Chapter Text
New York City, 1946.
One month after the events with Fennhoff and Dottie Underwood.
✴✴✴
Howard Stark couldn’t put into words how sorry he was for what he’d almost done, and for the feelings he’d brought to the surface for Peggy Carter. He knew she had loved Steve and was still mourning him a year later. She was trying so hard to hold together her emotions, but every time Steve’s name was brought up, he could see her expression soften and her eyes redden, as if tears were about to fall. Howard didn’t know the extent of Peggy and Steve’s relationship, or if they’d ever gone on a date or kissed, but he had always seen the attraction and care between his two friends. Peggy just didn’t want to talk about it anymore; it was her way of coping.
When he started to receive Steve’s signal on his radio, just like the night he was hallucinating in his plane, Howard thought he was hallucinating again. Johann Fennhoff still couldn’t be getting to him, could he? Howard surely had to be making eye contact with Fennhoff, and hearing his voice.
He realized that maybe - maybe this time - the signal was real, and he dashed over to his desk and flipped some switches. The signal was coming from somewhere in the North Atlantic. Steve was calling him? It was 1946, the man had been gone for a year. Why was he suddenly calling now? How could he be suddenly calling now?
✴✴✴
The phone rang in Howard’s luxurious penthouse apartment and Peggy picked up the phone in her bedroom. It wasn’t the master bedroom, that room was still Howard’s, as he came and went as he pleased. But Peggy had chosen the second biggest room, and Angie had taken the third. The huge apartment was rather lonely, considering Peggy and Angie’s differing schedules, and Peggy knew she was home alone. No one had this number except Howard and Mr. Jarvis. Peggy herself didn’t even have this number.
She answered, and Howard’s voice came through the phone. “Peg, I have a signal coming from the North Atlantic. It’s real this time.”
“Howard, I can’t keep doing this,” she said. “He’s been gone over a year. We have to let him go.”
She had tried to let go when she poured the vial of Steve’s blood into the East River, and she’d said goodbye. Goodbye, my darling. She had never called him her darling out loud until that moment; they’d never even gone on a date. Saying the word out loud - the term of endearment she had saved for him - made her heart hurt. How could she feel so much for a man she had only kissed once and had never even dated? And yet here she was, still aching for the loss of him, the one who she was certain was the love of her life, despite the lingering glances and kindness of Daniel Sousa. She was not ready to think of anyone else the way she’d thought of Steve. In another life, maybe she could look at Daniel like that, but this wasn’t another life. She still missed Steve with all her heart, and couldn’t imagine ever not hurting when she thought of love.
“Peg, I’m on my way to the airstrip. I can’t ignore this signal. What if he’s trying to call us?”
“And if I get my hopes up and there’s nothing there, Howard - I can’t keep hoping he’ll come home. I can’t keep hoping we’ll even find him.”
“I know, Peg, I know. I have to try, though.”
Peggy didn’t respond.
“I’ll call you when I get back,” Howard continued.
She nodded into the receiver, and then just said, “Okay,” very softly and hung up the phone. She sat down on her bed and covered her face with her hands. Don’t hope, don’t dream, don’t hold onto him. You have to let go. He’s gone. Don’t be disappointed if Howard comes back empty handed.
Who was she kidding - of course she’d be disappointed. Every time Steve was brought up, she was disappointed, and Peggy was afraid that nothing would change that. She would always miss Steve and she would always love him.
✴✴✴
The phone rang again hours later. Peggy braced herself for the worst, took a deep breath, and picked up the phone.
“Howard?”
“Peg, you’re not going to believe this,” he said. “I found him.”
“W-what? Is he…is he a-alive?”
Another voice came through the receiver, a voice she hadn’t heard in a year, much clearer than the night his plane went down. “Peggy…”
Peggy could have dropped the phone. “Steve?”
“Yeah, Peggy, it’s me.”
“See, Peg, I found him,” Howard said. “We’ll be landing in about two hours. Meet me at the airstrip.”
Peggy counted down the minutes before she called Mr. Jarvis to ask him to drive her to the airstrip. Steve was coming. Steve was alive. She would be able to hug Steve tonight. Tonight.
She dialed his phone number. “Mr. Jarvis, I know it’s late, but I need to ask a favor of you.”
“Anything, Miss Carter. I’ve come to expect late night outings with you. Where to tonight? When shall I pick you up?”
“We’ll be going to Howard’s airstrip, and you may come anytime. He and Steve will be landing in about an hour.”
“You mean Mr. Stark and Captain Rogers?” Jarvis asked.
“Yes, Mr. Jarvis. Steve is coming home,” she said.
“Miss Carter, I am thrilled for you. I am on my way.”
Peggy changed into a stylish burgundy dress with a lower cut neckline and puffed sleeves, fixed her hair and made sure her curls were perfect, and reapplied her crimson lipstick. She wanted to look her best when she saw him again. Once she was satisfied with her reflection, she grabbed her purse and met Mr. Jarvis outside in the driveway.
“May I just say that you look especially lovely, Miss Carter,” Jarvis said. But Peggy always looked lovely, and she didn’t even have to try. She was naturally beautiful.
“Thank you,” she replied - and blushed. She wasn’t used to this kind of praise, not from a respectful man like Jarvis. She’d heard of her beauty plenty from men who made lewd comments or questioned her abilities as an agent, suggesting she’d used her looks to get where she is. But Jarvis - he meant it. Steve had always meant it too.
Mr. Jarvis drove her out of Manhattan to the airstrip where they had fought Fennhoff and Dottie Underwood, and where she had coaxed Howard down over the radio. He parked in the hangar and waited for Howard’s plane to appear in the sky and make its descent.
“Miss Carter, have you thought about what you’re going to say when you see Captain Rogers? Or how you’ll react?”
Peggy let out an exhale. “Only every day since his plane went down, and then I stopped believing it would ever happen. I’m trying not to think about it. I don’t want to plan it all out and then it doesn’t happen. I don’t want my heart to break again. What if they don’t make it back? What if he doesn’t care about me? What if he doesn’t want to go on a date anymore? I’ve built him up so much in my mind - thinking of how we were supposed to have a date and go dancing, about our kiss, about how much I love him, but there’s also a chance that he doesn’t love me.”
“Miss Carter, as I’ve said before, I’ve always heard that Captain Rogers relied on you for many things, and I can’t speak for him, but I can’t imagine that his feelings for you would change in your time apart. You are, may I say, quite unforgettable, Miss Carter. I can’t imagine that any man you chose to give your heart to would ever, ever stop caring about you.”
“Thank you, Mr. Jarvis.”
Lights appeared in the sky, approaching the runway. Peggy’s breath caught in her throat and she placed her hand on her heart, as if that would steady the rapid beating in her chest. Steve was coming home. Howard’s plane landed and parked several yards away, and Jarvis got out and pushed the staircase up to the cockpit window. Peggy was frozen in place, leaning against Jarvis’s car, arms wrapped around her middle to calm the butterflies in her stomach, her eyes locked on the second figure in the plane behind Howard. Steve.
A wave of emotions passed through her. Sadness over losing him, fear of how he would react, worry about him re-adjusting to life again, affection for the man she loved, and hope for a future with him now.
The hope brought back so many dreams of the life she had given up on, hope for a date and dancing like they had promised each other, hope they would continue to fall for each other and have the love she had dreamed of, hope for kisses and cuddles after she had been so affection-starved for him in the last year after the one kiss they’d shared. One kiss and she had only wanted more. And of course what about him? He’d been absolutely alone for a year; she could only imagine how much he’d missed human contact, and how much she hoped he had missed her more than anyone else.
Howard rose out of the cockpit positively beaming with pride - the only pride that could come from saving Captain America. Peggy gasped at the man who followed; Steve really was here, and his eyes locked with hers as he climbed out. Peggy’s feet led her toward him unconsciously, and by the time he had reached the bottom stair, she had thrown her arms around him. His arms encircled her waist, and he buried his face in her neck, breathed her in, and just held her. Goodness, he had missed her. He never thought he would see her again and yet, she was here in his arms.
Peggy was crying and shaking in his arms, and he only wanted to hug her tighter. He found he was tearing up himself; this was better than anything he had hoped for in his homecoming.
“I can’t believe you’re really here, we found you, you’re home,” she said.
“You saved me, Peggy,” he said. “I owe you my life.”
“Well we couldn’t just leave you there, darling.”
Darling. He smiled. That’s how she thought of him? He melted, and reached up to cup her cheeks. “Can I still take you dancing, sweetheart? I promised you...”
Her eyes filled with new tears that spilled down her cheeks. “Yes, of course, Steve. I would love that.”
Steve leaned in and kissed her, passionately and deeply, but also soft and slow. It wasn’t like their first kiss - a desperate goodbye. This kiss was perfect. It was full of promise and hope.
It was a miracle that woke him up as the glacier shifted under the Valkyrie’s hull, and pulled him out of his frozen hibernation. It was also a miracle that the plane’s controls still worked and that Howard Stark had seen his signal, and was able to come find him. Also that Peggy Carter still cared for him and still wanted to go dancing, and that she hadn’t moved on and started going steady with another man. She was too beautiful, too sweet, too intelligent and brilliant not to be snatched up and adored by someone else. He can’t have been the only man who was mesmerized by all that she was and wanted to be close to her. But maybe, just maybe, this perfect woman loved him, and it had only been a year, and maybe she somehow - by another miracle - still loved him and only him.
He had always found it miraculous that she cared for him at all, but he still just felt like a kid from Brooklyn, not America’s Hero. Though he had saved New York with his plane crash, and he knew the serum had changed his physicality, endurance, and strength, Steve still felt like the same shy guy who couldn’t ask women out and who had the biggest crush on this gorgeous poised British agent, but there was no way she would ever see him as anything but his skinny self.
And yet she was here clinging to him, kissing him, crying in his arms. Perhaps, by another miracle, he had earned her love. Perhaps he was enough for her. He certainly still loved her, and he knew he always would. There was no denying that now, with how he felt his heart stop at the mere sight of her, with how he was so overwhelmed with feelings for her. Regret that he’d missed their date, hope for a second chance, sorrow that he’d made her worry about him, and the most beautiful love and joy at the sight of seeing her again.
“Sorry that I’m so late, Peg,” he said. “I didn’t want to leave. All I wanted was to come back home and see my best girl again.”
She smiled. “Now you’re home and I’m here. You can stay with me. Don’t worry, darling, I’ll take care of everything.”
It occurred to her that she should ask Angie before she brought a man to live with them, even though Howard’s home was several stories and had many rooms, and he had brought many visitors in himself. One additional person was hardly going to take up any space. Angie was always pushing her to go on a date and to put herself out there, but Peggy explained that she had loved and lost, and now she had found love again. She might have to explain now, and certainly Peggy’s tale of lost love and a romantic reunion would convince Angie to let Steve stay. Perhaps it wouldn’t take much convincing at all. This wasn't the Griffith after all; there weren’t rules about men staying with them.
“I hadn’t even thought of where I was staying, Peg. Thank you. I hadn’t planned anything but seeing you. I couldn’t even decide what to say. All I want to say is that I love you, I’ve always loved you, and I’m happy I have a second chance with you.”
“I love you too, darling. I can’t believe it’s really you and that you’re here.”
“Darling? When did you start thinking of me as your darling?” he asked.
“I don’t know if there was a specific time or event,” she said. “Only that I fell for you and suddenly you were my darling.”
Steve smiled and hugged her again, leaning in for another kiss, and they were interrupted once again by car headlights pulling around the hangar. Jack Thompson and Daniel Sousa got out of the car, guns pointed at them. Steve shielded Peggy in his arms.
“Dear God, Carter, we could’ve shot you,” Thompson said.
“Be glad you didn’t,” Peggy replied.
Daniel immediately lowered his weapon and pushed Thompson’s arm down as well. “Jack, that’s Captain America.”
“Do you want to explain what the hell is going on? We got reports of an unauthorized plane landing. We know what happened a few weeks ago with Fennhoff, Underwood, and Stark.”
Howard stepped forward. “Well I got a signal - really this time - and there wasn’t time to waste. I had to rescue Captain Rogers. And I thought Agent Carter should be one of the first to know about his rescue, given how close they were during the war.”
“And where have you been for the last year, Captain Rogers?” Thompson asked.
Steve turned to Thompson, and kept his arm around Peggy’s waist. “And who are you?”
“Jack Thompson, with the SSR. This is Daniel Sousa.” Daniel waved. “We work with Agent Carter.”
“Well I was in the North Atlantic, in Schmidt’s plane. I was frozen, in a hibernation state, and then I felt the ground move under me and I woke up, realized where I was. Thank God that the radar still worked and I sent a signal to Howard, and here I am. Howard told me how long I’d been gone. I have a lot to catch up on.”
“I can help you,” Peggy said softly.
Steve rubbed her back. “I know, sweetheart.”
“We’re going to need to take you into SSR HQ, Captain,” Thompson said.
“How about you give the poor man a night to rest before you start hounding him,” Howard said.
Steve was grateful for Howard, and he didn’t really know how to tell the SSR agents no, not yet, because he really just wanted to hold the woman in his arms, eat something fresh - other than the sandwich Howard had passed him on the way back to New York - and sleep in an actual bed - before getting questioned by the government on his whereabouts for the last year.
“Fine,” Thompson replied. “Tomorrow, Carter, bring him in.”
Peggy rolled her eyes. “If he’s ready to come in, I will.”
“Carter -”
Steve held her back and put his hand up to stop Thompson from threatening his girl. He knew she could take care of herself, but he also wasn’t going to let this guy talk to her like that. “I’ll come in,” Steve said. “I appreciate your kindness in letting me have a night to rest.”
Everyone present knew that it wasn’t Jack’s kindness, but more that Steve just wanted to diffuse the situation and keep the peace. Thompson knew this as well, and backed off, turning on his heel and marching back to the car, Sousa trailing behind him.
Daniel did take one last glance at Peggy Carter, a thousand desires and questions still in his mind and heart, but now hopeless, especially in the way she looked up at Captain America. The rumors had been true, she and Captain Rogers had been in love during the war, and they seemed smitten with each other still. She hadn’t ever spoken of her lost love, but he had caught her once staring at his photo in his file in the SSR archives, her eyes misty. Peggy had insisted that she didn’t do that often - get lost in the memory of him. There was no way Daniel could compete with that; half the time he didn’t even feel like a whole man, now that he had his limp and a crutch. Of course Peggy Carter would want an able-bodied, strong, athletic type of man, not a cripple like him. As he sat in the passenger seat, he regretted his thoughts and realized he shouldn’t think of Peggy that way. She was kind and understanding, patient and noble, and she certainly wouldn’t think less of him because of his limp. And he shouldn’t ache for the woman he couldn’t have, no matter how beautiful she was, no matter how his heart burned for her.
Peggy wrapped her arms around Steve and he returned her embrace. “Shall we go home?”
Steve nodded, and they all piled into Howard’s car - Jarvis driving, Howard in the passenger seat, and Peggy and Steve in the back. He immediately put his arm around her and she reached for his other hand. She didn’t want to let go of him, as if by letting go, he would slip away, and she wasn’t going to let that happen.
There was so much to say, so many feelings to express, but Peggy and Steve would rather have moments of privacy to talk, instead of in the backseat with the prying ears of Jarvis and Howard. There was always tomorrow. They were so, so tired from all the emotions and all the travel, and Peggy ended up falling asleep across Steve’s lap, which he didn’t mind at all. He couldn’t help but let his fingers stroke her hair as she slept. He loved her closeness, how comfortable she felt next to him, and how he felt with her near him again. He stared down at her, his eyes softening in pure adoration, and admired her perfect profile, and the way she had let her guard down, her head resting on her arms across his thighs.
Howard glanced back, noticing the silence in the backseat, and smiled at Steve.
“She’s so beautiful,” Steve whispered. He had always been overwhelmed by Peggy Carter, and he had always loved her, but wow.
“She loves you, Cap,” Howard said. “She always has. She’s an amazing girl.”
Steve nodded. Amazing wasn’t strong enough of a word for all the things Steve thought Peggy was, but he’d rather tell her that than Howard. Peggy would melt at his words, but Howard would probably call him a sap. Perhaps he was a sap, but the one girl he wanted to be a sap over was Peggy.
Jarvis parked the car and the stop of the engine hum made Peggy stir. She opened her eyes and sat up. “Oh my goodness, Steve, I am so sorry. That was so inappropriate of me.”
Steve shook his head. “Don’t be sorry,” he said, reaching up to stroke her cheek. “I thought it was sweet. It gave me time to process the fact that I’m here.”
She leaned in for a kiss. “I still can’t believe you’re really here.”
“Me either, really,” he replied. He looked out the window. “So, is this home?”
“It’s Howard’s home, he just lets Angie and me stay, since his house is so big.”
Steve nodded, and they got out of the car. It was well after midnight, and Jarvis immediately bid them goodnight. “Who is Angie?”
“My friend. She’s a diner waitress and aspiring actress. She got caught up in one of our adventures a few weeks ago, and she was rather brilliant.”
“I can’t wait to meet her.”
“I think I’ll be staying here tonight, since it’s so late,” Howard said.
“We need to be quiet, since Angie is sleeping,” Peggy said, putting her finger up to her lips. They piled into the elevator, and Steve pulled her into his arms.
“Should I have left you two alone and taken the next elevator?” Howard asked.
Peggy laughed and couldn’t deny that it would’ve been nice to have the elevator to themselves for a moment, but she knew she would also have him all to herself once Howard retired to bed - once they retired to bed.
Steve rolled his eyes and then kissed her, to annoy Howard, but also because he wanted to. The elevator door opened to the first level of Howard’s home, and Peggy was glad she had left a light on when she and Jarvis left earlier to go greet Steve, or else the house would’ve been completely dark.
Howard waved and pointed off into the direction of his bedroom, keeping his promise to be quiet out of respect for Angie, who had undoubtedly come home in the meantime and had been asleep for hours.
Peggy took Steve’s hand, and he wrapped his arms around her again and leaned in for another kiss, when they heard someone clear their throat. Angie was standing there in her bedroom doorway with her arms crossed.
“Of all the times you’ve come home late, I never expected you would be the one to bring home a man, English,” Angie said.
Peggy blushed and leaned into him, but faced her friend. “This is Steve,” Peggy said, “and I would have asked you if he could stay with us, but it’s so late and I was going to talk to you tomorrow morning.”
“I don’t mind,” she said. “I’m just surprised.”
“He has nowhere else to go,” Peggy said. “He’s my lost love - the one I told you about- we found him again.”
“Peg, it’s fine. He can stay as long as he needs to or wants to. As long as you’re happy,” Angie replied. “I’m Angie, by the way.”
Steve reached out and shook Angie’s hand. “Nice to meet you. Thank you.”
“Say, you look a lot like Captain America,” Angie said.
Steve nodded. “I get that a lot.”
Realization dawned on Angie’s face, and she wasn’t sure how she knew, but she did. “Peg, your lost love is Captain America?” It all made sense: Peggy’s lost love had disappeared, and Captain America had disappeared at the end of the war as well.
Peggy grinned. “It’s late. We can talk about this tomorrow.”
“Oh my stars, English,” Angie said. “What else don’t I know about you?”
“Probably quite a bit. Good night!” Peggy grinned and steered Steve in the direction of her bedroom, eager to avoid the questions about everything else Angie didn’t know about her roommate, but also eager to get back to Steve. “You can stay in my room or there’s another bedroom across the hall. The loo is right here, and I have one in my room as well.”
“I can stay in your room?” he asked.
“If you wish, if you don’t think I'm too forward to offer my bed to you, I don’t mean…”
Steve kissed her, and she leaned back against the hallway wall, wrapping her arms around him. “I’d love to hold you all night,” Steve said.
That was exactly what Peggy wanted too, and she pulled him into her room with her. She reached for him again, and they wrapped their arms around each other. “So, darling, how are you? Warm enough? Tired?”
These were all reasonable questions. There was a time when Steve thought he would never be warm ever again, or that the cold would make even his super-soldier heart stop. But no, he wasn’t cold anymore. He was quite toasty warm in her arms. She was soft and smooth, and so gentle and tender with him. He had slept for months but he could admit that he was tired and could use sleep in a real bed. A real bed. In Peggy Carter’s arms. Blankets and pillows, her lips and her arms.
“I’m very warm,” he replied. “Thank you. And I wouldn’t mind some sleep.”
Peggy stood on her toes and kissed him. “If you want to settle in, I’ll be right back.” She retrieved a towel, washcloth, toothbrush, and razor from her linen closet, as well as borrowed underwear and pajamas from Howard’s closet, and brought them back to him. “I expect you’ll want to shower.”
He hadn’t even thought of it, but a hot shower sounded so good, especially after being frozen after battle for a year. “Yes, actually.”
Peggy smiled. “I’ll just be a moment and then it’s all yours.” She went into their private washroom, a luxurious green-tiled spa with a huge shower, a bathtub she could probably swim in, and a sink and a toilet with gold-plated faucets. She let her hair out of her bobby pins, washed her face, and brushed her teeth. She returned and Steve was perched on the edge of the bed.
“That was fast,” he said. He wasn’t really surprised, but Peggy also seemed like the glamorous type. She even looked poised and perfect when they went on missions together during the war.
“All yours,” she said.
Steve disappeared into the washroom, and she soon heard water running. She removed her shoes, dress, undergarments, and stockings, stashing them in her hamper and her shoes on her storage rack. She put on her floral silk nightgown and matching robe.
Peggy smiled to herself. She and Steve were sharing a room, sharing a bed. She laid back on the huge canopy bed and let out a sigh of relief - and then a laugh - Steve was home and he was hers.
She heard the water stop running and she sat up, readjusting her robe over her chest, and smoothing it down. Steve emerged in his new pajamas and he was struck by the sight of her before him. Gorgeous, soft, sweet, effortless Peggy.
“You look beautiful,” he said softly, breathlessly.
She blushed and smiled, and reached out her hand for him. He took it, and she pulled him into her arms, her head against his chest. He stroked her hair, and then took her face in his hands and kissed her. He poured his heart into that kiss, all his love, his devotion, and all of his promises.
He kissed her until he was laying with her in their bed, half on top of her, his hands roaming her soft curves, and opening her robe to reveal her skimpy silk nightgown. His hands cupped her generous breasts - to which she responded with a soft gasp, and she arched into him, needing him, wanting more of him, and then he moved to trace her waist and her hips. Her beauty was truly beyond measure. She slipped out of her robe, revealing more of her irresistibly splendid cleavage, and wrapped her bare arms around him again. She was at once demure, soft, and sweet and also the most glamorous, gorgeous, and seductive woman he’d ever seen.
Share a kiss, share a room, a bed, a dance, and then a life together. Her life could change in a single night through losing him, and then again finding him, and now she’d never be alone again. Miracles could happen, and the love of her life could come home to her and still adore her and want her and want this.
“I love you,” he said.
“I love you too,” she replied.
Steve’s pajama shirt was discarded and Peggy ran her hands down his sculpted chest, but her lips never left his. Her legs parted and her nightgown rode up around her hips as she wrapped her legs around him, and his hands gripped her waist. She had never felt this kind of fiery desire for anyone, and in fact she wasn’t even aware of what sexual desire felt like until him. This need, this craving, this pull inside her heart and her core.
Even as Steve kissed down her jaw to her neck, to her collarbone, to her chest, her breasts, and she let out soft sighs beneath him, Steve restrained himself. He wanted her, of course he did, but tonight wasn’t the night.
“Peg, tomorrow, can I take you dancing?”
“Yes, darling, of course.”
She nodded, and kissed his lips again. “That was quite a goodnight kiss.”
He smiled and kissed her again. “I intend to say goodnight just like that every night for the rest of my life.”
“Do you mean that?”
“Of course, I’m yours forever.”
Peggy leaned her head on Steve’s chest, content to have his arms around her and to feel his heartbeat against her. Her darling was alive, he was safe, and he was hers.
“Good night, Peg,” he said.
“Good night, Steve.”
“I love you,” he added.
“Love you too, darling.” And then she drifted off, and for once, her reality was better than her dreams.
Steve smiled and held her close, reveling in the softness of the bed they shared, and how warm she was against him, and the coziness of the blanket over them. He had meant what he said about kissing her goodnight every night for the rest of his life. He had almost lost her forever, and he had no intention of letting her go ever again. Even before his plane had gone down the year prior, he never thought Peggy would love him the way he loved her. And yet here she was, perfect and gorgeous in his arms, adoring him with all her heart.