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Artur Braus is a man who puts others’ needs before himself, he's someone who reaches to understand someone's situation and acts accordingly. At least, that's how he would be normally described.
No one felt the most pain on his beloved daughter’s demise more than he and his wife Lisa did. Sasha, after all, is their miracle.
He and his wife had different ways to cope. While Lisa cried until her tears ran dry since they found out, he found himself looking back on the memories when Sasha is still their light in the dark — someone ought to be strong in their house, who the kids can rely on as they also grieve their older sister’s death.
It's another one of those times. Lisa cried silently, isolated from the rest of the household, while Artur stared at particularly nowhere, his mind traveling back to the past — right from the very beginning.
A white bundle is crying in his arms, his wife laid exhausted on the bed. “Here, let me.” As soon as Lisa held the baby in her arms, it quieted down and cooed. Its reddish-brown tuft peeked out of its bundle as it snuggled in its mother's arms. Artur and Lisa had long awaited this moment, to hold their baby in their arms. They dreamed of a big family, yet he and Lisa have struggled to conceive for years. Now, their little girl is here, and Artur couldn't be happier.
“What're ya namin’ her?” asked the folk healer who helped Lisa give birth.
“Sasha.” Artur can see the pure love in Lisa’s eyes, brimming beneath her usually kind face. He nodded to confirm to the folk healer when she looked at him. It's a good name, he thinks. A strong name for a strong girl born to a strong woman. Very fitting. The only hope he has is for Sasha to grow up to be strong and open-minded.
Which is why he questioned what went wrong in raising her when he gave her that pep-talk.
As Sasha grows up, food becomes scarce, the forest dwindling in favor of acres of farmland. With this, they had to eat less in every meal, saving up for when hunting becomes completely useless which is usually in the winter. Maybe he should've noticed the signs, how she behaved then: the way Sasha would sneak off and steal bits and pieces of their hunt and they'll have an argument every time he catches her, how the mere mention of people outside their village cause her to convulse in anger she so desperately tries to hide.
Sasha was only 10 then when he caught her stealing meat from their hunt he's trying to save for the upcoming winter. Despite her age, Sasha is freakishly agile (not to mention all those hunting sessions where he brings her along, developing her insane skills with the bow) managing to strike him hard on the jaw just for a single piece of meat.
He explained as best as he could about people needing to move homes after Wall Maria got destroyed, yet Sasha remained firm on sticking with traditions. He left her with that, but he doubted he'd change Sasha's mind with just one talk — in fact, each time he tried to talk to her, she stuck with her beliefs, and every time he left her even angrier. There was one point in time he realized there's no point changing Sasha's mind, so he stopped the effort entirely. Maybe he should've known the thoughts brimming inside his daughter's mind, a turning point in her life.
He only found out too late about Sasha joining the military. By that point, she was already away. Lisa thought Sasha is stupid for doing it, he thinks it's a good thing.
“Sasha ought to enter civilization at some point.” He told his wife. He won't tell her, though, that Sasha joining is the smartest thing she's ever done in her entire life. “It's like entering another forest — only a bigger one.” And learning about others’ stories will help Sasha understand exactly what he is talking about. That's what he hopes.
It only took three years before Artur ever saw his daughter again.
He and his fellow villagers were on horseback when they saw a little girl, crying for help as she ran. “Help!” She ran to them. “Help, please!”
“What’s wrong?” One of his fellow villagers spoke up, rearing his horse one step forward.
The girl stopped in front of them, catching her breath and the look of panic etched on her face, appearance aside. “Someone else is still there! She's fighting a titan so I could run and get help!” She breathed out again. “Please, help her!”
One of the other villagers helped her up the horse as they rushed off to the village where one other person is there bravely fighting a titan. Not long after did he see the titan with its eyes bloody from a pair of arrows, and a figure running away from it. The reddish-brown hair gave it away.
“Sasha?”
They got Sasha her own horse before they rode to their safety, the sunrays peeking through a multitude of trees. Artur thought he was seeing another person, maybe a taller, more mature, and more confident person, but he can't be mistaken with that hair and the eyes sparkling as if the anger she holds is no longer there… or maybe three years in the military shifted that anger onto something else. Nevertheless, he was finally seeing the strong woman he always hoped she would be.
“We've been givin’ horses to everyone in this area.” He explained and as he spoke, Sasha actually listened to him. He also explained that Kaya (that's the girl’s name) told them how someone is still back in the ruined village. “Who’da thunk it was you? You fought a Titan for that girl, didn't ya?” Sasha gave a nod. Artur found himself smiling to himself. His little girl had really turned into this strong woman. “Sasha… yer all I hoped for.”
“Father…”
Sasha left thereafter, off to her duties as a soldier once again, but he did get to know a few things. She made new friends… she guessed, and she joined the Survey Corps. Artur didn't know what to feel about that, but he was quick to accept the information. With little Kaya having nowhere to go, and with Lisa missing having a kid around, they decided to adopt her. Kaya turned out to be a little angel, she was modest and helpful, too. They accepted Kaya as their own daughter, and she really, really idolises Sasha.
Only some time later when he got a newspaper, a rarity in the outskirts, to find the Survey Corps disbanded and its members on the run. Artur had no doubt Sasha is one of them, but he also had no doubt they'll get through it.
The next time he saw Sasha again, she was one of the only members who survived their mission that involves the whole Corps’ return to Shiganshina (Lisa, at the time, had multiple nightmares about it — when she saw Sasha alive and well again after that, Artur thought he wouldn't hear her breathe that lightly again). Precisely nine of them, and Sasha was one of those nine, but she was one of the two who made it out with severe injury. She explained it was by a Thunder Spear misfiring and her getting caught up in its explosion. Lisa was horrified, and so was he, though he was just glad more than anything that she was safe. Just as Kaya idolises Sasha, she absolutely adores her. They're sisters in everything but blood.
Sasha also mentioned about the new ruler of the Walls, that was something Artur already heard. He can't believe that in three years, Sasha managed to become something more than he can hope for. She's all he ever hoped for.
For the past four years, the world grew past the titans, and their family grew as well. Sasha keeps bringing home kids from the orphanage Queen Historia built, and they get along with Sasha swimmingly. Lisa doesn't pass up the opportunity to become a mother again, so she takes in every kid Sasha brings home. Their dream of a big family is finally coming true.
Sasha turned out to be more than a fine soldier, and soon enough her world grew even bigger, the forest she's in keeps on expanding. Artur couldn't be more proud of the woman his daughter had become, exactly like the person he hoped she would be: strong and open-minded. Though, of course, like any other father, he dreaded the time daughters see boys to be interesting.
Sasha, freshly 18, came home one time with new stories to tell. In their mission to welcome Marleyans, Sasha mentioned meeting a man who can cook better than anyone she's met and introduce the best dish she's ever tasted. She said it was seafood, according to her it's an assortment of dishes that are caught from under the sea.
“Is it like huntin’ but under water?” He asked her. She shrugged, humming she doesn't know. The way she described seafood lead her to meet several pairs of watering mouths, begging her to take them to the cook next time. After the ordeal, and several promises that she'll take them the next time, Kaya shifts her interest and starts prying information from Sasha about the cook. He noticed it right away: she became quiet, modest, most of all her face turns beet red. Kaya was enjoying it, Artur wasn't. Niccolo was his name and, apparently, he's tall, blond, “kinda rude at first but has an especially sweet side”.
But the more she talks on the coming weeks, the more he felt comfortable with this Niccolo guy whenever he comes up in their conversation. He seems like a good guy if Sasha's stories are anything to go by. Still, the lingering doubt is there, after all he's just a father.
Long after that, Sasha along with the rest of the Scouts are going on a mission to Liberio. It's revolutionary for Paradis, since it'll be the first time they will cross the sea since the Walls are founded. When Sasha was about to leave, Lisa tried to dissuade her from going.
“I've bad feelin’ about this, Sasha.” Lisa reasoned. “You can't go.” Lisa starts listing every worst possible scenario: what if Sasha and the others get overwhelmed by the enemy in a fight? What if they were snuck on and murdered?
“I have to go, Mother.” Sasha told Lisa with finality. “It's not like I have a choice. Besides…” Sasha showed a smile that she hopes will calm Lisa down. “My friends are gonna be there with me, what could ever go wrong?” Sasha walked out the house one final time… and, looking back, Artur should've stopped her and agreed with Lisa.
Their world came crashing down with a knock weeks after. When Artur opened the door, he was surprised to see that Armin was there, hiding his distraught. “Armin…?” The kids and Lisa peeked to get a glimpse of him. “What happened?”
Armin took in a sharp, deep breath and slammed his fist to his chest in a salute. Artur’s posture stiffened, after all his daughter's in the military long enough for him to know what that salute meant. It means being professional, being soldierly, being serious. How did Sasha call it? “Dedicate your heart.”
Armin starts speaking, his voice shaking as hard as his body. “I, Armin Arlert, announce with a heavy heart that Sasha Braus has died in battle…” Whatever Armin said next fell on deaf ears. Artur’s posture slumped.
Sasha is dead?
The world became dull, dark, grey all of a sudden and lost its shine. A strange high-pitched ringing plagued his ears, drowning even Lisa’s cries and the kids’ pleads. His head starts to ache, heart pounding in his chest like never before, his lungs refusing to cooperate with him.
Sasha is dead.
“...Her funeral will be held tomorrow.” Armin didn't hide the tremble in his voice or the tears in his eyes, dropping the professionalism he tried to hold together earlier. “I'm sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Braus.” Armin had no tears left to cry.
“How…?”
Armin hesitated. Maybe he's wondering whether it was a good idea to twist the knife to the wound, but to Artur it doesn't matter. He starts to feel a tear to his heart and bleeding out to never heal again. Armin decided to answer the question. “A gunshot wound to the stomach, just under her left chest… We've already imprisoned the person who killed her.”
Artur nodded, the high-pitched ringing in his ears persisting, and forcing himself to talk despite his tight jaw. “Yes, we'll be there…” Armin gave one last salute before leaving. Artur’s body gave up on holding himself up and his back fell on the door.
“Father!” Artur saw Kaya, her eyes boring to him, and he remembered distantly that her world is crashing down, too. He's not the only one grieving. She helped him up and sat him down on a nearby bench, his breathing shallow and fast. The day went excruciatingly slow, as if it had stopped the moment they got the news. The emptiness is present, how ironic that sounds, as Lisa prepares her and Artur’s black clothes with trembling hands. She's grieving too.
The morning sun that greeted him the next day is an insult to him, to Sasha's memory. How dare it shine brightly as it does, when the eyes that manifested its beauty are now to belong beneath the earth in total darkness? Artur had never been as aggravated into seeing the sun shine that brightly at him, but now it seemed to mock him of what exactly he had lost, mock the black clothes he donned himself and his wife to meet their daughter’s cold body for the final time. The earth seemed to mock him as well in every step he took since he'd left their house — one that can't be called home any longer — and into the funeral because how dare he be alive and walking the very ground his daughter is about to be buried in?
They arrived at the funeral, meeting faces devoid of any happiness. The sky starts to darken, the cold breeze embracing him and heightening his emptiness, heightening the lack of warmth his daughter used to bring.
Eight soldiers, including Sasha. He was told that was the amount of casualties in their raid in Liberio. The funeral proceeded with no problem, yet Artur heard none of it, saw none of it, his body present yet his mind adrift as he told himself to hold it together as he held his wife who is so close to breaking down in front of many people.
Sasha's coffin was next on being buried, the last of the eight. Artur couldn't fathom the idea that the girl he held in his arms when she was newly born, the same girl whom he hoped to be a strong and open-minded woman, and whose dream is close to fruition is cold inside that wooden coffin that's equally cold. Lisa cried into his chest silently as he held out, needing only a few more minutes before he could finally sob to his heart's content… if it ever will be.
When the funeral ended, it rained. Artur and Lisa traveled back hand-in-hand, hiding their tears from one another. They didn't bother changing back from their black clothes when they went home.
Artur came back the next day with Lisa and Kaya despite the rain and noticed the assortment of flowers there, many of them. He didn't know why he came back, did his feet drag him here? Was his mind to be blamed? Or maybe his heart, continuing to bleed out despite himself and looking for the gauze to patch it, at least? He also took notice of three men at her grave, one of them kneeling, two uniformed, one wearing black. There's also a woman — Mikasa, the girl Sasha is closest to — with them.
He walked to them.
“Isn't that…?”
Artur took his hat off. “Ah hear ye've done a lot fer me little girl.” The four of them stepped aside to give the family some space. Kaya and Lisa knelt down on Sasha's grave, sobbing him standing behind and not letting the tears fall for now… No… he can't right now, he needs to be strong for them.
“Excuse me.” A man spoke after a long time of silence. “I'm a Marleyan prisoner, but I've been given permission to work as a cook. Your daughter enjoyed my food more than anyone I've ever met.” Ah, so that's Niccolo. Artur should've known with the countless times Sasha described him. “So if it's all right with you, I'd love to make something for you, too.” If Sasha had lived, Artur would've told her something he realized at the time: she found herself the right man deserving of her.
“On the house, I reckon?” He held out a hand to this man, to someone whose world brightened with Sasha's warmth as well and used it to spread that feeling.
“Of course.” A promise was made between two men on that day.
Kaya brought home two wandering children some time after that.
“So y’kids ran away frum home? Wha izzat?”
“Nice to meet you. We're siblings, I'm Ben and this is Mia. A lot happened and we ran away from our parents.” Huh. That would make sense. “If there's something we can do to help, we will gladly do it! Please let us stay here for a few days!” Ben bowed, grabbing Mia’s head and making her bow to them.
“Y’kids shouldn't lower your head like that. Welcome to Braus stables. Stay’s many days as y’need. C’mere and eat sum breakfast.” He ushered them to the table. Although Lisa would be kind and motherly to any kids they bring home, she was especially so with Mia — he suspects she can see Sasha in her. He does too, Mia looks too much like Sasha. He was shocked, to say the least, when Mia smacked Lisa hard on the arm when she patted the little girl’s head, but it must be her trauma coming from an abusive home kicking in. However, at the back of his mind, the part he should reprimand himself for even thinking so, reminded him of the time Sasha smacked him hard on the jaw for a single piece of meat. Grief is a funny thing.
He and Lisa brought the whole family to Niccolo’s restaurant, bringing Ben and Mia along with them. Though he pretended not to notice, the kids weren't being slick. Ben and Mia keep making weird glances to Kaya and back. Chaos ensued minutes later, starting when Ben and Mia went away together.
Niccolo returned to where they all ate, knife pointed at Mia’s head, Ben unconscious in his other arm. All of them abruptly stood.
“Niccolo?! What're you doing to Ben and Mia?!”
“She's the one who killed Sasha.” Niccolo spoke with so much hatred Artur felt it coiling in his stomach as though food isn't the only thing Niccolo can cook and serve… he could deliver his rage, too. “She took your daughter's life.”
Artur didn't know what to feel — anger? Disgust? Hatred? — and he couldn't fathom the idea the longer he stared at Mia. Her? Killing his daughter? She's only a kid.
“She's only a brat, but she's a fully trained Marleyan soldier.” Niccolo continued. “She pointed her gun towards your daughter inside the retreating airship. And shot her.”
“Daughter…?” This helpless girl, bloodied from the nose, killed his daughter? How could a child be so heartless? This girl they took in, fed, and clothed is the same one who snatched the warmth from their grasp, who let the cold seep into their bones every waking moment and slowly disturbing their sleep with nightmares? She had been the one who pushed them to feel the pain no parent should feel: the pain of burying your own child. Does she even know? Does she?
Artur couldn't look at Mia the same way anymore.
“Mr. Braus…” Niccolo offered him his kitchen knife. “Here. If you can't kill her, I will do it for you. You won't mind, right?” Even in the chaos of the remaining Survey Corps, and Niccolo pointing that knife towards Ben’s neck, he was in his own mind. At that moment, he considered it. He wondered how he would feel if he killed this child right here, right now, letting her feel the tiniest amount of pain he's been feeling. How would she feel if her life was slipping away, with many dreams and hopes unfulfilled, leaving her loved ones in a hole they couldn't crawl back out of, in a pain that's neverending. How would her parents feel if they grieve for their child, just like how he's grieving for his?
Even as Mia begged for Niccolo to stop, the weakness in her voice pitiful and unbelievable for a heartless devil, even as Niccolo expresses his rage, he was getting more sure of having at least a sliver of satisfaction of avenging his daughter.
“Come to your senses!” Mia shouted hopelessly. “You're a Marleyan soldier, aren't you? I'm sure that devil woman is brainwashing you!” Artur couldn't believe this girl’s nerve. “Don't let the devils win!” That sole line alone crushed Artur's hope for revenge.
She's just a child.
For a moment, he saw a flash from the past — his first conversation with Sasha about people outside the forest, how she was firm on staying as they are, on believing they don't deserve an ounce of her kindness because they look down on them and call them savages…
Mia is just like Sasha.
“Niccolo.” He had to gather his thoughts, making sure he's doing the right thing. “Give me the knife. Please.” Niccolo did as he was told. He walked to Mia, knife in hand. The Survey Corps’ Commander who he believed is named Hange Zoë tried to stop him. No, he's not going to kill this girl — he's not going to let a child carry the sins of the adults who indoctrinated her.
“Sasha was a hunter.”
“Sorry?”
“I taught her how to use a bow when she was little, and we'd go huntin’ in the forest. ‘Cause that's how we lived. But… I knew that the day will come when we couldn't keep livin’ that way. I made Sasha leave the forest. Then the world got bigger. Sasha became a soldier and went off to attack other lands, shot other people, and got shot herself. I thought I was sending her outside the forest. Turns out the world was one big forest where it was still about killin' or be killed.” He handed Lisa the knife but he just couldn't stop rambling. He had to let it out despite the shakiness in his voice. “I believe Sasha got killed ‘cause she wandered too long in that forest. We've gotta at least get the kids outta this forest. Or else… we would just keep on circling around the same place. That's why it is the burden of us adults to shoulder the sins and hatred of the past.”
Lisa got to work right away. She treated the wounds Ben suffered.
Mikasa moved to Mia’s side. “Show me your wounds.”
“Mia…” Mia looked at him as though he was a rude awakening, an odd piece of the story she was told to believe all her life. He couldn't blame her. “Are you okay?”
“You really… don't hate me?”
A scream of rage, and a sharp steak knife that almost pierced Mia’s skull. He and Mikasa restrained Kaya as she wailed. “How dare you kill her!”
“Hey, Kaya! Stop!” He tried to pry the knife out of her hand.
“Murderer!”
“Kaya!”
“I thought you were my friend! How?!” Lisa rushed to Kaya’s side, embracing her and whispering, begging for her to calm down and take the knife away as she cried herself. Artur managed to pry it away from her hand. “How dare you?!” And as Mia is ushered away from the room, he embraces her as well, now letting the tears fall.
Even in the moments where they rush to safety as chaos runs around them, Artur truly believed that Mia — sorry, Gabi, he found out from Kaya — is exactly like Sasha. He has to do a double-take every time he sees her, and she's also an incredible marksman. What an odd coincidence.
Humanity experienced its worst calamity yet, with the walls crumbling down and hundreds of titans marching Marley and everything in its path. Gabi and Falco are gone, but he remained with his family and protected them as much as he could. Miraculously, they all survived.
So here he is now, staring at particularly nowhere still trying to live in a world without Sasha, walls be damned.
“The Jaegerists are at it again, it seems.” Niccolo walked in, food in hand as he started preparing that day's meal. “They’re relentless, a bit stupid maybe.” He looked at Artur. “Are you alright, Mr. Braus?”
“I'm fine.” He responded. “Yer a free man, why don't you ever try to find a home somewhere comfortable?”
“I like it here, sir.” Artur could tell it was more than that. “Besides, I won't have anyone to cook for other than myself if I find a home only for me. Sure, I can build a restaurant, but I'll still be lonely at home.” To cut it short, it was because of Sasha. He could tell as much from him.
Artur left the conversation at that.
He looked up at the sun and allowed himself to feel its warmth. When he closes his eyes, he could see Sasha's amber ones sparkling back at him, reddish-brown hair flowing in the wind. In a way, with Niccolo around, it's as if Sasha never left.
The pain wouldn't leave him too, and he just needed to learn to live with that.