Chapter Text
The sun burned into Trump's orange head, his thin hair hardly hiding his scalp from the heat. He stared at the ball, raising his club before swinging.
“That's a far one!” Jojo Siwa said, busting a move, while her voice resembled the sound of an angry, broken lawnmower, with the pronunciation of a 5-year-old who had just learned to swear. An unseemly techno track somehow played whenever she spoke, while her voice struggled to carry throughout her single fried vocal chord.
“That's just me. That's me.” Donald said with his tiny lips pursed, his thumb and pointer finger touching as he said so. he began walking to his golf cart, Jojo cartwheeled alongside the car as he drove.
He swung again, his tiny orange ball plummeting across the green terrain. He squinted and saw it land near a bright pink statue. Jojo took her swing, then they travelled again to the balls.
As they arrived, Trump gasped as he saw his ball engulfed in Jennifer Coolidge's buzzoms. Her face shone pink from her leopard print leotard, as her glimmering black stilettos dug into the dirt. Donald noticed her waist, only because of the black belt she wore.
“I-i-im so sssssorry..” he mumbled, his eyes locked on her boots. His eyes traveled up her body, meeting hers. She smirked and plucked the ball out with her long pink nails, placing it in Donald's orange hand. As she walked off, the man glanced at the ball, turning it over in his hand. Black numbers traced the sphere, with a winky face at the bottom.
“Is this…. an address..?” he mumbled as Jojo came up beside him. “Yoooo old man has RIZZ!!” she shouted, throwing her hands up. “If I hadn’t abolished my homosexuality I would TOTALLY steal her from you!!” she grinned and did a backflip.
The pair finished up golf and went their separate ways, Trump going to the address and Jojo going to eastern Texas for a wedding reception for LeBron James and Sabrina Carpenter.
Trump shivered as he raised his hand to knock, sweat coating his face like dry sugar. Jennifer answered, a hot pink Victoria's Secret thong and matching bra peaking out from underneath her Five Nights at Freddy's t-shirt that was far too big.
“You look like the Fourth of July… I want your hot dog real bad.” she pulled him in, her hand tangling in his piss blonde hair. The door closed, and they made sweet sweet love.
While they lied afterward, Donald turned to her and kissed her gently. She grabbed his hair, in an aggressive attempt to start round 2. but his toupee fell off, leaving his head looking as shiny as his golf ball. She shoved him away, with a gasp escaping her lips.
“OH MY GOD!!” she exclaimed “YOU’RE…. YOU’RE SO UGLY!!” She jumped up and grabbed him by the ankles, dragging his naked form out of the hot dog and fireworks bed. he was tossed out of the front door, his clothes following.
He clutched his belongings and rapidly changed, tears beginning to stream down his face. How could he have forgotten to glue his toupee down? He had wrecked his only summer fling…
He began slowly walking from the breathtaking pink leopard print house that he could have signed the big beautiful bill in. he didn’t know where to go. Rain poured as he opened his phone and scrolled his contacts, his eyes landing on Biden's name. he rang once, twice, until he lost count. Until his tears poured as strongly as the rain.
He stood and tried running, but fell over due to his old knees. He sobbed and stood, slowly, and called his agency to pick him up. They drove him to the white house, the large mansion seeming emptier after being rejected.
He walked past Melania, sighing as he stepped into his room. He plopped onto his bed and phoned Biden again, with no response. He closed his eyes, a tear dripping down his cheek before he fell asleep.