Chapter Text
?:
Tony
Tony
Tony
Tony
Tony
Tony stark
T:
Sorry, wrong number.
Please stop messaging me or legal action will be taken.
?:
What? Dude it’s me?
Did u lose my damn number??
T:
‘It’s me’ as if I’m supposed to know what that means? Moron.
This better not be you, Steve.
B:
Dude it’s ME
Bruce!! 👊 dude, Bruce banner!!
T:
How do I know ur not lying?
B:
We spent a summer building a science lab together?
T:
Anyone could know that.
B:
Fine well
I witnessed you piss into a champagne glass at the 2015 science award after party?
T:
Good lord.
Bruce! I was wondering why the hell you haven’t texted me back yet
I lost my phone, and i could’ve sworn I knew your number from the top of my head but apparently not..
B:
You texted me first?
T:
I actually texted you second, so don’t flatter yourself.
I had to text pepper first since she probably knew where my phone was
B:
Still, nice of you ❤️
T:
Did you just use a heart emoji?
B:
Yeah?
T:
You’re so cringe.
B:
Dude
Did you just say ‘cringe’
You really need to stop hanging out w that spider kid
T:
I don’t even hang out w him that much??
Besides, he’s like
My protégé🤌
Someone needs to take my place when the time is here
B:
You literally took him to see that basketball game instead of happy??
T:
Yeah well
Maybe someone just needs to replace happy lol
Don’t tell him I said that.
B:
Sure, whatever
Btw, why were u so paranoid just now?
T:
Wdym?
B:
When I texted you and you didn’t know who I was
T:
Oh
Yeah idk man
Ever since that time I spent in that cave and kinda betrayed the government by no longer making their weapons they’ve been trying to psychologically torture me and it essentially just comes in many forms so
B:
Excuse me.
Torture you?
T:
Yea.
Like
Putting bugs in my suits, sending secret spies to the firm, changing the numbers of my friends and colleagues to make me unknowingly text one of their employees
B:
Dude what
How come I don’t know any of this??
T:
Last time I tried to vent to you, you literally fell asleep.
Yeah man, never again.
B:
OH MY GOD.
Tony I am BEGGING you to get over that I already said I was SORRY!
T:
Stop using exclamation marks you’re a grown man.
B:
You’re so annoying, Tony.
When we meeting up again?
T:
Idk I’m free rn?
B:
It’s 2 in the morning.
T:
Yeah? So?
B:
Do I need to remind you of what happened last time I saw you that late?
T:
Good lord.
Please don’t, I really can’t afford to mix regret and arousal right now..
B:
Haha
Yeah, I know what you mean.
Pretty crazy time
T:
Well, we were pretty drunk..so..
B:
We had absolutely zero % alcohol in our system but sure
T:
🧑🏽❤️💋🧑🏻
B:
Dude stop that
That doesn’t even look like us
T:
Idk
I meant to use this one
Gimme a sec
🙎🏻♂️
B:
Alr that actually resembles that adorable face u make when ur upset perfectly
T:
Did you just call me adorable?
B:
Yes.
T:
Fuck you, Banner.
B:
Haha
Cmon tone, I’m just pulling ur leg
Who cares about what happened that night?
It’s in the past!
Long time ago.
T:
Yeah well
It’s just
Whatever
You’re not about to trap me in a conversation again.
B:
We’ve been talking for like 10 minutes?
T:
Still
Whatever dude, it’s not my fault you’re nice to talk too.
B:
🤗
T:
Can you fucking not??
B:
Not what?
T:
Just
Stop being yourself man, it’s pissing me off.
You’re like a walking reminder of what I’d be if I had an actual heart
It’s agonizing
B:
Cmon, you have an actual heart?
T:
I definitely don’t.
B:
Seemed pretty real when we were having sex and it stopped beating for a moment
T:
Yeah, it’s called a technical malfunction. Ever heard of it, doc?
B:
Technical malfunction based on your *very* real body
T:
Dude stop turning me on.
B:
🙃
T:
I said stop.
B:
It’s an emoji???
T:
You know exactly what you’re doing..
You’re even getting me to text you wich is crazy because
I literally don’t text anyone
I don’t think I’ve ever had a conversation over text before
B:
It’s always a call with you, huh?
T:
Exactly.
I’ve never even sent this many texts to my wife and she’s literally in bed with me right now
B:
Haha, I’m jealous
T:
Don’t flirt 🙎🏻♂️
B:
U coming over for a late sesh?
T:
‘Sesh’ of what?
B:
Idk
Smart people stuff ✌️
T:
Hm..
For example?
B:
Whiskey and dry humping
T:
You’ve persuaded me.