accord, as she tried to assess this stranger; to make sense of someone who seemed to be hiding something.
“I’ll need a little bit more than ‘perhaps’” the tone of Suki’s response held just a little bit of an edge, and she thought she saw the flicker of lips turning upwards on the other woman’s face before she schooled her features back in to indifference. It was frustrating; trying to place these features that she recognised and yet which seemed to have been rearranged differently to how she would have expected – almost as though she was looking at someone’s reflection.
The woman tilted her head slightly, taking Suki in; appraising her. An uncomfortable feeling passed through Suki although again she couldn’t quite place why. Looking over the woman’s shoulder for a moment, she clocked that this stranger had shut the door to the shop on her way in; something that should have made Suki’s hackles rise and sent her fear soaring and yet it didn’t. She wasn’t comfortable under the intensity of the woman’s gaze, but her body recognised too that she was not in danger from her either.
The woman stepped closer to her, only a few steps but enough that Suki clocked a slight limp in her gait. Briefly she looked downwards before returning her gaze to Suki’s face.
“Are you Suki?” There was definitely a hint of an accent, but it wasn’t strong enough that Suki could determine exactly where it was from, beyond ‘not anywhere round here’. But it put her a little bit on the backfoot that this other woman clearly knew her. But perhaps that made sense given the familiarity that she too felt.
“Why?” She counters instead of answering the question. No doubt that the other woman already knows that but that doesn’t mean that she needs to make it easy. In fact the barest attempt at a challenge causes those lips to twitch again. The tiniest hint of a smile; both so wrong and so right in her mind but she cannot quite grasp at why.
“I came to congratulate you,” The words sound practised, but there is no doubting the sincerity within them. Still Suki cannot help but feeling a warring between like and dislike of this infuriating stranger. Its unusual for someone to get under her skin in quite this way; in fact no one has really managed it since Eve …, “On your upcoming wedding,”
“How do you …?” Suki’s mind was whirling now. Thoughts of Eve in those early months of knowing each other and trying to keep track of this strange woman before her. None of this makes sense and yet there is something just under the surface that she can’t quite grasp hold of – especially now that her mind is so full of Eve; of sitting in McKlunky’s.
“I’m sorry I can’t attend but …” The woman trails off for a moment, emotion dancing across her features before a hand hastily swipes across her eyes to remove any trace of moisture before it moves to push an errant strand of long hair back behind her ear; a gesture so intensely familiar that Suki finds herself transported to a thousand different moments, “I … I needed to see you,”
“To see me?” Suki forces herself back to the room, but all she can hear in her mind is Eve’s voice. I loved her. and I hated her. She was amazing. She was in a different league. The original ‘it girl’ around Bradford. The girl who Eve had mourned each and every day all the while knowing that she was still alive. The girl now a woman who stood before Suki and not her twin.
“You’re thinking about her, aren’t you?” Suki blinks, the features of the woman before her morphing slightly; she can see how this mirrored image could become the face of the woman she loves and yet it would never be quite the same. In spite of herself, she nods in response to the question and this time she is rewarded with a wide smile, “Your face changes when you do,”
Suki’s hand feels itchy and she reaches towards her pocket for her phone, knowing that she needs to contact Eve and to get her here, but the woman reaches out towards her as if to still her movement, “She can’t know I was here,”
“Why?” Suki’s response comes in a desperate rush, and she wishes she could will Eve to the shop but she has already been round once today for change, so it’s unlikely she’ll need more. Still, it would be grossly unfair for her not to be here.
“I’m glad she found you,” There’s such a profound sadness that it almost knocks Suki back, the wave of it filling the shop.
“Erica ..” Suki says the name as though that will be enough to keep the other woman here but deep down she knows that this is it. Still the name seems to give the other woman pause as though she does not expect Suki to know it. Slowly Suki starts to speak, wanting to tell the woman how much her twin misses her, anything to stop her going, but Erica is already turning away.
“Look after her for me,” It’s so clear that she’s crying that Suki wants to wrap her in her arms, but she holds herself back, “Love her for me,” and with that, on halting footsteps Suki watches as she leaves the shop – head bowed to avoid catching the attention of anyone who may make the connection.
It is mere seconds later, that Eve appears in the doorway and Suki almost wants to scream at her to run in the direction of the tube, but her voice fails her as she takes in the face of the woman she loves and maps it against that of the person who had just been in her presence. But there is something unsettled in Eve’s features, and Suki rushes to her.
“I could’ve sworn …” Eve starts to speak before shaking her head vehemently. There is little point to the thought that her entered her mind but it’s been so long since she’s felt the presence of her twin; seen a figure that her mind convinces her is Erica returned to her world.
“Oh my love,” Suki wraps her arms around Eve’s body, trying to fill her with all of the love she holds within her; trying to press in to her everything she had felt during the short time she’d been in Erica’s presence. As a shaking Eve rests her head against Suki’s shoulder she whispers in her ear only words that matter, “I love you,” trying to make it as much from herself as from Erica too.