Work Text:
Late May 2025
Chris
Everything hurt. Chris blinked as he looked up at the ceiling. Was the light always that bright?
Tentatively, he wiggled his toes, one of the few parts of him that wasn’t throbbing in pain.
Okay, that wasn’t so bad, he thought. If he could move his toes, then he could definitely stand up…right?
Chris squeezed his eyes shut. How did he even end up like this? One second, he was finishing up his shower, feeling clean and ready to enjoy the rest of his night. Then he had stepped slightly forward to turn the water off and the next thing he knew he was falling. He slammed his head against the side of the shower and crumpled to the cold porcelain floor with the water still running. He was face down with his knees bent, but somehow, he managed to turn himself around. So now he was here, lying flat on his back with the cold droplets spraying his face.
Wait. Cold?
When did the water turn cold?
Chris curled over onto his side so that he could push himself into a sitting position. He tried to take a deep breath, but it hurt his ribs. He thought about calling out for help, but he didn’t think that he could get his voice to work, so he sat there for a second and tilted his face down, away from the cold water.
You can do this, Chris, he thought to himself. Just get up.
Assessing his surroundings, Chris pressed his hands against the edge of the tub and forced himself to stand up. He blinked rapidly to clear his blurry vision. His whole body was shaking, and he couldn’t tell if it was from being cold or because of the sharp pain radiating from his head.
Hesitantly, he stepped out of the shower and reached for his towel. He wrapped the fluffy white terrycloth around his shoulders. Still shivering, he swayed on his feet. His head felt heavy, like he couldn’t hold it up on his own and the bright lights of his bathroom pierced his eyes.
With one hand holding up his towel he pressed the other against his sink and lowered himself back down to the floor. Standing was not going to work, but at least he wasn’t being pelted with cold shower water anymore. Water dripped down his head from his cold damp hair, so he reached towards the laundry basket beside him for another towel, feeling a quick moment of gratitude towards Matt for bringing his clean laundry downstairs earlier. Moving his arms hurt, so he lazily put the towel over his head and hoped that the placement would help it absorb at least some of the moisture from his hair.
Without meaning to, he let out a small whimper and was for once glad that he was by himself—he didn’t need anyone to see him almost crying from pain.
Carefully he pulled the towel down from his head and used it to dab at his face, still wet from the shower. His eyes widened at the bright red spot in the middle of the white fibers. A light, fuzzy sensation bloomed in his head and chest. He was glad that he was sitting down because at the sight of the blood on the towel he felt closer to passing out than ever before.
I need to call for help he thought fleetingly. But another shiver wracked his body. He lazily covered his head again with the blood-soaked towel.
I just need to dry off, he told himself.
…The towels were so soft…
I’m going to dry off. I’m going to put on some clothes.
Chris nodded to himself and felt the room go up and down along with his head. Okay. So, moving his head was out of the question. He glanced at his folded clothes on the shelf by his sink and then let his eyes flutter shut.
In one minute, I am going to put on my clothes and then I am going to call Nick and Matt.
Nick and Matt would know what to do.
He let his head droop forward and part of the towel slid down and covered his faced. The sudden darkness from the towel over his eyes slightly alleviated the pain.
One minute, he thought to himself. In one minute, he would get up.
One, two, three, four….
Soothed by the familiarity of the numbers and the softness of the towels, he let out a long sigh. Despite the ache in his head and the chill from being wet, the floor almost felt comfortable. The blinding lights were dulled from his towel covering his eyes. Maybe instead of getting dressed he could take a nap. Just a short one.
Except just then fireworks went off in his head. His eyes felt like they were expanding out of their sockets as a banging sound slammed against the bathroom door. He squeezed his eyes shut as bright stars exploded in his vision and the banging went on.
“Chris! How much longer are you going to take? I have no water upstairs.”
Chris heard the door swing open—he never locked it—and felt Matt’s presence fill the small room. Through the pain he felt a sense of relief. Matt was here. He sounded mad, but he was here. Matt would get Nick, and they would figure everything out.
“What the fuck?” Matt said, the phrase sounded more like a statement than a question. “Chris?”
Chris couldn’t answer. Something wet rolled down his cheek. Water from the shower, probably. Definitely not a tear.
There were hands on his shoulders and then on his own hands. Gentle hands, but something felt frantic about their touch. The hands pulled the towel down from his head and Chris couldn’t suppress the whine that escaped his lips when the bright bathroom lights pierced his eyes.
“What the fuck?” Matt repeated, asking this time, “Chris, what the fuck happened?”
Matt sounded scared, speaking with a voice that was lighter than the way he normally sounded, and Chris felt something protective stir within him. But the lights were so bright. His head felt fuzzy, and the pain was now shooting down his neck and he felt like he would throw up if he opened his mouth to speak.
He settled for trying to open his eyes. He blinked slowly and let Matt’s face come into focus. He was crouched in front of Chris with both of his hands on Chris’s shoulders. He gave Chris a slight shake, so gentle that he couldn’t possibly have realized the way it made Chris’s skull feel like it was shattering.
“Chris?” Matt asked.
I gotta answer, Chris thought, Matt’s scared.
“Mmhmm,” Chris managed to force out.
“Good, that’s good,” Matt said, moving one hand to the side of Chris’s face, “Chris, look at me.”
Chris forced his eyes to lock with Matt’s. He hated the scared look in Matt’s gaze.
“Can you tell me what happened?”
“Slipped,” Chris whispered, unable to use his voice like normal, “I think.”
“Okay. Okay, that’s fine. Do you think you can stand up? We can move you to your room, alright?”
Chris didn’t think that he could stand up. But he also didn’t think he could tell Matt that. He didn’t think that he could do anything.
“Chris?”
He couldn’t answer. But he had to. Maybe he would in a second. Maybe he would rest his eyes first.
“No, Chris,” Matt said, shaking him again, “Stay awake.”
“Hurts.”
“I know it hurts, buddy,” Matt said softly, and then abruptly in a much louder voice: “NICK!”
Chris winced. He wanted to tell Matt to lower his voice, but speaking made him want to throw up.
“You’re okay though,” Matt went on, his voice back to normal—softer than normal, “let’s try to get you in some clothes, then we’ll figure out what to do, okay?”
Oh, right Chris thought—clothes. He thought maybe he should feel embarrassed, but at that moment embarrassment would take up too much energy.
Matt rubbed Chris’s bicep.
“Hey,” he said, “Still with me?”
“Mmhmm.”
“Nick! Get down here!”
Matt’s voice sent his brain rattling, so Chris lazily lifted his hand to squeeze the bridge of his nose. He needed Matt to pick a volume and stick with it.
“Okay,” Matt said, quiet again “Okay, I don’t know if I should move you.”
Chris didn’t want to move. The pain was bad enough when he was still. But he was cold and wet, and he knew he would feel a little bit better with some clothes on. He reached forward and closed some of the fabric of Matt’s shirt in his fist, hoping that he could convey to Matt that he was ready to try to move. Matt moved one hand from Chris’s shoulder to his wrist and gave it a little squeeze.
“Nick’s coming,” he murmured to Chris, although he didn’t sound convinced, “Just hang on for a minute, okay?”
Chris watched as Matt’s gaze flicked to the door and then back to Chris.
“Let’s dry you off a little more,” Matt said, and then he pulled the towel away from Chris’s hair.
Chris’s eyes were fixed on Matt’s face which transformed to a look of shock with wide, anxious eyes.
“Oh no, Chris,” Matt whispered shakily.
Oh yeah, Chris thought, the blood.
And then Chris felt his skull split apart as Matt started yelling. His words were loud like a machete to his brain.
“NICK! GET THE FUCK DOWN HERE AND HELP ME WITH CHRIS!”
Chris wanted to reach out to Matt again—he hated how scared his brother sounded. But all he could do was close his eyes and lean against the wall.
“No, no, no, don’t fall asleep,” Matt said and he shook Chris.
Chris didn’t open his eyes, but he let a sound escape his lips. He couldn’t form words, but he needed Matt to know that he was still awake.”
“What the fuck?”
Nick’s voice. Why was everyone saying ‘what the fuck’?
They always tell everyone that they can’t read each other’s minds, but Chris swore that he could feel whatever was holding Matt together snap the second that Nick entered the room.
“I don’t know!” Matt exclaimed. His hands were still on Chris’s shoulders, pretty much holding him up, “I just found him like this.” His words were coming out too fast and Chris was struggling to follow along, so he hoped that Nick was catching everything. Matt’s voice was higher than usual again.
“He said he slipped,” Matt went on, “Nick, he’s bleeding.”
Chris didn’t open his eyes, but he felt Nick crouch down in front of him, next to Matt. Another pair of hands landed on his arms and Chris knew that if Nick shook him, he really was going to vomit this time. He braced himself for the worst when a hand touched his cheek.
“Chris, can you hear me?” Nick asked.
“Mmhmm.”
Two relieved sighs filled the room.
“Can you tell me what happened?”
He couldn’t. Talking was out of the question. But Matt could fill Nick in, right?
“Matt—”
“I didn’t do anything!” Matt exclaimed.
Okay, maybe Matt couldn’t fill Nick in.
Chris squeezed the fabric of Matt’s shirt again, which was still fisted in his hand. He forced his eyes open, but shifted his gaze downward to shield the bright lights.
“Slipped in the shower,” he mumbled through clenched teeth, “hit m’head.”
“Okay, I think we’ve figured out that much,” said Nick.
If he thought he could do it without making the room spin, Chris would have rolled his eyes. Why bother asking what happened if they already figured it out? He settled for glaring at his brothers—hoping his expression conveyed that he wasn’t in the mood.
Nick did seem to pick up on his annoyance. He rubbed his hand against Chris’s shoulder, then looked at Matt.
“Let’s get him dressed and then we can figure out what to do.”
Yeah, Chris thought, clothes would be good.
“He can’t move,” Matt said. Chris was relieved to hear Matt sound calmer now that Nick was there, “and he’s bleeding a lot.”
Chris almost flinched as Matt reached toward his head. With light hands, Matt tilted Chris’s head forward so that Nick could see the side of his head.
“Oh my God,” Nick whispered.
“Yeah,” said Matt, “if we can get him to his bed maybe…”
“Oh my God, that’s so much blood.”
“Maybe if we can get the bleeding to stop…”
Chris felt Nick’s grip loosen. Then one of Matt’s hands left him as well. Chris watched as Matt grabbed Nick’s shoulder.
“Dude, focus,” Matt ordered, “I can’t do this by myself. I need you to help me with him.”
“Sorry. Sorry,” Nick mumbled, “it’s the blood.”
“I know,” Matt said, “that’s why I need your help.”
Matt sounded calmer now and Chris almost laughed. Matt had been one second away from a breakdown when he only had to deal with one injured brother, but now that Nick was distressed over the blood, Matt had no choice but to take charge.
“Yeah,” Nick said between deep breaths, “Sorry. I’ve got it, just—I’m just going to try not to look at it.”
“Grab the other towel,” Matt instructed as he regained his hold on Chris.
Chris watched as Nick did what he was told and brought over another towel.
“Hold on to him,” Matt said, shifting so that he was on the side of Chris’s head wound, positioning himself between Nick and the blood.
Nick held on to Chris’s shoulders and Chris forced himself not to curl up into Nick’s arms. He had an important job to do: Keep his eyes open.
Matt draped the towel around Chris, making him feel warm again.
“Let’s move him to the bed,” Matt said, “on three.”
Three, Chris thought to himself, one-two-three, Nick-Matt-Chris.
He tried to help as Nick and Matt hauled him up to a standing position but his knees buckled as soon as he tried to put any weight on his feet.
“You’re okay,” Matt murmured as Chris sank into his arms, “We’ve got you. It’s just a few steps.”
Chris forced his legs to move as his brothers half-walked/half-carried him to his bed. Once there, he sat on the edge and he couldn’t stop himself from leaning against Matt the second he felt his brother sit down.
“Go get some ice and some more towels,” Matt said to Nick. He was using his calm voice again and it was making Chris feel sleepy. The towel that he was wrapped in felt like a warm, fuzzy blanket.
Nick must have hesitated because then Matt said, “Go. I’ve got him for now.”
Chris closed his eyes. Matt had him for now.
“Hey,” Matt said and gave Chris a gentle shake, “I need you to stay with me a little longer. We need to make sure you’re okay, then you can rest.”
Chris blinked. Rest sounded good.
“Chris?”
“Mmhmm.”
“Let’s dry you off, okay? Then we’ll try to get you dressed.”
“M’tired.”
“I know, but you can’t fall asleep, okay? You might have a concussion,” he paused for a second and Chris could feel his brother’s mood shift. Matt had accomplished his task—he got Chris to the bed, but now the anxiety was coming back. Even with his blurred vision he could see the worry on Matt’s face.
“Do you think you can tell me what happened?” Matt asked, “I know you slipped, but how? Did you hurt anything besides your head? Were you like, knocked out at all?
Way too many questions, Chris thought
“Chris?”
“Just my head,” Chris mumbled, failing to mention that his entire body hurt, but nothing felt quite as bad as his head, “I slipped then woke up on the floor.”
“The floor? Like your bathroom floor?”
“Floor of the shower,” said Chris.
Matt held him tighter, “How long do you think you were out?”
How am I supposed to know that? Chris closed his eyes and let his head fall onto Matt’s shoulder. He hoped that he wasn’t bleeding on his brother. He didn’t want Matt to be mad at him.
Matt rubbed his hand up and down Chris’s arm.
“Stay awake, buddy. Nick will be down in a second and we’ll get you taken care of. How long do you think you were out? It’s almost ten o’clock now, but we were still eating dinner at like, eight, I think. That’s when I went to my room, but I think I heard you and Nick out there for maybe twenty minutes…”
Chris was shaking his head. Matt’s words were coming out way too fast again.
“Stop,” he said, tapping Matt’s chest, “No…no math.”
He thought he heard Matt let out something like a laugh.
“The water was cold when I woke up,” he mumbled against Matt’s shoulder, impressed with himself for stringing together so many words at once, “before that…” he trailed off. No more words. At least not words that came out easily, “…it was warm.”
Warm. Warm like Matt.
“Fuck,” he heard Matt whisper.
Chris blinked. His head felt heavy again.
“Hey,” Matt said, and he gently pulled away from Chris, “look at me, okay?”
Chris locked eyes with Matt and forced his head to stay up. Everything was heavy and fuzzy, and pain still radiated in his head, making it hard to focus.
“Let’s try to get you into some clothes.”
Chris knew that would require more movement than he felt capable of, but maybe it would be worth it to not be naked anymore. He knew that he should feel vulnerable, and maybe even embarrassed, but those were two emotions that required too much energy. And it wasn’t as if Nick and Matt had never seen him naked before.
“’kay” Chris mumbled.
The uneven rhythm of Nick barreling down the stairs sent shockwaves through his skull, and he felt himself curling back into Matt.
“How’s he doing?” Nick asked as he stood in front of them.
“Not great,” said Matt.
Okay, rude, thought Chris. But he couldn’t exactly defend himself as he lazily watched Nick lay out a towel across the top of his head.
Wordlessly, he let Matt shift him so that he was laying down on his back on top of the towels. The towel that he had been wrapped up in was taken away and they draped another dry one across his waist. His chest and legs felt cold, and another shiver went through his body when Nick pressed a cloth around some ice to the side of Chris’s head.
“C-cold,” he said.
“I know,” said Nick, “give it a second, it should help with the pain.”
Chris smirked up at Nick, “blood’s not bothering you anymore?”
Nick rolled his eyes, “Oh it is. You’re going to owe me after this.”
Moving just his eyes, Chris let his gaze drift from Nick to Matt. At some point in the last few seconds Matt had grabbed the clothes that Chris set out for after his shower—a light blue t-shirt, gray gym pants, boxers, and socks.
This should be fun, Chris thought miserably. He tried not to be completely helpless as his brothers wrestled him into his clothes, but controlling his limbs was so draining. He’d just have to file this memory into the ‘things-I-never-think-or-talk-about-again part of his brain. After shoving his legs through his shorts and moving his foot to help Nick get him into his socks, he felt completely exhausted. Closing his eyes, Chris felt himself start to drift off.
“Don’t fall asleep, Chris,” Matt said and he gave Chris’s shoulder another shake.
“Stop sayin’ that,” Chris mumbled.
Matt ignored him and Chris sluggishly watched as he turned to Nick.
“How are we going to get him upstairs?”
Upstairs? Chris lifted his head—big mistake. Pain shot down his neck and the room tilted. Matt placed a hand on Chris’s shoulder. The light pressure forced him to lay his head back down.
“Do we need to bring him upstairs?” Nick asked.
No, Chris thought, no you definitely do not.
Matt sat down on the bed, his hip next to Chris’s head, “Don’t you think that will be easier for the paramedics?”
Paramedics?! Chris started to sit up again, squeezing his eyes shut to avoid the dizziness.
“Stay still dude,” Matt said. He circled his arm around Chris’s slightly raised shoulders. Chris leaned into Matt and ignored the fact that he was probably getting blood all over his arm. He didn’t want to go to the hospital. He closed his eyes and his head felt heavy against Matt’s shoulder. Matt shifted so that Chris was leaning more against his torso than his side. Chris felt Matt lean forward then wrap an arm around him with his head coming up to the part of Chris’s head that hurt the most. There was a jolt of pain followed by a cold, comfortable pressure and Chris realized that Matt was holding the ice against his injury.
“Do we really need to get paramedics involved?” Nick asked, “We can probably get the bleeding to stop.”
“He can barely stay awake, Nick,” Matt snapped. Chris’s eyes fluttered open. Matt sounded scared again. Most people would hear those words and think that he sounded mad, but Chris could hear the anxiety under the anger. He let his hand fall to Matt’s knee to reassure him, but Matt wasn’t paying attention to him.
“He was literally unconscious in the shower long enough for the water to get cold. We’re getting him checked out.”
“Okay, okay,” Nick said, “you’re right. Just… can we take him in your car? He seems kind of okay now.”
“No,” said Matt, “he needs an ambulance. There’s traffic and if something happens…if something happens, we won’t be able to help him in the car.”
Chris’s hand was still on Matt’s knee. He rubbed his thumb up and down, trying to offer some comfort. Chris’s thoughts might have been jumbled up at the moment, but he always knew when Matt was starting to spiral. It didn’t happen often, not like it used to, but Chris still recognized the signs. He tried making eye contact with Nick, but Nick was looking at Matt.
“What do you mean ‘if something happens?’” he asked, sounding exasperated, “it’s probably just a concussion. We should just let him sleep it off.”
“Yeah,” said Chris and he tried to push himself up, “No hospitals.”
But his words were drowned out by Matt.
“Are you fucking stupid?!” Matt exploded, “he’s bleeding and he hit his head so hard that he knocked himself out.”
Too loud. Too loud, Chris thought, but he didn’t say anything because Matt kept talking. Very loudly.
“I’m getting him to a hospital with or without your help.”
“Okay, calm down,” said Nick. Chris could hear a twinge of worry in his voice as well, “let’s just be realistic for a second.” He sat on the edge of the bed. Chris watched as Nick typed something into his phone and after looking it over, he held it up for Matt to see.
“Look,” Nick said, “even if he does have a concussion, the only thing they can do to treat it is have him rest.”
The brightness of Nick’s phone hurt Chris’s eyes so he shut them again and pushed his face into Matt’s shoulder. Matt put more pressure on the ice pack against his head, and it made the pain subside slightly. Chris was thinking that some rest sounded good, but he felt his own anxiety creep up. What if he really did have a concussion? What if his brain was damaged? As much as he wanted to stay in bed and fall asleep, he was starting to think that maybe Matt was right. Luckily, he could hear Matt making his case.
“We’re not going to just wait and see if he’ll get better. His brain could be bleeding right now! That’s how Liam Neeson’s wife died.”
“He’s not going to die,” Nick said, “This isn’t a movie.”
“I’m not talking about a movie,” said Matt, “his real-life wife.”
“Wait—what?”
Chris’s eyes darted between his brothers.
“Yeah,” said Matt, still holding Chris up and pressing the icepack against his head, “It was a skiing accident. She hit her head and thought she was fine, but by the time they realized she wasn’t fine it was too late.”
Chris felt his heart speed up. Was it too late for him too?
“Oh, damn,” said Nick, “that’s actually really sad…how do you even know that?”
“I know everything about Liam Neeson,” Matt said seriously.
If his head wasn’t hurting so much, Chris would have laughed. The sound of his brothers arguing was one of the most comforting noises he could imagine. He tried to push thoughts of a possible brain bleed out of his mind and just concentrated on their voices.
“That’s kind of alarming,” said Nick.
“I know. That’s why we need to get him to the hospital.”
“No, I meant that you knowing the intimate details of Liam Neeson’s life is alarming.”
Chris blinked with heavy eyes as his brother’s voices soothed him. He was reminded of the late-night conversations they used to have in the car. Before they started filming them. Back when they talked freely to each other without thinking about an audience.
“Dude, shut up, this is fucking serious.”
“I know, I know,” Nick said, “I’m sorry. Just...” he trailed off for a second and Chris felt light fingers brush over his forehead. He looked up and met Nick’s eyes.
“Do you think you can walk?” Nick asked.
Chris closed his eyes and pushed his nose into Matt’s collarbone, hoping Nick would take that as a ‘no.’
Chris felt Matt’s grip tighten again.
“I guess not,” Nick muttered.
“Just call 911,” Matt said. Chris could tell he was trying to sound authoritative, “please.”
Nick sighed and Chris knew that he was giving in. He stepped away from the bed, but Chris watched as he tapped the screen of his phone a few times and then held it up to his ear. He could hear Nick explain what had happened to someone on the phone, but he tried to tune him out. Sound was too much again.
With the hand that wasn’t holding the icepack, Matt lightly tapped Chris’s arm.
“Hey,” he said quietly, “how are you feeling?”
“Still hurts,” Chris murmured.
Matt rubbed his arm, “just hang on, okay? Everything’s going to be fine.”
“Mmhmm.”
“Dude, I can’t believe you knocked yourself out in the shower,” Matt teased, “except, actually I can completely believe it. This is the most Chris thing you’ve done in a while.”
Chris was glad that the fear was fading from Matt’s voice, but he didn’t appreciate the teasing right now.
“Shut up,” he said, sinking further into Matt’s shoulder.
Nick returned to the bed before Matt could reply and sat down. The phone was still in his hand.
“They’re on their way,” he said. He looked at Matt, “Was he slurring his words?”
“A little,” Matt said. Chris watched as Nick held the phone out so Matt speak into it, like he was being interviewed or something. Chris guessed that Nick had them on speaker.
“He hasn’t really said that much, though,” Matt went on.
Chris felt his eyelids go heavy as the person on the phone continued to ask about him. Matt answered the questions for the most part, and Chris was reminded of all the times he had spoken for Matt.
He probably thinks we’re even now, Chris thought.
He wasn’t sure how much time had passed when he heard sirens in the distance. They sounded far away so the noise didn’t hurt his head the way practically every other sound had.
Nick looked up at Chris’s ceiling as the sirens grew louder.
“That’s them,” he said. He handed Matt the phone, “Here, stay on the phone. I’m going to let them in.”
Chris could hear voices upstairs as Nick let the paramedics in. Matt was still talking to the 911 operator. Chris felt like he should do something, but he was so comfortable against Matt that he could barely feel the pain in his head anymore. He tried to stay alert, but could feel his reality blurring. Minutes later he gripped Matt’s hand when his room filled with paramedics and noise. He felt cold again when they carefully peeled him way from Matt and helped him onto a stretcher. Matt didn’t let go of Chris’s hand, but someone took away the icepack and Chris’s injury felt exposed without it.
He couldn’t answer when one of the paramedics asked Chris if he knew the date, but Nick quickly assured her that Chris never knew what the date was.
“That’s alright,” the paramedic said as she shone a light in his eyes, “Can you tell me when your birthday is instead?”
Chris wanted to shield himself from her penlight, but moving was starting to hurt again. Still, he lifted his arm slightly and gestured towards Nick and Matt.
“Same as theirs.”
That got a chuckle out of someone, and it must have been a good enough answer because the questions stopped after that. He closed his eyes. Above him, he could hear his brothers continue to speak to the paramedics, but he stopped following along with what they were saying. He held on tight to Matt’s hand, his grip an anchor.
Chris felt the Earth shift and realized that he was being moved. He opened his eyes so he could see what was happening, but the brightness hurt even more than before, so he immediately closed them again. In that second, he realized that his hands were empty. Matt was gone. Nick was gone. His heart pounded against his chest, but he didn’t think that he could open his eyes again to look for his brothers. Without meaning to, he let out a small whine, and then bit his lip to stop the sound from escaping further.
“You’re doing fine, Chris,” he heard Nick say, “We’re right behind you.”
We’re right behind you.
They’re right behind me. They’re right behind me.
Because he couldn’t do anything else, Chris held onto that phrase.
They’re right behind me. They’re right behind me.
He repeated the sentence to himself like it was a mantra.
They’re right behind me as he was carried up the steps and out of the house on a stretcher.
They’re right behind me as the ambulance doors opened and they prepared to bring him in.
They’re right behind me as the fresh outside air filled his lungs.
They’re right behind me, he thought as he listened to the voices beside the stretcher—both of his brothers but some strangers, too.
They’re right behind me as a hand slipped into his and gave it a squeeze. He didn’t wait for the other hand. He knew that he wasn’t alone. He knew that the paramedics had a handle on things and his brothers were there with him.
For the first time since Matt found him on the bathroom floor, Chris let himself fade away.
Two Hours Later
Matt
The lights in the hospital room were bright, and the silence and stillness were punctuated by the steady beeps of medical equipment. The room was small and the bed filled up most of the space. Two chairs were pulled up beside the bed, but one was empty. Nick sat in the chair closest to the bed and held Chris’s hand.
Matt was standing on the other side of the bed, a few feet away with his back against the wall. His arms were folded across his chest, and he stared straight ahead with his gaze fixed on Chris’s blanketed knees. Now that things had calmed down, Matt felt awkward watching Chris sleep, but at the same time, he didn’t want to leave.
He fought back a yawn. Okay, so part of him did want to leave. He was tired and the longer they were there in the hospital room, the more it seemed like Chris might be kept overnight. Matt had considered going home. A night with the house to himself would be nice, and he could always pick up Chris and Nick in the morning. But even though he was exhausted and could have used some space, he was still fighting down the anxiety that had been squeezing his heart ever since he found Chris in the bathroom. So yeah, he was going to stay at least until he was one hundred percent sure that his stupid brother was okay.
Nick shifted in his seat and the movement caused Matt to glance up at him. They made eye contact briefly, then quickly looked away.
Matt knew that he was being immature, but he didn’t care. Back at the house when Chris was being loaded into the ambulance, the paramedics told them that they only had room for one more person. And of course, since Nick didn’t drive, he had taken it upon himself to ride with Chris, leaving Matt to follow behind in the car, as if Ubers didn’t exist. It happened so fast that Matt didn’t even get to say goodbye to Chris.
The car ride to the hospital by himself was more nerve-wracking than he expected it to be. He drove behind the ambulance and as he watched the red flashing lights all he could think was that Chris could die in there and Matt wouldn’t even know until they got to the hospital.
Matt shivered at the thought, and Nick looked up at him again.
“What?”
“Nothing,” Nick replied, but he didn’t look away.
“Then what are you staring at?”
“Nothing,” Nick said again, “jeez, what’s your problem?”
Matt wanted to scream you’re my problem. He wanted to yell at Nick for making him drive to the hospital all by himself not knowing if Chris was even alive. He wanted to ask Nick why he didn’t take things seriously right away at the house and making Matt fight just to convince him to call an ambulance. But Matt didn’t say any of those things. He pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a long exhale.
“Matt,” Nick said, his voice softer now, “What’s wrong? I know tonight was scary, but Chris is fine now. The doctor said he probably just needs to take it easy for a while.”
Matt shook his head, not trusting himself to speak. What Nick said was true. Once they arrived at the hospital, Chris had been whisked away for some scans. In the waiting room, Nick had told Matt that although Chris had been a little out of it as he dozed in the ambulance, he didn’t have trouble staying awake. That was when Matt had first started to feel resentful towards Nick—sitting there in the waiting room. They weren’t there long before a nurse came and told them that Chris had been taken to a private room while the ER doctors reviewed his scans.
Chris was sleeping when the nurse brought Nick and Matt to his room. Matt had clenched his fists and froze by the door when he saw his brother lying in the hospital bed. There was a bandage on the side of his head and his skin seemed more pale than usual. Matt hovered by the door while Nick sat down on the chair closest to the bed and picked up Chris’s hand. Matt watched as Nick talked to the nurse who assured them that Chris being asleep was normal. They were going to monitor his vital signs for an hour, but if Chris woke up again that night and everything looked good, they would be allowed to take him home.
Matt asked again if it was okay for Chris to be sleeping and she assured him that since Chris was stable it was fine for Chris to sleep and that he would actually need rest to recover.
Matt avoided Nick’s eyes when she said that. He didn’t think he could handle an ‘I-told-you-so.’
They had been silent in the room for over an hour now.
“Matt?” Nick repeated.
Matt didn’t answer, just glared at Nick, keeping his eyes fixed on him so he didn’t accidentally lay his gaze on Chris.
Still holding Chris’s hand, Nick used his free one to push his hair back.
“Look, I’m exhausted and I can’t read your mind. If you’re mad at me, can you tell me what I did so we can move on?”
“I’m not mad,” Matt said.
He was. But it was hard to say why. Did he even know why? He took a step closer to the bed, still avoiding looking at Chris.
“Then why are you being weird?” Nick asked.
“Why didn’t you want him to come here?” Matt blurted out, “If he landed differently or hit his head harder, he—it could have been really bad.”
Matt expected Nick to argue. To say that it wasn’t that serious or to point out that they were here anyways, so what did it matter? But instead, Nick rubbed his eyes and let out a long sigh.
“I know.”
Neither spoke until Nick went on. He broke eye contact with Matt and looked at Chris.
“I don’t know what I was thinking.” Nick’s voice was soft, and Matt could tell that he felt bad. He felt some of the tension in his chest ease up as he listened to Nick.
“I feel so stupid. He was lying there, bleeding and all I could think—” he stopped. His voice was caught on something that sounded like it could have been a sob. Matt stepped closer to the bed.
“Nick…”
Nick shook his head.
“All I could think was ‘what if someone sees us?’”
Matt let out a deep breath. Oh. Oh.
The past few weeks had been so weird for them. Their tour ended and then some things happened with their manager. Just when everything started to calm down, there had been some uncomfortable altercations with one of their uptight neighbors, which escalated when some people who watched their videos started hanging around their house, acting creepy and weird. For several days Matt felt more uncomfortable than ever whenever he or his brothers had to leave the house. The neighbors were confrontational when they saw them. And as for the fans who found their address, well he was so freaked out by the lengths they were willing to go that every time someone made eye contact with him in public he started panicking. Some days it was like he had regressed back to his teenage self.
He knew that all the chaos had been affecting his brothers, too. Both were more reluctant than ever to engage with the internet any more than they had to. They stopped going on walk which was something that the three of them loved to do normally. Lately whenever they had to leave the house, they only did so by car, exiting through the garage so that they wouldn’t have to interact with anybody who might be lingering by their home.
Nick met Matt’s gaze and all Matt could think was that his bother looked more tired than he had seen in a long time.
He felt the anger melt away like it hadn’t even been there.
Nick leaned forward and brushed the dark strands of hair back from Chris’s forehead. Matt followed the motion with his eyes and was forced to look at his brother’s unconscious face. It scared him to see Chris in the hospital bed, but there was something else bothering him. With everything that had been going on—all the constant speculation on the internet and the overall lack of control, looking at Chris when he was so vulnerable felt weird and wrong. Violating. Earlier that week some so-called fans had tracked down their address and took photos of their house and posted them online. Since then, Matt’s anxiety had gone through the roof, especially at night. He couldn’t get rid of this terrifying thought that there was someone outside his window, watching him sleep.
Matt shivered and shifted his gaze back to Nick who continued to stroke Chris’s hair, his fingers delicate where they grazed the bandage.
“He could have gotten worse,” Nick went on brokenly, “maybe even gone into a coma. All because I couldn’t get my mind away from the fucking internet.”
“He’s going to be okay,” said Matt.
Nick scoffed, “Yeah, thanks to you,” he looked at Matt, one hand still holding Chris’s hand, the other resting in his hair, “I can’t believe how I acted earlier, and I know that’s why you’re mad.”
Part of Matt wanted to tease Nick for being so touchy-feely with Chris. His older brother wasn’t usually so affectionate. But Matt knew that Nick wasn’t in a teasing mood.
“I’m not mad,” Matt said instead. “Not anymore.”
“Maybe you should be. Chris should be.”
Matt took a step closer to the bed.
“You were just looking out for him.”
Nick shook his head. Matt was amazed with how quickly he went from being furious with Nick to now wanting to defend him against himself. Now he just wanted to make him feel better, but he couldn’t think of what to say. Lucky for Matt, he could always count on Chris to speak when he couldn’t find the words himself.
“Mmm, Nick?”
Nick’s and Matt’s heads both whipped to the bed where Chris was groggily blinking and looking from brother to brother.
Nick scooted forward while Matt took a small step back, the sight of Chris in the hospital bed still making him anxious.
“Hey,” Nick said with a voice so gentle he didn’t sound like him. He stroked Chris’s hair, pushing it back, “hey, Chris, how are you feeling?”
Chris closed his eyes again and for a second Matt was terrified that he had gone back to sleep already. Earlier when the nurse said it was okay for Chris to be sleeping, she had told them that it would only be a problem if he couldn’t stay awake. Matt crossed his arms, folding in on himself as his eyes locked on his brother. There were creases in Chris’s forehead. Matt could see that he was gripping Nick’s hand tightly. His features were not slack like they had been moments before.
He’s awake, Matt told himself.
“Chris?” said Nick.
Chris drew in a deep breath and opened his eyes again, tilting his face toward Nick.
“Hey,” Nick said for the third time, “tell me how you feel.”
“Bad,” Chris mumbled sleepily.
“Does your head hurt?”
“A little.”
Matt stepped closer to the bed again. He let his hand fall onto Chris’s blanket.
“Do you remember what happened?” he asked nervously.
Chris pinched the bridge of his nose and winced, “Unfortunately.”
Matt let out a sigh of relief so deep that he had to grab the rail on Chris’s bed to steady himself. Nick shot him a worried look, but Matt looked at him and shook his head, hoping to assure Nick that he was good.
Chris was looking up at him. He reached out his hand and Matt grasped it and ran his thumb across Chris’s knuckles. The three of them were silent for a second. Matt and Nick each held on to Chris’s hands like he was the middle of a tug-of-war.
“I’m going to go find the nurse,” Nick said softly after a moment, “I’ll tell her you’re awake and see how soon we can get you out of here.”
“Can you get me some Advil?”
“I’ll ask,” Nick said as he stood up, not letting go of Chris. He pushed Chris’s hair back from his forehead again and Chris leaned in to his touch. Nick stood there, his eyes fixed on Chris’s face.
“Do you need anything else? Water or something?”
“Just want to go home,” Chris mumbled.
Nick patted Chris’s shoulder and let go of his hand, “I’m asking about that, too,” he promised.
The room was quiet again when Nick left, other than the steady beeping of the hospital equipment. Matt felt tired. The adrenalin from earlier in the night had flared up when he argued with Nick, and again when Chris woke up. But now he felt completely drained.
“You okay?” Chris asked.
Matt let out a small laugh and squeezed Chris’s hand, “I should be asking you that.”
Chris shrugged and closed his eyes again.
“Are you feeling tired?” Matt asked.
“Mmhmm.”
Matt tapped Chris’s arm with his free hand, “try to stay awake ‘til Nick gets back with the nurse, okay? We’ll see if we can take you home or if we’re here for the night.”
Chris didn’t respond, but Matt thought he saw him give a soft nod.
“Chris?”
Chris cracked his eyes open and shifted a little.
“Where were you?” Chris asked.
“Where was I?”
“In the ambulance?” Chris said, “I thought you were right behind me.
Guilt pricked Matt’s heart, but he leaned forward and squeezed Chris’s hand again.
“I was behind you. I followed behind the ambulance in the car.”
Chris started to push himself up and Matt jolted forward to help him.
“Take it easy, buddy,” Matt said as he helped Chris into a sitting position. Once Chris was sitting up, Matt’s hands hovered over him. Filled with relief, Matt let out another shuddering breath. He was comforted by the image of Chris sitting up on his own. It had been scary back at the house when Chris kept leaning against him, barely able to keep his head up. Now he looked a lot more alert, even though he seemed exhausted and Matt could tell he was in pain.
Matt moved the pillows behind Chris so that he could lean back at an angle if he wanted to.
“Matt?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you think anyone saw?”
Matt rubbed Chris’s shoulder and thought back to the conversation he and Nick were having a minute ago before Chris interrupted them by waking up.
“I’m not sure, but I don’t think so,” Matt said honestly, “I was mostly just focused on you once we got outside and then we had to figure out transportation and stuff, but I didn’t notice anybody.”
Chris was nodding his head, but he seemed distracted, a little lost even. But not in a concussion way, more of a thinking-to-hard way.
“I’m sure it’s fine,” Matt said, “if anyone saw something and it got out, we probably would have heard something by now.”
He didn’t mention that neither he nor Nick had been paying much attention to their phones for the last two hours or so.
Chris didn’t say anything, so Matt nudged his shoulder.
“It’ll be fine, dude. It was dark outside. We would have noticed if…you know.”
Matt’s voice trailed off as he thought back to earlier that night. He had been so worried about Chris that he wasn’t really paying attention to his surroundings. But surely people had gathered. That’s what people did in an emergency. They gathered and stared and acted like your entire world wasn’t falling apart. They were there when Matt’s house burned down. They were there, behind their screens every time Matt was seen in public with a girl. Of course, they would have been there when Matt’s brothers disappeared into an ambulance and Matt shakily got into his car, wondering to himself if he and Chris had already had their last conversation.
“Right,” Chris said, his voice snapping Matt back to the present.
Chris looked so tired, and Matt knew that it was from more than his concussion.
“Try not to think about it,” Matt said, “all that matters is that you’re okay.”
“I know,” Chris said, “I just feel stupid.”
“Can’t help you with that,” Mat said and let a small laugh, “wiping out in the shower is kind of embarrassing.”
“Thanks, asshole,” Chris said with a glare.
“Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone. As long as there wasn’t a deranged fan hiding in our bushes, nobody else will ever know that this happened.”
“Not funny,” Chris said as he leaned back against the pillows.
“I know,” Matt admitted, “but I have to pretend it’s funny to stay sane.”
Chris dragged Matt’s hand to his chest and let it rest over his heart.
“Thanks for helping me,” he mumbled.
“Don’t worry about it,” Matt responded.
The thank you was kind of out of character for Chris, but maybe the concussion was making him feel sentimental. Witnessing it had definitely brought up some emotions in Matt, so he got it.
Chris was blinking heavily and Matt knew that he needed his rest. With one hand still holding Chris’s he used the other to rub circles on his brother’s shoulder, hoping the repetitive motion would soothe him.
“Hey, Matt?”
“Yeah?”
“If I have to stay here tonight, don’t leave, okay?”
“I won’t,” Matt promised, “Nobody leaves until we all can”
Chris nodded and closed his eyes.
“Okay.”
Later
Nick
The drive home was quiet and calm. From the back seat Nick watched as Matt’s head turned to look at Chris, buckled into the passenger seat, every few minutes. It had been a long, dramatic night, but they were close to their house now.
Chris had started to drift off when Nick returned to the room with not just the nurse, but also the doctor. Apparently, she had been on her way to the room with some good news. Chris’s scans were perfectly normal, and she diagnosed him with a concussion like they expected, but it was a mild one. They just wanted to check his vitals one more time and since he was awake, they asked him a few questions to assess his memory and speech. (Nick couldn’t have been prouder when Chris got the date correct this time.)
The doctor gave Nick and Matt a few instructions on how to monitor Chris over the next few days. Chris was given some Tylenol, he signed a release form, and then just like that they were on their way.
Nick leaned back in his seat and looked out at the darkened Los Angeles landscape. He couldn’t wait to be back home.
When Matt turned onto their street, Nick sat back up, feeling more alert. Even with some of the streetlights on, it was too dark to see if anyone was lurking near their house. Nick felt a familiar ache in his stomach. He hated how quickly their home went from being a safe haven to a source of anxiety. He pushed those thoughts away as Matt pulled into the garage.
Matt helped Chris up the stairs and Nick followed behind them. The sight of the two of them with their backs turned to him was a familiar one that over the years had brought him both comfort and pain. Two identical brunette heads atop two identical bodies walking in sync, shoulder to shoulder. Nick used to feel jealous of how close Matt and Chris were, even after he accepted that they both loved him just as much as they loved each other. But after everything that happened that night, Nick didn’t think that he would ever take the image of his triplet brothers for granted again. At least not for a while.
Once upstairs, Nick left his brothers in the living room to get Chris some water. By the time he returned they were on the couch. Matt had his feet propped up on the ottoman, and Chris was laying down with his head in Matt’s lap.
Matt shot Nick a glare when Nick snickered at the sight. Normally Matt shoved Chris away when he was being too physically affectionate. But apparently all it took was a concussion and a midnight trip to the hospital and Matt was practically cuddling Chris to sleep.
“Shut up,” Matt said.
“I didn’t say anything,” said Nick as he set the water down on the side table near Matt.
“You didn’t have to,” Matt said as he combed his fingers through Chris’s hair, “I can see it in your eyes.”
“You guys just look so cute,” Nick teased, “I kind of want to take a photo.”
“I’ll kill you.”
“Stop fighting,” Chris muttered, “you’re making my head hurt again.”
“Now you know how I feel every time you open your mouth,” Matt chided. But his voice was gentle, and a small smile played on his lips as he looked down at Chris.
Nick draped a blanket over Chris and set a folded one down near Matt. He probably wouldn’t need it with Chris in his arms.
“Thanks,” Chris said. He closed his eyes.
Nick curled up on the other side of the sectional, his brothers in full view. He wasn’t really tired, but he pulled a blanket over himself anyways. He was grateful that at least Chris’s dramatic fall had occurred at night. He and Matt were both in sweatpants and t-shirts, clothes comfortable enough to sleep in. And Chris was still in the soft shirt and basketball shorts that Nick and Matt had wrestled him into before calling the ambulance.
Nick looked at this phone. No notifications since he last checked in the car. Nothing with their names attached popping off on TikTok. No frantic messages from their family members or new manager. He leaned back against the couch and felt some of the night’s tension fade away. It looked like they were going to get through this whole ordeal without it becoming A Thing.
“Are you okay?” Matt asked him.
“I’m fine,” Nick said. He hoped that Matt didn’t want to continue the conversation they had been having at the hospital before Chris had woken up. He knew that Matt forgave him for being difficult about the ambulance. He really didn’t want to bring that topic back up for discussion.
“Today sucked,” Chris announced.
“Just be glad it’s almost over,” Matt said.
“Well tomorrow’s going to suck, too,” said Chris, “we have to record, and I can already tell my head is going to hurt.”
“We’re not going to record tomorrow,” Nick said, “We’ll push it off until Tuesday or even Wednesday. The doctor said that you need to rest and one of us has to be with you for at least twenty-four hours.”
“We can’t record Wednesday,” Matt said, “we have meetings all day.”
Nick closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. Back-to-back meetings was probably the last thing that Chris needed if they wanted him to rest and recover. Bright rooms with florescent lights. Cars honking and city sounds as they raced from location to location in LA traffic. They would probably have to reschedule some things but that could be a problem for tomorrow.
“Then we’ll record early on Thursday and I can start editing right away,” said Nick, “we can do a couch video or something that’s not too strenuous for Chris.”
“Fuck recording,” Chris snapped, “we need a vacation.”
“We just had a two-month long vacation,” Matt pointed out wryly.
“Tour was not a vacation,” Chris said, “I’m talking about a real break.”
Nick winced at the thought of yet another obstacle disrupting their posting timeline. As much as the rigidity of their schedule was getting to him, he knew they had to at least attempt to be consistent for now.
“People will call us lazy,” Nick started to say.
“We could vlog it,” Matt interrupted, “not every second, but enough to make a video.”
“Vlog what?”
“Our vacation.”
“We don’t have time for a vacation,” Nick said.
“Sure, we do,” said Matt, “aside from a few meetings there’s nothing that we 100% have to be in town for. We could go in a few weeks.”
“Go where?” Nick asked. He was starting to feel exasperated.
“Anywhere we want,” said Matt.
“Literally anywhere,” Chris reiterated, “it doesn’t have to be that long of a trip. Just somewhere where it’s just the three of us.”
Nick was so relieved to hear Chris sounding more like himself that he could tell that he was about to give in.
“I have been waiting to get some more stamps on my passport,” he admitted.
“Yes!” Chris and Matt shouted in unison.
“Shut up, shut up, shut up,” Nick hissed. He pointed a finger at Chris, “you have a concussion, and you need to rest.” Then he looked at Matt, “we did not just go through everything that happened tonight only to get a noise complaint because you two had to scream about the possibility of a vacation.”
“Jeez, sassy,” Chris complained, but he was smiling.
“We should go somewhere we’ve never been before,” Matt said, his voice a little quieter than before.
“Like Australia,” Chris said, not lifting his head from Matt’s lap.
“Or Japan,” suggested Matt, “I’ve like really been wanting to see Tokyo.”
“Um, hello?” said Nick, “I’ve literally been to both of those places.”
“Not with us,” Chris pointed out.
“Yeah,” said Matt as he played with Chris’s hair, “you could show us around.”
“You could be our tour guide.”
Nick had to admit; it sounded nice. A real break from reality, just the three of them.
“We can talk about it tomorrow,” he said. He stood up and crossed the room to turn down the lights, “Chris, you need your sleep.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Chris muttered, but he was already closing his eyes and snuggling up against Matt.
“Don’t scare me like that again,” Matt whispered to him in the darkened room as he petted Chris’s hair.
Nick didn’t hear Chris’s response, but it was not long before the only sounds in the room were his brother’s deep, even breathing. It was more soothing than white noise, but Nick wasn’t feeling tired.
He leaned forward and grabbed his laptop from the ottoman where he had left it earlier that night. As it booted up, he looked at his brothers. He couldn’t see them well in the darkness but their presence, like always, told him that he was home. He didn’t have to worry about things like YouTube views, managers, overzealous fans, or even head injuries because he and his brothers were together and safe.
He would go to sleep soon, but first he typed his password into his laptop and started looking up plane tickets to Japan.