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The first time he noticed it, Damien didn't think much of it.
Everyone has their off days, and he's no stranger to them. With people like Priya as his closest friend, it doesn't really knock him off guard like it would for others.
Was it a little weird that Wayne, of all people, could even fathom having an off day? Sure. But it isn't that serious, and at first, he shrugged it off to hockey getting stressful for him.
The more he ponders it, the more unserious it seems that he's worrying anyway. Damien shoves the last bite of his wrap into his mouth, mindlessly scrolling on his phone. He's stuck alone at the lunch table, but he doesn't mind. Priya’s off catching up on a test, Wayne couldn't show up for whatever reason, so Raj is probably either with Wayne, wherever he is, or with Bowie. Ripper is here, somewhat, but he's way too preoccupied with his girlfriend to even be there completely for the 30 minutes they have for lunch, so Damien counts him out.
Other people occasionally show up. Zee stopped by just a few minutes ago to sit down, say a few words that leave Damien wondering how he even managed on a day to day basis, and dip.
Damien looks up when, even with the layers of chatting around, he hears the loud click of the doors being pushed open. He expects (or rather, hopes) for it to be Priya, ready to dump piles of rage and loathing onto Damien about how awful her test was and how much she despises her teacher.
Instead, it's Wayne, with Raj following close behind.
The two immediately catch themselves in eye contact with Damien, whipping around the moment they realize that he's staring right back at them. They're hunched over and huddled together, whispering about God knows what.
Leaning over to Ripper, who has sat down a few minutes ago, he elbows him, “Have Wayne or Raj been acting.. Weird?"
He seems to ponder over Damien's words for a bit. His response is preceded by a few confident giggles, “like they're acting smart?"
“No, weird, like they seem freaked out or something. “
He jerks his head over to where Wayne and Raj are now, hesitantly making their way over to the table. Ripper’s eyes follow his and immediately squint at the sight, the two are delaying their arrival as much as they can, opting for the tiniest steps to the point it just seem like they're shuffling over to the table.
“Yeah, that's fucking weird."
They sit down, and the previous mood of just Damien being here and Ripper showing up maybe half the time has now morphed into an awkward family dinner. Wayne sits, both hands on the table, blinking silently towards the other tables and refusing to fix his gaze on Damien or Ripper. Raj eyes his buddy for a bit, but then moves on to awkwardly wave at them, bearing the most nervous smile yet.
“What's up with you guys?" Ripper instantly starts. Damien can't help but cringe at the conversation about to take place, he really wishes he was with Priya right now. “Why’s Wayne acting like he got lobotomized?"
“Oh well, you know, he's a little stressed!" Raj pats Wayne on the shoulder, who has traded his wavering gaze to boring his eyes at the two with a slight grin. It's somehow more nervous and more unsettling than the one Raj is wearing.
“About?”
“... Hockey!" okay, so it's not hockey. Damien squints at them for a moment, contemplating on whether or not he should let the obvious lie be questioned, but he lets it go when the bell rings and everyone starts scrambling to leave.
Sighing, he waves the departing members of the table good bye (they don't even look back at him). He darts to the most convenient exit he can manage in the sea of shifting people. It spills out into the hallway, splitting in differing directions and cramming into any possible space. Damien shoves his phone into his jacket pocket, squeezing past the crowd and constantly risking his phone sliding out and getting lost as he makes his way to class. He takes a right, wedding through the influx of people in the hallway (seriously, he didn't even know this many people even attended this school).
Now he's even more confused. Wayne's always been an expressive person with every emotion, not just the pure bliss he experiences seemingly every day, like the one time he was insanely distressed by Raj being extremely sick and not being around him for a couple days. (Although, he still was Wayne, telling him how he theorized that the sad music might be making him feel worse about it). But now, or at least today, all that seems to have completely morphed. He's glaring at everything that surrounds him with not even a squeak out of his mouth.
He shrugged at his thoughts, entering his class, falling into a seat next to Nichelle, and deciding that it's most likely still just an off day for Wayne. Why he's lying about it? He doesn't know, but given the fact that it's Wayne and he can't keep anything to himself for too long, he’ll probably learn why eventually.
—
The second time it happens, it’s a day later and it's even more confusing. In the mix of his puzzlement, Damien also finds himself a little upset by it all.
He's asked a few mutual friends that they have about Wayne. He questioned Ripper, who agreed he was being off that time, but then confessed that he found Wayne two hours later and he was completely fine. Zee said he hadn't seen Wayne at all, and really, if the reason behind his behavior needs to be covered up, he couldn’t see Wayne entrusting Zee with that information. He asked Bowie, who had noticed something with Raj, but didn't know it was because of Wayne, because Wayne wasn't acting different.
He groans, attempting to decode this resurrects all the feelings of confusion before. He's been in a constant state of wonder for the past 24 hours. He plucks a book from the shelf he's been stalking at, using his free period to study at the library for an essay he’d been assigned for English.
Damien wouldn't say his thoughts for the past few days are being consumed, but they are being infiltrated. Just a tiny bit. One hour, he's decided it's not really an issue worth thinking about, and the next, something happens relating to it that leaves him with more and more question piling on top of his already existing ones.
Tossing the book onto the table he'd been using, he sighs and opens up his laptop, if he's gonna worry about it, he might as well get something done with it still in his head. It isn't an effective strategy, God knows it's mostly bound to end up with him being distracted, but something has to get done or he’ll stress about it tomorrow.
A pair of eyes watching Damien alert his mind. He snaps his eyes to either direction, only being met with the sight of empty tables or lines of book shelves. Just in case, he turns around in his chair, scanning over more barren tables, the ever increasing rows of bookshelves, and the exhausted librarian who has her gaze glued to a book Damien can't pinpoint.
Odd. He bites the inside of his cheek before deciding it isn't really worth the search. It's only distracting him from the essay he really needs to get done.
So, for a few minutes, he engulfs his mind with the listless seeking of information on the book he picked out and outlining what he wants to discuss. But the feeling persists, like he’ll turn around and come face to face with a ghost at the table behind him.
It isn't really that harmful to do another quick scan, he figures—it's kind of needed when people like Lauren are around—and whips his head around just to be sure. Same things. The same rows of shelves, same wasteland tables, same bored-out-of-her-mind librarian.
Alright. He squints, doing a last quick run over before he notices what, or rather, who, has been bugging him, Wayne.
He locates him at one of the tables in the far back, way too distant for him to notice on the quick glances he'd had taken. From what Damien can make of his subtle scan, some type of paper is propped up in front of him, which he doesn't take a single chance at caring about. No, his eyes are completely trained on Damien.
Even weirder than the fact that he's been spying on him for the past few minutes, he's alone in here. Maybe that's why he didn't immediately scope him out, there's no one around to get him started. Instantly, Wayne focuses in on whatever paper was in front of him.
Blinking back to the Google Doc with twenty words on it, he adds this new event on the emerging of ‘Wayne being off’. Not in his usual way, like the time he accidentally bought Mean Girls 2 instead of the original for the one time they decided on a movie beforehand on group movie nights, but in more of a ‘I'm actually sort of scared for and confused about him’ way.
Twenty words are on his document, and he probably won't get to twenty one with the eyes boring into the back of his head. He sighs, gripping up his laptop and book and making his way over to Wayne in the back end of the library. Wayne, however, does not seem to enjoy this decision, as he watches Damien trail closer with widening eyes.
He murmurs a quick greeting and falls into a chair opposite of Wayne. In response, he only gets a quick wave back, similar to the one he had given yesterday.
And then, silence. Wayne doesn't rush to ramble about new things he's come up with, he doesn't even so much as look up at him, aside from the few slight glances he shoots when he thinks Damien isn't looking. He just mindlessly taps his dulling pencil against the paper.
Should Damien ask why he's still being weird? Should he ask why apparently, nobody but him and Ripper had even noticed his behavior, and how Ripper saw him fine at a later time? His eyes glance up over his screen, inspecting the face Wayne is currently wearing.
Wayne isn't one for subtly, not in his language, not in his mind, and certainly not in his facial expressions. Seeing his attempt to mask a want for something is both hilarious and further perpetuates the worry that's been eating at him for the past few hours. He shouldn't care this much, and sometimes, he doesn't, but the fact that it’s Wayne only leads him to ponder it more.
He awkwardly taps his hands on the table on either side of the laptop. Maybe he should ask something, and from the fleeting looks he gives to Wayne’s work, distracting him with a question isn't really getting him out of anything.
“Wayne." he starts, and watches Wayne straighten himself up at his words. The same nervous twist of a slight smile comes out a bit, but he shoves it down the moment it comes. “Is something wrong?"
“Nah, man, I’m all good!" he says, responding in a tone so bright it felt like whiplash from what Damien had seen mere moments ago. His next words come in the same frame as Raj’s from the previous day. “Just a little stressed, like what Rajie said, eh?"
Damien only hums, contemplating whether or not he should mention the fact that everyone besides him has seen him acting fine and normal with no odd staring like Scary Girl into the mix.
“Yeah, yeah, I guess so.” he agrees, following along with the obvious lie from yesterday. So he wouldn't find out today.
Juggling between not getting anything done and really wanting to know more, he bites the inside of his cheek and continues, “so, what were you and Raj whispering about yesterday?”
Wayne glances off to the side for a second, before bursting into nervous giggles. It goes on for way too long, way too long and Damien can instantly spot out the fact that he's been chuckling for 15 seconds to fill space as he formulates another lie. It's not that he's capable of it, last month, both him and Raj both broke down in front of him and confessed to being involved in cheating on a test with MK and Julia the week prior and lying about it when the two got busted. Damien wouldn't have known anyway, so he's not sure why he, of all people, was the one they entrusted with that considering he has zero classes with either one of the two of them besides health, lunch, and occasionally using his free period to hang out with them.
“.. Backchecking?“
Lying again. And he isn't even being as discreet as Raj was (which was not at all). He could just chalk it up to lying not really being in Wayne’s wheelhouse, but him just wanting to lie is making him nervous.
He throws up both hands in mock surrender. “Look man, I don't really get why or what your lying about, but if something is really getting you down, you can tell me."
He pauses for a moment, “like, actually tell me."
Wayne only answers with the showing of a grin, as anxious as the one he and Raj had been flashing the day prior. Knowing Wayne, it can only really stand for ‘I feel like I'm thinking about something so stupid I don't even wanna voice it. ‘ It's a rare phenomenon, he’s known to blurt things without much thought, but when he eventually learns it, they’ll laugh it off together and forget about this whole ordeal.
He ignores the slight dip his stomach took when dealing with that.
—
The third time he notices, the hurt slowly creeps in to match with his confusion. In some ways, the scale tips over slightly, and it outweighs his puzzlement by a tiny margin.
He's had the whole weekend to think about it, and by think about, he means have a stray thought dig into his brain every few hours and wonder why it's circled back into his head again. He hasn't brought it up to anyone else, he'd already asked everyone that was close enough to him (besides Raj) and asking anybody else would result in the same joke of “is he acting smart now?" being repeated back to him 100 times over. And also because he doesn't want it to matter as much as it kind of does for him.
But he's rid himself of that worry by Monday, he affirms over and over in his head. He's quit all thoughts, and he's made some great progress is his essay, so it’s a win-win.
And then he comes face to face with the issue again first thing in the morning.
It's actually third thing in the morning, he doesn't see Wayne again until he's trudging down the hallway after second period, but when he does, all the affirmations he had about not caring or thinking about it fizzle out and perplexion replaces everything he's been building up since early Sunday morning.
He notices Wayne in the halls, strolling shoulder to shoulder with Raj in the sea of people crowding the space between them. It takes a few moments and a couple hurried steps for them to notice him too, and he drops a quick “wassup” to them when he's close enough. They promptly stare at one another, Wayne sporting more frazzlement than Raj, and duck themselves into the horde of students surrounding.
Damien stands still for a few moments, even turning his head back to watch the pair fade into the sea, with Wayne whisper-shouting something to Raj and hunched over like an anxious puppy. It's not worth it to stand in bafflement over, Damien thinks, he does have a class to get to in these 3 minutes, and keeps trudging along.
Yet it still swims in his head, from squeezing past the strangers in the hallway, to climbing up the stairs. Had he not gotten better? What could possibly be stressing Wayne out this much that he's started avoiding everyone that isn't someone he's been basically mind-conjoined with since childhood?
More than all the wondering about Wayne, a new question leaves Damien biting his lip and examining his feelings, why does it distress him so much?
By the time he's reached his free period, he's kind of forgotten about it. Kind of. But he's using his free period to go to the Chick-Fil-A down the street with Millie, so he has something else to think about instead of reverting back to the thoughts he's been having for the past three to four days.
“There's this junior in my French class that freaks me out. He talks about zombie apocalypses and how he's never gonna need French when the zombies come—I don't even know why he takes the class. “ Millie complains, moving her hands around to emphasize how frantic this guy is. "I would actually start doing notes all on him, he’s insane.”
Damien chuckles a bit, trying to imagine how this guy is in her head. They turn into one of the empty hallways at the back end of the school, it's the exit closest to Chick-Fil-A.
“And the crazy thing is, he has a girlfriend, and I've met her, she Austra—who just walked in?” Millie’s eyes squint to get a better look, and Damien takes his eyes off Millie to check out what she's looking at.
It's Wayne, cradling a bag of Chick-Fil-A in his arm and sipping on a large milkshake. He looks like the images of people with propeller hats and huge lollipops.
He strolls down the hallway until he spots the two, and swiftly changes to take longer strides while dipping his head down. Damien knows what he's doing, it’s the exact same method he pulled a few hours ago, pretending he didn't see him. Despite it, he still waves and offers a hello in his direction.
Silence, and a really awkward shuffle of Timberland boots on the ground as he darts away in the most discreet manner possible. In the few moments Damien sees him bolt past, he notices that his face, although dipped down, wears a bright cover of red on it. They both turn around, watching for a bit as Wayne turns the corner and leaves their line of sight.
“Is he... Okay?" Millie mutters when she thinks Wayne is far enough to not hear her. It takes a bit for Damien to realize the question is somewhat directed at him, when he looks over and finds Millie staring at him expectantly.
He can only shrug, he still isn't sure either. And the more times it happens, the further the pit in his stomach expands. He might have to start interrogating Raj if his wonder for answers really begins to eat at him.
For now, he looks over to Millie, “He’s been stressed, that's what he told me."
“Wow." she breathes, “I didn't even know he was capable of that!"
“Me neither. “
—
The fourth time it happens, or rather, nothing happens and Damien is just becoming increasingly obsessed, Damien has a plan (and has dread outweighing all his previous wondering, but that's neither here nor there.)
His initial belief was that Wayne was avoiding everyone besides Raj. It seemed plausible at first, even with only two pieces of evidence. He seemed to have ignored Millie too, keeping his gaze on the floor, and that was all he could go off of.
But that wasn't true at all. With the passing days, it shifted from a general avoidance of everyone to Wayne specifically evading Damien. And realizing that made his thoughts spiral deeper.
With this newfound desire to just know what's wrong, he sees Wayne everywhere. Not even just when he's at lunch or walking down the hall, he sees Raj and it instantly reminds him of Wayne, he notices any other guy in his school with strawberry blonde hair and a cap and instantly Wayne infests to mind, he always thinks he sees Wayne out the corner of his eye or when he feels like he's being stared at.
.. He’s doing too much. He knows that. But it all just resurfaces the moment he concludes that he's done with worrying. It's why he made a plan in the first place, if he's never going to get an answer from Wayne himself (curse him and his newfound talent of not sharing), he's going to make due with his best buddy. Raj.
When Friday rolls around, and everyone's decided that it was the best time to shove in a shared movie night while they’re all free, Damien awkwardly stands outside Zee’s house (cause somehow, he lives in the biggest house out of all of them), rocking back and forth, with his fingers crossed and praying that Raj opens up the door so he can get this done as soon as possible.
“I’m getting it!" a muffle voice shouts from inside, and the door whips open to reveal Bowie, who immediately walks off into the kitchen where Emma is raiding Zee’s fridge. Good enough, he’ll have to make due with what he has. He says his hellos and greets everything who's still on the main floor digging around for snacks and drinks before he catches Bowie as he’s about to head down to the basement.
They spend a few minutes trailing around to find an area to talk that won't risk being found by someone else. It's a bit stupid to worry about, he just wants to know what's up with Wayne, and probably no one else cares besides him and Raj, but the embarrassment of anyone else discovering how much this has been bothering him precedes any other rational thought. It also doesn't help that every new spot he discovers is being inhabited by the worst people who could know about Damien's feelings.
“God—God, you've been dragging me around for, like, 5 minutes, just spill." Damien stops in his tracks. They've landed themselves on opposite sides in a hallway to the garage, halfway lit by the kitchen which, thankfully, has nobody in it anymore. Bowie's perched on one side, arms crossed and finger tapping expectantly while Damien anxiously fiddles with his hands on the other side.
He still whispers for good measure, “Wayne's been acting really weird and I don't know why."
He shrinks in on himself after dropping it and eyes Bowie for his reaction. He only wears a scrunched up face of disappointment, “didn't you ask me about Wayne already? I said he's fine to me, I don't know what you're still freaking out about. “
He throws his hands up, he's already committed to uttering a word, he might as well go down with the ship. It works for Zee half the time, “I don't know! He's avoiding me and everything. I've asked everyone I can and they say he's fine. “
“Avoiding you?"
Damien nods, and a few moments of silence lets the frustration and bafflement fizzle a bit more in his mind. Wayne is avoiding Damien, it was sort of easier to think about it, and shove it in the list. Actually saying it, and watching someone else know about it, it feels different. It feels worse.
“Alright. What else?" A pause. Bowie jerks his head over to the kitchen impatiently as a means of signalling that they don't have much time to wallow in silence. It only keeps Damien from voicing everything else, because in the distance, he can hear the excited shouts of Raj and Wayne as he enters and makes a beeline for the basement.
“Well, when he sees me, he freezes up? And when—if I watch him go, and he's with Raj, they're always whispering about something, I don't know what—” he's rambling. Translating everything from thoughts to words is a lot more difficult than he expected, "and this one time, he was just staring at me, like Scary Girl does! It made me more confused, and—”
As he lets his words fall out of mouth, he notices the way Bowie reacts. With every new addition to his ever growing catalog of Wayne-stress-issues, the disappointment morphs into a small smirk, and it grows wider and wider.
When he’s ran out of words to say, Damien looks at Bowie, expecting... He doesn't know—just something that validates him. Something that makes him feel like he's not fussing way too much or going crazy. Bowie nods, still smirking, and walks off without even murmuring a word. Damien sputters for a few moments, puzzled, but Bowie doesn't even shout something out as he swings into the kitchen and heads for the basement.
What?
He stands in silence for a minute, racking his brain through the interaction. Bowie didn't say anything, just smiled and walked off, but why? What did he get that Damien was lost on? New questions roam through his mind before Emma waltzes back into the kitchen and notices him standing eerily in a half lit hallway.
“Oh, Damien! I was wondering where you went!" Emma shouts, skipping over to Damien and examining the hallway like she’d never seen it before. “Why are you just standing here all creepy? Whatever, the movies about to start!”
She snatches his wrist and yanks him over to the basement, where a plethora of voices and arguments are already piercing through the door. They always waste like half an hour each time arguing about what movie to watch, with everyone shouting out differing choices and genres when it could’ve easily been solved by just deciding beforehand. That always leaves him a bit frustrated, but this movie night has him more irritated than ever.
Being in a basement with someone who potentially hates him and someone who knows something he doesn't? Terrifying. He's considering just sneaking around and finding a spot near Nichelle when Emma, bright as ever, waves her free hand around and starts shouting.
“Damien's here! Or, well, he's been here in a hallway!" Damien winces when everyone gets jumpscared by Emma's shouting (how she manages to be so loud is beyond him). The only person Damien's eyes care for is Wayne, but he shifts his gaze the second he detects Damien staring and looks over to Bowie, who shrugs. Raj notices it, and Damien can see him murmur to Bowie, probably asking what's happening between the two. Knowing how close Raj and Wayne are, he probably already knows.
It's starting a bit worse than he hoped, but that's fine, he still manages to squeeze into a spot next to Nichelle who shares a large bag of Sour Patch Kid Watermelons with him. The only differing part from what he desired is the fact that he has a new piece to his minds most convoluted puzzle to overanalyze over the next two hours.
The movie everyone decides on, finally, after 5 extra minutes of fighting and insulting, is Twilight. Not because anyone likes it, they fervently disclose (although he does notice the way Emma lights up at the decision), but because it’d be funny to make fun of together (Julia and MK immediately jump in on tearing it apart before it even starts). Damien can't argue with that, it's easier than trying to find something everyone would like.
And for the next hour, Damien can't focus. It's partially because the movie is really stupid and everyone keeps chiming in with new things to criticize and joke about, but mainly, it's because he's so focused on Wayne.
It feels dumb. It is dumb. Wayne seems to be doing fine, he's one of the few people actually engrossed with this thing, and Damien can't keep his eyes off him. The way the light of the TV screen highlights his face, the way his eyes actually light up at the effects, the way he turns over to either Bowie or Raj to ask about what's happening or beg for spoilers. And everytime, as he turns back to face the screen, the two of them make eye contact for a split moment, which Wayne immediately cuts on his own accord, and something just clicks in Damien's mind.
He gets why he's so bothered by Wayne being mad at him. It's the easiest portion to figure out, since it's all him and Damien should know himself pretty well, but when that realization hits, everything kind of recontextualizes in his mind. And the pit in his stomach only falls deeper.
It's a bit gloomy, and considering he's having this epiphany while stuck watching Twilight and mindlessly chewing on candy, it kind of fits. His sight falls back on Wayne, his head perched upon his arms which are sat on his knees, and the confusion still stays. I guess coming to his own realization didn't actually change much.
.. He’ll worry about it some other time, he decides, with his new added context and all, and pops the last Sour Patch Kid in his mouth, Nichelle glares at him for it.
For now, he’ll sit and finish Twilight, with 15 other people as they argue over the quality of a really odd, and kind of bad if Damien can remember, vampire movie.
—
The fifth time he notices, it feels a lot worse than Damien hoped it would.
Having another weekend to think about it, he mainly just reevaluates all his feelings about the whole thing fully understanding that he likes Wayne. It's a bit weird to confirm in his mind, and having so many things back up it to this point, he's really glad he’s had a buffer time to debrief with himself.
But when he walks into health next Monday and watches Wayne focus himself on anything other than Damien, the dread falls deeper and deeper. He bites the inside of his cheek and forces himself to move on with other tasks, but knowing what he does about himself now makes the feeling multiply and conquer his more productive and logical thought. Does Wayne hate him? What could he do to even warrant being hated by Wayne? At the very least, they're friends.
Has Wayne ever really hated anybody? When the whole cheating thing happened, Wayne seemed to not like Julia much after (but no one really does), and even then, he still talked to her. He didn't ball up and pretend like her existence had vanished off the face of the Earth. Maybe it's something more internal than that, something Damien wouldn't understand, and that ultimately—the conclusion that he always ends on—he’ll have to wait until Wayne trusts him enough to tell him.
The next few minutes swing by with Damien mindlessly tapping his finger on his desk and battling with his head every 20 seconds. When the teacher announces a project for the end of the trimester, he immediately looks over to Millie, who has quickly joined forces with some other junior donning red hair and pigtails. Of course, Millie just has to have a desire to get to know new people and befriend everyone with little judgment as redemption for her notes thing.
Damien's about to sigh and scan the class for anyone else who's alone enough that they wouldn't mind until his eyes instantly dart to Wayne. He'd expect Wayne to team up with Chase, considering he's the only other person in their class that they know, but he's linked up with some other TV personality kid, so he's out the picture. Well, its bound to be awkward, but if he has to go do a project with someone, he'd rather it be Wayne.
“Yo, Wayne." he leans other and whispers loud enough. Wayne looks over, eyes wide. "You got a partner?"
“Nah, man.” Wayne carefully shrugs. For the life of him, despite the fact that they're meant to be having a conversation right now, Wayne cannot keep his eyes trained on him at all. And he looks.. Uncomfortable just talking to him.
His theory of Wayne disliking him feels validated the more they interact now, and Damien can't tell if that answer suffices for him. It's an answer, the clearest one he has, if even the reason behind it is still unknown, but he doesn't want Wayne to hate him. He could not feel the same way Damien does at all, it’d still sting, but flat out hating him? To the point he refuses to even properly look at him besides one time? He'd rather bury himself under the covers until he suffocates.
He swallows that thought and opens his mouth again, “Well, do you wanna be my partner?"
That feels weird to say. Whatever, that’s not even the context. That's weird to think. Wayne darts his eyes across the room a bit, before they land on Damien for the first time in days. Damien doesn't know how he managed to get to this point, to get excited over mere eye contact with someone he's been friends with for over a year. God, the realization of his feelings is making this a lot worse than he wanted it to.
Brushing past that, Damien sticks his hand out, to solidify their relationship as partners for their health project. Yet, they just sit there, Wayne boring holes into his hand and Damien investigating the face that Wayne makes at this pact. He knows that, between the two of them, physical contact isn't really huge, it isn't with anyone that Damien is friends with. Blame Scary Girl for that outcome.
But like, they've had hugs, and maybe an occasional handshake if Damien can remember. He isn't sure why Wayne, someone who he's known hand out hugs and highfives like candy if he knows someone well enough, looks uncomfortable at the idea of shaking his friend’s hand. At shaking Damien's hand.
Slowly retracting his hand back into his jacket pocket, Damien tries his absolute best to ignore the churn of distress within his stomach. This is going awful and they haven't even gotten done with class.
A sigh, and Damien opens his mouth because, more than obsessively desiring the answer to Wayne's stress or hate or—whatever, he wants a good grade on this project.
“Wayne, I don't get what’s up with you and all but, I really wanna get this done, okay?” a pause to gather his next words. “You can come to my house, or the library, anything is fine, and we’ll finish it."
The same creep of red from the week prior is on Wayne's face. He nods at Damien's somewhat final statement and says, "okay."
Damien does not know how he’ll survive Wayne with being in his house.
—
The one time he understands. He feels dumb. So incredibly dumb.
He's spent the better half of an hour just anxiously pacing around his room and sifting through it to make sure that it’s clean. Wayne is probably the last person to judge about the state of anyone's room—hearing any story Raj and Wayne spending the night together has constantly left Damien with the worst interpretation of where these two go to sleep at night—but, for some reason, it just bothers him.
He caught up with Wayne at lunch a bit after he made his ‘final’ statement, questioning whether or not he wanting to come to his house to do their project. To his surprise, and after a few moments of awkward looking around the room for moral support from Wayne, he agreed, and Damien watched Wayne dash over to Bowie and Raj and freak the hell out.
So it's been decided, he has a plan, one way better than the one he had for the movie night (it's really not any better, it's as simple and fragile as his last one, he really needs to gets better at this). He tries not to think about the way he lights up the second he hears the doorbell ring off and the way his feet instantly lead him to his front door.
Wayne comes face to face with him, a look of unease meeting Damien’s slightly falling one. He hates having that thought mindlessly swim through his head, constantly passing a certain threshold every few hours and reminding him of whatever's been going on with Wayne.
They’ll get nothing done that way, so Damien grabs Wayne by the wrist (not understanding why Wayne’s face twisted in a way that was so weird about it) and takes him upstairs while rambling about the plans for their project to fill in the empty, awkward space between them. By the time they sit down and actually have to experience working together, Damien finds himself faltering at his words, at his plans, at everything.
He’s really trying to be discreet, he’ll swear up and down that he is, but every few minutes, while he should be zoning in on doing what Wayne is here to do, he's staring at Wayne from behind his computer, watching him glance around his room in an odd mix of amazement and worry that has Damien's plan fizzling out from his head. Sometimes, Wayne shrinks in on himself a bit. It's not very noticeable, yet Damien catches it, the way Wayne slightly shrivels up when he stares at something in Damien's room for too long.
But it can't be that hard, even with the whole uncomfortable-hating thing, it's Wayne he's ultimately talking to. Maybe framing everything around with a new perspective of Wayne makes Damien more weary than ever, but he's known Wayne, and even if Wayne doesn't reciprocate—which, knowing him and the fact that he's admitted to never having a crush before, he's prepared for—he’s not gonna drop him completely. He hasn't dropped Julia completely, and that's the only thing that drops a hint of hope into his head.
So he opens his mouth. Nothing happens. Just a quick intake of breath that snaps Wayne out of the exploration of Damien’s room and anxious silence that compliments it.
Damien sheepishly smiles, “well, do you wanna get started?”
“Sure."
And everything falls again into a stagnant silence. One that lingers on and on and only makes the question Damien desperately wants to voice echo in his mind. He isn't sure what's pulling him back, is it the fact that he could possibly hate him? Is it the eventual rejection that'll come out of it? Maybe he's just so used to being worked up about this for the past two weeks, that getting what he wants, whatever that may be, feels like the end of a time.
That one doesn't really make sense, he isn't gleeful or excited to be so bothered by the way his friends act. He's always been an upfront person, no matter who it was (besides some people), if his friends did something to him that made him upset, he’d say it. He has said it. Well, he's never had crushes on any of his friends up until this point, but he only realized this a few days ago, and he's been willing to be transparent to Wayne before.
Damien snatches another glance at Wayne from slightly above his computer screen. He seems a lot less stressed, or worried, or uncomfortable, but then he notices Damien's eyes are on him, and it resets back to what Damien's been facing. He should really say something. The constant clicks and low intakes and exhales of breath between the two of them are going to drive him crazy.
He opens his mouth, properly this time, with a bit more thought used before he goes ahead with the motion, “Wayne, are you—”
“I don't hate you, Damien." Wayne interrupts, wincing when he looks up to meet his eyes.
“Wha—who told you I thought that?" Damien sputters. A pause silences him, and he uses it to debate for a few moments whether or not he should let the whole truth slip, he really should, it's been building for—
“I'm sorry, man, I really am." Wayne covers his face as he exclaims out, leaving tiny bits of space between his fingers to examine Damien's expression. He's confused, utterly confused. “It's just—Bowie told me—”
Of course he pieced together something. Sometimes, Damien is terrified by his ability to read people.
“—and I’ve never had a crush before in my life, and I had—have—one on you and I didn't know what to do and I was freaking out—”
What.
“—and I was ignoring you because whenever I saw you I would get weird and I thought I was dying and that's what was stressed out about, and also avoiding you for, and also staring at you for."
Damien blinks. Blinks because that was a hundred words tumbling out of Wayne's mouth in the most panicked manner possible. Blinks because Damien lets the words that he could catch onto process in his head over and over and over. Blinks because that is simultaneously the most Wayne thing ever and the least Wayne thing ever.
Blinks because, when all is said and done, or worried and freaked out about, Damien had nothing to worry about the whole time.
“Yeah, I'm sorry if I seemed mad at you, I just really liked you." the same creeping red blush emerges on Wayne's face, even though he buries his head in his arms to disguise it. Silence overcomes the two of them, the same way it had a few minutes ago, but now, the seeping feeling of awkwardness has travelled out from between them.
“I really like you too, Wayne." Damien sighs, because it’d be horrible of him to stall on his feelings too, considering Wayne was fighting with his mind and body for God knows how long, and thinking he was actually dying as a result.
And also because he's beginning to adore the festering affection within him when Wayne takes in his response. The gleeful light in his eyes when he looks back up to bashful eyes of Damien, as if to ask for confirmation, and Damien nods without it being said.
“So, does that mean we're, like, dating now?" Wayne asks, letting the idea of dating get a feel in his mouth and float around in his mind.
Damien's about as inexperienced as Wayne is with this, so he merely shrugs, “well yeah, do you want to?”
Wayne begins to nod, pauses halfway, and then follows through with it still. Is deciding to date always this weird? The mix of anxiety and anticipation from just watching the reaction of the person across from him, the person he really, really likes across from him.
“So, we're dating then." Damien confirms. A moment of nothing passes by before Damien snorts, remembering Wayne's ramble minutes ago, “did you really think you were dying?"
“Yes!" he exclaims. He pushes himself up to wrap Damien in the tighest hug possible. “Raj took me to the hospital and everything! No wonder the doctor looked at me weird when I told her!"
For a moment, remembering Wayne as the same person who shrunk at the idea of a handshake from Damien, as the person who avoided him the second he noticed him, as the person who seemingly morphed into hating Damien drowns in the rest of the miscellaneous thoughts that are kept in Damien's mind, where the rest of the obsessive (and honestly stupid) worries Damien had for the past two weeks are headed. Because now, he isn't that anymore.
Now, he's back to being the regular person Damien has always known him as.
Now, he's back to being one of the closest friends Damien has.
Now, he's his boyfriend.