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It had been a little over a year since the gang had last been together—Boomhauer was off in Fort Worth studying criminology and Bill was who knows where with the military. Hank was glad that Dale, by far his best friend, stayed in Arlen after high school, and he was hoping he could get out of his dingy apartment and ideally into a house neighboring the Hills’. From what Dale had told him, it was going pretty steady with this Nancy, and if things continued the way they were then they’d be engaged soon. Hank hoped a dual income would make his pipe dream come true.
Hank missed his friends. He and Peggy had decided to host a long-weekend get-together to give them a chance to hang out again for something more casual than a wedding. The Hills knew that if they didn’t plan it, it would never happen.
Bill and Boomhauer arrived together in a taxi. Hank watched through the window as they busted out of the door red-faced and giggling, and the taxi driver sped off looking rather annoyed. He opened the door as his friends approached. Almost immediately, Bill had him in a bear hug.
“HANK! I got so much to tell you, just wait until you hear about my drill sergeant. He reminds me of you,” he giggled, and Boomhauer smacked at his back playfully to tell him to shut up.
“Dang it, Bill, let go of me! I can hardly breathe.”
Bill relented.
“It’s great to see you guys! Me and Dale have been bored out of our minds with you two gone. There’s only so much that can be said about propane and pest control.”
“Man, dang ol’, pest control?” Boomhauer asked.
“Yeah, he started his own business. ‘Dale’s Dead Bug’. He’s doing it as a side gig until it picks up enough to be his full-time,” Hank explained.
Boomhauer was impressed. He had hoped that Dale would go to off to college with him, maybe split rent for an apartment for a few years, but Dale had had no interest in that. He was glad to hear that he had something going for himself.
The three young men went into the living room where a college football game was playing on TV. Peggy had set out a few bags of chips and five glasses of water. She must have been in the bedroom getting ready for the night ahead of them. Hank was glad she got along with his friends, even if she didn’t totally get them. He was just grateful that she was so willing to accommodate them for the weekend.
“Speaking of Dale, he should be here any minute now. He said he was running a bit late,” Hank said. Just then, there was a knock at the door.
“Got it,” Boomhauer said, already walking back down the hall. Hank and Bill sat down on the couch.
Boomhauer’s heart pattered a bit. He hadn’t seen Dale since Hank’s wedding last summer, and he didn’t know exactly where they stood in terms of their relationship. Sure, they would fool around in Dale’s basement when his parents weren’t home, and they did drunkenly make out for half the night after Hank’s bachelor party, but that didn’t mean they were, like, a thing. Plus, he’d heard about Dale’s new girlfriend, and it sounded like they were pretty serious. Boomhauer silenced his racing mind and opened the door.
Dale grinned the moment they made eye contact and basically jumped onto Boomhauer, hugging him tightly. He let go just as quickly and regained his composure.
Boomhauer looked him up and down. Dale had ditched the shaggy bangs and slicked his hair back to a more flattering style. His blocky glasses were swapped for wire framed aviators and his skin had cleared up almost completely. There was a new confidence about him that made him sort of radiate. Not that Boomhauer didn’t find him to be cute before, but now he was almost hot. Well, almost. It was still Dale.
Boomhauer, on the other hand, had chopped his messy bed head into a more professional style with a middle part. His jaw and cheekbones had grown a bit sharper in the past year as his baby face shrank away.
“Nice shades, man,” Boomhauer said, a smile fighting its way onto his lips.
“Thanks! Nice… uh…” His gaze dropped to Boomhauer’s half unbuttoned shirt where his chest peeked through. “Nice watch.”
Boomhauer smiled and dangled his wrist to show it off a little. There was an awkward tension between them despite the initial excitement, which was finally broken when Hank’s voice boomed through the house.
“Is it Dale? If it’s those dang Jehova’s Witnesses again, I swear, I already put up a ‘No So-‘“
“It’s me, Hank!” Dale interrupted his rant.
“Well, come in already!”
Boomhauer and Dale joined Bill and Hank on the couch just as Peggy entered the room, dressed for a night of fun. Her sequined shirt and poofy hair were a little over the top, but her beaming, unapologetic smile made it work.
Peggy took a breath. “Okay, we have a time slot for karaoke at 7, which we should leave for in about half an hour, and then we’re gonna head down to the sports bar for more drinks. I will be the designated driver tonight, but you boys had better behave or I will leave you there faster than a rat down a drainpipe! Alrighty?”
The four men “yep”-ed and “mhm”-ed in understanding.
———
Karaoke had gone about as well as you’d expect, the highlight of the evening being Bill and Dale’s rendition of Queen’s We Are the Champions, where actual tears were shed out of sheer passion. Peggy had nearly rolled her eyes into the back of her head. They didn’t last long at the bar, and by 11 PM they were already stumbling back into the Hill residence. Bill mumbled something unintelligible before stumbling into the guest room and crashing out.
Peggy turned to Dale and Boomhauer. “One of you can take the futon in the den and the other can have the couch. Is there anything you boys need before we turn in?”
“Do y’mind if I t’k’a show’r?” Dale slurred.
“I’ll set a towel on the counter for you. Please don’t fall in there. Anything else?”
Boomhauer lazily shook his head no and collapsed onto the couch. Peggy and Hank led Dale down the hall to the bathroom, shutting off the light as they left the living room.
Boomhauer’s head swam with liquor. Each time he shut his eyes, he felt as if he were floating in the ocean, rising and falling with the waves. He focused on his breathing to avoid vomiting while he let the feeling pass. The bathroom door clicked open and he cracked his eyes to watch as Dale walked through the living room toward the den. He stopped.
“You awake?” Dale whispered.
“Mmmhm.”
Dale backtracked and stood over the edge of the couch. “Move over.”
“D’ng it, man, talk about, gettin’ caught red handed…”
“We’ll hear if anyone gets up.”
Boomhauer scooted so that his back was against the couch cushion and Dale laid down next to him.
“Man… No shades, could use some light t’ see… dang ol’, pretty eyes you got.” Boomhauer was not at the top of his game. He was still feeling the motion of the ocean. It was good enough, though, because Dale leaned in to kiss him.
Of all the people Boomhauer had kissed, Dale was always the most harmonic, in the sense that he knew when to push and pull in perfect time with Boomhauer without conflict. Maybe it was because they had done it so much, but when they kissed it felt like it was exactly what they were made to do.
Boomhauer’s hands found their way to the back of Dale’s jeans and he began to wriggle his way in, when Dale pulled away.
“Uhh…”
“Dang man, tell y’what, les’ go inna den, g’ some dang ol’ privacy.”
“It’s not that.”
Boomhauer removed his hands from his pants and rested them higher up on his back.
“Yo?”
“It’s just… I’m with Nancy, now, I don’t know if…”
“Naw man, dang ol’, gotta draw a line somewhere. Gotcha.”
Dale leaned in close again, just to cuddle this time.
“Goodnight, Boomhauer.”
“Night, ba—man.”
———
It was 7 AM. The sun was abrasively bright, but what eventually woke up the two men on the couch was the unnecessarily loud banging of pots and cabinets and god knows what in the kitchen. Peggy coughed loudly.
Dale reached for his shades instinctively, but only poked Boomhauer straight in the mouth. He groaned. Bathroom.
As he staggered through the hall to the bathroom, Peggy caught his gaze. “Dale.”
He cocked his head, squinting painfully and gripping the wall for stability.
Peggy came in close and harshly whispered. “Are you and… him… you know…”
Dale didn’t mean to speak as loud as he did when he nearly shouted, “No! God, no, I-“ He cleared his throat and spoke again in a whisper. “I couldn’t find my way in the dark, I didn’t even realize he was on the couch. I’m with Nancy!” A desperate and failed attempt to lie.
Peggy raised her eyebrows. “You should be more careful.”
Dale burned red. He couldn’t believe how idiotic it was of him—of both of them—to not just go into the den. He guessed that he didn’t consider that they wouldn’t only be in there for sex, but for protection from prying eyes. He snatched his sunglasses from the bathroom counter and sat down at the dining room table.
“Cereal in the pantry, milk in the fridge,” Peggy said, completely disregarding their brief conversation. Something about her knowing yet empathetic side-eye told him that it would stay between the two of them.
Boomhauer wobbled into the kitchen a few minutes later, apparently unaware of Peggy and Dale’s encounter. He took a seat to Dale’s left and buried his face in his arms, seeking refuge from the blinding sun.
“Damn birds, can’t no… dang… wait few hours t’ start screamin…”
Peggy put her bowl in the sink and filled it with water. “I’m gonna try to wake Hank. Feel free to make some coffee, you two.”
She left the room.
Boomhauer sluggishly got up to get started on coffee, but Dale grabbed his arm. “Can I talk to you?”
Boomhauer frowned and pulled his arm away, continuing his path to the coffee maker. “Man gimme a minute a’ wake up, not e’en 8 o’clock and a dang ol’ headache, talk about too much liquor las’ night, man.”
Dale could sense that Boomhauer knew what he wanted to say and that he was avoiding it. He would have to bring it up later when they were actually alone.
———
It wasn’t until mid afternoon that everyone had fully recovered from the night before. Bill had somehow slept 14 straight hours and required a full pot of coffee to seem aware of his own existence. Hank fired up the grill as the sun started to set and everyone took turns playing cornhole, flipping burgers, and stoking the fire in the steel pit that Hank hoped to someday upgrade to an in-ground fire pit. Peggy and a girl friend she’d invited over established themselves in the living room, so the boys avoided going inside unless completely necessary. When it came time to roast marshmallows, though, the girls came out to join them.
Bill held up a masterpiece of a marshmallow. “Perfectly roasted. Look at that pretty golden brown.”
“Yep. Too bad we don’t have supplies for s’mores. I’ll make sure we’re stocked up next time,” Hank mused.
“Man, gimme a closer look, dang ol’ inspect that thing, see its up to quality, hm?” Boomhauer said, smiling innocently. Bill obliged, shoving the stick closer to his face. As soon as it was within biting distance, Boomhauer took the whole thing in his mouth, giggling as he plucked the beautiful thing from the skewer.
“Hey!” Bill cried, and he threw a marshmallow at him. Boomhauer picked it up and ate that one, too. Bill shook his head, laughing along with him. “I knew I couldn’t trust you, you dog!”
Boomhauer swallowed and turned to Hank. “Hey man, ol’ Hank, you got any beer?”
“After last night? Jeez, Boomhauer. There’s some in the garage fridge if you want it.”
Boomhauer nodded and went inside to get one. When the door shut, Dale stood up and stretched his arms out. “I could use one, too.” He followed him inside, making sure the glass door was fully shut behind him.
Dale went into the garage and found the beer fridge, but Boomhauer wasn’t there. He went back to the kitchen.
“Boomhauer?”
“In here, man!” He said from the living room.
“Watcha doing?”
“Just needed a dang ol’ minute, tell y’what, need some time to recharge, y’know?”
Dale sat down next to him on the couch. Boomhauer hesitated at first, but he put his arm around his shoulder.
“We should get back.”
“Mhm.”
Neither of them moved. Dale wanted to scoot in closer, but with his sober mind he knew that it wasn’t right.
“Uh… About this morning.”
Boomhauer tensed up. Dale waited for him to say something, but he didn’t.
“I, uhm… I don’t think we can do this kind of thing anymore,” he said.
Boomhauer withdrew his arm and scooted back to face him. He stared blankly, but Dale could see the almost invisible frown that he was fighting.
“You mean cause o’ yer girlfriend.” He spoke clearly. His facade of indifference could have fooled any stranger, but Dale saw straight through it. Something about it irritated him. Maybe he thought that Boomhauer felt he was too good to be dumped by Dale.
“She wants to marry me.”
“So you’re choosin’ her?”
Dale couldn’t tell if that was a statement or a question. He watched Boomhauer closely. He had turned his head to stare down at his hands, taking deep breaths.
“Man, you fuckin’ serious? After all we been through?” Boomhauer looked straight at Dale now, unable to conceal his hurt and anger. It was the intense eye contact that spooked him—sent him into fight or flight.
“All we’ve been through? Like you’re not sleeping with a new girl every night. What, do you expect me to sit on my ass waiting for you to come back? Nancy loves me. She wants a life with me. You just wanna sleep with me, huh? Ran out of Arlen girls that want you?”
“Dang, screw you! Y’know’t was never like that.” Boomhauer stood up, clenching his fists and almost snarling.
“Oh, please, how was it then?”
He turned away. “Don’t e’en wann’ talk t’ you man, just, dang ol’ leave me alone a’ready.” Usually, Dale admired Boomhauer’s effort to avoid conflict, but right now it pissed him off more than anything. He couldn’t evade this one. Dale just wanted to make him admit how selfish he was being.
“No, tell me what it’s like!”
Boomhauer didn’t turn around. He was silent for a moment. “Just… thought—hoped—we’d end up together in the end, man. ‘S stupid.”
“So you can whore around and settle down with me once you’re ready?”
“Fuck you, man. Bein’ a fuckin’ asshole.”
Dale had only heard Boomhauer curse once before tonight, and now he’d heard it three times in just a few minutes, and he couldn’t think of anything else to say.
Boomhauer breathed deeply before walking down the hallway and into the den, shutting the door firmly behind him.
Dale sunk into the couch. He felt a pang of guilt somewhere deep in his stomach, but it was easy to bury in rage. Boomhauer got what was coming to him. He’d broken plenty of hearts and it was only balancing the scale for Dale to break his. He didn’t have to make such a big deal out of it. Part of him felt a little proud that he had that power, and thinking about that made him feel guilty again.
He heard the sliding door open and the chatter of his friends as they came inside.
“Hank, Bill! Do you need any help cleaning up?” He shouted across the living room and kitchen.
“It’s all taken care of,” Hank assured. “Hey, where’s Boomhauer?”
Dale hid his scowl. “Think he hit the sack. He was pretty tired.”
“Dang it, I am too. I might have to do the same.”
Bill entered the living room and stood above the couch. “I could stay up a little longer. Wanna watch something, Dale?”
“Sure.”
———
Today was the last day the boys would be together for a while—probably until someone got married or bought a house, considering everyone’s conflicting schedules. Hank managed to lure everyone out of bed nice and early with a box of doughnuts. Jelly filled for Bill and Boomhauer, chocolate for Dale and Peggy, and classic glazed for himself.
Bill was finishing his last bite when a car honked outside. “Must be my taxi.”
Everyone stood up and followed Bill outside to say goodbye. He made sure to hug each of his friends tightly, spare Peggy, whether they liked it or not. “Gonna miss you guys. We should do this again next year!”
“We’ll try and make it work,” Hank said, smiling. “Get home safe!”
“Thanks!”
Hank shut the taxi door. They all waved as it drove away and disappeared on a turn.
“Welp, Boomhauer, anything you wanna do before you leave?”
“Man, ain’t nothing in Arlen I ain’t already seen, talkin’ bout same ol’, same ol’, can’t think o’… nothin’ i’ particular.”
“Dale? Peggy?”
Peggy piped up. “Well, Hank, you’ve got an appointment with the you-know-what in a few hours, so don’t think of anything too crazy.”
“Dang it! I forgot about that, I said I’d drive Boomhauer to the airport so he wouldn’t have to try for a taxi during the busy hours,” Hank cursed himself.
“Man, ain’t no problem, can call one early, wait at my gate, no big deal.”
“Dale, you’re not doing anything today, right? Why don’t you take him?”
Dale cleared his throat and kicked at a pebble on the street. “Uhm, guess I can.” Dale snuck a glance at Boomhauer, who refused to look in his direction. Hank didn’t seem to notice the weirdness.
“Welp, there’s gotta be something on TV, unless someone can think of something better to do,” Hank said.
“I bet you boys could catch a movie before Boomhauer leaves. Tickets are 50 cents on Mondays at the Arlen theater!” Peggy suggested.
Hank looked at Boomhauer, and he shrugged in agreement. “Let’s do it. Does anyone need anything before we go?”
“I’m all good,” Dale said.
Boomhauer shook his head.
Peggy went inside, and Hank followed to grab his keys hanging next to the front door. In the car, Dale sat in the passenger seat and Boomhauer in the back.
Once the doors were shut, Dale asked, “So, what’s the appointment with the you-know-what?”
Hank shook his head. “Really, Dale? That’s none of your business.” He sighed loudly. “We’re trying for a baby. There’ve been some… problems… with fertility.”
“Yo, dang ol’ baby, man, tha’s great! Makin’ big steps in life, tell y’what, proud o’ ya, Hank,” Boomhauer said.
“Thanks. I just hope we can sort it all out. Uh… Apparently I have a ‘narrow urethra’, but the fertility doctor said it’s still possible to conceive.”
Dale smiled but he managed not to laugh. “‘Narrow urethra’? Well, good luck. You deserve it, Hank.”
“I’ll need it.”
———
It was close, but the boys made it home just in time for Hank to leave for his appointment and Boomhauer and Dale to leave for the airport.
Hank and Boomhauer shared a quick side-hug before Peggy and Hank left for his appointment.
“Man, seriously, les’ do it again next year, yeah?”
“We’ll try!”
Boomhauer moved to put his luggage in the trunk of Dale’s car, and the two remaining men got in just as Peggy and Hank pulled out of the driveway. The car was silent through the whole trip except for the stereo playing old country hits on low volume. Boomhauer had his arms crossed and head turned toward the window. Dale glanced at him occasionally, trying to figure out what he was thinking.
He felt bad for what he said, but he meant it. He didn’t want to be Boomhauer’s safety, and it wasn’t fair to expect him to be single forever until Boomhauer came back. The thought that this could ruin their friendship creeped up on him and filled him with dread. It was close between him and Hank, but Boomhauer was Dale’s closest friend. He’d been there when Dale had nowhere to go, physically and emotionally, since they were preteens. The two of them could communicate without words—they usually knew each other’s boundaries right up to the limit. Dale couldn’t fathom losing a friendship like that.
The other thing that bothered him was that, as much as he loved Nancy, he loved Boomhauer, too. If he had to choose between them, and it was socially acceptable for him to be with a man, he would be stuck. His spiraling thoughts of what-ifs and in-a-better-worlds fizzled out when he pulled up to the drop off zone.
“Here okay?” Dale asked.
“Mmhm.”
Dale bit the inside of his cheek. He had to make sure things were still okay between them, even if they weren’t really. He reached his hand over to Boomhauer’s, who jerked away at the touch.
“Man, don’ fuckin’ mess w’ me.” His voice was harsh, but he looked like he could cry. In fact, he looked like he had been crying. Dale felt sick to his stomach.
He watched Boomhauer get out of the car and take his suitcase from the trunk. He considered getting out of the car to help, or rolling down the window to say he’s sorry, or just driving off and never looking back, but instead he just sat there.
Boomhauer opened the front door again. Dale scanned the front seat for things he might have left, but there was nothing there. He looked up and made eye contact with his friend.
“Yo… thanks for the ride.”
“Anytime.”
Boomhauer lingered for a moment like he was looking for the courage to say something. His mouth opened and closed before he shut the door and walked into the airport.
So…they were cool? Dale didn’t know what to think. He did feel a little better, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that things would never be the same between them. He lamented the distance that life had put between him and Boomhauer. If they just had the time to cool down and talk it out, maybe things would be alright. Well, maybe he’d see him again next year.
———
Dale’s proposal to Nancy came sooner than anyone expected, but what surprised, well, everybody the most was that she said yes. Boomhauer understood why. Although he was pretty strange and had his head in the clouds a lot of the time, Dale was sweet, thoughtful, and romantic when he wanted to be. His unabashed sincerity was surely what won her over.
Boomhauer received an invitation in the mail to Dale’s bachelor party nine months after their “talk”, and although he already spent the weeks after going through the motions of heartbreak, it was still a kick in the gut. At least he could salvage what was left of their friendship by showing up.
He felt jittery as he walked toward the door to Hank’s house, the unofficial appointed bachelor party spot, although he looked fine from an outsider's perspective. He stopped at the door. Be cool, man. No big deal. Before he could knock, Dale swung the door open, smiling wider than ever. He was wearing a top hat with a piece of paper that said ‘GROOM’ strapped on the front. Boomhauer’s concern about their friendship washed away almost instantly. Of course Dale was happy to see him—he always was the forgive-and-forget type of friend. All he had to do now was hold it together.
“Man, congratulations, Dale! Say goo’bye t’ yer freedom, tell y’what, yer hooked,” Boomhauer said, smiling easily. His thumbs were hooked in his pockets, and he rocked back on his heels.
“Thanks! I can’t believe I’m getting married!” Dale nearly yelled, and he went in for a hug.
Boomhauer backed up, guarding himself with his hands. He laughed artificially. “Easy there, man.”
“Heh. Sorry.” Dale’s smile almost faltered, but it lit up again as he led Boomhauer inside to reunite again with their friends.
So, they were fine. Maybe a little out of time. Dale seemed to miss the glances Boomhauer threw at him when Bill said something silly, and Boomhauer pulled his feet back when Dale kicked at him beneath the table. But Boomhauer showed up, and Dale was glad to have him there, and the both of them could live with that.