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There are many reasons Theon hates his family. One of them is that they’re in a cult. Another one of them is that they force him to be a part of said cult. There’s also the fact that they don’t love him, and the fact that they treat him like crap, but the cult is definitely the worst part.
He thinks - knows - that it’s all just utter bollocks. But his whole family have been part of the cult ever since his uncle Aeron decided that there was such a thing as the Drowned God, and that they should now be a part of a cult that is into the whole drowning-people-in-the-sea-just-to-bring-them-back thing.
Yes, his uncle founded a cult. And they drown people. But according to Aeron, no one's actually died from the drowning in 6 years. Theon's always been a little wary of the man, evidently for a very good reason.
The family's sessions of worship are even weirder than the cult itself, and that's saying something. Theon doesn’t know what to call them, other than 'sessions of worship'. 'Cult meetings', maybe? All he knows is that they’re odd, and that he wished he didn't have to be a part of them.
The whole family sits in a circle around a bunch of candles and some seaweed, hands joined while they all pray to the Drowned God. The earliest memory he has of one of these things, he wasn't thinking about anything cult-y, he was planning the prank he and Robb were going to pull on Sansa later that day. (Which had actually gone extremely well, until Sansa had cried and Robb had felt so guilty that he'd ditched Theon for the rest of the day to make it up to her.)
The cult is most popular near the sea (they wouldn't be able to do the drowning-in-the-sea-thing otherwise), but Theon’s family had to move to London because of his father's job and because Asha had gotten kicked out of all the schools in their previous area for kicking boys in the balls when they were 'disrespectful dickheads' (Asha's words, not his). Because the cult requires close proximity to the sea, the family take trips to the sea every school holiday they can manage.
Basically, his family is crazy, and Theon wishes he could have nothing to do with them.
Today, like any other day, they’re holding hands in a circle, and Theon thinks about asking the Drowned God for favours. Nothing ever comes true, of course, but the family convinces themselves it does. Asha asked for a puppy once, and the next day she found a soggy old dog stuffed toy on the beach. Apparently, that counts as ‘coming true’. It was grim.
Theon doesn't know why they bother anymore, but something's niggling at the back of his mind, and for the first time in his life, he decides to actually ask for something. He’d been watching Superman with the Starks last night, and Robb wouldn't shut up about how sexy superpowers are, and so he finds himself asking for superpowers.
He knows he won’t get them, but it can't hurt to ask, and if all this cult stuff is as real as his family insists, then hey, he gets the guy of his dreams. If it's not, life continues on as usual.
He goes to bed that night wondering why on Earth he is still living here, with his crazy family.
Oh, yeah, because he’s broke as shit. He's eighteen and nowhere will hire him now, part time, or in the future, full time, because of his shitty reputation around town. He'd move somewhere else, but that would mean leaving behind the Starks (leaving behind Robb) and he could never do that.
So for now, he has to deal.
Predictably, the next day, nothing is different. He wonders if he’s going to find a discarded Superman cape from an old Halloween costume on the side of the road, or some shit like that, but nothing out of the ordinary happens at all.
He goes to school, hangs out with Robb during lunch, finishes school, then goes back to Robb’s to hang out and play video games with him and his siblings who all want a turn at playing against Theon (only because they know how much Theon hates playing with them and that he won’t say anything because he doesn't want to upset Robb).
The same thing happens the next day. And the next. Nothing is different.
Until it is.
He’s walking to school, when he sees Jon Snow walk out into the path of an oncoming car. He’s got his headphones on and is obviously in a rush, and part of Theon thinks ‘oh shit, Snow’s gonna get hit, I should probably do something’, while the other part of him is thinking ‘would it be that bad?’.
But before he could make up his mind on what to do (it would be so much easier if the car would just teleport to the other side of him and save Theon from the decision-making) the car is suddenly on the other side of him.
Did the car just teleport to the other side of him? Theon is in shock. And it’s not like the car was actually going to do Snow any harm - the car was going at 5 miles per hour - but still. The car teleported, just like Theon had wished it would.
Suddenly, the memory of asking the Drowned God for superpowers surfaced, and his eyebrows shot up. Did he… could he teleport things?
But he’d have to deal with that later, because Snow was walking over to him, eyes wide. “Theon, did you see that? That car? It was coming right at me, I only noticed at the last minute, but then it was the other side of me!”
Theon looks at Jon, and smirks. “I have no idea what you’re on about, Snow. I think you’re going mad.”
And with that, he walks off, leaving a very confused Jon Snow standing in the middle of the pavement, eyes wide. Theon cackles to himself once he’s out of earshot - that was hilarious. And, to top off the good laugh, he’d found out he had the power to move things with his mind!
Ten minutes later he’s sat in English class, with Robb in the seat next to him. He didn't tell him about the thing with Snow - Robb actually liked his brother, and wouldn't be happy about Theon fucking with him like that. But Theon hated him, hence the contemplation about whether to let the car hit him - it wouldn't have been fatal, would have left a bruise at most, it's not like he wants him dead.
He did, however, attempt to move the pen on the table in front of him with his mind, the way he had done with Snow and the car. If he could move a car, a pen would be easy as shit.
But it wouldn't work. Theon had tried many ways.
He’d tried thinking: wouldn't it be cool if that pen teleported, like, 5 centimetres?
He’d tried clearing his head and just looking at the pen. Then he tried pointing his fingers at it. Then he tried muttering weird sounds that could be potential incantations.
Nothing happened, apart from a weird look from Robb and a detention from the teacher for not paying attention. Theon left the room, dejected, Robb walking at his side, looking at him like he’d gone mad.
"What?" Theon snapped, irritated by his failure, but the wounded look on Robb's face has Theon softening, anger aside. "Look, I'm just - something happened, and I'm just trying to work shit out."
He expects Robb to leave it at that, but his face morphs into a look of pure fury. "Is it your dad again? What's he fucking done this ti-"
Theon cuts him off with a wave of his hand. "No, no. No. This cult shit is just getting to me, you know?"
He has to tell Robb something, otherwise he won't stop dwelling on Theon's previous words. And this is kind of the truth, so he doesn't feel too guilty. Robb nods, deciding this is a good enough excuse, before parting ways with a quick fist bump that leaves Theon's hand tingling.
He sees Snow again as he's walking off to his locker, and he rolls his eyes. He's gone without seeing him for what, a week? Since he made that wish for superpowers, actually. And it had been a gift. The idiot was clumsy as hell and always getting in Theon's way.
Like right now, he'd just turned around and was about to hit his face on the edge of his open locker. Except no he wasn't, because just as Theon thought fuck, this should be good, the locker door had flown off and landed on the floor where Theon's hand had been subconsciously pointing to.
There it was again. Theon clearly could do it, it wasn't a fluke, it just... oh God... oh no. It only happened around Snow. What if he was destined to only be heroic when it would help that asshole.
That would be the worst thing in existence.
But, if he shared his suspicions with Snow, they could test the hypothesis (aka, Theon could do a ton of shit to put Snow in awkward positions and just have a shitload of fun with it).
He'd just been thinking about pushing Snow into Sansa's room while she had Margaery round, wondering if he'd be able to avert the thrown lipstick, when Snow is right in front of him, eyes wide.
"You have to tell me you saw it this time."
Theon just grins.
It turns out Theon's right. He can only do cool stuff with his mind when he's helping the bastard. He hates Jon, and now he's cursed with doing cool shit only when it benefits him. That just takes the fun out of it. All he wanted these powers for was to impress Robb, and the Drowned God was just a fucking-
Genius.
The Drowned God was a fucking genius.
Robb loved Jon, like, completely adored him and wanted to be just like him. If Theon told Robb about this, and did a demonstration, and told him about the car and the locker, then Robb would be even more impressed than he would otherwise!
It was brilliant, and when Theon got out of school that night, before he went over to Robb's he hurried back home, lit a candle, grasped some seaweed in his hand, and sat down in front of the framed photograph of the sea. He tried to send the Drowned God some grateful thoughts, and an apology for not believing before, and he's sat like this when Asha walks into the room.
Her eyes widen, then she drops her mug (full of hot tea) which smashes on the floor as she laughs so hard she almost falls right on top of it.
Theon glowers. Asha, if possible, thinks the Drowned God is an even bigger pile of crap than Theon does - did. He can see why she thinks it's so funny, but really, does she have to be so-so obnoxious?
He arrives at Robb's soon after, being unable to continue the little ritual while Asha was cackling away behind him. He doesn't knock, of course, he lets himself in with his own key and jogs into the living room, where he sees Jon and Robb sitting with Arya.
"Fu-Go away, squirt," he says to her, catching himself before he can swear at her, because Robb hates it when he swears, especially at his siblings, and he doesn't want to piss Robb off while he shares the news.
Arya stands up, her fists clenching, looking like she's about to argue about it with him, but Jon, guessing what this is about, gives her a look. She huffs, glares at everyone in the room, then speaks. "I was about to go and practice my fencing anyway," she says to Jon, then turns her glare on Theon. "And I'm getting good. Really good."
Theon watches her walk out after her threat, and once he's sure she's gone, he sits down on the floor in front of the couch where Jon and Robb are sat.
"So, I have some news." He announces, grinning from ear to ear, and Jon rolls his eyes. Theon resists the urge to stick his tongue out, because while the situation is proving to be not as bad as originally thought, it still sucks, and it's not like Theon wants to be in it either.
Robb looks interested, not noticing Jon's eye roll. "Yeah?" He asks, urging him on.
"Well. So. I'm a superhero!" He announces. He, personally, doesn't want to regard himself as a hero, but he knows Robb'll like it, and he might even think that Theon is sexy with his powers, just like he does with Superman.
Robb scoffs, but surprisingly, Snow jumps in to help. Theon supposes that Jon wants Robb to know about Theon's powers because the more people who know that Theon is stuck with helping him, the more amusing he'll find it. "It's true, Robb. He stopped me from getting hit by a car, earlier, by moving it with his mind."
Theon notes how Jon doesn't mention him also stopping him from hitting himself in the face with the locker, so he pipes up to make sure that Robb knows about that one, too, which earns him a death-glare from Snow and nothing from Robb, who is in shock.
Robb may not believe the shit Theon comes out with, and okay, he's justified there. But he believes everything Snow says, because he doesn't even know how to make a joke.
"Wait... what? You saved Jon's life? With your mind?"
Theon doesn't correct him by saying that the car wouldn't have killed him, and instead nods solemnly. "Yes. And then I spent ages trying to do something with my mind again. But I couldn't. Until it meant helping him. I have a superpower, and that's helping Jon Snow."
He watches as Robb's mouth makes an o-shape, and he grins.
Jon sighs and gets up, leaving the two of them, clearly having had enough of Theon for the day.
Once he's gone, Robb starts to grin too, and Theon's sure he's about to tell him how sexy that is, when Robb's face turns solemn.
"But... how did you get these powers? You weren't, you know, bitten by a spider or something, right?"
Theon throws his head back and laughs. "No, I, er. I sort-of asked the Drowned God for them. And it worked. Kinda. Guess the condition of them was that I can only use them to help my mortal enemy."
For once, Robb isn't scolding him for calling Jon his mortal enemy. He's actually got his eyebrow arched and is looking at Theon quizzically.
"But why would you ask for them? I thought you said superpowers are stupid?"
Yes, he did say that. But that was before Robb said they were sexy. But he can't bloody well tell him that, can he?
But Robb isn't stupid, and he's pieced it together. Theon supposes he's very obvious.
"You wanted them because I think they're cool, didn't you?"
He huffs, and folds his arms over his chest, standing up and turning around. "I've got to go home. My father's expecting me."
"You wanted them because I think they're sexy."
It's not a question, it's a statement, and Theon freezes. He's got there, all the way. It's not about impressing his best friend, it's about trying to get his best friend to think of him as more than a best friend, something that Theon's been trying (and failing) to do for years, now.
"You know, Theon," Robb begins, as Theon's already walking towards the door. "I think you're sexy, anyway."
Theon stops in his tracks, his heart beating fast, as he pivots around slowly. Robb's face is earnest, he's not joking. He genuinely thinks Theon is sexy.
Theon grins wolfishly, walking back over to Robb, but with a swagger that wasn't there before. "Oh yeah?" He asks, wanting to hear it again.
Robb, of course, doesn't say it again, just stares him down, the hint of a smirk at the corners of his mouth.
Theon looks at his mouth, his lips, so kissable, and then he realises, that this is the perfect time to finally kiss him. He steps forward so their chests are pressed together, wraps an arm around Robb's waist, gripping his hip. With his other hand, he cups Robb's cheek and uses it to pull Robb's face towards his own to smash their lips together.
It's not a sweet kiss, it's rough, pent up longing getting the better of Theon. Robb doesn't complain, only kisses him back with equal vigour, tangling his fingers into Theon's hair.
Theon can't believe that this is real. That this is actually happening.
But it is.
And it's all because of the Drowned God and Jon fucking Snow.