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Peggy Carter wasn’t aware that happiness could feel like this. She thought she’d had a happy childhood, that generally she was a happy person. Then she found what unhappiness was, in the years after the war, after losing Steve Rogers to the ice.
But this, three years after his miraculous return, his knock on her door, his sweet, wonderful declaration of love, this was absolute bliss. To be his wife, to be wrapped in his arms every day, held and kissed by him, to be loved by him, to be able to love him as completely as she wanted to, to call him husband, to hear him refer to her as Mrs. Rogers when previously she’d never imagined getting married - these all brought her so, so much happiness.
Every moment with him became her favorite time of day - waking up with him, coming home from work to a kiss and a glass of wine, having dinner with him, dancing and cuddling on the couch before bed, getting lost in each other while they kissed, going to bed, making love, and then falling asleep in each other’s arms.
He had chosen her and had chosen this. He could’ve stayed in the decade he’d woken up in, but he hadn’t. He’d come back to her because he loved her and he needed her, and he promised to always need her and always be here for her, and to always love her. When Steve asked her to marry him, the answer was an enthusiastic yes, and when they kissed at the altar and said their vows, she realized her dream had come true. She could be truly, completely happy, and she was wholly his.
The night everything changed began like any other. They’d had dinner - Steve’s delicious lasagna with sausage and lots of ricotta cheese, a side salad, and freshly baked garlic bread - and then settled in on the couch, arms around each other, locked in a passionate kiss. They had skipped dancing and gone straight for kissing, and Peggy didn’t mind at all. She loved swaying to music in his arms, but she also loved cuddling up on the couch, whispering words of love, hands stroking and caressing, and lips moving together. Peggy once again reveled in her absolute bliss and completeness.
“Goodness, I love you,” she whispered, but of course he knew she loved him, with how she responded to his kiss, smiled at him with absolute adoration in her eyes, how she sighed with contentment as he caressed her cheeks, and because she told him every day that she loved him.
“I love you too, sweetheart,” Steve replied. He didn’t mind one bit that she told him she loved him so much, because he wanted her to know what was in his heart too. It was nice to be reminded that she was as happy as he was, in this year, in her arms, in this marriage. “My gorgeous, sweet, brilliant wife.”
“My darling, wonderful, handsome husband,” Peggy said, and pulled him in for another kiss, to which he happily responded, and wrapped his arms around her again.
This was a life he could get used to, away from fighting, war, heroics. Just wrapped in her, kissing her, loving her - and a peaceful life with his favorite person on earth. There had been too much loss, too much pain, too much fighting, and too much war and he loved the simplicity of domestic bliss with her. He took care of the house while she was at work - cooking all the meals, gardening, and cleaning, and didn’t mind the gender swap of typical duties. He was sure that being the househusband while she had the career was some kind of scandal, but their story was anything but typical.
He held her close, his hands on her back, while she sat in his lap, her hands in his hair. His lips found hers, and his tongue swiped across her lower lip, which elicited a soft moan from her. Her sound brought one from him, and a deep want from his core. He was tempted to carry her off to bed this minute to continue this, instead of delaying the inevitable love making by making out on the couch. She was intoxicating and irresistible, and her eagerness for his touch only made him want her more. She gave all of herself and more, and they were always satisfied, but somehow always craved more of each other. They were enough but always needed each other. Steve relished in it. She relished in it. She pulled him closer, into her, needing his kiss and his closeness, the completeness that only came from each other.
He leaned in for a kiss, and then suddenly there was a flash of light, and Steve hugged her close to him to protect her. A portal opened in their living room. Two men stepped through - and instantly Steve recognized them.
“Sam! Bucky!” he exclaimed.
They looked older, ragged, blood stained, with their uniforms ripped, and tired. “Thank God, Steve,” Bucky said.
“It’s good to see you guys. Bucky, you know my wife, Peggy. Sam, this is my Peggy.”
Sam nodded to the beautiful woman in Steve’s arms, but skipped the formalities. “Steve, we need you. One last mission. Come with us.”
“I-I can’t. I have Peggy now. I’m married. I have to stay here; I’m retired.”
Bucky shook his head. “No, Steve, we need you. People are dying. The world is under attack, we’ve lost so many friends. I’ve never seen anything like it. You could help us.”
Steve didn’t know what difference it would make if one more person helped them, but he could see the fear in their eyes as they begged him to help.
“You have to go,” Peggy said softly, and she hugged him. She didn’t want to let him go; her heart would surely break if she let him go.
“I can’t, Peg, I need you. You need me.”
She did need him, but her love for him and her need for him couldn’t ever outweigh the needs of the world. If his friends needed his help, if he was the only hope to save the world, then she had to let him go. She nodded. “I do need you, darling. But the world needs you.” She leaned in for a kiss, which he gladly gave her, and then he turned to his friends, his beloved, beautiful wife still in his arms.
“You have to promise I can come back to her,” he said.
“You know we can’t promise that. What if something happens to you - or to us - or the machine breaks and we can’t send you back,” Sam said.
“I can’t leave if I don’t know if I can see her again.”
“They need you, Steve,” Peggy whispered. She was trying so hard to hold it together, to not break down right here in his arms, not to let the tears fall, but her voice broke and gave it all away. She knew she had to encourage him to go with them; the world needed him. Her need for him, her love for him, didn’t outweigh the needs of the world. It would be selfish of her to hold onto him just because she needed her husband, just because she needed someone to hold her and kiss her. He could love her from afar, from years into the future, and she’d always love him with all her heart.
“We’ll try, Steve. We’ll try to send you back close to this moment. As close as we can. But that’s all that we can promise - that we’ll try. That has to be enough for now. Please, we have to go now.”
Steve hugged her tighter and kissed her deeply. “I love you so much,” he whispered. “I’m always going to love you. I’ll come back, I promise I’ll come back.”
“I love you too,” she replied. “Don’t make promises you don’t know if you can keep, darling. I love you - I’ll always love you. Remember that, all the way in the future, wherever you are - that I’m here, that I love you more than anything, that I’m waiting for you. Come home to me, my love.”
And then after another kiss goodbye, he followed his friends through the portal and he was gone. Peggy sank to the couch, defeated, broken, and suddenly cold. Steve had always provided such warmth, not just temperature warmth, but in her heart, in her soul. His presence was warm, he was like sunshine to her, and now he was gone. She didn’t feel like she was a clingy wife, or dependent on a man, but she was dependent on him. He was different. They were different. She loved him and he loved her, and they needed each other. She’d had to settle into a world and a life without him, and she’d mourned him. Then she’d had to get used to having him in her life again, and what a beautiful life they’d had.
Now she’d have to get used to life without him again. She broke down in tears. She was glad her tears had held off until he was gone. She knew he never would’ve left her if she was crying. Sweet, darling Steve.
At first, Peggy couldn’t sleep. She laid awake for hours, watching the sun rise from her bed, frustrated that she was so exhausted but couldn’t sleep. There was only so much makeup and styling that could cover the exhaustion in her eyes.
One of her agents, Franklin McNeil, who she wasn’t particularly close to and didn’t know well at all, approached her a few days after Steve’s departure. “Agent Carter?” he said.
She looked up from the coffee pot. She was on her second cup, and she usually didn’t have coffee at all. “Mmm?”
“I don’t know how to ask this, but are you okay? You seem…off.”
“I - well, no, I’m not particularly okay. My husband is away on a trip and it’s the first time we’ve been apart. I’m finding it hard to sleep without him.”
He nodded and patted her shoulder. “I understand. I hope he comes back soon, Agent.”
“I hope so too.”
Then, Peggy slept too much. All she wanted to do was sleep. In dreams, she could hold him tight and kiss him, and he’d say he loved her.
Mr. McNeil approached her a few weeks later. “He’s not back yet, is he?” the agent asked.
She shook her head. “Now I find that I’m sleeping too much and that makes me tired as well.”
He nodded and chuckled. “I can relate to that,” he replied. “I’m sorry he’s not back.” Mr. McNeil didn’t want to suggest what he was actually thinking, that Ms. Carter’s husband wasn’t ever coming back, and his trip abroad was an excuse to leave her. He hoped that wasn’t the case; Ms. Carter - or whatever her married name was - was always kind, even though she was serious and didn’t tolerate nonsense. As someone in leadership of the SSR, she had to be that way. But he knew she was a good person, and she was a catch, if he had to admit it. If the husband left her, he was an idiot.
Four months passed. Peggy settled into a routine without him, and though her heart ached, she had to accept that Steve just wasn’t coming back. He was gone, again, and she’d just have to move forward. She just had to accept that he was saving the world, and the people of the future needed him. She knew who she’d married - a hero, a super soldier, Captain America - and though she’d thought those days were behind him, she had to understand when he was needed. He must’ve been their only hope, and Peggy had to accept that.
But she needed him too, and her heart still ached, but it would always ache, until he pulled her into his arms again - if that ever happened again. She had to believe he would. She would see him again, even if it was in her dreams, or beyond this life.
Four months later, and it had been long enough. The house was dark and quiet, and Steve unlocked the front door. He slipped off his shoes, peeled off his uniform and draped it over the couch, stripping down to his boxers and t-shirt, and tiptoed up the stairs. Sweet Peggy was in a deep sleep, and he paused a moment to stare at her and her angelic beauty in the moonlight. He leaned over and kissed her cheek, and then slipped into the bed, under the covers, and wrapped her in his arms. She melted into him, her arms encircling his waist.
“Peggy,” he whispered.
“Steve,” she replied.
“I missed you,” he said. He pulled her closer. “Sorry to wake you.”
Peggy shook her head, burying her face in his chest. “No, don’t be sorry. I missed you too. Did you win?”
Steve nodded and kissed her. “We won. It was really bad for a while but we won.”
“I’m so glad you’re okay.”
“I’m much better now that I’m back with you. No more fighting, no more war. And I managed to shower before I came back to you.”
She smiled. “I can tell, you smell good. You always do.”
“I’m sure I don’t after a battle,” he replied. “But I didn’t want to crawl into bed with you covered in sweat and blood.”
“I appreciate that. But I’m also just so glad you’re here.”
“I’m glad too. Now we can keep on living.”
He was always living, but it seemed to stop when they were apart. Now they could live life to the fullest and keep moving forward, together, as they were always meant to be.