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The morning after Pearl died, Gem almost killed herself.
She stared at what was once the remnant of their lighthouse. Cream with a spiraling dark red netherrack, just like how they liked it – just like how Pearl likes it. For once she had wished that she could hear Pearl’s negativity on its design. She could hear their bickering, how ugly the netherrack was and how it could be better. She felt immense guilt, knowing that she couldn’t reassure Pearl the lighthouse has now become better. For what was once a beacon hope in the sea of darkness, have now become a shattered reminder of what could have been. Maybe she should have let Pearl win the argument. Gem began climbing up the stairs warily.
The morning after Pearl died, the square hole is now useless. A gluttonous beast feeding on the fallen, incapable of feeling satisfaction. Once a dangerous weapon, now has become a laughingstock, just like how Pearl was to the rest of the server. Scarlet Pearl was nothing but a mere illusion, a myth that Gem had once believed. Maybe that’s where she got it wrong. She spent the whole season attempting to revive this mythical bloodthirsty lone wolf, but there’s nothing but a guard dog inside her. Peaceful, yet extremely loyal, ready to attack whenever she was told to, not the one that kills on sight without hesitation. If she saw the real Pearl inside the image of the Scarlet Pearl, would she be able to save her before it’s too late? Gem can’t help but wonder as she arrived on what was once their shared twin bed.
The morning after Pearl died, the twin bed still looks the same, save for a few burn marks and tears. Still unmade from when they woke up together yesterday, still has the faint outline of Pearl. Gem can’t help but picture out Pearl sleeping peacefully in between her and Grian. Pearl is always there for the both of them, but they were not there for Pearl. Heck, even Etho, out of all people noticed it. But Pearl doesn’t seem to care. She is clearly aware about the accidental and incidental isolation by the two others, and it doesn’t phase her. For once, she isn’t sleeping alone in the cold, lonely tower of her second season. She had two people still cuddling with her, despite all the isolation she felt. If Gem had known that it will be Pearl’s last day, maybe she should have hugged her tighter while they were cuddling. Maybe she would have not let go of her.
The morning after Pearl died, Gem has this desire to go up their lighthouse and stare at their square hole below. She has now reached the uppermost terrace of the lighthouse. She can still vividly remember the siege on the tower, how hateful the besiegers were. She saw it coming after her and Grian pissed off the entire server. They were the villains after all, but they’ve lack reason to do so, but it was fun so, why not? That’s where Pearl differs from them. It’s not in her nature to be a villain, even during Double Life. She was just lonely, a sheep inside a lone wolf’s clothing. Maybe Pearl wasn’t a guard dog, but a lamb instead. A sacrificial lamb.
Twice. Gem sent Pearl on a suicide mission twice. The first one was reasonable; she has the most lives out of the three of them. Whilst being reasonable, it was blindly driven by revenge. Pearl is merely a pawn of Gem, sent in a suicide mission to lead Etho to his death in hopes of avenging Grian. She knew that Pearl will die, but frankly, she does not care. What matters is that Grian’s death was avenged.
The next one was just plain stupid. It was an overestimation of Pearl’s emotional capacity. Her consecutive deaths took a toll on her sanity. Slowly but surely, Gem began seeing the Scarlet Pearl that she has been hoping for. An idealized version of Pearl that she never got to meet now right in front of her eyes. Once again, they were blinded by bloodlust and a desire to avenge their lost lives. Pearl, their ever-loyal guard dog, is the perfect weapon. Only that she died mere minutes after they sent her on a suicide mission whilst knowing how tired and desperate Pearl is.
If only they had let Pearl rest, she might still be alive today being an ever-loyal guard dog. Maybe if they’d realized sooner that Scarlet Pearl never existed, they wouldn’t have treated her as a weapon. Maybe if they had embraced the real Pearl, they would have spared her from the wrath of the rest of the server. Maybe if–
THUD!
A large piece of spruce plank fell onto to the ground, just mere centimeters from Gem’s foot.
Gem took a step back; she was way too close to the edge. One wrong move and Pearl will be disappointed in her. She stepped back once again and leaned into the broken pillars. She sighs before collapsing onto the floor.
A life for a life has always been Gem’s mantra, but killing herself does not bring Pearl back from the dead. The only way to absolve her guilt is by winning for Pearl.