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2016-05-25
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Boo-Boo Berry Blossums

Summary:

A day in the life of Development Director, Nam Woohyun.

Notes:

I kind of have an obsession with Parks & Rec right now so I hope everything translates well and I hope you like it! Crossposted from ifntvalentine after like three months because I'm a poop. I'm still thinking of expanding this AU since this fic was kinda rushed but eh we'll see.

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CUT IN FROM BLACK.

INT. DIRECTOR’S OFFICE -- INTERVIEW

Nam Woohyun sits at his desk, hands folded in front of him. A bright and cheery smile graces his face as he looks slightly off to the side of the camera.

“Today is an important day because we’re going to be discussing our department’s budget with the company accountant,” he explains to an unseen entity. “I’ve never met the company accountant before, but I once heard he slashed a department’s budget so much, they couldn’t even buy any office supplies. The only way they could get him to give them enough money was through a fruit basket. But all of their memos still had to be passed on by word of mouth because they couldn’t afford post-its. It was like a giant game of telephone.”

He suddenly looks down with a frown and mumbles to himself, “Though they did get absurdly good at memorizing conversations.”

He glances back up, placing the smile back on his face as if nothing had happened. “But regardless of how obviously terrifying he is, I’m not going to let this hot shot math nerd tell me what do with my department’s money.”

INT. HALLWAY -- MORNING

“Why do I have to be the one that’s forced to go to this budget meeting with you?” Sungjong asks, hands stuffed his his pockets.

“Because I value you as an employee and close friend,” Woohyun replies as he hurries his steps in order to compensate for the obvious leg-length differential between the two of them.

“We’re not friends,” Sungjong says, deadpan, stopping in the doorway to the finance department.

“Hahaha you’re so funny, Sungjong,” Woohyun adds with a forced laugh and lightly punches Sungjong’s arm. “It’s one of the many reasons why I love you.”

The younger glances around and briefly looks into the camera. “‘Kay.”

Sungjong scurries into the office, head down, arms locked to his sides.

INT. HALLWAY -- INTERVIEW

“To be honest, I actually brought Sungjong along because he’s the most terrifying person I know. And if this accountant guy is as scary as everyone says, I want someone who’s even scarier at my side.” Woohyun says to the unseen entity to the right of the camera. “So, yeah, I’m basically fighting scary fire with scary fire. And yeah, Sungjong might have not been my first choice out of everyone from the office but I can’t let him know that. He already thinks that I like Myungsoo better than him and I’m pretty sure he sees me as his mentor or something.”

Woohyun sighs forlornly.

“I would hate to break his heart … because he would probably break my arm if I did.”

INT. HALLWAY -- INTERVIEW

“Yeah, I know that Woohyun didn’t really want me to go to this meeting with him and he just brought me along because I’m, like, scary or something.” Sungjong shrugs. “But if going to this stupid meeting means getting out of another one of Howon’s product pitches, I’ll sit through another hundred boring budget meetings.”

INT. OFFICE -- MEETING ROOM -- MORNING

Sunggyu (hands folded over this stomach, slumped in his chair), Dongwoo (rocking side to side like the pendulum of a metronome, ticking to a song only he can hear in his head), and Myungsoo (notebook and pen in front of him) sit in the chairs around the table.

Howon stands at the head of the meeting room table. “In the words of Matthew McConaughey, ‘Alright, alright, alright.’”

Sunggyu rolls his eyes while Myungsoo laughs out of politeness.

“So Valentine’s Day, also known as the company’s busiest and most lucrative holiday, is upon us. Gifts are going to be flying off store shelves. Balloons, chocolates, stuffed animals,” Howon counts off, “and of course, flowers. But what really are flowers?”

Dongwoo’s hand shoots into the air and he doesn’t even wait for Howon to call on him before shouting, “Plants!”

“No --” Howon points at Dongwoo, then pauses. “Well, technically yes, but not what I’m looking for.”

Myungsoo tentatively raises his hand. “Symbols of love?”

“Again, not what I’m looking for. But I’m going to steal that line, thanks.” Howon winks at the intern. “But come on, guys. Think simple. The answer is really obvious.”

Dongwoo jumps in his seat, waving his head erratically in the air. (Again, he doesn’t wait for Howon to call on him.) “Fancy twigs!”

“A sign of affection?” Myungsoo supplies, unsure.

“A popular gift often given on an arbitrary holiday that our money grubbing country capitalizes on,” Sunggyu states.

“Wrong, wrong, wrong! You’re all wrong.” Howon shakes his head and sighs. “I’ll just tell you: They’re under-developed fruit.”

Sunggyu narrows his eyes. “In what world is that obvious?”

Howon ignores the office manager and continues, “But why should people give gifts that haven’t reached their full potential? That’s why I propose we take the idea of the flower bouquet to the next level.”

He bends down and sets an object covered with a sparkly pink square of fabric on top of the meeting table. He flashily pulls the fabric off the object and reveals a bouquet of fruit arranged in a pastel colored metal bucket.

“I call them, Boo-Boo Berry Blossoms --” Howon turns to the camera and smirks. “The sweetest gift you can give to your boo.”

The other three stare at the product for a few seconds.

“So an Edible Arrangement,” Sunggyu says, an eyebrow lifted.

Howon blinks. “What? No, it’s not.”

INT. OFFICE -- MEETING ROOM -- INTERVIEW

“It’s literally an Edible Arrangement,” Sunggyu states.

INT. OFFICE -- MEETING ROOM -- INTERVIEW

“It’s not an Edible Arrangement!” Howon throws his hands up in the air with a groan.

INT. OFFICE -- MEETING ROOM -- INTERVIEW

“Is it an Edible Arrangement?” Myungsoo asks the entity offscreen. “Oh, yes. One hundred percent.”

INT. ACCOUNTING OFFICE -- AFTERNOON

“Knock knock!” Woohyun chimes, peeking his head into the office.

The accountant sitting behind the desk looks up from the stack of papers in front of him. He takes off his glasses and stands as Woohyun and Sungjong enter the office.

“I’m Nam Woohyun, Director of Development.” He extends a hand.

The accountant reciprocates the handshake. “Lee Sungyeol.”

“And this is one of my interns, Lee Sungjong.” Woohyun motions towards Sungjong who’s standing at his side. “He’s really excited to get to sit in on this meeting.”

Sungyeol offers his hand at the intern. Sungjong just stares it, hands tucked away in his pants pocket.

Woohyun plasters a smile on his face and jabs Sungjong in his side with his elbow.

Sungjong glances to the side and removes one of his hands from his pocket. He fist bumps Sungyeol’s fingertips before stuffing his hand back into his pocket and sinking into one of the chairs in front of the accountant’s desk.

Woohyun glances between his intern and the accountant, flashing an overly bright smile at Sungyeol.

“Well, okay then.” Sungyeol nods and sits down.

Woohyun quickly follows suit and tries to not-so-slyly peer at the spreadsheets and graphs on Sungyeol’s desk.

“I’m going to keep this brief because I actually have another meeting on the fifth floor in about ten minutes,” Sungyeol says as he begins collecting . “Your department’s budget is way too large so I’m cutting it by twenty percent.”

“Wait, what do you mean by ‘cutting our budget by twenty percent’?” Woohyun sits up on the edge of his seat, suddenly alarmed.

“I mean exactly that,” Sungyeol plows on, checking his watch as he stands and walks towards his office door.

“Wait a second!” Woohyun chases after Sungyeol out into the hall.

Sungyeol turns towards him and looks him dead straight in the eye. “I really don’t have time for this right now. I’ll send you the new breakdown of your budget and email me if you have any questions.”

“But --”

“Have a nice day,” Sungyeol says with a tone of finality and jogs down the hall towards the elevator, leaving Woohyun staring after him.

INT. OFFICE -- OFFICE BULLPEN -- AFTERNOON

“Boss man!”

“I’m not your boss,” Sunggyu huffs as Howon runs up to his desk. “Or your man.”

“I made some modifications to the Boo-Boo Berry Blossoms.” Howon sets the fruit bouquet on top of Sunggyu’s paperwork. “Check it out!”

Sunggyu inspects the arrangement. “I don’t see any differences.”

“The bedazzled coffee mug!” Howon points under the positioned fruit.

Fake silver diamonds hot glued onto a plain red coffee mug spell out, ‘Boo-Boo Berry Blossums’.

“‘Blossums’ with a u?” Sunggyu asks.

“One of the diamonds fell off,” Howon shrugs. “But I think I kind of like it with a ‘u’. All the hottest new products spell something wrong in their names. Makes them more marketable.”

“It’s still the same thing as before.”

“But the bedazzled mug!” Howon points to the mug with more vigor.

“Just because it’s in a different container, it doesn’t make it an original product.”

Howon tips his head back and lets out a groan. “But being creative is hard.”

Sunggyu stares at him for a few seconds before slowly turning back to his computer. “If you’re going to whine, can you please do it somewhere else? I’m allergic to pettiness.”

INT. ACCOUNTING OFFICE -- AFTERNOON

Woohyun bursts into Sungyeol’s office without knocking.

“This is an outrage!”

Sungyeol doesn’t even bother to look up from the packet of papers on his desk and waves his hand over his head, pen resting between his fingers.

“Yes, yes, please, come in.”

“You cut our entire budget.” Woohyun says, throwing the printed out spreadsheet on Sungyeol’s desk.

“I cut twenty percent of it.”

“That’s basically the whole thing.”

“Basic math would say that it’s only twenty percent.”

“You cut the team building portion to less than $50.” Woohyun flips to the third page and points to the pink highlighted row. “How are we supposed to go on department retreats with only $50?!”

Sungyeol scans the page, noting the numbers and notes Woohyun scribbled in the margins with a light blue gel pen. “I would have cut it completely but it’s smarter to put some money in less important areas just in case you need it.”

Woohyun reels back, appalled. “You wanted to cut our retreats?”

“Yeah. They’re not that important anyway.” Sungyeol takes off his glasses to rub his eyes.

“You take that back!”

He looks up at Woohyun, confused. “Take what back?”

“The thing you said about retreats not being important! And this!” Woohyun throws the packet of paper with the new budget at Sungyeol. It hits his chest and falls to the floor.

“Do you think this is fun?” Woohyun sneers. “Do you get a thrill out of making people’s lives miserable? You’re probably doing this on purpose because you’re on some sort of sick power trip, aren’t you?”

Sungyeol throws his pen onto his desk and slam his palms down on the fake wood. (Woohyun jumps, but tries not show it.) “Let’s get one thing straight here, Nam. I didn’t want to cut your budget at all. I didn’t want to cut anyone’s budgets. But the company is spending way more than it should be so it had to be done. You think I like making people get angry at me? You think I like forcing directors to fire their lower staff? I’m just doing my job.”

Woohyun stands stunned as Sungyeol bends down to pick up the budget the director threw at him moments ago. He walks over the Woohyun and stands mere inches in front of him.

“Just to let you know, your department got off a lot easier than many others,” Sungyeol says in a low voice. “You should be thankful that you didn’t have to lay anyone off.”

He presses the papers into Woohyun’s chest before leaving the office.

INT. OFFICE -- OFFICE BULLPEN -- EARLY EVENING

Woohyun sits with his head down on the communal circle table in the middle of the room. Howon drags his feet up to the table and pull out of the chair with one hand, the older holding on to his fruit arrangement. The metal legs scrape along the linoleum flooring.

“Did you get them to fix our budget?” Howon asks and he plops down in the chair across of the director. He pulls a strawberry off one of the skewers and pops it into his mouth.

“Nope.” Woohyun sighs.

Howon matches his sigh. “Well, I guess we’re both failures today, huh?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Woohyun lifts his head off the table and glances at the sculpture of fruit. “What is that?”

“Some would say fruit genius,” Howon frowns down at the product before him. “Others would say patent infringement.”

Woohyun slowly sits up straight in his chair, a smile forming on his face.

INT. ACCOUNTING OFFICE -- EARLY EVENING

“Knock, knock.” Woohyun peeks his head around the doorway.

“Wow, three times in one day.” Sungyeol sighs, leaning back in his chair. “Come to yell at me about the lack of funding your department got for paper cups in the break room?”

“No, I can with a peace offering.” Woohyun holds out the fruit arrangement.

Sungyeol takes it from him, perplexity clear on his face.

“It’s called Boo-Boo Berry Blossums,” Woohyun says as Sungyeol pulls a melon ball from the center of the arrangement. With a ‘u’. One of my employees developed the idea.”

“This is an Edible Arrangement,” Sungyeol replies around the ball of fruit in his mouth.

“Yeah...” Woohyun doesn’t even bother to defend it. “I’m sorry I yelled at you.”

Sungyeol shrugs. “It’s alright. You’re not the first.”

“Yeah, but you were just doing your job and I was just upset you cut our budget by eighty percent.”

“Twenty percent.”

“Same thing.”

Sungyeol chuckles and takes another melon ball from the arrangement.

“Well, I just wanted to say I’m sorry and that you’re a very honorable man.” Woohyun nods with affirmation.

Sungyeol blinks at him. “Um, thanks.”

“Okay, I hope you enjoy your fruit and have a good day, sir.”

Woohyun gives him a small salute before walking towards the door to the office.

“Thanks.” Sungyeol replies. “And you know, I’m not going to change the cuts I made to your department’s budget.”

“What?” Woohyun spins around on his heels and sputters. “Are you accusing me of --”

Sungyeol gives him a challenging look.

“Oh come on!” Woohyun cries yells in frustration as he slams the office door behind him.

INT. ACCOUNTING OFFICE -- INTERVIEW

“It’s gonna take a lot more than a knock-off Edible Arrangement to get me to change my budgeting decisions,” Sungyeol snorts.

INT. HALLWAY -- INTERVIEW

“I will break him,” Woohyun sneers. “Make my words, I WILL!”

CUT OUT TO BLACK.