Work Text:
He’s leaned over the desk when I entered the studio. Hair a mess, as though he’s been in here forever. He’s lightly humming over a track that is quietly playing through the laptop’s speakers. I stay still and quiet from the doorway, just observing the man that I have known my whole life. Brown eyes twinkling in the dim lighting, head bobbing along, meaning he’s finally satisfied with what he wrote.
“How long have you been there?” He asks, startling me out of my trance.
“Not long, but long enough to know that you need a break. I brought food and coffee, sit with me”, I held up a take out bag and tray, moving to sit on the couch behind him.
He pushed his chair back and sat heavily on the couch next to me, shoulders grazing. He leans his head back and pushes his hair out of his eyes letting out an exhale, confirming my guess that he’s been here for a long time. His head falls to the right, making eye contact with me and smiling, a silent thank you.
“Pouring your heart out into music for millions to hear is quite a scary thing, don’t you think?”
My heart drops and it feels like my head is being held under ice cold water. His muse. I never ask. I don’t want to know. There has never been anyone but him. The worst part is he knows..
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“Dude I love you too”
I laugh and shake my head, the soju soaked deep into the tissue of my being. We’ve been drinking together for over an hour now, both drunk and swaying.
“No you idiot, I’m in love with you. I probably always have been.”
Silence.
“You know I don’t swing that way right? I mean.. If you were a woman I probably would’ve loved you back years ago”, he laughs as though it’s the funniest thing ever.
We dropped it.
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It was never talked about again. A huge part of me hopes he was too drunk to remember me saying anything at all, but the shift was obvious. Less skinship, less on camera interactions, even less off camera.
I took a deep breath, taking a bite of the ramen I brought us. The silence surrounded us like a blanket. Once this album drops, I’m gonna lose him indefinitely. Maybe I should stop being so scared.
“So about this muse,” I start
“Hm?” He glances at me over the coffee, “So now you’re curious? After this past year of me writing this shit you have never asked once about them. Why now?”
I shrug, feigning nonchalance, “You’re my longest friend, it’s crazy that you never brought her up on your own accord anyways. Am I not trustworthy enough?” I giggle.
He’s not laughing. When I realize there was no reaction, I glance back over. I freeze. His facial expression is unreadable. He’s just.. Staring.
“Her?”
What.
“Yes, her. I perfectly remember you telling me that you ‘don’t swing that way’.”
There it is. The “untalked about”. We’re both frozen now. Fuck. I need to cover this up, but he beats me to it.
“I thought you forgot that night. You’ve never brought it up since.”
Bite the bullet. Now.
“Why would I have? You rejected me in the most casual way you possibly could have after I told you that I was in love with you, and that I had been since we met. When we were 13 and 14 mind you. Why would I have ever even THOUGHT about something so embarrassing since? Also, crazy considering you never brought it up either. Why would I ever fight for something that is so unrequited Mark?”
I start collecting my things fast, trying to get away from this. I stand, heading towards the door and swinging it open. It stops, and slams shut. Glancing to my left, I see his arm, holding the door shut. I can feel his breath on my neck and his overall presence looming over me. This is it. He’s gonna cuss me out and call me disgusting and whatever else he’s been holding onto while he was waiting for me to bring it up.
“Donghyuck...how can you be so stupid?”, he breathes out, letting his forehead fall onto the nape of my neck, arm still holding the door shut, “After being the only steady in my whole life, the only person who knows exactly what I’m going through, the member who has the same schedule, hardships, everything, you can’t read me better than that?”
I don’t know what he means, or what he wants me to say back to that. I turn around slowly, our faces mere inches apart.
“What am I missing? Please enlighten me because apparently I’m too stupid to figure it out.” I scoff
“It has ALWAYS been you”, he rushes out, leaving us both breathless and silent again, “Put yourself in my shoes, for just one minute.”
I nod for him to continue, silent and curious, but now also warm all over.
“Imagine living your life surrounded by religion, with people telling you who and how you’re supposed to love. Then you move to a new country alone, and meet someone who flips your world upside down. A MAN at that. Yeah you pissed me off and there was a point where I maybe hated you, but the longer you stayed around and pushed yourself into my life, the more I realized that ‘hatred’ was me being scared. Scared that the prettiest person and soul I have ever met was a boy from Korea that just happened to be in the right place at the right time.” he inhales, looking down at his feet, “Then he became my best friend, and we did everything together. Then in his drunken clouded mind, the most beautiful person I’ve ever known admits to being in love with me. I panicked. Can you blame me? There’s so much at risk even just being around you too long when other people are around”.
More silence. He looks up at me. I’m crying, he’s tearing up. What am I supposed to do with this information? What now? My heart is in my throat and ears. I can’t hear or see anything but him.
“Unrequited? Baby it has never been unrequited” He says again, reaching up to cup my jaw.
I slam into him, hugging him harder than I ever have. He melts into it. We’re both crying now and sink into the floor, still wrapped around each other.
“These songs.. They’re about me? Are you being serious?” I smile through my tears, not believing that this is real.
“Every single word. Every single note. They’re all for you.” He smiles back, eyes still red and water rimmed.
Finally, after 10 years of “unrequited” love, his lips meet mine. My world flips on its axis, my senses are heightened, and everything finally feels right.