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Remus had been nursing a cup of Alcohol as he had heard the news, Sirius Black gave the location of Lily and James to Voldemort. When Mary had contacted him with the news earlier in the year, he hadn't believed it. His padfoot would never do something idiotic like that. He wasn't some death eater traitor. He slammed his glass down on the counter top, lost in his thoughts. He gulped down what he had in his mouth, he had been alone so long. It had been a few months since the accusation. A few months to long.
It was Pathetic of him to drown his sorrows and look for an answer at the bottom of a bottle. As if it would mend the hole piercing through his heart.
His mindspace currently is anywhere but on earth, maybe Mars. Who knew at this point, The reoccurring thoughts racing through his head.
Almost like a record spinning around non stop Or an acrobat doing the same routine many times. A sour expression formed on his face at the thought of what had happened, despite the love he felt the bitterness cut through it like a knife. James had been the first boy he'd met when going to hogwarts during his first year while on the train.
Even if him and Sirius had come around to getting together under the guise of good friends, since gays weren't socially accepted.
He remembers first Meeting the boy back at hogwarts, his personality had immediately drawn him in. Hell, he was the first person who made him feel beautiful in his werewolf form..despite him being deeply insecure of it, it constantly upset him over and over again whenever he thought of how he'd never receive that understanding or comfort again.
He looked around for more alcohol, seeing the bottle he had originally used he looked back at the empty glass he had.
He didn't bother with the glass of alcohol and grabbed the whole bottle, he attempted to chug it and a sole dropling fell there was none left and he panicked. "No..No..no no no." He groaned in frustration, dropping the bottle in the bin hearing the smash inside but not bothering to check if it broke the bin bag. He looked around the small apartment it seemed even more claustrophobic and he could've sworn the walls could talk.
He needed to get out. Anywhere but here, to many memories with him, he got dressed and set his way towards the nearest bar possible. He walked in and sat down at the bar on a soft bar stool, usually they're hard and uncomfortable but this one wasn't the worst. He was to impatient to wait for the bartender to notice him so he snapped his fingers. "Oi! Can I get the strongest you have..?" His sudden boost of confidence came from him slowly breaking on the inside, he's been dying a little bit everyday since Sirius left his life.
He knew he should get over it, you'd have to be a certified mastermind to escape azkaban and they would never let him leave. Whether he liked it or not ..he'd have to accept he'd never see his face again, never wake up next to him or feel his lips against his own, tears started to prick at his eyes making them burn. He clutches onto his shirt, trying not to break down in the middle of a bloody bar.
But by merlin was it troubling, he felt a sole tear slip. No he had to be a man, he had always been told boys don't cry. He held them back even if it burnt his eyes to not let them fall, eventually using his sleeve to wipe them.
When the drink eventually got to him, he stared into it for a moment seeing his own reflection, he looked tired. Eyebags underneath his eyes. He hadn't been sleeping well lately, thoughts constantly overrun in his mind. It's not as if he's ever been the lightest sleeper, he found it troubling to do so, he sighed and took a sip it was bitter. And tasted disgusting, but it'd do anything to get himself to forget this night.
He was slouched over, but perked up when he heard someone sit in the seat next to him and he glanced over at the man looming nearby. He was intrigued to say the least but uttered no words. He took another gulp of the beer. And he gripped it tightly. He then looked at the person next to him, imagining it was Sirius. With his black luscious locks of hair and those deep icy blue eyes that shone like blue sapphire stones. He tore his eyes away.
He overlooked and saw a Jukebox nearby, he reached into his pockets scavenging for a pound and found one conveniently, perhaps some music to clear the mind..maybe Bowie. He stood up leaving his drink unsupervised as he slipped the coin into the slot, he typed the name David Bowie in the keypad, he eyed over the songs he recognised alot of them. He skimmed through them until one in Particular caught his eye 'Changes' he then went over and sat back down. he remembers this occasionally playing on the record player while studying. He sniffed his drink, something was off but he couldn't put his finger on it.
He then took more of his drink, his head started to feel Loopy. Though he wasn't sure of what it could be wrong, he was totally drunk at this point so passed it off as that, he chugged the rest of his drink. Unaware his drink had been spiked, or in simpler terms. Drugged. Under the influence? Whatever someone would call it. He craned his neck to look around thoughtfully, his vision blurred before he mumbled for a Glass of water, unable to hold his head up, due to the case of his banging headache..
Someone had approached, the man was burly and handsome. God what hed give to have a man to hold him right now, ..maybe ...
He looked the other man up and down and bit his bottom lip, he was attractive indeed..though who would look his direction he was scarred. Until the offer was brought up through drunken words
He was suddenlt back in his flat, and was undressing for this unknown man. The whole time imagining it was Sirius, just for his own comfort.
As his lips slammed against the other man's filled with passion and desire, he payed the lack of attention to the man himself. Running his hands all over his body. He eventually pulled away looking at him with drunken affection. .
His erection was blatantly obvious, he wasnt used to being a bottom though he didn't mind for this once, to far gone to even bloody give a damn. He then suddenly blacked out. All he remembers is being touched everywhere..
Timeskippy yippee skippe
Remus woke up the next morning with a banging headache, he groaned from the hangover feeling sick to his stomach, the curtains were shut only some light seeping through the cracks..he noticed a guy next to him and spoke. "Padfoot..your.." ..he stopped talking, as he realised it wasn't his padfoot. So he panicked and kicked the guy out, he knew it was rude but he couldn't.. it was to soon. He slumped down against the door, he tugged at his hair. As he broke down crying against the door silently. He was truly utterly alone..
His heart felt as if it had shattered into a million pieced pieces and stepped on for extra measure. First went James and Lily, then it was Wormtail. And so Many others. When will this torture be over?. When would the suffering end. He knew himself perfectly it wouldn't but he held a tinge of hope.
Life had been so much simpler he was sure. He just stared at the ceiling, zoning out as tears ran down his face.
He was left sat there alone sobbing.